Misheard Demon

 

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The Challenge

Everybody thinks being a demon is easy. Just strap yourself onto some unwitting victim, tempt him, and watch him crest the mountain of elation only to crash, head first, into the empty swimming pool of shame. It really is a beautiful thing.

When it freaking works. 

"What about that one?" I pointed to a college-aged dude across the street. I sensed his desire to cheat on his girlfriend, so he would be easy bait.

"What are you, a newbie?" My colleague, Contempt, scoffed; his sulfurous breath wafted over me. 

I waved my claw in front of my face. "Fine. What do you suggest?"

He scanned the crowd waiting at the bus stop. "Old man. Gray hat. Eleven o'clock."

"That guy?" I squinted, trying to get a read on him. "The only thing he's thinking about is his next bagel."

"Exactly. It'll be a challenge, you damn slacker."

Slacker, huh? "All right. Deal."

I flew across the street and attached myself to the back of the old man's head, digging my front claws into his temples and the back ones into his neck. He scratched his neck. Odd. Most people sense nothing. 

I explored his mind for a window - a guilty pleasure, a source of past shame, anything. All I sensed were empty boxes and a desire for orange juice.

The bus arrived. My host was slow to lift himself off the bench.

So. Slow.

"You need help?" the driver asked.

Empty boxes meant I'd have to go for easy. An argument would do. All I had to do was stir up some pride. "Go to hell," I whispered.

The old man cleared his throat. "Show and tell."

"What? No, that's not what I--"

"Here, let me help." The driver jogged down the stairs. "Where do you need to go?"

I leaned closer to my host's ear. "I'm going to screw your wife."

"Through for life," the codger echoed, sort of. 

"You old idiot." Time to reassess. I planted an urge to shove the driver, maybe knock him over, if I was lucky.

The old man reached for the driver's shoulder, missed, and fell over. The driver caught him before he hit the ground. 

The driver brought the man upright. "I'm taking you to the hospital, okay?"

"It's not okay!" I hissed.

"Olé!" The old man yelled.

Frustrated, I released my host, and while hovering above, watched the driver lead him onto the bus.

Laughter came from behind me. Contempt could hardly breathe. 

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up." I followed the bus to the hospital and hovered over the ER, waiting for a chance to redeem myself.

Turns out, the old man was about to have a stroke. His incoherence from not being able to hear me tipped off the driver. I ended up saving the old guy's life.

Not the best day in the life of a demon. 

Maybe it wasn't too late to find the college-aged dude. 

 

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