I loved you then
and I love you now...
I know we'll be together somehow.
I'm writing this all about you.
And you know I don't like writing...unless it's a song
You also know I don't like reading,
You know how to make me mad,
Well, you're the one who drives me crazy,
Yet with you, I find my sanity,
You know an awful lot about me
And I know about you too,
I'm running out of words to say here,
For I can't put in to words the pain and
At the same time the love I feel,
So I'll just say...
I love you,
I'll love you not for the rest of my life,
But even after the day that I die.
263 DAYS BEFORE
We were celebrating Christmas and Louis' birthday at his place, when suddenly Harry interrupted our little chat and asked you to go with him, remember that,Iris? :
"Hey uh, Iris?" Harry muttered and we both turned our heads to him
"Yeah? You okay Harry?" You asked him,looking very concerned
"I'm fine. I was just wondering if we could talk for a minute?" His eyes flickered to me then back to you
"Yeah, sure. I'll be back in a bit, Niall" You smiled at me before going to Harry
I still don't know what you talked about, you didn't tell me in full detail. What I remember is:
I was already able to give our gift to Louis, the football shoes that we got customized for his liking, and that was when you came back, giggling like a little school girl and Harry looking bashful as ever.
"What did he want?" I asked you as you sat down next to me
"Oh nothing" You brushed me off
"Iris" I stared you down until you would give in
"Okay, okay" You put your hands up to surrender
"You know Nicole, right?"
"She was a dancer on X Factor too, right?"
"Yup and we're really good friends until now and Harry-"
"You shut your mouth, Kingsley!" Harry shouted from across the room and threw marshmallows at you and you erupted into fits of laughter again
And I just gave it up, I couldn't talk to you properly anyways. The best part about our Christmas, though, is after the count down
"Guys, 10 seconds!"
And the count down begins
"Merry Christmas Niall!" You said then hugged me tight
"Merry Christmas, love" I whispered in your ear and pulled you out of the room
"Niall, what are we doing here? They're probably looking for us right n-"
"Calm down" I chuckled then placed a velvet box in your hand
"Open it" I grinned at you and you opened it slowly
"Oh My God!" You held it out and started jumping
"Oh My God! Oh My God!"
"Put it on me please!" I laughed before slipping it around your neck
"Thank you Niall! I love it!"
"I still don't get why you wanted one so badly though." I said honestly, because it was just a simple necklace, kind of like the one I have, black chain and a four leaf clover pendant
"You know I have a thing for luck and here's your present. You wouldn't shut up about it when we went to Spain 2 weeks ago" You handed me a red box with a bow on top
"It's the snapback that-"
"That's limited edition RMF snapback that you were going to buy...but we got mobbed, and I didn't have a present for you yet, so I asked Paddy to go back for it"
"You sneaky little-"
"Guys, it's time to eat!" El called out and so we went
"Hey Niall" you started as we were walking back to the house
"I love you" You wrapped your arms around my waist and pressed your cheek against my chest
"I love you too, Iris" more than you know
It hurt and it felt good at the same time when you said that to me, Iris, it felt so good to know that you love me, but it hurts because it's not in the way I love you. It also feels so good to imagine that you do love me the way that I love you, it hurts to know that we could actually be together, that it's possible but it hasn't happend yet. Because I'm such a coward.
I admit that I am a coward. But I'm brave enough to fall for you and brave enough to face the fact that you don't want me the way I want you.
255 DAYS BEFORE
January 1, 2014
Last night went by in a blur, I guess we were too drunk huh, Iris?
Remember how we spent the very first day of 2014? :
"Oh God,my head hurts" You whined as you stood up from the couch
"Don't act like it's your first hangover,love" I smiled
"Well good morning to you too, Mr. Horan"
"A beautiful morning to you too, Ms. Kingsley" I mocked and patted my lap, for you to lay your head down
"So...It's 2014 huh?" You muttered as I played with your hair
"Yeah, time flies so fast." We both sighed and you closed your eyes again
"You should call your parents" I suggested
"Mmmhhmm. Could you get my phone please?"
"Sure thing, love" I reached for your phone on the coffee table and handed it to you
"Oh great!" You sat up from my lap
"18 missed calls, most of it from mom and some from dad"
"Well, call them up then"
"Yeah,yeah..shh...Hi mom!. Yeah I'm fine. Happy New Year! . No, don't worry I'm with Niall. Yeah, next Tuesday. Okay, see you. Love you too mom. Yeah I'll call dad in a bit. Bye"
You looked like a mess, a beautiful one though, your makeup was ruined, your hair going in all directions, but God, you still looked perfect to me. Fuck, that was cheesy
"So... What do you wanna do today?" You asked me
"Well, the boys are coming over, along with their girlfriends so I-"
"What?! I have to go clean up!" You suddenly yelled
"Clean what? The party was at Harry's so the mess is at his house and-"
And with that, you flicked my ear, and I had no idea why
"No you idiot, I meant I have to go and clean MYSELF up."
"Jesus, Niall! Go get an advil or something, your hangover's affecting your thinking"
A couple of hours went by and all of us were getting bored, until Perrie suggested to play truth or dare...
"Okay, I'll start, I choose Harry" I said
"Sissy" Louis muttered and Harry flipped him off
"What did you tell Iris last Christmas? When you talked to her alone" I asked and Harry immediately turned red
"Tell them Harry, it doesn't even matter now" You smiled
"Yeah ,it doesn't matter so they don't need to know-"
"Dammit Harry just say it" Zayn finally spoke and Harry sighed
"Fine. I asked Iris for advice on her friend, Nicole."
"That's it? Why were you so worried to tell us that?" Sophia said
"Oh it wasn't advice on how to get Nicole on a date" You smirked
"Fuck. Fine, you tell them, Iris" Harry buried his face in his hands and we all looked at you
"He asked what kind of lingerie Nicole would like, and also what flavor of-"
"I think we get it" Liam laughed and so did we, Harry was just glaring at both of us like he was ready to kill
"Harry, you pick this time"
"I pick Iris" He said and you looked like you were expecting it
"You and Niall are best friends right? And that doesn't count as my question, missy" Harry pointed at you, knowing full well that you'll sass him
"Yeah we are" You answered
"Are you attracted to him or like want to be something more?" As the last word slipped from his mouth, the room fell silent. I was fidgeting in my seat, feeling nervous as ever and waiting for your answer
"Well, Niall's very attractive, no doubt about that and I bet the girls here won't even deny that, right?"
They all nodded and I could feel my cheeks heat up
I dodn't know that you found me attractive, love. At least I know that every effort to impress you with my looks actually works ;)
"But have I ever wanted anything more? Uhhm... No, I guess I love Niall as a brother too much that if I ever did get feelings for him, it would feel like it's...like it's... I don't know.. wrong?"
Right then and there, I swear, you killed me with a hundred daggers to the chest,love.