Bionic

 

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Prologue

 12th of November 3200

100 years ago on this exact day the rebels planned an attack on the capital city Mêsto Zla, planning a revolution to destroy the people who had taken away their life in a snatch of a second. The revolution was like ice, it broke the capital into a frenzy of riots and terrorising acts that would make a child sob into her mother’s arms. But as the capital always reminds us they are stronger than the rebels, they have complete control over them and the city took back what was theirs. The life’s of innocents and using them for their own entertainment. All the rebels were captured and taken to the execution ring in the ruins of the capital far off from the city. Roughly  5000 of the 30,000 rebels were executed whilst the rest were forced to live in isolation from the originals from the capital and would be forced to manually work to serve to those of the capital. The president Rosa Marchello believed all the rebels were captured but two woman survived, constantly hiding for many reasons, but the main one was because the capital would kill the children they were soon expecting. 


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L. U. Bennett

Hi Chloe. I hope you are okay with my opinions about your work. Just a few things. If you are writing numbers, write the word not the number. Always. Watch your metaphors. Snatch of a second sounds clunky. Maybe use in a blink of an eye or similar but only if you have to. Keep cliches to a minimum. Readers hate them and it makes for a lazy writer. Not that you're lazy. I really liked the story 🤗
Just minor grammar errors that are easy to fix.

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 Maya Slazgwoki and Clara Hartling, both immigrants who fled to the capital due to the ongoing wars in their own countries. Maya was from Poland and didn’t know much English so was unable to communicate with anyone despite her hand gestures and actions no one understood her. Clara however was from Scotland and was living in a small region called Fife, Clara worked as a farmer trying to harvest food for all the survivors of the nuclear war breaking out across between Scotland and Japan who allied up with Syria and Iraq. Scotland had no way of winning against three nations together and intern suffered serious reprocussions. Their trades internationally were stopped and this ended up in a severe famine among the Scottish citizens. Clara knew she had to leave before she died along with her loved ones. Her husband Alex Hartling was in the army and passed during an attack against the enemy but the ship was sunken, killing all aboard. Clara got out of Scotland because she knew only danger was ahead, but when she arrived in Mêsto Zla she discovered she was pregnant. 3 months pregnant, Clara was devastated to be experiencing this alone but knew she had to stay strong for the child she was carrying. The bloodbath of awar between the 5 regions and the capital began soon after. Cara and Maya arrived, involving murder, attacks, poison and riots. It was a complete and utter mess for anyone who was out at the wrong time. The Capital was responsible for the outrage of all the regions and the attacks that would follow. Altruistic, Warrior, Ingenious, Forthright and Animosity. The 5 regions the Capital split the remains of the war into, making them take many tests, taking part in severe experiments and even though they didn’t agree with the Capital splitting them up, being forced to leave their families they had to, or they would be executed. Altruistic, the region of kindness, that region was loved dearly by the Capital and so they received food and supplies from them in return for gifts that would be provided for them. Warrior, the region of strong, courages beings. The Capital took advantage of those who had the power to fight against anyone who would disobey the Capital, not thinking that the Warriors would attack themselves. One year 5 warriors came for the Capital and failed and were executed in front of their family, so they know not to attack. Ingenious, the smart region, full of intelligent citizens who will do research day and night, never stopping to learn more about anything and everything, they help the Capital to learn about everything everyone is doing at all time, anyone in Ingenious is more or less a spy, but they would never admit to it. Forthright, where honestly and being truthful is desired, those in Forthright will tell you the truth no matter if they know it will break you, they are just as vicious as they appear sweet. The last region where anyone who wasn’t good enough to be in the others, Animosity. Anger, hatered, bitterness and anyone else were forced into, they have no real use to the Capital but they revive their daily dose of supplies to stay alive who knows why the Capital keeps them alive. Most likely to select one for an execution when the Capital has nothing more to do. 

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