I Feel In Love With A Convicted Murderer


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One night

 I was laying alone in bed watching a Documentary on Prison pen pal's,

It was really late at night bored alone and curious as to how it all works,

I got my iPad out and googled until I came across a Site to my amazement there was so many men with pictures and stories about themselves I browsed til I came across Guero,

His profile didn't say much and he wasn't super sexy or Tall dark and handsome but there was just something about him 

I sent him a message and that was that 

I didn't expect to hear from him or anything I just thought I'd take the chance and say Hi and introduce myself.

Afew weeks passed and I forgot about it all 

Until I received a letter from G,

Started with him introducing himself and his hobbies and telling me about his life,

And him thanking me for reaching out to him,

We often exchanged letters from that point on for months and occasionally there'd be time g just stopped for periods of time due to his circumstances,

Being incarcerated in maximum security prison in Texas and being moved around a lot,

So I was use too the breaks inbetween our letters, well I'm going to mention I had no idea why g was in prison and it got the better of me so once again I grabbed the iPad and googled him,

From that point on I couldn't bare too correspond with G his letters would come and I'd ignore them,

I couldn't bare the thought of him killing someone another human,

But G didn't stop he kept writing he had no idea why I wasn't responding he thought I wasn't getting his letters but the truth is I was I tried to convince myself to let him go but I couldn't bring myself to physically let him go

I realised I loved him and everyone deserves a second chance.

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But I had already fell inlove

 Before I even realised I loved him I never physically touched him or heard his voice or felt his skin, I often would day dream about this man I never told him I loved him or anything cause I didn't want to sound stupid our letters was just normal day to day things nothing special nothing exciting truth is G was someone who I could tell my deepest and darkest secrets and he wouldn't judge me,

Like I judged him....

But g got moved again and I lost him for three years, three years I searched the internet day and night hoping to find my sweet sweet G, 

Eventually I was trying to convince myself he's gone and he's probably just forgot about me after all I was just some girl on the other side of the word.

Until March this year 

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine hearing from G again.

It was Saturday morning and I was just laying in bed checking emails mostly deleting spam until I came across an email address I've never seen before, 

I opened it and all it said was Its me G do you remember me?

It had a picture attached and damn was he looking damn fine,

I quickly wrote back of course I remember you I've been looking for you every single day from the second you vanished.

G responded and said he got moved and lost all my letters in transit and was has been going crazy looking for me the whole time 

He said he was about to give up but then he found my very first letter to him with my email address on it so he thought he'd try that before finally giving up on Us.

I thought G was released from prison by this stage and I was excited to think he wasn't in prison any longer being treated like dirt because he isn't just dirt or Shit to be honest he was Beautiful he was kind he was loving and he was the man who I wanted to spend my life with.

He told me he'd never leave again and he has always loved me and it didn't matter if I was on the other side of the world because I have his heart his soul and his full attention and his fantasy.

Things progressed from email g told me to download a app on my iPhone and he would video call me like could you imagine how excited I was I mean like never in my life have I physically seen G EVER EVER EVER like oh my god he added me on the app and video called me strait away 

He was Just Beautiful like I always imagined, the first time actually hearing his Voice and seeing the smile on his face made my heart melt.

He would video call me several times a day you have no idea how excited I was I was always waiting by the phone so I didn't miss his calls we spoke about everything,

Up until one morning and I checked my emails there was an unknown email address I opened it,

Hi who's this ?

And how do you know G?

I responded Um hi I'm just a friend who's this?

My worst fear then came to reality 

The reply was I'm his wife.

She then kept emailing me and asking questions so I told her I was just his Pen pal cause in reality that's all I've ever been 

She then said she's been married to him since 2009, so that means he married her while he was writing to me yet

We both said at the start we could and would be able to tell each other anything and everything,

And now she gave G the big ultimatum either he's to choose her his wife or me the person on the other side of the world.

One guess who he chose and it wasn't me.

I never heard from him again I wrote and wrote and wrote and nothing in return so does that mean I'm nothing everything he said was lies, he knew I loved him when I told him on a video call he knew I was serious he said he could see it in my eyes and he felt it in his heart, I miss him so much but I feel like a idiot he couldn't even respond to a letter if I meant so much to him I'd deserve a response right?

I got nothing no apology no nothing 

I got in return his wife stalking me checking all my social media daily 

Like I'm a threat to her 

She sent me a copy of a letter he wrote to her he told her it was just flirting with me and I'm on the other side of the world yet he said to me it doesn't mean shit if I'm on the other side of the world because he loves me and distance is nothing....

Well I'm no professional writer or anything I just needed to release the pain from inside of me your feed back is welcome 

Signed Lonely in Sydney 

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