The Deceptionist

 

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Preface

"In offering this book to the public, the writer uses no sophistry as an excuse for its existence. 

It may caution the unwary who are innocent of guile, and it may demonstrate to the tyro that you cannot beat a man at his own game.  It may enable those skilled in deception a post-graduate course in the highest and most artistic branches of the con.

But, it will not make the innocent vicious, nor transform the pastime player into a professional. It will not make the fool wise, nor curtail the annual crop of suckers, but whatever the result may be, if it sells, it will accomplish the primary motive of the author, as he needs the money"

- S.W. Erdnase 1902

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Introduction

      You are about to read a book of lies.  Lies told and lies lived.  That the lies are all true is a matter of semantics.  If a person lives a life of deceptions it is inevitable that those deceptions will interact with reality, and in doing so they become their own perceived truth.

     I have lived a life full of lies, and each lie became a life in itself.  Lives that traveled the globe and found love, fortune and a fame of sorts while leaving a trail of pain, questions and shadows in their wake.  Lives that saw wonders and lives that left those they encountered with broken hearts and bitter memories.  Each life a lie, and each life an irreversible reality.

     All that you are about to read is true.  These pages contain the true lies of my life.  Lies that I wish I could take back.  Lives that I wish I had not lived, but perhaps it took such a life for me to find the truth in this world.

     If you are reading these pages and I knew you in one of my lying lives I’m sorry.  I’m sorry for all that I was and I’m sorry for the tears that were shed by some of the most beautiful and amazing people anyone could know.  I’m sorry for the pain.  I’m sorry for the truth of who I was. 

    For those whom I know not; do not be entranced by the glamour that may be found in the pages that follow.  In my lying lives I have at times lived a Forrest Gump like existence.  My life has been filled with the company of incredible souls, many of whom you have seen upon the stage and screen.  I served Wolfman Jack his last meal and once bent the fork of Nelson Mandela at his birthday dinner.  I have put actor Will Smith in a straightjacket and have appeared on national television programs on 3 continents.

    I am also a felon who has served his time in a federal prison.  I have had Christmas dinner with the mafia and walked the yard with outlaw bikers that make the Sons of Anarchy look like altar boys.  I have hurt more people than I have helped in this life and this book is my feeble attempt to change that.

 

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The Choice

    What have you done in your life that was bad?  Think about it for a moment.  Everybody has something.  Did you get caught?  Or is that bad thing a secret you keep hidden deep inside?  Does it haunt your dreams?  Does it whisper to you in the quiet times and linger in your heart with the heavy ache of guilt?

     Now imagine that you stand in a quiet room and before you there is a wall with two doors.  Behind one door is your secret bad and all the consequences that secret holds.  Opening that door will break a heart, expose your secret to the world and send you to a personally designed hell.  As you stand in the room you know all of this.  You know what going through that door will do.

     Now imagine that behind the other door is freedom from your secret bad.  An engraved guarantee that you can escape your private hell.  If you walked through this door you get away with whatever it is you have done.  Beyond that door is a new life, a new name and the vastness of the world to vanish into.

     What door would you choose?  Would you open the door to hell and face what awaits you?  Or would you get away from it all by opening door number two?

     We all make choices.  Most of the time we make them not knowing the consequences.  We do not possess the foresight to see our own fate.  But, every now and again we get a glimpse of what the future holds and know full well the outcome of our decisions.  It is these moments that I treasure most.  When the future is clear and the outcome is known for you can choose your path with the knowledge of what lies before you.

    I have had many moments of such insight in my life.  More times than not I chose the path that would be easiest to follow.  The road with the fewest personal hardships.  Sure others would suffer by my taking that path, but my own journey would be the less burdensome for making the choice.  Besides whomever would be hurt by my choice would be better off without me in their life and once the pain faded they would see my choice was best for all.  (Said every selfish person in the history of ever).

     So it came to be that on a bitterly cold day after Christmas I was faced with such a choice.  Face the secret bad or run away from it and vanish into the shadows forever.

     I was sitting in a cold car, in the parking lot of the office of the United States Secret Service.  I parked facing the busy street and watched the cars drive by as the shadow of the federal building fell upon me.  This was the last chance.  The time to choose.  Get out of the car and walk inside or back out of the parking spot and run.

     I’d always run in the past.  I’d run so much and for so long that it was reflex.  Ditch your wheel and toss your cell phone.  Get off the grid and vanish.  I had changed my identity more times than most people have traded in their cars or changed addresses.  It was second nature.  I could be anyone I wanted to be within a few hours, so why give up now?  Why choose the door to hell?

     The reason was sitting right next to me.  She was smart and beautiful and honest.  Her eyes were filled with tears and my heart was shattering just sitting next to her.  I knew that no matter what choice I made she would be gone.  In the past that was enough to justify running.  “You’re going to lose her anyway, so you might as well have your freedom.  No sense wasting years.”  But now that argument was dull and hollow.  The only thing that mattered was that she would at least know that she had made a difference.  That she was worth making the hard choice for.

    I know we tried to joke a bit in the car.  To lighten the crushing mood that seemed to have settled on the roof of her Buick.

 

    “If this were a movie, who would you want to play you?” She had asked.

    “Edward Norton.” I answered after a moments thought.  “He’s awesome.”

    “And who would play me?” She asked quietly.

    “Liv Tyler,” I said.  “She has the eyes.”    

     I know we said more during that time in the car, but mostly I was thinking that I could still run.  Then I would look at her and would hear this voice in my head that said “No, you can’t”.  So I opened the car door and we both walked inside.  One moment I was free and able to run, the next I was in the locked holding room of the Secret Service.  As that door was closed and I heard the lock snap I knew I was right where I needed to be.  I knew I would not have the freedom to open a door for myself again for years to come, and I knew that when that time came that she was not likely to be on the other side of it.

     Walking into that room was the hardest thing that I had ever done in my life.  It was also the first time in my life that I chose to do the right thing.  In that moment I found a faint ember of pride for making that choice.

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