I would like to dedicate this novel to the cats I miss most: Inky, Mooshu, Tibby Tabby, General Tso, and Tofu

Oh how I miss thee, and I dedicate this to you even though you can't read.

And my roommate, Jekka, who when I read this to her broke down in fake tears about how I didn't include her in my book. She said I didn't love her anymore, so here is her own personal two lines. 

    Nights in mid November were chilly in Louisville. They ranged anywhere from the upper 40s sometimes down to the low 30s if a cold front moved through. This night however was just like most nights in the city; cool out and pretty dead.

    One thing the city was known for, and probably not proud of, was the number of abandoned cars on the side of the road on every expressway. It happens; your car breaks down and you don’t have a way to tow it or don’t have a way to get it to the nearest gas station when you’re six miles out. It’s much too exhausting to push a car that far by yourself. On this night however, it was by pure luck that there was so many abandoned vehicles on the side of the road.

    A black car pulled off the side of interstate 265 up to a marked abandoned vehicle ready to be picked up by the next metro police department tow truck. The highway was dark in this area. There were only streetlights every mile or so, and only close to exits. The car was parked, the engine turned off, and the lights dimmed to nothing. There wasn’t much noise out tonight except for the few passing cars.

    The driver of the car was nervous. He clenched his hands tightly on the steering wheel and took a deep breath. He began to get prepared. First came a pair of latex gloves over thin, delicate fingers. Then a pair of heavy cloth gloves made for steel workers. He peered out the window to make sure there wasn’t anyone coming. He got out of the car, moving around to the rear driver side to get something out of the back seat. A crowbar.

    The car he had pulled up to was an old 2000 Toyota Camry that was in pretty bad shape. He walked up to the trunk that was dented in slightly. With little to no effort, the driver was able to get the trunk pried open with the crowbar. Working quickly, he headed back to his car. There were still no cars in sight, but he knew that would change soon. He put the crowbar back in the back seat and opened up the passenger side door.

    It seemed inconspicuous at the time. There’s nothing suspicious about a large black garbage bag in the passenger seat of a car that’s driving down the expressway at two in the morning. As the driver pulled to get the garbage bag out of the seat of the car the contents inside lurched and shifted. The man feared dropping the bag, so he set it on the pavement. It was heavier than he remembered, much like the burden of what was in the bag.

A car was approaching on the expressway, and the driver ducked to avoid the headlights and avoid being seen. The car passed by quickly, the road still looking empty for miles in both directions. He took a deep breath and hoisted the bag up. The contents inside sloshed around as he made his way to the trunk. His limbs began to shake. Tears were starting at his eyes. The driver gathered all of his strength and tossed the bag into the trunk. It landed with a sickening thud against the bottom. The man shut the trunk quickly and got back into his car as quickly as possible.

    He peeled off his gloves and looked at his hands. His vision blurred slightly from tears. He quickly rubbed at his face. There was still work to be done. He backed up and headed back onto the expressway. Step one was done.

    After about half an hour on the road he pulled off to the side again. This time, he got out of the car with a bit more confidence. He put the gloves into a small bag and tossed them off the side of the railing, which went down at least fifty or so feet into a well forested area. They’d never be found there. Once back into the car, the man broke down into tears. It was indeed horrible what he had done. No one would find out. He made sure of it that no one would find out the horrible things he had done.

      As the next few weeks passed and news of the find became known, he stayed quiet and gave perfect cutout answers to the authorities about his whereabouts during the investigation. They believed every word. He had perfected his crime. The case was closed six months later and he had done it.

    He had gotten away with murder. 

    The feeling of floating is so strange. It's like lying in the complete darkness in a pool of water that is the same temperature as your own skin. This time it's different. This time you hear things. Words. Hushed mutterings. They are too jumbled and soft to comprehend. They reside on the edge of your consciousness, like burning fire around the edges of your peripheral vision. The noise slowly grows louder and more raucous by the second until it has become an unbearable cacophony. You cant stand it any longer. Hands are clapped over ears and everything goes silent. Water laps at the edges of the unknown.Water trickles down from somewhere. You can hear it dripping in small drops onto a pool much deeper than you can imagine.Waves wash over you in gentle rippling tides at your sides. You can feel the water on your legs and arms, gently rocking you. It's very calm. It's the strangest feeling. It's almost too calm. 

    Suddenly it's as if the plug was pulled from the great bathtub, and the water drains quickly. You feel yourself fall. The tug at your heart is unmistakable. You open your mouth to scream but nothing comes out. Silent. Flailing your arms does nothing to stop your decent. Rolling onto your stomach, you stare down below, into the seemingly endlessly chasm. There is a light. A, soft, faint light. The farther you fall, the further the light gets from you. Which direction are you going? You open your mouth to scream and this time a sound very much not like your own voice comes out. It echoes around the chamber, endlessly. 

    Lux jolts awake, hands over his face. He groans and flops back onto the bed, pulling the blanket over his head. The light filtering in through the window is a shock to the eyes. Another horrible dream, Lux thought. He groaned softly, reaching over to the nightstand to grab his glasses. He pushed the blanket down, sitting up to fix the black horn rimmed glasses to his face. He turned around, moving to take a look out the window.

    It was the first crisp day of spring. The window was frosted on the edges and the leaves were just starting to appear on the branches. Lux glanced at the thermometer on the other side of the room. Outdoor temperature read a crisp 40 degrees, inside it was close to 70. 

    Not too bad for the end of February, he thought, shifting so he could stand. He placed his feet onto the cold wood flooring, quickly sliding his feet into plush slippers. He heard a soft mewing at the trap door. 

    The room was of interesting build. About ten years ago or so, Nikolas, Lux's father, had built a tower near the top of the house, making the house three stories high with a tower like a castle. The room Lux stayed in was a sort of octagon shape room lined with bookshelves around half the walls. The other half had a dresser, nightstand, and bed, and a pile of dirty clothes. The ceiling was vaulted like the tower in a castle. There was only one window in the room, which let in plenty of light on its own. The window was above Lux's bed at an angle, and came down right above the bed, giving a great view of the sky. The room was built as an observatory as well as a bedroom. 

    Lux pulled open the trap door on the floor which led to the stairs down to the third level. One of the cats came bolting in, rubbing himself against Lux's legs. The cat settled back on his bed, purring contently. Now that the door was open, Lux could hear the commotion of people downstairs. Lux glanced over at the clock. 9:30 am. 

    Lux pulled on his robe, tied it securely around his waist, grabbed his phone and headed downstairs. The cat followed him closely, feet thumping quietly on each step as they made their way down to the first level. 

    The kitchen was the second largest room in the house. The first was the living room/dining room combination. The kitchen had a full array of cabinets painted a dark grey with somewhat matching dark grey and black marble countertops. All the appliances were stainless steel, all the way down to the coffee pot. There was an island in the center with stools around it. They called it the "breakfast bar." Lux was never sure why, but it worked. In the dining room was where there was a large table always set to have more than enough chairs for the family of three. They seldom ate in there anymore unless it was for a special occasion. 

    Lux's parents Luna and Nikolas were rushing about in the kitchen getting ready for work. Luna ran a small shop with a few friends of hers. The shop sold herbal remedies, healing stones, pendulums, incense, tapestries, books, and other things. The store was called Herbal Healing and was mostly classified as one of those "New Age" places. Luna always thought of it as more of a spiritual shop or a witch shop. Nikolas worked as acting vice president for a corporation that aided small local businesses with financing and stocking. It was just about exciting as it sounded. 

    Lux made his way to the breakfast bar. He pulled out one of the stools and took a seat. Luna handed him a cup of black coffee.

    "Morning sweetie," she said, giving him a sweet smile, "There's some leftovers in the fridge for you. It's not much. Dinner will be late tonight. Your dad has to work late, and I've got to close up shop tonight around nine. We'll eat then, but if you feel spirited to, you can start cooking and we can stop and get something on our way home. Just let us know, okay?" Lux nodded.

    "Will do." He said, putting his hands around the cup in front of him. Luna hugged him tightly before heading out, followed closely by Nikolas, who was grabbing his briefcase by the door. Lux sighed softly as one of the cats jumped up onto the breakfast bar, gently nudging his hand. It was the same one that had been following him around all morning.

    "Momo..." Lux said softly, moving to pet the determined animal. He purred and nudged his hand. He curled up on the counter next to Lux's cup of coffee. 

    Lux was content to stay like that for a long while, slumped over a cup of hot coffee. His peace was shortly interrupted by the buzzing of his phone in his robe pocket.  He reached in and pulled it out, glancing at the message on the screen.    

    "Hey lover." It read. The message was from Lux's friend and romantic partner.

    "Morning." Almost instantly the next message came through.

    "Mind if I come over?" 

    "Sure. I don't mind."

    In the span of time it took for Lux to put the phone back in his pocket, the doorbell rang. Momo jumped off the counter and went to hide as quickly as he could. Lux got up and shuffled to the front door, pulling it open. On the other side of the door was Dela Belrose, Lux's partner.

    Dela beamed at him and pulled him into a tight hug. She was at least a head shorter than he was. She had a curvy figure and was always well dressed. Her hair was long and was braided into a single ponytail draped over one shoulder. Her smile was contagious. 

    Lux backed into the house, still hugging her and kicked the door shut with his foot.

    "I ran into your parents on the way over. They told me you were awake and that I should stop by. I just wanted to text to make sure it was okay I came in." She said, laughing. Her voice was light and airy, her laugh just a bit shrill. "I missed you. I feel like it's been ages since I've seen you."

    "It's been about three weeks." he said, gently kissing the top of her head. She smelled like lavender.

    "Three weeks too long," She pulled back, smiling up at him. "Your mom said you just woke up. You look like death though."

    "Didn't sleep well." He muttered.

    "Well I know what will help. Let me cook for you." She grabbed his hand and led him back into the kitchen.

    "I honestly was just going to heat up either some leftovers or make oatmeal. You don't have to cook for me, Dela."

    "Nope! I insist." she said triumphantly, "I wont take no for an answer because I'm also cooking for myself too. We can have breakfast in bed."

    "That does sound really nice....." he admitted.

    "See? Let me take care of you. I haven't been able to since I've been gone, so let me do this at least once." She mused. She got out a few pans and started cooking. Soon there was a breakfast of fresh fruit, eggs with cherry tomatoes and spinach, bacon, and orange juice. Lux got out the trays to carry the food upstairs. They headed up to his room, sitting on the bed as they ate. 

    "So tell me," Dela said between bites, "How have you been these past three weeks, other than not sleeping well?"

    "About like you'd expect." he said, shrugging a little bit, "It's been about the same as it was before you left. I've been working a little in the shop with mom. It's been pretty slow. It will speed up as it gets closer to Ostara. We'll pick up more business then."

    "Do you think you'll take over for your mom at some point?"

    "Maybe? I really don't know anything right now. It's all kind of up in the air right now. I'm still struggling."

    "It's been rough, hasn't it?" She leaned against him, gently lacing her fingers with his. Lux stayed quiet and just nodded.

    Lux still wondered to this day why it had been him. The stages of grief had yet been able to run their course and it would probably be a while until he was able to come to terms with the news he had received just a mere two years ago. 

    In the month of December in the year 2012, Lux was preparing for a senior recital at the School of Music at his university. It was the afternoon on the day before the concert. He was seated in a practice room, working hard on the pieces to be performed the following night. He got an urgent call from his parents, telling him to come home right away. He quickly packed up his cello, slid it into his locker and headed to his car. He drove home as quickly as he could. The weather was starting to turn foul. Snow was expected. He pulled into the driveway once he was back at home. His parents met him at the car and ushered him quickly into their van. They sat in silence as they made their way back downtown. At the time, it didn't make much sense to Lux as to why they were going  back downtown. They quickly parked and got out, heading into the metro police station of all places. 

    Once inside the building, Lux was still just as confused as before. His parents were concerned, but silent. They were taken into a small office by one of the police chiefs. He was a nice man who introduced himself as Officer Brandy. Once seated, he folded his hands on the desk and cleared his throat.

    "There's no real easy way to say this." Officer Brandy started. He had a vague southern accent which most people from the area didn't have. He was sincere as he gathered his words carefully,  "We were doing a routine repo of an abandoned vehicle left on the side of I-265 northbound. We had this vehicle towed back to our lot for processing as we do with all abandoned vehicles. During the inspection process there was something strange that we found. Now, again there's no real easy way to say this, but Mr and Mrs. Oakshire we found one of your sons in the trunk of that vehicle. He was pronounced dead at the scene."

    Lux didn't know what to say. His mind went blank. His brother, his twin, gone. Dead. He remembered his father getting angry and demanding answers. He remembered his mother sobbing. Lux remembered sitting in shock between them, staring at the name plate on the desk as the officer answered all the questions he could about the situation. They had opened a murder investigation case in regards to the death. He remembered there being interviews that he had refused to be a part of. His parents gave a statement, but Lux refused. There was one thing that Lux remembered that stuck out more than anything: the report that was released after his brother's autopsy, and the report of his death.

    "Castor Myr Oakshire was pronounced dead at the scene on the afternoon of December 8th, 2012. Cause of death was declared as anaemic anoxia or severe blood loss. The individual had a fractured skull, possibly from a blunt force injury. The body had been disfigured post-mortem. The body had been sliced almost perfectly into several different pieces. There were multiple bruises and lacerations on the body, including pieces that could have been used in post-mortem sexual activity. No additional DNA was found on the body upon further searches. The body was found inside a black garbage bag inside the trunk of an abandoned vehicle on the side of the road on I-265 northbound. Through inspection it appeared that the body had been dead for approximately 14 days based on the state of decay. Upon further inspection of the vehicle, no fingerprints were found around the trunk area, and so far no witnesses have come forth in the crime. If you have further information please call...."

    "Lux? Babe?" 

    He blinked a few times, remembering where he was. He looked over, seeing Dela's concerned face.

    "Did I zone out?" he asked. She gave a gentle nod in reply. "Sorry."

    "Don't be. You're just having a rough time, that's all." She smiled sweetly at him and gave his hand a squeeze. "I know what will help. Cuddles always make me feel better." Lux smiled sheepishly and swayed a little bit. 

    "Yeah they do." he smiled. They moved the trays out of the way and laid down, pulling the blanket over them. They curled close to one another, enjoying the comfort and silence. They stayed like this for a long time, just enjoying the contact with each other and the sounds of soft gentle breathing. 

    "Babe?" Dela whispered after a long time.

    "What?"

    "My arm's asleep." 

    "Oh....sorry." Lux shifted, "Better?"

    "Much."

    They stayed like that for a few hours, talking in hushed voices. They decided to pay a visit to the cemetery. It seemed fitting since his brother was on his mind. Lux checked his phone to check the weather. He groaned audibly as he had to sift through fifty or so notifications. 

    "What's up?" Dela asked, peering over his shoulder.

    "I'm about to deactivate all this social media stuff." he grumbled, "I can not tell you how annoying it is to get all of these notifications regarding Cas. Every. Day. I get at least fifty or so notifications on Facebook about people leaving comments or sharing something and tagging me of photos of us or hearing yet another thing about that 'Justice for Cas' thing."

    "Justice for Cas? What's that?" Dela asked.

    "Someone made a big huge deal about Cas' death. They made this big huge post about how society is slaughtering all the trans people, when it's not even about that. There was this big long tome about how Cas and I were able to realize we were trans at a young age and how lucky we were and blah blah blah...They're now upset that the local police haven't done anything, but there's nothing to do! The case is closed." Lux threw his phone onto the bed with a thump.

    "Why don't you ask them to remove the post? I mean, if it bothers you that much." Dela said, gently rubbing her hand in circles on Lux's back.

    "It's not that easy. I wish it was, but there'd be some argument I'm sure. Eventually I'm going to just deactivate everything and leave it be. It's better than getting worked up over it. Easier too." 

    He left it at that. The pair headed out, dressed for the cool weather. They headed down to the big cemetery in the Highlands, Cave Hill. Lux had grabbed some precious stones from his collection before heading out. Castor had been cremated at the time of death, and had an urn and placement in Cave Hill's columbarium. They headed inside the columbarium, a great stone building with a warm and inviting oak and mahogany interior. Near the back of the giant room, Lux was able to point out Castor's urn. His dad had gotten it made by a coworker. It was in the shape of a tree trunk engraved with the Tree of Life on the front. The plaque below was simple enough. It was made from etched marble, each letter painted with gold.

   Castor Myr Oakshire

June 11 1989 - December 26 2012

Taken from us far too soon. May your spirit rest well with the gods.

    It was fitting. Lux set the stones on the ledge by the glass, whispering a soft prayer. Dela gently hugged him, letting him grieve. She too had lost a great friend that day. 

    "Blessed be..." 

    "Hey Lux? Do you want to get some ice cream after this? Or coffee? Or coffee flavored ice cream?" Dela asked, gently rocking against him. He let out a quiet sigh and nodded.

    "Yeah. Something like that would be nice." 

    Lux wasn't really mentally present on their outing. He was thinking of the funeral. It had been over two years since the whole ordeal. No one expected him to actually get over the whole thing overnight, but somewhere deep inside, he wanted to finish grieving and get on with his life. He knew Cas wouldn't want him to grieve like this. He felt broken. He was broken. The worst part was the fact that Lux didn't know the whole story.

    "Lux? Earth to Pollux." Dela nudged him gently from across the table, "Your ice cream is melting." She frowned. Lux blinked a few times and looked down, cleaning up the drips of coffee ice cream from his shirt. 

    "Thanks." he muttered.

    "Don't mention it."