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C.H.I.P.S. Choosing Higher Intelligence People Skills, Emotional Intelligence, it's an Art!

    If you do not want to transform your life, you had best stop reading now.......continuing on this reading journey you will accomplish goals, spread happiness and success; achieve emotional maturity, become emotionally fit!  Appealing?  Sparking some ambition?  Too good too be true? Too hard to find the time for self improvement? Maybe you should stay where you are, a people pleaser, walking on eggshells throughout your everyday connections and conversations, not accomplishing much in life for yourself and family....you are not important, why should you be?  Why do you deserve anything positive and good in your life?  What makes you so special?  Who are you anyway?  What have you done to think you could actually make a change?  If you continue to read beyond this point, you have just made the first positive decision for your life today.  You have made a choice; the choice to learn and take back control of your life; a choice to reconcile your true inner being to what you were created to be… You did it.  Congratulations.  Let's get on with it then, time to take charge!


 I've been meditating for some time on this project. Being a life counselor I have learned patience, love, caring, understanding and most of all the empathy and finesse of how to educate, help and love my clients utilizing Emotional Intelligence. I encourage and enlighten them; it is not what you say in conversations with others, but how you say it with respect and a new sense of awareness. It's all in the delivery! Whether you are negotiating a big deal, talking with a coach, asking your teacher for an extension, having a difficult conversation with a family member, lover, friend, the strategy you use to deliver your conversation and message is all about your execution; being able to empathize and feel the other persons point of view, and feelings. It's about being empathetic to others and their emotions and situations; how you address your message; how to get what you want effectively; how to be politically correct, yet positive, gentle, kind and firm all at the same time; and yes, this is possible!!!!  And, easier than you think to achieve!


I was really moved when I randomly came upon a little movie called, "Milton's Secret". A young actor William Ainscough, does a fabulous job with a speech he makes at school; it was all about living in the moment rather than dwelling on the past, or worrying about the future. Learning to process anxiety. This little speech brought me to tears, the plane reality, the heart of life, this movie represents, the core issue of everything that I practice daily with my clients; the "alchemy speech" is absolutely amazing, and if you get a chance, make sure that you watch this little movie, it will greatly change you, and educate and enlighten you to utilize emotional intelligence and awareness in your life!

     The alchemy speech is from the heart, and if you are open and willing to learn and experience positive change in your life, the alchemy speech will absolutely go directly to your soul! It starts like this: 


 Look at yourself as a beaker, a glass beaker that you would use in science class, (this is what the boy brings to the stage, to talk about a war between the states, but after some chuckling from adults in the audience he puts aside his paper, and decides to give a speech directly from his heart.) He talks about how we are all in a war within ourselves, we argue, we criticize, we say things behind other peoples back‘s, everyone is walking around wounded, we’ve all been wounded within this war of life, and it hurts! We are all worried about getting wounded again, we are living a Civil War within ourselves. Let’s stop the war, be an alchemist, “imagine you are a glass beaker. Whatever you choose to put inside of you that’s who you are! If you fill your glass with hate and fear pouring out your worries about your past and future, you’re probably going to be miserable. If you fill your beaker with love and caring, miracles can happen! Wars can end! People can be different, that’s the secret! We all can change, you just have to take the empty space and turn it into gold and when you do, then the war is over. Alchemy, we’re all alchemists!”

     What’s your recipe for today? What are you going to fill your beaker with? How are you going to turn your life into gold? When is participating in the war going to be enough for you? Take it from the heart, alchemy, we are all alchemists! This speech in this movie is so pivotal to me it’s what I preach daily to my clients and what I try to practice daily within my own private personal life; which at times has been its own Civil War; but over the years has become a beautiful life full of love and caring; and yes, wounds heal and old ones are still there, but love and caring and gold heals them all!  Experiencing life in a deep meaningful way, being present in today, in now, we all have the ability to accomplish this!


I once read a book, “Prisoner of Our Own Thoughts”, by Victor Frankel; it's philosophy we all need to practice, the power of positive thinking, self-love, and being true to ourselves, so that we can nurture, love, and take care of our families, loved ones, employees, businesses, spouses; learning to not confine ourselves in negativity no matter what the situation is we are facing; stopping the War within and filling our own beakers with positivity, love, caring, and good healing energy. You are just spinning your wheels in life and setting yourself up to be constantly at war within yourself if you do not start taking control and becoming a master chef, an alchemist, a positive creator, influencer and contributor to your life and future! What type of life do you want for yourself? What type of alchemist are you going to become? What is your beaker, your heart, your soul filled with? Each and everyone of us has our own answers, and yes there’s pain, address it and then release it; replace it with love and healing positive energy; at the end of the day it’s your only option; holding onto it is ultimately only hurting yourself!


Throughout this reading journey you will experience how to utilize your own emotional intelligence to become empathetic to the needs and feelings of others, to see the humanity in life's situations and become a happier, better person for yourself and the people and organizations in your life. It is an exploration you will be very happy you have taken, and participated in!  Sounds almost impossible, but with knowledge and practice and a positive attitude, and most of all willingness to learn the artistry of using your emotional intelligence, you can mold and shape your personal and professional relationships in a very positive and inspiring way, mature, nurture and gain the expertise you need to live a happy and super successful life! 


“ The art of life is to show your hand. There is no diplomacy like candor. You may loose by it now and then, but it will be a loss well gained if you do. Nothing is so boring as having to keep up a deception.” Quote by E.V. Lucas, he was curious, liked to discover the humanity and ridiculous in things; playwright and author from the 1930's.


Pretty much sums up the game we find ourselves wrapped up in life from time to time.  And yes, it is ridiculous and a waste of valuable "living time".....life's too short, life's about choice, choose wisely.  So, let's get started on the adventure to mastering the art of emotional intelligence!



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Start with Yourself!

     Be inventive, use your imagination, get educated!!!! At the end of the day, we all want to keep our opinions and make others like them too! When you take this approach in life with a good moral base, and ethical upstanding energy, you are headed in a very positive and winning direction! How can you become an effective communicator, conversationalist, personality, professional, parent, teacher, coach, human being if you don’t first start with reflecting on yourself and do some pretty straightforward personal inventory of your life? Taking care of number one is the first step; own your new awareness, your humanistic connection to all of those around you. Release all of the negative, and cocoon and surround yourself with love and those who truly care about you! You are aware and in control of your actions, everything and everyone else around you can be tackled next. Do it to be the glue that binds the family, love, company or even country together. Do it for the reason that suits the real you, but most importantly, just do it! So, let's get started on the journey to a new, fresh, emotionally intelligent you!


What does it mean to deal with people in your life and around you with sensitivity? Does this mean that we have to be big wimps and always give into everyone and everything around us? Are you finding yourself walking around on eggshells around certain difficult people in your life? Are you living your life as a serial people pleaser?  Do we have to be the loser, the one who never wins the conversation, deal, point, in everything? Once you can truly understand the answer to this very important and pivotal question in your life, you will become the winner, feel better, be more in control, be well liked and appreciated and gain the knowledge and competence to live a happy, successful life. So here you go, the big secret you have been continuously reading to know and implement into your life, bottom line people:


 it's not what you say in your daily communications with others, it's how you say it! It's the empathy you have for others in your conversations, your intuitive look into their hearts, your delivery, you can still keep your opinions and views, you must learn and practice how to deliver them effectively with delicacy and respect for those you are talking to and a firm respectful boundary for yoursef!!! 


That's it?! Yes, that is it!!!!! You are probably thinking, “ Wow, this is lame, I purchased this book wanting to learn something that I didn't already know! Geese, I could have just told myself that!” You may be one of these negative thinkers, (I am hoping not), but more often than not, a lot of you are! The key to leading a successful life is practicing and implementing emotional intelligence and empathy into your everyday conversations. Practice being the key word here. Starting with ourselves we can learn what our weaknesses are, where are we lacking sensitivity to others? Which conversations are we wishing turned out more positively? How could we have turned the deal around? Where did we go wrong? Reflecting personally is never an easy task, we are our own worst enemies and critics at times, but with an open mind, and a willingness to learn to change and tweak ourselves, tune up our minds, it is very easily achieved!!! 


Dig deep for the determination and drive you desire, do what you can to make your own personal journey easier during your reflecting period. Write down and journal how and when you think you could have handled a conversation or situation differently. Don't be too hard on yourself, be open, love yourself first, and know you have the power and ability to make small changes daily to achieve positive big outcomes in every area of life! Know and understand that your sense of worth and future and future of your family relies on fine tuning your people skills! Just acknowledging that you could have handled a situation or conversation differently, even one with yourself within your own mind, is showing that you are undoubtedly going to be a winner in your life. Accepting the fact you are not perfect and taking charge in your life to improve yourself is the first step to achieving more personal happiness and expedites your mind, body and soul into new intriguing conversations with those around you and most of all, those whom are most important to you.


If you get the opportunity watch the documentary “Nothing Left Unsaid.” Anderson Cooper and his late Mother, Gloria Vanderbilt are real, kind and emotionally aware, diving into life with openness and respect for each other, being emotionally intelligent, intuitive and aware.

 “ But often times we don’t think of new ways to talk to them. And we get stuck in the past awkwardness, or the past Anger”


Cooper graciously continues talking about how to connect with your parents:


 “I think there’s something freeing about shedding that old skin, and asking those questions, and developing a new way of conversing with your parent or loved one.”


Wow!!! Could anything be more real or honest?! Yes, this is being emotionally open; letting go of the past; not harboring or resenting ourselves or those we love, work with or whatever the connection may be! Empathy is freeing! Thank you Anderson Cooper! Thank you for sharing and becoming emotionally aware and in control! Thank you for being the creative Alchemist, Top CNN Influencer, Reporter and Host! And there is no doubt in my mind you are going to be an amazing father to your beautiful son Wyatt, as well as his best friend, you learned from the absolute finest!


 Choices of words, emotions, feelings whether you are talking to a family member, business associate or large audience is key to achieving your goals, and most of all a wonderful sense of peace and love and understanding of oneself from within. If you find it difficult taking personal inventory and implementing a positive change, model yourself or study others that are successful and real and achieving a positive lifestyle. Do what you can to get the emotional awareness and personal inventory started, each person is unique and different,  ( try making some notes on the side of this book along the way to get you kick started) some will find it easier than others, but do it anyway you can achieve this and surround yourself with those that are equally emotionally aware, it is the first step and the most important one to making this positive change and new emotionally aware life to begin! 


The documentary shared the devote love, understanding and humanistic connection Anderson and his beautiful Mother Gloria Vanderbilt had not only with each other, but in every area, human, business and professional connection in their lives. They had struggled, they were both not perfect and humbly admit any regrets, but their message and philosophy and Gloria’s optimism captures the audience in a raw honest and diplomatically delicate, quirky, exciting way! The realness and down to earth life chats throughout the docufilm captures the viewers attention; the ethically very strong moral base they shared is real. They have both shared artistic, professional and personal successes in life drawing from their upstanding ethics and respect for others and enthusiasm just as equal to how fans, friends and associates are treating them. Do you think if they were negative and uncaring of others that the film would be successful? Would Gloria Vanderbilt have had business successes with a negative non caring attitude? Would Anderson Cooper be a successful journalist if he ignored the humanity of others? We all know the answers are No. They both became empathetic, true to life examples of emotionally intelligent and connected human beings. Being diplomatic is so much more than words and being quick on your feet when dealing with others. It is creating a new sense of awareness in life; really owning and understanding this healed, nurtured, connected you. 


Whether you are inspired through an encounter with a friend, co-worker, an inspiring film, sensitivity and insight are wonderful qualities to have when you are evolving into your new positive self. Most importantly knowing people and utilizing your own personal intuition (and we all have this,) we can learn to feel and develop intuitively, fine tune our compassion and skills, practicing diplomacy and tactfulness. Using patience, solving problems will become very easy and it will bring balance, beauty and rhythm to your life, and to the lives of those around you. Vanderbilt and Cooper both exude these qualities naturally in a very kind, curious, nurturing way.


Congratulations on starting with yourself today!!! This is a very important and positive step to a happier, brighter, more successful you. Bringing your goals into reality, and giving yourself the gift of foresight, a new sense of maturity, poise and judgement. Allowing, nurturing your new found awareness to grow and polish, and achieve the level of sophistication you need to improve your personal and professional relationships in your life. Starting with a good moral base makes life easier! Whether you draw this from religion, your upbringing, a favorite TV show, wherever, when there's a fabulous, morally and ethically positive base, there is easy advancement and a very open window to learn, digest, and emotionally achieve your diplomatic life skills! Congratulations, your life is becoming enriched with positive qualities for major self improvement!

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Loose that Chip!

     I'm not talking about Doritos here, I'm talking about that attitude that sometimes sits on your shoulder and can rear its ugly head at any time! Yes, we all like straightforwardness, we live in a fast paced society of gimme and now; being blunt, brusque, candid, curt, outspoken, rude and trenchant are all qualities we know many may have, ( Hey, buy them this book! ) but in winning situations in life, and effectively dealing with people in a sensitive way, you will more ways than once find yourself on the loosing end of a conversation, deal, marriage, campaign, whatever it is that you are trying to achieve. When you are dealing with “chips”, the absolute best way is to sort out the bottled up feelings, always say what you mean and mean what you say with sensitivity and respect!


Let's focus for a minute on the King of Bluntness, Mr. Donald J Trump. Presently he is President of the United States of America, he has gone publicly on the news, in his campaign, and made many statements very bluntly that have offended many, despite opinions he is leading a country and may even get re-elected!  Why is this? Is his directness, outspoken attitude what people really want to hear? Is this how you really come out winning? After pondering these questions and recently watching a documentary on the success of Mr. Trump from the 1970's to today, I must say he is quite impressive. He has earned his way to purchasing, creating and successfully maintaining many companies. He doesn't drink alcohol, smoke, or utilize narcotics, so why the outspokenness?  Why the “ chip ?”  


Trump may be an extreme example, and not a very positive one at times, but if you closely listen to him he is a salesman. He is savvy, OK, not his hair, or Twitter posts, but skillful and savvy with manipulating; he is calculating at the utmost most important times in his public speaking ( or reading of such speeches) and after gaining the attention of the public, shocking them with statements and a flare for the dramatics, he calmly comes back down to addressing the issues at hand with an expertise of a master salesman. I do believe the President could be more successful if he learned to control his outbursts, and loose the ugly “ chip ” he has on his shoulder.  You don't have to like the man personally, or agree with his political views, but if you study his form and way that he connects with his audience,( and I am questioning what type of audience he really has now) you will notice the poise and skill and statecraft that he is carefully exercising; or trying to, but he looses it as soon as any form of criticism comes his way, or let's his frustration get in the way of the more important tasks at hand. He's not delicate by any means when it comes to business or politics, but he is clever, he has a deliberate foresight into what the message is he wants the public to hear and understand from him; and even though this is not what most Americans would want, he has manipulated the masses into believing so.   He has not learned the art of diplomacy or sensitivity. He is extroverted and has a loud base personality, but studied Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, even getting married in that church in NYC. Trump fully understands human behavior and utilizes this earned understanding to his benefit in business and politics. Don't believe me, study him in the news or even better yet maybe even during his Presidential campaign rallies! The power of positive thinking and mastering the craftsmanship of quick thinking and manipulation of his base of supporters, has made this man a millionaire many times over, and enabled him to provide a privileged lifestyle for himself and his family.  He is a prime example of having a “ chip ” and not learning from it.  This man could be so much more successful and likable with some diplomacy, tact, and kindness, but unfortunately he is very heavily entrenched in these learned behaviors. Nothing is ever impossible, there is always hope and an ability to make a positive change where one is needed, perhaps one day this individual will realize this.


In Canada we have had the honor of a new handsome young Prime Minister being voted in. First week into Question Period at the House of Commons our new young Prime Minister was being heavily criticized, called a hypocrite by the opposition for hiring two nannies to assist with his three young children on the Canadian tax payers dime. Prime Minister Trudeau fired back with tactfulness, intelligence and an obvious craftsmanship in the artistry of diplomacy:


 “ It won't surprise people to know that we have different family requirements than the previous occupants of the Prime Minister's office. We will maintain the existing budget at the same level and reformulate as necessary for the needs of my young family.” 


Wow, after watching this on the news my motivation was reignited! What diplomatic poise, skill, savour-fair, Trudeau utilized to deliver his reasoning behind his choice of child care being opposed. Lesson noted, finesse, competence, suavity, sensitivity and judgement are all excellent qualities anyone can learn and use in any area of life, to facilitate a positive outcome!  He has done a fabulous job with the crisis of the COVID-19 pandemic, conducted well polished, informative, and calming daily briefings, and kept an entire country under control and at peace throughout a very  stressful and dangerous time.  Without exercising empathy, utilizing emotional intelligence, practicing tactfulness and working with all parties in government together as one, this would not have ever been possible or accomplished.  If Trudeau were to have the same “ chip " that Trump has, Canada would have found itself in a much different pandemic situation.  


In the news the King of Bluntness President Donald J Trump has insulted our young Prime Minister with a slew of negative name calling Tweets. As Canadians, ( yes, we say sorry a lot ) we do not take kindly to the negativity and unprofessional-ism of others. Prime Minister Trudeau has not publicly reacted to these tweets, President Trump knows how to handle situations positively, but his re-activeness and defensiveness to criticism is a trigger point for him, he has stated so in an interview with Barbara Walters. As a leader of the United States of America he could have kept his inner negativity quiet and dealt with it much more diplomatically. This is definitely where he needs to do some personal reflection and homework in his life. Seeing his frustration with the situations he is presented with daily and the numerous public outbursts he has displayed throughout his presidency so far, one can empathetically see how he is not handling things well at times.  After almost being impeached he has had zero apologies, has not learned to curb his fast tongue, still continues to carry the " chip " on his shoulder solidly, he is not removing it, he is forcing an entire country to become hostage of his deep emotional " chips." Even going as far as encouraging countrymen to protest stay at home orders during a Global Pandemic, and ingesting Lysol would be a cure for the Corona virus; really?  Come on Donald!!!!! That being said, it is noted that Trudeau handled the situation with respect for himself, the country and his opponent.


Bottom line, if you walk around with a huge chip on your shoulder and only use vinegar to communicate with others, how effectively do you really think you are getting your point across? People are not hearing what is important, they are reacting to your rudeness, your brusque, blunt, curt voice, and more likely than not, not really liking you or your ideas a whole bunch. Try to slowly analyze your approach and voice. If you have to go as far as recording yourself in a difficult conversation or having someone else do it for you, ( and we all know how easy this is with modern technology and smart phones ) think about how you can rephrase a certain conversation, point, analyzes or interaction. Educate yourself on some new vocabulary to utilize, ways you can still keep your opinion, yet deliver it effectively with delicacy and respect for those you are talking to. How could I have been more empathetic to situations?  How could I have respected myself more by creating a healthy boundary? Be transparent, be open and real. Always embrace the truth, and lead with humility. Break old habits, reinvent new positive ones! Focus on enhancing people’s strengths, not fixing their weaknesses. Your new emotionally aware, available, emotionally intelligent life is not about seduction! It’s about a higher level of humanistic emotional understanding. It has to be honest and real and come from the heart with patience and love not only for others, but for yourself also!


You can do it, you are the only one in control, you have the power, choice, option to practice self- control and you are placing your life personally and professionally into a new more positive, super effective zone to achieve each and every one of your goals and life aspirations!!!!

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Act, Don't ReAct!

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The Delivery, The "Ham Sandwich"

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Creating Boundaries With Difficult People

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Learn When to Give In Gracefully

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Start Em Young!

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Bring on the Romance

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What will Your Legacy Be?

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