Out if control? She’d never been it. Hopelessness? She’s never felt it. In love? Oh please!

            Alice was sitting down on her bed, Mathematics made hard by Carl E Linderholm on her lap and her back was to the door, when it burst open suddenly. Alice jumped startled at the booming sound, and turned around scared out of her mind. Until, her mother’s voice broke through her growing panic.

            “Oh baby it’s here!” her mother announced as she flung herself down on the bed and took a seat in front of her.

            “Mom! You scared me half to death!” Alice exclaimed as she pulled a pair of blue headphones out her ears and closed the book.

            “It’s here!” her mother repeated and Alice shook her head confused.

            “What’s here?”

            “The letter” her mother said as a matter of explanation and stuck her hand out like a kid showing the latest project to his parents.

In her hand she held a white envelope.

            Okay this is going nowhere! Alice thought as she grabbed the envelope none too nicely. Before looking at the address she exhaled and rolled her eyes at her mother. It was so her to make a big fuss out of nothing. It was probably just a letter from school or a scholarship that made it home too late.

            When her eyes saw the flashing bright crimson letters outside the envelope, Alice mouth hanged open and her eyes glued to the paper.

            OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

            Was all that ran through Alice’s mind. Suddenly she understood her mother’s excitement. Heck, the woman wasn’t as excited as she should’ve been. Had it been Alice, she would have burst in with a Mariachi band behind her at the sight of the letter.

            The thought of what it might contain sobered her up real quick and suddenly she was glad there was no one else in her small but comfortable bedroom.

            “Mom. What if its bad news?” Alice whimpered with tears in her eyes. She had worked so hard to get accepted. So many nights she’d stayed up studying, so many years she’d scarified. If the letter held bad news… Alice didn’t even want to think about what would happen to her hopes and dreams.

            A soft warm hand pressed against her cheek and she looked up as her loving mother wiped a stray tear from her face. There was no remorse, or doubt in her warm blue eyes. Just unrelenting love and support.

            It was what she saw in her mother’s eyes that gave her the strength she needed to open the letter and read what it contained.

Dear Alice,

Congratulations! I am pleased to inform you that you have been admitted… pursue full-time study… the 2014-2015 academic year…. It was a rigorous drawing period… outstanding academic excellence… scholarship… Looking forward to the start of a great year,

Yours truly,

William Fitzsimmons

 Dean of Admissions and Financial Aid, Harvard College

            Alice read the letter three times over, then she looked at her mother in shock, and she read it again just to make sure the letter hadn’t changed in the seconds she’d looked away.

            “Baby what is it?” her mother asked alarmed. Alice kept looking down at the letter then back up at her in shock and Lauren wasn’t sure how to take it. If it was bad she would be crying, she reasoned and smiled only to frown as a new thought made its way inside her mind. If it was good she would be screaming or jumping from happiness.

            When Alice looked up at her for the umpteenth time Lauren decided she had enough.

            “Alice” her mother said in a soft tone as she pressed cold, shaky fingers around her wrists gently. “Can I see?”

            Alice nodded absentmindedly but remained unfocused as her mother took the letter from her frozen fingers. She recited the first sentence of the letter over and over again in disbelief. A shocked gasp announced the moment her mother realized the cause for her astonished demeanor.

            Two seconds later Alice was being pulled against her mother’s body as the woman retrained her in a warm hug. And that was it! All those times she had killed herself studying, dreaming of the day she would receive that latter. Now that it was there, and it was real Alice felt lost, confused. The words: “What now?” kept replaying inside of her brain. And she believed, in those three shocked- filled minutes, that not knowing what would happen next was her biggest problem.

            If only someone had told her the letter was only the beginning, then she wouldn’t have smiled once the shock had left her body. If only someone had told her what the letter meant, then she would have ran away.

            But no one told her, since no one knew. And she smiled carelessly for she had no clue that life as she knew it… would be over soon.

"The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is"- Winston Chrchill

            “I will expect all of you to go to the English Seminar this weekend. It is NOT optional it's mandatory. Reviews are due first thing Monday morning. That’ll be all, class dismissed”

            Alice got out of her seat last for she had many things to accommodate into her fashionable but relatively small bag. English literature was her last class of the day and she loved every second of it. Professor Lewis was very educated and had many published works talking about the subject he taught in class. Of course, one could expect nothing less from a Harvard professor.

            “Ms. Lopez?” Alice’s head shot up quickly at the sound of her name. It was Professor Lewis calling to her attention. He was holding a pencil in his hand. It had hearts and smiley faces everywhere and her cheeks flushed a bright red when she realized it was hers. So her mom had put the damn pencil in her bag anyway? Even after she told her not to?

Flashback:

            “Mom! No! I am not five anymore! I will not take a kitty pencil” Alice yelled at her mother exasperated.

            “Baby but is so cute!”

            “No mom!” Alice said adamantly.

            “Okay what about this one with the hearts and the smiley emoticons”

            “Smiley faces mom. Emoticons are only used in text or email. And no! Not even this one!”

End of Flashback.

            Lauren had given up fighting and nodded her head sadly. Alice thought that had been the end of it yet here she was blushing uncomfortably as her professor handed her the childish pencil. I mean what most he think of her? She wanted to be seen as a good professional student not a childish little girl. Oh get over it it’s just a pencil! She told herself and took the pencil form the professor’s hand.

            “Thank you Professor Lewis”

            “No problem. I notice you are always the last to leave so I decided to give you a hand”

            Alice was taken aback. He was so nice.

           “Oh... oh thank you but I am almost done you don’t need to worry”

           “Oh it’s no problem. It’s my pleasure” Alice looked at him dumbfounded. He was so close she could make out the yellow streaks in his hazel eyes. It still caught her off guard just how handsome he was and he was not much older than her, maybe 9 or 10 years at most.  She didn’t know what to say and she didn’t want to be rude but she was almost done so she grabbed her books and nodded her thanks to him again before heading towards the door. She was almost out when Professor Lewis’s deep voice spoke up again and froze her in her tracks.

            “Aren’t you forgetting something Ms. Lopez?” Alice turned around and felt her cheeks redden once again as she looked at her desk and noticed for the first time her pink laptop under it.

            She quickly walked up to him kneeled down grabbed her laptop and walked head low out of the classroom.

            LATER in the cafeteria she couldn’t take her eyes away from him. He was laughing about something with a woman who she believed to be the Head of the Science department.  They looked very comfortable with each other as she put her hands absentmindedly on his shoulder and threw her head back in laughter.

            In that moment Alice felt herself start to get angry. She wanted to know what was so funny. She wanted to laugh and put her hand on his shoulder like that. She had been staring for so long she called the attention of another student.

            “Quit it!” Rose said in a hushed tone next to Alice’s ear.

            Alice jumped high when she heard a hushed voice tell her to quit doing something. Although she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to stop doing she had a feeling it had to do with a certain professor that chose that moment to turn his beautiful eyes towards her and steal her breath away. Although it hurt her to do so she angled her face away from him, effectively breaking the contact between them, and looked accusingly to the tall and blonde beauty queen that had interrupted her.

            “What do you want?” Alice asked sourly. She had never been one of many friends, believing them to be a distraction. Well that’s what she told herself, in reality none of the kids ever wanted to be her friend because she was “too uptight” and didn’t know how to “Have fun”.

            “Can I sit down?” Alice didn’t have the chance to oppose. Before she knew it the blonde was sitting in front of her and starting accusingly back at her.

            “Excuse me? I didn’t say yes” Alice retorted to the obvious invasion of her privacy.

            “Oh get over it!” the blonde said as she rolled her eyes and drank some of her chocolate milk.

            Alice could do nothing but stare at her. What was her problem?

            “What do you want?” Alice asked coldly.

            “I want you to stop staring at him!” The blonde said nonchalantly.

            “Stop staring at who?” Alice asked although she knew.

            “Professor Lewis”

           “I was not-” Alice started but Rose interrupted her.

           “Oh shut it! I saw you! We all saw you!” she emphasized the “all” by motioning her hands around her and pointing to the cafeteria. 

           Alice cheeks reddened and Rose rolled her eyes, which really pissed off Alice.

          “Get up!” Alice said with murder in her eyes.

          “What? Why?” The blonde faked innocence but Alice was having none of it.

          “Get up! And leave me alone! Now!”

          Rose looked up at her with wide eyes. Who knew the little kitten could scratch.

          “Listen I am sorry okay? I just don’t want you to get in trouble” Rose apologized truthfully.

          Alice looked as her and wavered if to believe her or not. She decided not to.

          “Give me a reason why I should believe you?” Alice asked while staring at the blonde in front of her.

          “Let me start by introducing myself. My name is Roseline Johnson. I am a sophomore. My major is Psychology and yes I do understand the many reason why I will find it “impossible” to get a job after college. I am 19 and I have every intention of partying my life away. Now tell me about you?” Rose extended her hand towards Alice but Alice just looked at her coldly.

          “Alrighty then” Rose let her hand drop and smiled up at Alice.

          “I didn’t ask for any of that. I don’t care what major or age or what you spend your days doing. I want to know what you want and why I should believe you”

          Rose’s smile died down and she squared her shoulders as she looked down at Alice. Maybe the kitten wasn’t a kitten at all but a bitch.

          “I want you to stop making it so obvious. Don’t play dumb with me I saw the way you looked at him and let me guess: he pulled the ‘let me help you pack since you are always the last to leave’ crap”

          Alice’s breath left her. How did she know?

          “Yeah I know! Listen, he does that every year okay? He finds a victim to sink his teeth into and then he disposes of them like they are trash. I know you might not believe me because he is a professor and all that jazz, but it happens every year. The girls, they accuse him of rape and other baloney but he is never reprimanded for his actions. I know... because I was one of the girls he did that to”

          Now it was Alice’s turn to widen her eyes in surprise. “You where one of the girls he… he used?”

          “Yeah. It was last year. I was fresh out of high school. Like any other girl I went crazy for the hot professor. He promised me the world and he showed me a little of what he had in store so I would give myself to him. He was so sweet, just so sweet that it was impossible to say no. He told me he loved me and I stupidly… I don’t want that to happen to you Alice! So please don’t play his ugly game because you too will fall victim. You can tell yourself that you are different all you want but you aren’t. He WILL use you. And you will love every single second he does”

           Alice stared frozen as she listened to Rose. How could this be true? Her eyes went back to where she last saw him and in that moment their eyes meet once again, but the connection that was there before was gone now. She turned her eyes away without remorse and look coldly back at Rose. Something she had said returned to Alice's mind.

           “You know, Rose was it? Anyone else would have believed you. You are truly phenomenal! The tears, the shaking fingers, even the feigned honesty. Brava. You had me believing your lie with every word you said but you made a mistake. You said my name”

           “What…” Rose stammered, her face went pale and she widened her eyes in shock.

           “I never told you my name. You slipped and that caused you your performance”

          “No! NO! Listen to me! You have to believe me! He is going to use you!” Rose yelled loudly and the cafeteria went silent. All eyes turned to them and she knew when his eyes looked at her too.

          “Have a nice day Roseline” and with that Alice walked away from the watchful eyes and into the cold winter night.

            ALICE saw Professor Lewis on the weekend both Saturday and Sunday. One day it was because of the seminar she was mandated to go to -which he was the head supervisor of - and the other was due to his surprising appearance in her local market. She knew enough about him to know that he lived close to the university but didn’t know how close. Apparently it was close enough that they shopped at the same place.

            Monday she told herself to forget about him. Tuesday she evaded a very anxious Roseline. Wednesday she refused his help when he offered. Thursday she refused again. And Friday she was the first student to get out.

            Alice didn’t know why he was so intent on her but she wasn’t going to play along with his sick game. She was his student and he was the professor. He was there for the mere purpose of teaching her which made him nothing far from one of the many books he prestigiously wrote.

            At night, Roseline’s words would ricochet around in her head until she felt like throwing up and her dreams were haunted by beautiful hazel eyes.

            Snap out of it Alice! She would tell herself whenever she felt her thoughts in class wander away from the subject being taught and center on the way his shirt looked so good against his well-defined body, or when she spent a little too much time staring at his lips. Oh how she wanted those lips to…

           “Ms. Lopez!” She heard a strident voice call her name and it took her a couple of seconds too long to realize that it was Professor Lewis. He had asked her a question.

           “Excuse me sir. Could you repeat that please?”

           “To what extent is Tess a helpless victim?” he said coldly. He didn’t enjoy his students falling asleep in his class. Not even Alice Lopez, his best student. When he saw her look around as if lost he growled inwardly and decided to cut her some slack. She had been acting a little weird lately and he knew there was something going on that made her like this. Perhaps something called Roseline Johnson.

           “We are discussing Tess of the d’Urbervilles, Ms. Lopez. The one you were supposed to read!” he looked sternly at her and then he noticed as her demeanor changed and she squared her shoulders as if somehow challenging him.

           “Tess is a young woman who tends to find herself in the wrong place at the wrong time. She is a victim, but she is also, at times, irresponsible. She falls asleep while taking the beehives to market, which ends up killing the family horse, Prince. She decides to visit the d’Urbervilles in Trantridge, giving rise to all her future woes, partly out of the guilt and responsibility she feels toward her family. She wants to make good, but in trying to help her family she loses sight of her own safety and her own wants and wishes. She becomes Alec’s victim in the forest. She probably should have known not to put herself in such a situation, but she has few other options. Here, it seems as though she is destined to rely on others, even when they are unreliable which makes her a victim to her own foolishness as well as those around her”

           All eyes turned to Alice when she finished and she watched Professor Lewis smile tightly before turning his wrath towards another poor soul who wasn’t as prepared as she was. The truth was: she didn’t feel as calm as she made herself seem. When his eyes were on her she felt scared out of her mind, like she had been caught doing something illegal and she hadn't known what to do. But then he had accused her of not doing what she was told to and that pushed it. Although she really hadn’t read the damn book it wasn’t due to lack of responsibility on her part but to the fact that she had already read it enough times to know it by memory. In reality, it was one of her favorite books. Not that she'll ever tell him that. She was sure he’ll use it against her in some way or another.

            When class was dismissed she let out all the air she didn’t know she was holding inside and was ready to leave when Professor’s Lewis voice asked her to stay. Nervous looks where interchanged between her peers, some even looked at her pityingly -they too knew the trouble she had gotten herself into. She swallowed loudly and sat down as she waited for the others to leave and then made her way to the front of the class where his desk laid.

When he turned to her she was surprised to see a smile on his lips. He didn’t look mad instead he looked... proud?