Hell sent me to Earth about a century ago to wreak havoc and open the gates. I've jumped from body to body and nothing ever really works. I'm supposed to create chaos and make people kill each other and ruin lives, but I always fail.

My current host is named Todd. He's an investment banker on Wall Street from Holmdel, New Jersey. When I took over his life, it was already pretty good. He was making six figures a year, he had a gorgeous wife and two fairly smart kids. He was an opportunity to create economic havoc in one of the greatest nations in the world. 

But, I fucked up. Again. Just like I always do.

In my efforts to screw with Todd's life, I've only made it better. I tried to make his boss hate him by being more aggressive and blunt, even straight up mean, which only made his boss admire him and promote him. His wife was turned on by my straightforwardness and attempts to snub her, and his kids are now working even harder in school because they're slightly afraid of how their father might react if they get bad grades.

Just fantastic. Satan will be pissed.

I tried so hard too. I even set my trash can at work on fire, and everyone just laughed it off. "Oh Todd, what a klutz." 

Apparently trash can fires are forgivable if you're good at your job. 
Then, I knocked a child down the stairs at the mall. The kid was fine. I don't really have the heart to try and actually kill a child, but I honestly thought that hurting a kid might do me some justice. Nope, when the cops showed up I got cold feet and told them it was an accident - which they accepted without question. 

Stupid Todd. I blame Todd, because his stupid human habits have made all the havoc I'm attempting to create completely bunk. How the hell do people get forgiven for shoving a kid down some stairs, even if it's an accident? NO. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LET THAT GO. Start riots. 

I'm sure I'll head to the ninth circle of Hell when I head back down the next time. I'm not sure there's a chance for redemption after this. 

My stupid counterpart in Vermont was better at starting riots over stupid football games that actually created chaos and havoc than I was with an investment banker who had access to major economic services. I'm really great at being a failure. 

And the last guy I used did the whole Watergate thing, but still didn't start riots. I do have to say though, that was probably my finest work. I took over a housewife once, and that just failed miserably. All she did was piss her neighbors and other friends off by burning all the pies she made. And I took over a soap maker in the 30s who carved "kiss my ass" into about 40 bars of soap before someone caught on. Then those bars of soap just got thrown out. 

Ugh. I'm just not made for this line of work.