you were the first boy I really trusted

i opened up to you - I told you things some of my closets friends don’t even know

you were so sweet to me in the beginning

it was almost..unreal

you made my life so much better

i cried less

i felt less depressed

you made me happier than I had ever been in a long long time

you said i made you happy too

you said, you didn’t deserve me

you said, how did you get blessed with a girl like me

so what changed

why did a break, ruin everything

was it cause of your family, or your ex, or all of a sudden was I not good enough

i helped you with so much, and you did the same back

you were the longest relationship i had ever had

i know three months isn’t long - but i have a hard time trusting

so i latched to you, i trusted you, i thought we had a future

you were the sweetest guy i ever knew

then you just. changed.

you never texted, or snapped, or called

we didn’t walk together or hold hands or hang out

you ignored me in class and in the halls

you went out of your way to avoid me whenever you could

and when i called you out, you said you didn’t want to hurt me

yet i cried almost every day for 2 weeks contemplating what to do

i shouldn’t have let your friend convince me to stay

i should have ended it with you when i wanted to, not cried on the bus later that day to only have you end it with me hours later

you fucked me up. screwed with my heart. my head. my soul.

it took me weeks to finally be okay, and now you’re back

you want to be friends - yet you still haven’t actually apologized for what you did

now you are being all buddy buddy with my friends

well guess what, they don’t want to be friends with you because of how badly you hurt me

i don’t know if i can trust like that again

feel like that again

or commit like that, again.

yes we had good times, but you poisoned all the sweet beautiful memories because you couldn’t be an adult

you couldn’t own up to what you did, or even give me a true reason for our end

so forgive me if i ignore you, give you dirty looks or roll my eyes, and if my friends want nothing to do with you

you only have yourself to blame

i refuse to let another tear roll down my cheek because of you

I don’t have a mental disorder per say,

but i have a ton of personalities and voices in my head

they come out at different times and have different reactions

and they aren’t all in my head.

i have the hopeless romantic that i have locked away in my heart.

i never let her talk - i don’t know if i ever will

i have the unhealthy lazy me i keep in my chest, she breaks out sometimes but i know how to keep her in check

i have the version of me - deep in my core - that wants to react in a lust type way

i don’t necessarily mean sex, but the whole area of the physical romance.

then we can move up to my head

we have the loud obnoxious girl who i let talk most of the time

then we have the me that makes a joke out of literally everything

we have the version of me that is dumb and the version of me that is extremely educated.

i have the quiet me who seems sad but she just honestly doesn’t feel like talking

i have the terrified girl inside who thinks everyone is trying to hurt her

i also have a depressed me and an anxious me and a depressed anxious me who all are active a majority of my day

i have the the girl inside who dreams - she controls my thoughts most of the time - thats why I’m called a daydreamer

regarding the voices

i have my versions of youtubers and friends

i have a valley girl and a german girl and a russian girl

i have a spanish girl

i have a weird foreign woman who doesn’t understand the things in america

i have an indian woman a little kid and a angry office worker

i have the version of me who always quotes vines no matter what situation she is in

whoops i forgot a personality i have

i have my self defense personality

she will do anything to get out of talking about her feelings and having people worry about her

she just wants to help others, and worry about others, and listen to how others think.

i keep how i feel locked away in fear someone will not understand

those feeling are locked away in my heart - with the sad romantic girl i never let out

from the people in my body

it has a positive and a negative connotation

you’ve changed means you have grown as a person and individual

but it also means you lost some of your old ways

Maybe you finally quit an addiction, or dumped that toxic boyfriend

but maybe you bully people now, and crush dreams

maybe it isn’t your fault, maybe those girls you call your friends aren’t good for you

but you can’t only thank yourself for getting better, you have to thank that girl who pushed you in the right direction or that boy that said just the right thing

the saying should be “they changed you” not “you’ve changed” because you couldn’t have done it on your own.

nothing too good or too bad happens because of just yourself.