This book is for all the young women out there who are just like I used to be. How's that? I'm referring to young ladies in high school and college who are in abusive relationships, no matter what walk of life they come from. If you're a girl, from high school freshman to college senior, and you're in a relationship with someone who's abusing you, this book is for you. 

This isn't just going to be the story of what I went through, though. I also plan to include advice, statistics regarding abuse in romantic relationships, and the things that I wish people had told me when I was trapped in an abusive relationship.

The first and most important thing I want you to remember is this: YOU MATTER. You have value as a human being. You are important. You are WORTH IT. YOU DESERVE BETTER.

As is the case with many abusive relationships, I was the last one to know that I was in a relationship that might be considered to be abusive. Many people tried to tell me that was the case, but I wasn't inclined to listen. My main problem was that I didn't want to believe it was true. How could I be in an abusive relationship? I was an upper-middle class, intelligent, funny, and friendly white girl. My parents were (and still are) happily married. I was (and still am) an only child with plenty of options. So, how did I end up in an abusive relationship, and how was I the last one to realize that was the truth of my situation?

The short version of how I ended up in an abusive relationship is this: I've learned almost every difficult lesson of my life because I'm stubborn, and I have a tendency to do things the hard way even when advised otherwise. I'll save the whole story of how the abusive relationship began for another chapter. Right now, I want to focus on how I was the last to know that I was in an abusive relationship.

When I let my family know that I was writing this book, and looking for some outside perspectives on the relationship for it, my cousin Misty came forward with a memory I had almost forgotten, and I thought it made a great example for this chapter.

"I didn't really see a lot of what happened in C. J.'s relationship with Gunther, but I do have a vivid memory or two that I could share. One time, we were at our grandmother's house for some sort of family function, and C. J. had brought Gunther with her. I remember one minute everything seemed fine and normal, but then C. J. did or said something that Gunther didn't like. The next thing I saw him do shocked me. He grabbed her by the wrist and wrenched her arm up behind her back that she was having to stand on tip-toes to keep her arm from being really injured. My dad (C. J.'s uncle) was standing there and saw it, too. I could tell by the look on his face that it made my dad furious. I remember my dad staring Gunther down and growling, 'You better take your hands off her right now.' Thankfully, I think Gunther realized my dad could have stomped him into the ground, so he let C. J. go. I was shocked that he tried to use pain to control C. J. in front of her own family. What kind of guy does something like that?" 

I think Misty's question is an excellent one. What kind of guy does something like that? Judging by my own experience, the guy that does something like that to the girl he's dating does not respect her, and does not respect her family. I didn't think that way at the time that this happened, though. I made excuses for Gunther. He said he was just playing, and I was fool enough to accept that excuse and defend him to the people who really cared about me.

I allowed myself to be deluded because I did not want to acknowledge the painful truth: I was in an abusive relationship, and I was the last person to realize it.