How I Got Banned From A Store


Tablo reader up chevron

Mind you I was like 12

 It was a hot summer day, and what better would a group of tweens do than to go down to the community pool. 

It's a really nice pool, and it's pretty small. It's not clogged with human bodies, and it's pretty secluded. So we were chillin', and then all decided ice cream would be a good idea. 

We walk over to the local ice cream parlor and see this MASSIVE line. Like I bet their sales were BOOMING. The line was out the DOOR.... So we walked away with "nope nope nope nope."

Now we were downtown with no ice cream and really no sense of direction. Like metaphorically and literally. 1st we were tweens so you know... we don't know what to do with ourselves and 2nd) we're bored AF

So we walked around like the aimless zombies we were (still in our bathing suits; remember we came from the pool). Then, one of us had the brilliant idea of going into the community Variety Store. We kinda barge in, and the bell on the door gives a really violent *DING A LING A DING*


The store owner lady gives us this dirty look, and immediately keeps an eye on us. We're the only ones in the store. So we're browsing and I come across this bouncy ball. I start bouncing it for fun, and that old hag behind the counter exclaims, "if you're not buying anything, I'm calling the CAWPS!" 

I don't know if she thought we were gonna shoplift or what, but that lady was getting mad. Also, I didn't want to be kicked out. I wanted to stay; I had to buy something pronto 

Me, being the insolent prick I was, tried to find the most annoying way to buy something. I look around and find a penny on the ground--heads. Must be my lucky day!

I take the penny, and look for something in the store I could buy for exactly 1 cent. Alas, there lies a stash of tootsie rolls, conveniently priced at 1 cent a pop. I march over to the stash, pinch a lone tootsie roll, toss it on the counter, slap the penny next to it and say,"I'll have a bag with that."

I act real tough to let her know I'm the stuff. She doesn't sell it to me, for some odd reason, and says, through gritted teeth, "Out. Now. All of you."

So at this point we were all out of the store, meandering around. However, I'm not done with this lady. I need to get back at her somehow. 

There's a felt store right down the street, and upon gazing at it, a lightbulb flickered on in my mind. I power walk to the store front, and then tell my friends the plan. 

We're going to see if the felt store has any scrap felt they can donate to us. With that scrap felt, we can put on moustches and go back into the Variety Store. 

Great plan, right? 

The store owner gave us some felt for free (heck yah) and gave us some tape to use to stick the felt on our upper lip. I remember one of my friends went ALL OUT and put on chest hair, too. 

We walked out of the felt store with our heads held high, and back into the variety store with a new grown confidence. the Variety Store lady didn't find this new getup very amusing. 

She exclaimed ,"Alright, that's it," and she whipped out this old Polaroid camera (she would though) 

She took our picture quickly, and then wrote in sharpie on it "BANNED" 

She takes it to her counter, and threaten to call the cops again if we didn't scram.

We scrammed.

And the most ironic thing about it all is that that lady's name is Sunny or something. Like isn't she just a ray of sunshine?

Comment Log in or Join Tablo to comment on this chapter...

You might like Ben k's other books...