Grandma's Party

 

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Good morning, all!

     Just wanted to share with you all the fun photos I took of Grandma’s big, birthday bash last night in Cambridge.

     Almost everyone invited made the effort to attend and I could tell Grandma was pleased to see each and every one.  Jane and George came all the way from Kentucky in their new Airio Car (may I say, “Wow!”) and James did a short video call from Alaska.  He was sitting in front of an old fashioned plate glass window and we could see deer and elk wandering around in his back yard.  It was very cool (no pun intended).  Unfortunately, Bill and Dora couldn’t make it as their flight was canceled at the last minute due to another terrorist attack in their city (they need to get out of that town). 

     But there must have been at least fifty people there. The room was pretty crowded.  It was so noisy, I think I saw the guest of honor turn her hearing aid down a couple of times (wish I could have done that, ha ha).

     Anyway, you can see by the pictures that the decorations were very nice. We had balloons and streamers and party hats in all of Grandma’s favorite shades of pink and purple.  With the peony center pieces on all the tables scattered throughout the room, it looked like Spring in there.  You can see we matched them to the ceremonial kimono the guest of honor wore for her special occasion.  She had given us a fabric swatch so Sally could order matching party favors from Japan.  A special thanks to Sally for handling that.

       Gran wore a traditional white tabi sock on her foot.  Her thong sandal kept falling off and getting stuck under the wheel of her chair, so we finally took it off and stuck it in that handy pouch on the back of her seat.

     We played games before dinner and competed with the little ones for the gag prizes, all of us acting like children.  Isn’t that shot of Jacob wearing the Donkey’s Head a hoot?

     The food was excellent.  Darby’s catered it and you know they always do a good job.  Brian added a generous twenty percent tip to the invoice. Grandma could afford it and they deserved extra for setting up things so quickly when the previous party ran late.  Grandma had requested all her favorites and though she didn’t eat a lot, she at least tasted each one.

     There was beer and wine for those who wanted it and I (at least) was not surprised when Grandma asked for a Cuban and one of the boys wheeled her outside to smoke it. You may be shocked, but really at that point, what difference could it make? And I’m sure none of the children saw her do it.

     Instead of presents for her, Grandma had requested that Mary and Francis get together and buy presents especially chosen for each one of her guests.  So they did.  You can see everyone opening their presents and the little children breaking that enormous pinata ( I’m glad I didn’t have to clean up that mess!).  We will send their gifts to those who couldn’t come.  My special thanks to the twins for taking care of the purchasing for me.  It was no small task to select so many and they did a very good job of it.

     Grandma was getting pretty tired by nine so the guests started lining up to kiss her starting with the youngest and ending with Sarah, the oldest ( wonder when she’ll be scheduling her party? I’ll have to check the calendar).  Anyway, she looked so pretty and serene sitting there, like a contented monarch on a silver throne waiting to accept the homage of her devoted subjects.  Her hair was arranged in an attractive upsweep that showed those subtle graduations from black to white just right.  The jeweled chopsticks Terry sent her last year for Christmas (though a deep, blood red) were the perfect accent to her lovely, pale pink, authentic (as she insisted, and it was not cheap!) silk kimono.

     It took almost an hour to get through the line with special words to and from each one as they stood beside her wheel chair.  It was a good night for her and she didn’t have any trouble remembering anyone’s name.  A few family members got a little emotional, but all in all people were able to say what they wanted to say and make a graceful exit.

     When at last the rest of the guests had gone home, Ben and I followed the attendants as they pushed Grandma’s chair into the waiting room.

     She had requested that they allow her to remain sitting up, so they didn’t put her down on the bed.  They hooked her up right in her chair and I held her hand to my cheek as they started the drip.

     It didn’t take long, but she had time to leave a message for all of you.  She told me to tell you, “Try to find something worth keeping in every experience.   Be grateful for all you have and never stop believing the future has something new and delightful in store.”

     She didn’t cry.  Just a couple of tears in her eyes as she told us she loved us one last time.

 

  

 

                                  

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Christine Larsen

Love the family/conversational type coverage of Grandma's major event. Wouldn't we all wish for that kind of ending?
Love it, Betsey.

The memorial service will be held at one o'clock in Brentworth's Chapel Number Six.

In lieu of charitable contributions, Grandma requested her many friends and family send flowers.

She really loved them.

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Christine Larsen

Ohh dear Betsey. That's really difficult - impossible actually, to judge your words from the absolute opposite point of view.
I envy anyone older who has this choice, thinking 'why not?' at the end of your life. Illness or not, I imagine terrible boredom just marking time in a nursing home, no matter how fine.
Perhaps it comes from hubby and I living over 7 decades ourselves... maybe it's an age thing. Or maybe it's from having held my own mother as she finally succumbed to increasing dosage of morphine. Ahead for her was pain, further mind loss - and worst of all total loss of dignity.
My mother-in-law, thankfully went for a nana-nap one day and never woke up. In her case, she had slowly stopped all medication that was keeping her alive.
I only understand all the positive reasons for having control over your final days/hours/moments.
I thought your story was beautiful... and am sorry you regret any part of it.

Christine Larsen

Ahh, so well done Betsey. Beautifully simple rounding-out.
She really DID love them.

Christine, I meant to show how wrong pre-planned deaths are. She wasn't sick. She was just old. She was expected to consent to death like it was some sort of civic responsibility. She chose to go out with style. She could afford it. I thought the line about the narrator checking the calendar on when a relative would be planning her party gave that away. I failed in what I was trying to accomplish. Can help me understand where I went wrong?
Susan O'Reilly

what a lovely poignant story Betsey x

Sorry, Susan. I just was able to read your comment. Thank you for the compliment, but I was trying to influence my reader against that kind of preplanned death and somehow I come off like an advocate. Where did I go wrong?
~

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