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New book

Hi everyone! I wrote a book called Blank, and I was wondering if anyone could give some feedback on it! Have a great day!

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I have read the first chapter. Here is some of my feedback!
The story is flowing well, not too fast and not too slow. Just perfect pace. Enough that the reader can get a sense of the characters, but I wished that the first chapter focused more on them instead of the plot. I’m not sure how long you plan to make this one, but you introduce the characters without really adding substance making them a bit two dimensional. That is because you focus on the main characters plotline (which is to get back her memory) but forget to add more of her personality so that the reader cares for her. Here it seems like she lost her personality along with her memory which might make the readers feel a bit distance from the character.
That said though, because of you focusing on the plot it becomes more intriguing, which might be what you were after. The first chapter was left with a mystery which is always good to hype up the next chapter.
There are some smaller mistakes in the first chapter I read, I do not know if it continues but I would think so since it seemed to be a subconscious thing and that is that you sometimes forgets to put a capital letter onto the first letter of each sentence. It seems to happen especially in some dialogs. There was only one or two places where you had a large capital letter where there should be none.
I also encountered two really long paragraph which became a tad hard to read because of it’s length and would benefit from being separated into two parts.( One was somewhere in the middle of the first chapter and the other was around two thirds in of the chapter.)
Something I noticed was that you sometimes write rather abruptly (I do the same thing, so I know how to keep a lookout for it). For example, in the really long paragraph I mentioned you wrote, I fell asleep instantly. Then I had a dream. It feels very blunt. Most would not be bother by it but you might want to train to become more fluent. What’s the saying, show don’t tell?
Example, “I felt my eyelids grow heavy as I slowly descended into bewildering dreams.”
If you want it to sound blunter that it’s fine but remember to try to vary your writing as to much bluntness makes the text seem like too much of a sketch. (Maybe it is?)
One last thing I want to advice about is that there is a writing rule that you separate the dialog of two different people into two paragraphs. Start a new one when another person’s dialog enter. You forgot to do this sometimes and it might add to the confusion of who speaks what?
Either way good job! and sorry for the long comment. T-T

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