Truth is nothing but a long segment of random numbers generated. The following either has, or has not happened yet.

This all goes out to my family. I will out live all of you mother fuckers, because this life you gave me is beautiful. 

*A man is seen on the ground, beaten by the man standing over him. There are volcanoes emitting lava, and smoke fills the air. 

>It's over.... I'm Higher

>It's never over *Throws a glass object, that blinds the standing man*

*The beaten man, uses this opportunity to crawl to his ship, leaving a trail of blood, like a slug. Every bone in his lower half was shattered. 

>I'll be seeing you

*The man clicks a few button, and throttles a few levers, and vanishes just as quickly as this story begins. 

*A man in his twenties, very shaggy and skinny, is seen walking by a few stores downtown. He is just out for a stroll, with his two dogs, Chloe and Lucy. 

>Hey kid, wanna buy some vape stuff?

*The gang notices a few vape shop employees, offering some vapes to very young children.

>Hey! Those are only for people 18 and up, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

>Beat it nerd, we just want to make some money. 

>Beat it? This entire planet is mine, I think i'll stay right here, thanks. 

>Oh yeah? Try this out!

*Two employees fire up their vape pens, and emit clouds in the form of dragons. The dragons were vicious, and let out mighty roars. The employees smiled proudly at their creations. 

>I've seen better vape clouds, from ants, and they don't even have lungs. 

*The dude quickly sparks up his handy, dandy bowl, and blows his smoke all around the dragons. The dragons get confused for a moment, and then turn on their original creators.  The vape shop employees ran inside, but the dragons set their store on fire before vanishing. 

>Hey kids! Stay in school, or you'll end up like these losers!

*The gang walk home, laughing almost the entire way home.  Could you imagine? Just spending all of your time, helping people? Wouldn't that be great? Unfortunately, our hero spends most of his time working at the bank, just to survive. He hates it there, and has thought about leaving many times. For some reason, every time he tried to leave, something pulled him back.  So our gang, likes to spend most of their time, watching shows on netflix, like Spongebob, Futurama, Hey Arnold, Courage the Cowardly Dog, and the office.  Almost every night, was the same. They would all 3 share the same dream, where they were heroes in a far away land. Everybody they met loved them, because they were such great, noble people. They would vanquish the mightiest of foes, and save every single person in danger.... But one night, right as they were getting ready for bed, a loud crash is heard. 

>Holy fuck girls, let's go check that out.

*Smoke is pouring everywhere, and the entire upstairs looks like it is damaged beyond repair. An electrical whirring is heard, as well as gasses being released. There is some type of ship among the crash, one you would see in a sci fi movie. A man is seen getting out.

> Lucy! Chloe! get back.

*The dogs lunge after the man, who appears to be very old.

>Bro, the fuck is going on??? Who are you?? Why do you have a space ship?? Why the fuck did you crash it into my house? You.......... BETTER START TALKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> (While getting licked by the dogs) Haha easy man, one at a time. I'm you, from the future. Now I don't have much time.... so i need you to work quickly.

>Haha yeah right. If you were really me, you'd know how stubborn I am.  No matter what you say, I will never believe you.

>I don't need you to believe me, I just need you to put a little faith in me. Now i need you to think really hard for a second.... How many times have you done LSD?

>Haha what the fuck man? Are you a cop or something?

>Look son, I really need you to think hard for a second, and give me an exact number.

>it was 3 okay? what are you on about?

>Okay great, i don't mean to ruin the fun for you, but a few years from now, you will take some LSD, and become smart enough, to invent a time machine. The whole experience is life changing, truly brings tears to my eyes... but shits fucked up, and i had to start over. Here. Eat this

>*Eats* What is it?

>The best LSD ever made, made by yours truly, of course.

>Holy shit I'm tripping already.

>Yeah that stuffs gonna last a while on you, probably a few hundred years. but when it wears off, you will be more than ready to tackle what lies ahead.

>What the fuck are you talking about man? I'm a nobody.

>False. You are the protector of earth. I have failed, so its all on you now.... Look, I'm about to die, but I'm going to use all of my remaining life force, and send you back in time. He is an old friend of mine. One of the longest living humans to ever live. He will teach you everything, and train your body to withstand everything we currently know about.

>But what about my friends? My family?? I love my life man, i dont want to give it all up. Fuck off, ask somebody else.

>Its a shame your family, and friends, all think you die in the explosion. You will be missed more than you can know.

>What explo-

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

*The boy, and his dogs wake up, unsure of where, they are. He is really confused, how him and his dogs were not killed during the blast. They wander around for a while, until they come upon a cottage in the woods.

>Hello? Is anyone there? We're lost, and hungry.

*A giant of a man, comes out of the door. He is seen with a revolver, that's barrel is as big as our heroes head. 

>Give me one reason why I shouldn't shoot your head off, right now, you midget.

>Hey.... Come on! Were tired and hungry. And i'm 6' 1"

*Gun clicks

>Hey! Settle down dude. What is your problem. 

>Really? You ask me for shit, and ask me what my problem is?

*The gun goes off, leaving behind nothing below the left thigh.

>Jesus fucking christ, why did you shoot me?????

>Haha, just having a little fun, is all.

>What the fuck??? How is this fun????????

>Hey, i'm actually a pretty nice guy. They think its funny.

*The dogs are rolling on the floor, laughing their mother fucking asses off. 

>What the shit, I am in extreme agony, How is this funny.

>Relax man, just wait....

*Blood starts turning into smoke, and a new leg is regrown.

>What the fuck is going on???????

>Relax, this has always been a special talent of yours.... You have had a lot of people watching over you, your entire life, to make sure you were never seriously hurt. 

>WHAT THE FUCK, MAN???? WHO ARE YOU?????

>You told me, that you, would send yourself....  I've been waiting.

>Why the fuck, did you shoot my leg off??? How do you know who I am? Where the fuck am I?

>All will be explained to you soon..... Look... This is just as hard for me, as it is for you. I've been waiting a very long time for this day, probably 1/4 of my life.

>How old are you? You look pretty young

>I am 843 human years old.

>You're not human? you sure look it, just huge as fuck.

>I am an ancestor to humans, you all have been dumbed down by hundreds of thousands of years, of breeding.

>What the fuck do you mean?

>Yeah I'm sure this is hard to hear, but you're in a place far before time exists.

>What the fuck do you mean? Time is invented?? I'm trippin, and I'm not believin this.

>It was always there, but it was never really kept track of. We all live humbly here, there are seasons, but the years all blend together. We all worship ourselves, and the planet. There has never been a war.

>Why the fuck, did That old man send me here? Why didn't I die in the explosion?

>Haha he sent you here because you need to be developed. You know a lot for your age, but you are young.

>Well how did you even know It was me? Would you of just shot a random dudes leg off for walking up here?

>Bro, you look like Macklemore, fucked Scooby Doo. The only life forms alive right now, are all the same size as me.   Besides, my medicine is so advanced, i would be able to repair the damage i did, pretty effortlessly.  This is payback, for all the times you fucked with me. 

>There you go, acting like we hang out. I've never met you man.

>Yes, but I've met you many times. Not in a while, though. You found a lot of worth in me, being one of the oldest beings to ever live.

>Okay then humor me, what is your purpose?

>To make you worthy of being on your own.

>My own? what the fuck do you mean. I Work at a bank, and I have such an easy life. I take care of myself already.

>I believe you said, with great power comes great responsibility.

>OK... Cool.... Spider Man..... Big deal!

>If you dont learn to be a good person, you will use your powers to do terrible things.

>what powers?

>you will see....

*after a long ass time of training, our hero is finally trained. Like 300 years worth of long ass training.

>Wow Im finally trained. That was hard work. Thanks Charlie.

*With no time to celebrate, the two turn to the shrieking, coming from charlies tribe of people.

>HEY PEOPLE! LETS GO CHECK THAT OUT!

*Upon nearing the town, they see tons of flames and smoke. The air is filled with shrieks, mostly from people being hurt, but there are some other noises that sound unearthly......

>Jesus fucking Christ, is that a T-Rex??

>Yes. but don't worry, that one is well trained!

*a nearby Stegosaurus is pierced with a long metal blade, and then ripped apart into a mist of blood.

>JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT????????

>OK man.. We need to start worrying, you've told me about them, but i don't know what they're doing here. You call them demons. They are 5th dimensional beings, who when summoned, can be used by the evilest of humans.

>Demons? 5th dimension? Shut the fuck up

>You will learn a lot. Now go! Go to a time much further from here, before its too late! You are not ready to fight that monster. Imagine a life of good things. You need to start over from the beginning. Don't return to your current time yet, it is too dangerous. Go! before it sees you!

>Charlie throws the group into a time rift that the hero opened.

>Good bye Charbs, thanks for everything.

>No you fucking dick, you gotta help me some day, dont forget about me!

*The three arrive in this beautiful haven, filled with wild fruits and veggies, they decide its a good spot to settle down. After throwing together a little hut, the young dude decides he needs some LSD.

>I am finally ready to make some of the best LSD possible.

*Using ancient methods, invented by himself from the future, the dude makes some very good LSD. After taking it, he figures out a lot of things he didnt know.

>Lucy! Chloe! Thanks to this lab i made, i was able to invent these collars, that allow you to speak English!

>Radical!

>Sweet!

After many great conversations by the fireside, under the stars, the man asks a question that has been bothering him, for a while now.

>Hey dogs? How come you all have lived as long as i have. I've gotta be about 300 human years old at this point, i still look 20. But you dogs arent supposed to live more than like 10-15 years.

>You actually made us in the future, and sent us back to protect you. You have had a lot of people after you for a long time, and we did a good job keeping you safe. You never even suspected anything.

>Well holy shit, I'll be a son of a bitch. So why the fuck are you some of the worst dogs sometimes??????

>Girls just wanna have fun. Besides... you gave us a few other missions as well.

*all three heroes high five, and roll around in the dirt together for a while, laughing the night away. The gang gets bored, and decide to do some meddling.

>Hop in, this will take us to the year 2016.

*The gang hop into the time portal, and are dumped into this horrible world, Filled with death and decay. Their is so much blood in the air, it is humid. Shrieks are heard every few seconds, coming from all directions.

>Holy shitballs, girls. This version of 2016 is fucked. Lets go to our hometown, and see if we can figure out whats going on.

*Opening a portal with his mind, they all arrive at a place they hoped would be familiar. Unfortunately, they were dead wrong, they were even more lost than before. They look around, trying to find their old house.

>I don't get it girls... I swear this was where we used to live... Where are all of our friends? Our family?

>Im getting a weird feeling....

>THERE THEY ARE! GET THEM!

>*dodging laser beams* Oh shit. Why the fuck are these robots shooting at us?

>Beats me, but let's get out of here.

*Chloe uses her ultra cute charm. Unfortunately, it doesn't work, since they are robots. Luckily for our hero, Chloe deflects all of the lasers away, using her Shield of Pup Justice. Chloe then destroys the robots, with her ear shattering bark. It doesn't matter though, because now they are surrounded.

>COME ON! RUN!

*The gang make a break, down an alley way. They hop a fence, and run through a spooky graveyard. (If you think graveyards in your universe are spooky, you couldn't even process how spooky this graveyard was) After battling a bunch of spooky ghosts and skeletons, they break into a church.

>Hey girls, i think I smell some food....

>Hey yeah... *sniff sniff* i smell something too.... i think its... OH NOOO!

*The floor collapses, dropping all 3 of our heroes below, Right on their asses.

>Who's idea was it to make buildings out of wood anyways?

*Once they recover, they realize there was something big that broke their fall. After moving away all the debris, they uncover an old VW van. You know... like the hippies had? Anyways.... Once they were in the van, they found a box, locked with an Ancient Shaolin technique. After unlocking it, there is a single hit of LSD, with the numbers "1979"

>Holy shit we are saved. Thank you God. Im going to assume there were still humans around, in 1979, so this little piece of acid will get us there. Also Im taking the van with us, for swag.

*The gang floors it through the portal, crashing into the same basement of the church, only in 1979.

>Who Is down there? This is a place of god, please leave at once.

>This might sound weird, but I think I am the god you worship. I was just in the year 2016, and The world was in a really dark place. Everybody was enslaved, I couldn't find a single person I once knew.

*The priest throws a vial of holy water, which shatters on the heroes head.

>Ow man, what the fuck was that for?

>Okay youre not demonic, what are you?

*The priest crosses demon off his checklist. his eyes fill with determination.

>Im not sure, but I need to figure out whats going to happen, this might be one of the last years, before shit gets bad.

>Well you've passed the first test, but don't get comfortable. Ive got a few more for you.

>Come on man, we don't have time for this, I don't have to prove anything to you

*Straps shoot out of the ceiling, binding our 3 heroes to a torture table.

>Place of god? What the fuck is this

>If you are truly a man of god like you say, nothing bad will come to you

>Look.... Gods not real ok? I am what you call god though.

>You like talking. Im gonna find my Toys and see if i can make you scream. Now where did i leave those babies?

>looking for these?

*Our hero is seen standing there with Chloe and Lucy, holding a sack of sharp objects.

>How did you get out of the tables??

>Man, I invented that lock, Step your game up. Now.... I have a few questions for you and your church. I don't have much time, so lets make this qui-

*An explosion is heard, and one of the walls goes flying across the room. A man enters the room, Followed by a few guards.

>HITLER! What the fuck are you doing here?

>I knew Id find you here....

*Chloe and Lucy growl at Hitler.

>Find me? What do you want with me Hitler?

>Youve been causing quite a headache in my plan, NOW DIE!

*Hitler opens fire on the room, with his Evil Nazi Luger, that has been reequipped with laser beams. The guards open fire with their flame throwers (literally).

>Chloe! Use your protective charm now!

>HA! you think that will work on me?

*Hitler pulls out a gadget, which he throws at Chloe and Lucy. It quickly explodes, and binds Chloe and Lucy together.

>YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!!

*Our hero grabs the dogs, and the priest, and runs over to the next room. Our priest, barely hanging on for life.

>Man Im sorry i couldnt protect you. Listen.... Im in over my head, and stranded..... You Wouldnt happen to know where i could get any acid do you? maybe?

>*choking on blood* Brother, you are in the 70's. Ive got a few hits left, here.

>Thanks man, Im sorry. Im going to go back, and make things right.

>Don't let me down, again.

*Our heroes go back to their peaceful hut, still trying to process what just happened. Finding out you never existed is always hard, but it's nothing compared to getting shot at by Hitler. Our gang spends a few nights planning a strategy.

>first things first! I need to find somebody to make me a boat load of LSD.

*The gang goes out into the wilderness, looking for some type of human they can capture.

>There's one! get em!

*Chloe fires her net gun.

>Good shot Chloe! Let's take him back, and start making him civilized.

*Our heroes spend many years teaching this human how to behave. They decided to name him "Adam", since he was one of the earliest humans of importance. Adam was a fast learner, and picked up on most things pretty quickly. His favorite part was watching them perform. His favorite one was "star wars"

>WOW! I can't believe Chloe was your father the whole time, that was crazy!

>Yeah, Star Wars is great. Get ready for lord of the Rings.

*A few years later, our hero thinks Adam is finally ready to make the best LSD possible. He teaches him the recipe, and lets him try making some.

>What the fuck did you put in this? It turned my ears into elephant snouts.....

>just what you told me too... oh wait no... oops, i put to much chemical X in it.

>Make it again, and this time make it exactly like i told you too..

>Yes sir...

A few times later, and a few mess ups (like turning the heroes skin into lizard scales)Adam finally gets the recipe right.

>Hey man, this is some good shit. I almost thought i made it. now-

>STOP RIGHT THERE! YOURE COMING WITH ME!

*A portal is opened, and out comes a guard. This guard is huge, probably the same size as charlie, only he has a lot of alien features.  A net gun is quickly deployed, but the guard deflects it.

>you think that would work? Come on kiddo.

>Ow! Hey let go of me, whats the big idea? Who do you think you are?

>you haven't been to work in a while, earth's ruined and the boss is pissed. You need to get started.

>Work? Nooooo man, I haven't been to a job in hundreds of years... Lucy get him!

*Lucy bites the mans arm, but after realizing it was his fake arm made out of peanut butter, gets stuck.

>You forgot about my patented move "trick arm"???

*Lucy and Chloe are both distracted, because peanut butter is their favorite snack.

>Okay that's all i got.... I guess i'm coming to work.

*The dude and his dogs go through the portal, and get their butts to work.

>Hey man, where are we?

>This is the realm where the gods chill. I'm not sure why the boss puts up with you, but you've got alot of work to do.

>Work? I've never been here before. I'm not even supposed to be here! 

>This is so old. It's not my job to explain shit to you. just go to your office, the boss will talk to you soon.

*They find their office, and it looks way better than any office they saw coming in. Every other one, was completely empty, but this one was decked out with all sorts of personalized things. The gang tries to pass time in their office, but quickly run out of things to do.

>Oh neat, an Offspring cd

*The dogs are playing with the basketball net. 

>Watch out, she goes left, she goes right, oh my god here comes the slam dunk!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHHHH YEAHHHHHH!!!!

>Settle down, Chloe.

*The music is ended abruptly, as a voice comes over the speaker system

>MR. BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. I SHOULD HAVE YOUR ASS FOR THIS ONE!!!!!

>Who are you? Why did your goon bring me here?

>You are the protector of earth, you idiot. You organic beings are so dumb... NOW! The earth is ruined. It's your job to fix it, and you're going to do it NOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>Wait, how long have i worked here?

>For as long as the earth has existed.

>Wow. Why does my name plate say Mr. boi? What kinda name is that?

>That's your name, you are so dumb. No wonder your planet is ruined. NOW GET GOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*The boss comes out of the speaker, and throws our heroes back to their world, so hard, that it caused a 10 point earthquake on the Bremblebutt scale (way more serious than Richter). You might remember it as Pangaea, but after that, the world was never the same.....

>Okay??? I guess we gotta save the world... Which was what i was gonna do anyways... I don't need a fucking boss telling me what to do!!!!

>Hey boss? are you alright?

>I'm perfect Adam, thanks. Here is your reward for the acid, i meant to give this to you earlier. It is a panda. You will raise it, and it will teach you responsibility.

>Thanks boss!

>Call me Mr. Boi. Now.... I'M OFF TO SAVE THE WORLD!!!