Vivian is stuck with demon Beezle for 24 hours. Beezle's creative ways to ruin Viv's life turn out to be not that horrible.
I might have gone a bit far.
“Gee, you think, Beez?’
It’s Beezle Bartholomew Bracken.
“As long as you’re hanging out in my body, I’ll call you whatever I want.”
I don’t think you understand how this whole demonic possession thing works, Vivian.
“I’ll call you Petunia. You like that, Petunia?”
I shouldn't have told you my real name.
“Oh, right…the whole, ‘if a human knows a demon’s true name, that demon loses power over her,’ or something like that?”
I’m new at this! I can’t remember everything in the manual.
“Why can’t I get rid of you, if you can’t control me now?”
Without an official exorcism, there’s a 24 hour waiting period for a demon to be transferred to a new host body. Paperwork and all.
“There’s paperwork where you come from?”
“Oh, right. So, Petunia…”
I’m fine with Beez.
“So, Petunia –“
Flaming snotwads! What did I ever do to you to deserve such disrespect…other than, you know…
“Having jelly goblins invade my entire neighborhood, giving me the touch of death, and blowing up my fiancee’s car?”
Okay, for clarification, the touch of death doesn’t apply to everything.
Puppies. And it’s the touch of ‘undeath,’ technically.
“Is that why Pickles is a walking, yipping sack of decaying meat and fur clumps?”
“Remind me again, why you gave me a touch of ‘undeath’ specifically for my puppy?”
Because you love puppies. That’s my job. I’m supposed to take all the things you love and find joy in, and turn it into a hell-spawned nightmare. Thus why you can’t hold puppies without turning them into zombies.
“And also why all those jelly goblins burst out of every jam jar in town, and are leaving goopy strawberry-scented piles everywhere?”
You said your favorite food was jam on toast.
“So why not do something to the toast, too?”
Because demons have no power over bread.
“And my fiancee’s jalopy?”
…I wanted to see an exploding car.
“Well, that’s fantastic.”
Yes, quite horrible, isn’t it?
“Actually, I’m serious. I mean, all the dogs I had growing up, the hardest thing for me was having to put them down when they got too old and were in so much pain. But since Pickles is a zombie, he’ll stay a puppy and pain-free forever! I mean, a slightly smelly, festering puppy, but I’m sure some salt curing will help that.”
“And my fiancee’s car, that was a friggin’ eyesore! I’d been trying to convince him for years to get a new car. With the insurance money we’ll get back, we can finally get a decent ride. I was about ready to set that four-wheel fiasco on fire myself.”
Are you serious? Wait…what are you eating? Is that…a jelly goblin?
“Just because it has two legs and a head doesn’t make it any less delicious. We got any bread left?”
I hate my life.