Different

 

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Chapter 1

 It’s 3am. 3am. And I’m sat up, cross-legged on my bed, with both my hands on the cold icy window. It’s weird but I like to moan when I’m in pain. Not like I’m doing it sexually on purpose, just that it relieves it. My nose dribbles but I ignore it. My eyes stare frozen at a blackbird sat on a washing line. How is it not freezing? My hot breath blues the window, but my eyes stay focused. Not blinking. Not moving. I cannot sleep. It won’t let me. I anxiously check my watch every five seconds. It’s like a time OCD but I prefer not to put it that way. Makes me sound...different.

Small speckles of white dust fall on my windowsill outside, and I shift my focus to that. It’s interesting. Like, how does it become white? Where does it come from? How? I open my window slightly and hear two drunk men laughing their heads off as they walk past our house. I breathe in the cold air, giving my lungs a sharp stabbing pain. I wince and close the window. I should get up. Or should I? Mum wouldn’t like to know that I’m up this early. Especially with the position she’s in right now. It’s too much. Maybe I should just wait until school.

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Chapter 2

 “Good morning lovely, sleep well?” Mum asks without glancing in my direction. I shrugged even though she weren’t looking. “Yeah” I mumbled and got my cereal out. Jimmy walked into the kitchen with some oversized pyjamas on, a large bunny in one hand, and a bed head. He looked at me, to mum, and then walked back out. He’s a sweet brother. I wish he was related to me. But he only lets me call him Jimmy. Everyone else has to call him James. Even mum. I eat my cereal and ponder out the window. I wonder if normal people eat breakfast like this...

After eating I get ready and grab my bag and go to the door.

“Jimmy! Hurry up, I’m leaving!” I call up the stairs. I hear a faint ‘coming’ then thudding across the cieling.

“Hunny, don’t forget your P.E. Bag!” Says mum as she hurries to me with my other bag. Jimmy and I walk across the road, holding his hand, and go to the bus stop. I have to be protective with Jimmy because he is only little. He’s seven in two months and I know exactly what I’m gonna get him. I wish I had someone to be protective of me. I notice this guy listening to music through his earphones, facing the other way. I’m not really interested in guys and love, but he seemed like the boy version of me. Listening to music, avoiding eye contact, antisocial...maybe we could be friends? Or has the rumour got to him aswell. Does he know me because of that? No ones mind at school is pure from rumours. Spill one? Spills everywhere. It’s like trying to mop up milk with a piece of toast. Hopeless. No matter how many times you say it’s true, no matter how many times you say you’re normal, they won’t believe you. I wait nervously with Jimmy until the bus arrives. Jimmy has the same colour bag as the bus; bright yellow. I chuckle to myself. I help Jimmy on the bus and sit next to him. He reads this book about a type of man built out of dirt and grass. I look out the window and sigh. It’s getting cold. 

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