lets talk

 

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lets live

03.20.16

i am nothing but i am everything
i am to me and i am to you
the former and always the former
the latter and never the latter

let me be your definition of perfection
lest i be your definition of imperfection
even the latter is acceptable
at least it will give me some sort of meaning

big words are all it takes to make me feel important
to make me feel smart to make me feel tolerable
to make me
feel
to make
me

let me be important lest i be unimportant
let me have definition let me have
meaning
find within myself nothing
find within myself everything
i both have and am
the former and always the former
the latter and never the latter

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toxic

03.20.16

i am
sick of you being
sick of having everything i am
sick of living without


you have less than me and yet
you have so much more than me and despite
you being supposedly less than me
you prove to me every day that
you are miles above what
i could ever attempt to become and yet

i am told that i shouldnt worry because
i am told that i am better in every aspect and
i am told that you are nothing but every day
i am told that i am a visual disaster and
i am told that i am mentally challenged and
i am told that i am not worth shit in the eyes of
you

it was never funny
when you told me i looked like
it was never funny
when you told me you didnt study and yet
it was never funny
when you told me nobody loves me when in reality i struggle every day with
it was never funny
when you insulted every aspect of my existence
and laughed it off as if it was
what you thought of me as if it was
nothing

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this is a callout poem

03.21.16

This is a callout poem
To the one who destroyed everything I am
I was
Everything I was
I am no longer
Because you made me feel as if it was wrong
As if I was wrong
But you dare to call me your best friend

This is a callout poem
In which I call out my favourite flaws
In which I call you out for my favourite flaws
Not that you caused them
But that you made me conscious
Of the fact that I am imperfect
And my acceptance of that
Means nothing

This is a callout poem
In which I call out that I am self-conscious
As you reinforced
When you told me that my appearance
Was a disgrace to mankind
To emphasize your beauty

This is a callout poem
In which I call out that I am always wrong
Or at least
I was made to feel that way
For you cut me off at every given moment
To prove me wrong
To make me feel idiotic
To make me feel pathetic

This is a callout poem
In which I call out that I am half Korean
But also half mixed of the vast middle east
But
That doesn't matter
My heritage doesn't matter
After all
If not oriental
I'm half white

This is a callout poem
In which I call out that I am without love
Not even from my own being
I am filled with loathing of one's own self
As I'd love to tear myself down
One piece at a time
But as always
You beat me to it

This is a callout poem
In which I call out that my mind loves to play games with me
As it allows me to ponder on the impermanence of death
But when my mind swallowed me whole
Into the black light that is but my own self
When I was without words
When I was without emotion
When I was without sound
I was just giving you the silent treatment

This is a callout poem and
Depending on the crowd, you could be out there
And if you are
You know exactly who you are

But that's the issue because you
Know who you are and you
Know your future and you
Do not struggle with identity crises
Every waking moment of your existence
Wondering what is real and what is not
Relapsing into tears
Relapsing into nothingness
As I do

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birthday gift

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expectation #539

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apology letter

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birthday gift #2

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dedication to you

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no front, no face

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im a professional illusionist

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lightning storm

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drunken love

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the end of the world begins at the end of you

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(you, you, you)

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rainy day (ft. thunder)

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dear flower boy

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its too cold for me to venture alone

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low-budget =/= low-quality

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i often think of you

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im better, now

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denial, denial

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the thought of

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split dates - split poems

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happy new year

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it rained today

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paper blinds arent transparent

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dream a daydream

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to you, a poem

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a thousand paper cranes

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you are real.

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im not me without you

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you remind me of, the second.

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the moment we had all been waiting for

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please hold my hand

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i love you because youre everything i could never be

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to you, rewritten

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the road is long(ing, for you)

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i havent changed, you have

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you make me feel young

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conclusion (and introduction)

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~

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