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Ceci n'est pas une livre

Hello, my name is Daisy and I do not write books. In fact, I have three tabs open right now: this, Facebook, and an article entitled 'How to Write a Book Introduction' that I am using to help me construct this. According to them, it all comes down to 8 steps that will make my book straightforward, unambiguous, and concise.

  1. Identify the Problem
    Hello, my name is Daisy. I do not write books. My mind is full of thoughts and dreams that I have nowhere to share. Therapy kills, writing on paper kills trees, and yet I still yearn the feeling of being heard the same way that I hear. I'm too uncreative to write a book and too frank to write poetry.
  2. Present the Solution 
    I'm writing here.
  3. Assert Your Credibility
    I am writing these ramblings straight from my mind. Hot off the presses. Daisy's words are copyrighted by her thought. 
  4. Show Them the Benefits
    Nine out of ten doctors suggest procrastinating by reading someone else's public diary. The tenth doctor was my psychiatrist, who's not happy that I'm not checking in with her and she has to look at this dumb website to ensure I'm taking my meds.
  5. Give Them Proof
    If you read the book description, you'll know that I'm a self-proclaimed sonder enthusiast, which basically means I'm a closeted stalker. Whenever I'm alone sipping spiced lattes in the local coffee shop, I'm always wondering about the people around me: what is that kid with the UPENN sweatshirt writing? A Facebook message? Code? A public journal? It's too wrong for me to ask, so I just imagine. Maybe he's breaking up with his long distance partner over AOL instant messaging. It'd explain the furrowed brow. As much as I love using my creative muscle, I'd still like to know. So, if you, too, are also a closeted stalker, look no further because you are more than welcome to stalk my life and thoughts here.
  6. Make a Promise
    I promise that if you read this, you will learn something. Whether it be my favorite color or the meaning of life, you'll learn something.
  7. Warn Them Against Waiting
    If you wait to read this, I might die. Then, this is less of a book as it is an obituary.
  8. Call to Action 
    Here, the article suggests I foreshadow the "juicy secrets" to come, however, I don't even know what's to come. The first chapter could just be about what Buzzfeed decided is my most valuable trait based off of my taste of kitchen accessories or perhaps saving a kitten from a burning building or finding cancer's cure or falling in love.
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