"I may not be every mother's dream for her little girl, my face may not grace the mind of everyone in the world...” This part of a Christian Song made me shiver and left me in awe everytime I hum it's every tone. It just reminded me of the goodness that lives in everyone of us, though we may not see it at times. Just imagine if everyone has it, what a peaceful world we have in our lifetime. But, that's not the case before I entered Christianity and before I learned my lesson. I used to be a self confessed selfish, ego centered, heartless human being who never gave importance to anyone but herself. Kindness was way out of my vocabulary and “A Nightmare” best described me. Even my high school love interest Gab, was not exempted to the traits I had been doing. They told me he was an introvert. He always wanted to be alone and was out of this world. One thing I wondered, he showed me he cared but he kept running away. I thought he was scared of me. The sarcasm, the conceitedness and the bitchiness I had, he knew that and swallowed it all up. He maybe was as inexplicable as he could be but that’s what made me more interested in his whole being. He never stopped puzzling me and I never stopped ruining his life. Be that as it may, I still had one purpose, capture all their attention, be like a superhero, not because I wanted to help, but because I wanted fame and recognition from most people. I may have had a wonderful lovelife but my life and the lives of my loved ones were put in danger and some paid the price because of my insensitivity… and that's where my story started.

I am Darling and I was invincible. I was in my junior year in high school when i first met Gab. I was top of my class, famous, smart, athletic and everybody's apple of the eye, especially Gab's. He would always find me practicing my kind of sports (my favorite was martial arts). I was in the circle of my friends chatting, laughing, senseless talking and useless time wasting and he would be there just from afar staring. I didn’t know if he saw me seeing him but I didn't give a heck, what I wanted more was the attention everyone was giving me. I loved it and it just simply way over my head that I took him for granted.. at first. Gab was a quiet but a handsome guy that took me long enough to notice because of my noisy and busy nonsense world. He was also mysterious that some of his friends would just leave him alone in the school cafeteria where students chose to mingle every breaktime including me. But sometimes I would slowly come near him and made myself visible when he was being left alone by friends and colleagues. "Hi". He would just greet me like that each time we meet and "Hello" would be my answer. I would catch him throwing glances at me and I just smile at him but his face would be turning red and he would just look the other side and up running on his feet away from me. "There he goes again, running away from you", Shawwie said. "What did you do now?" She added grinning. "I just caught him staring again". I replied. Shawwie was my dear friend, always by my side no matter what. Shawwie was the only one who understood me in whatever I do. She used to be my shock absorber and I was already contented if she was around.

Though I was the most uncaring person, Gab always made me wonder about his personality and that's what made him special to me. Sometimes I ignore those attitudes but it was just making me more interested in him. I think he knew every single detail of my life and that was creepy. I remember how he would stalk on me during activities and competitions we had in other schools and he would just give me chocolates and flowers and other personalized stuff for no reason, without a single word at all. He would just have that little smile on his face and leave as quick as he could just to avoid any conversations from us. "What is that guy up to?" I would ask. "Maybe he's just too shy to talk to you." Shawwie told. "He's always lost for words and that's what makes me willing to get to know him more." "He's out of this world". I said.

While we were preparing for our high school presentation at the gym I was again surrounded by attention grabber and fake friends. We shared same story and backbiting people who were not around. I even slapped a girl in the face that was in -charge of my wardrobe for the practice because she left it home and I have nothing to wear that time. I said bad things to that girl and never said sorry after. I was that evil.

But I was very surprised when I saw Gab there. His classmate, my co-actor, told me that he was one of the actors of the play and he just auditioned 2 days ago and he got one of the main characters. I just can’t believe what I heard and he drove me crazy that moment specially watching him acted and how he moved every inch of my bone. I could have just gone to him and congratulated and took my chance to know him more but I was stunned on my seat. I couldn’t move a leg and now it was me who was lost for words. He was unbelievable and everyone just applauded him. “Come on Darl, this is your chance to talk to him, let’s go backstage”. Shawwie was eagerly convincing me. But I just can’t. I was caught between my ego and my timidity. It was the first time in my life I felt very shy and I just couldn’t explain the tears that were running out of my eyes. He may had hit me hard with that performance or I was just glad he came out of his shell and showed people what he got. But because of my pride I never came to him. “I never thought this guy would be a threat to my throne..I, the best performer, the famous junior.. but now here’s a guy coming out from nowhere, a newcomer would be my serious competitor.” I said to Shawwie. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous with his performance.” Shawwie reacted. “Of course not. He’s just a nobody.” I insisted. But deep inside me I felt nothing but excitement, my heart was trembling so fast that I just wanted to shout to the world. I never noticed myself that I was falling in love with Gab. Because I really don’t know what love was til I saw him there perform on stage. All those thrown glances, chocolates and flowers, thrifty Hi’s and Hello’s, all those things now made sense to me and giving me a different perspective. But I never admitted to anyone I was already in love with him, I continued showing the sarcasm and the selfishness I had on him. Maybe that was one of the reasons why he never formally pursued his intentions to me because he was afraid being turned down by someone he cared about.

Few days after that heartwarming performance I saw him again in the campus, now he was talking to friends. I said to myself this maybe the chance to know him. I was alone then, so I walked through in front of him and his friends and waited for his voice to say Hi but it was his friends that greeted me and I just saw him walking away from me again. I was very disappointed and it’s getting to my nerves. So I decided to call him while he was walking away. I chased him, never thought I could do that but I did. “Hey, Hey Gab wait.” “Why do you keep on running away from me?” “Will you please stop and pause for a while.” The faster he walked, the faster my heart beat. “Hey Gab.. please stop.” I exclaimed. As he slowed down, turned around waited for me, I just can’t explain the feeling. My world stopped that very moment and it was now me staring at him endlessly. He was so handsome and my heart kept on banging. “Hi, Sorry I didn’t hear you, I.. I was trying to beat the clock because I’m late for my 2nd class this morning.” It was the first time I heard his voice loud and long enough to be heard and understand clearly. It was just sweet music to my ears. “Oh, so you’re already late?” “I.. I .. just want to congratulate you with… your performance last practice.” “I don’t know ..you joined.” I replied with my lips trembling. “Yeah thank you for appreciating the act. S..s..so how’d y..y..you been?” With a very sweet smile on his face he answered shaking. “Oh I thought you have a class? Is it okay to talk?” I asked. “Y..y..eah, yeah I am late anyways, nice talking to you at last. I’m glad you ran after me and.. you.. you just don’t know how you made me happy today.” He said in a shaky voice. The feeling was mutual Gab, if you only knew. I just smiled at him and nodded but my heart kept on bouncing. I wanted to stop the clock there. We helped ourselves on the seats of the cafeteria. “So you are talking to me at last. You’re not running anymore.” I said. He gave me that heartwarming smile and said. “I was just shy to the most famous but special girl for me.” He answered. I felt like heaven was tumbling down and angels kept on laughing and singing the most wonderful heavenly songs. I was bewildered. We spent our time talking through the rest of the day and It was the first day of the rest of my life.

“I saw both of you talking yesterday.” Shawwie in a teasing mode. “I don’t want to bother so I left both of you alone.” She added. I just shrugged off my shoulders and put a smile on my face and said “We just talked all day and that was it, nothing special.” “So you expected something special?” She replied. And we just laughed it off after all.

Months passed as Gab and I just enjoyed each other’s company and he added color to my day everytime I was with him. The whole universe had witnessed our bliss. He was completely out of his shell and he became more talkative than I was but he remained as gentle and as humble as ever. He was a perfect man for me. This is my first ever relationship. It has always been said that there’s nothing like the first time and it was happening to me. Everything was the first time. He was so selfless and made me his first priority. I was just so in love and I knew he was too. He loved me more than I could ever imagine.

I was too afraid losing him but I knew something won’t turn out right in the coming days. I knew me and I was right. Happiness just lasted for months and I came back to what I was before our relationship. And I knew I was gonna regret it.

I became more selfish, more demanding and more uncaring. I maybe got bored of the sweetness and wanted some adventures. I remember those times he was very tired from the school’s activities but still he had to drive a mile just to bring me some food because me and my co actors had to stay longer in school for the rehearsal of a play. I remember taunting him in front of our friends because he forgot a date we were supposed to go to because he had an exam next morning. I also remember I shouted at him because I was pissed off when he didn’t hear what I told him and the whole campus heard my shouting. But he never complained. He still understood me every step of the way and still loved my flaws. He stayed as sweet as he was. He even stopped being an actor because I asked him to. I was indeed a nightmare to Gab during those times I wanted all his attention.

“Darling, didn’t you feel any remorse by what you’re doing to Gab?” “I think you’ve done too much to the guy and you should stop.” Shawwie reminded me. I knew what I was doing then, giving pain to Gab. It was my favorite hobby, can’t stand a day without hurting him and I enjoyed it.

“Have you seen Gab?” I asked his friend Tony that day when I was again starting to realize my mistakes but I think I just missed annoying him. “He never showed up in his class since first period”. Tony replied. “I don’t know where he is.” I saw another friend Pete and he told the same story. I also don’t know where he was so I have to wait all day in the campus.. but he never showed up. After hours of waiting I decided to leave the school premises and go straight to his apartment. He was just renting an apartment near school and it was just a walking distance. I convinced Shawwie to go with me in his apartment and try to say sorry though not real. I haven’t learned my lesson yet, I just wanted to see him because I missed him and didn’t saw him all day.

When we were approaching, his landlady told me “Gab left early morning, brought all his things and just took off without any word.” She said she saw tears from his eyes when he rode a taxi and was very angry. I don’t know why but I felt weird that time. I said to myself that he was gonna come back, he just took a break but it also made me think that it was the end of our relationship and maybe he was just tired of me and can no longer bear the pain I was giving him. I cried silently and my heart again felt the pain I never expected to feel. Shawwie was just there beside me comforting and giving me words of wisdom that I mostly needed. I may be that wicked but still part of my heart knew how to repent and ask for forgiveness in so many times. I was just hoping he’d come back and I could say sorry this time it would be for real.

Shawwie and I parted ways after we went to the apartment. She went on her way home and I went mine. I would never forget this day ever where I was being left behind by the man who had loved me so much but I took him for granted. And now being too late for any forgiveness because I already lost him and I would really regret this moment forever in my life.

The next day I was waiting for Shawwie after class of our 2nd period and as usual I ended up waiting in our cafeteria. While sitting alone, I realized I’ve done all the stupid things that made those whom I love go away. Many friends I’ve lost along the way and the only love I’ve known had left.. it was all because of me.. no one to blame but myself.

Time had elapsed for my waiting, I was wondering what took Shawwie so long on her class. Suddenly her teacher approached me and told “The Guidance Office had received a call informing the school that one of the students here was found dead in her house bathed with her own blood.” “Somebody broke into their apartment last night but nobody saw anyone. Nothing was missing from her things so they suspected it was something personal.” When I heard the news.. I knew it.. I had a bad feeling but I couldn’t believe it.. They told me It was Shawwie.. “No,no,,no,no,,no.. It’s not true .. please.. please tell me it’s not true.. pleeeeeaaaassssee.” I burst into tears, I was shouting, I almost lost my mind.. I was begging the teacher.. to tell me the truth but what I really meant was to tell me a lie.” Shawwie was the only one who understood my tempers, my mistakes and when I’m happy, how could I lost such a wonderful friend. Is this the starting payment for all I’ve done?” Who could do such a thing? In a day I lost 2 loved ones and if that was the way heaven wanted for a payback, I just wanted to prepare myself. But the loss of Shawwie would never be accepted. I had to know who did this gruesome thing to her.

I am Darling and I was Invincible. But I was losing my mind, I’d been so alone, I had my share of pains and failures after my loss. Gab and Shawwie were the only best things happened to my life but they were both taken away from me. Gab disappeared and Shawwie was murdered. Life was cruel and moving on was still the most favorable option. My family was my stronghold.. yes my family. I almost forgot about them. I never thought about them during times of my fame and enjoyment. On my own will, I left home at an early age to be with people who didn’t deserve my attention. I thought I would be happy with them but I became the worst girl of my generation. My parents were disappointed of me. I have no siblings to run to because I was the only child. But after those shocking incidents in my life I still went back to my parents’ refuge. My mom Dayna told me “Hope you had learned your lesson, it’s not always a bed of roses out there.” “We know that your dad and I will always be your last recourse but you will always be welcome in this home.” “You will be always our child though you’d grown up and ripened so fast, you will always be our baby.” My dad Theodore replied. Words can’t express how I felt when I heard those words from my parents. I both answered them with a big hug and tears just can’t stop falling from my eyes. How I wasted my time on things that didn’t matter at all and how I missed them so much. My heart was melting remembering those shattered opportunities I should have shared with my parents. But still I was lucky enough they never gave up on me.

Months had passed and I slowly lost interest with all my schools activities and competitions. Little by little so called friends and colleagues had gone away. Fame was slipping through my fingers. They were coming and saying their condolences then went away. I missed my true friend so much. I was so alone. I had found a sister on Shawwie but she was gone. She should have been here. She should have witnessed my swing to reality, my awakening to the fact that I would never be the same without her. I missed her more than I missed Gab. Yeah.. Gab. I had no idea what happened to him. He just disappeared without a trace and wherever he went I hoped he was happy. I hoped he would see me embracing the change.

Breaktime and lots of students again were gathering in the cafeteria. I was sitting alone reminiscing times I had with Shawwie during breaktime.. those treasured times that I won’t exchange for anything in the world. While sipping my soda, a girl came to me and introduced herself. “Hi, I’m Jessy, Darling right?” “Yes.. hello.. may I help you?” I answered. Jessy was big for a girl and I wondered what she wanted from me.” “Oh..no no. I just wanted to know you and I am glad we meet now.” She replied. “You know you’re the most popular here in school and everybody wanted to be your friend including me.” She added. “That was few months ago, not anymore.” “I am not as active as before, not without my friend Shawwie.” I told. “Yeah, I heard about what happened and so sad it happened.” Jessy said. “Let’s not talk about it, I’m beginning to be depressed again.” I sighed. “Oh sorry.. Let’s change topic..” She said. “It’s fine.. let’s change topic.” I answered. “I never saw you here before, are you a newcomer, a transferee?” I asked. “Yes, my family just moved in this town so I have to transfer school.” She replied. As we talk the bell rang for the next period and I had to say goodbye for now to Jessy. “So let’s talk later?” I said. “Nice meeting you.” She told. “Nice meeting you too.” I answered. It was a good feeling talking to someone again after all the stress and heartaches. I was glad I had met Jessy.

School’s over and time to go home, I saw Coach Jim on a sports team I was in. He was like a father figure to me. He asked me why I quitted. “Darling you have to be in the team again.” “We need you here.” He said. Same things were running through my head.. I was not ready, I was not prepared. So many things had happened and it was a learning experience. I had to live a new life and continue living. “Sorry coach but not now.” “I’m sure you’d find someone else better than I am, for now I am hopeless.” I hugged my coach and said “thank you” for all his patience on me. I was his best player, that was what he always boasted to everyone, but I was also the most hard headed he had ever coached. “If you ever change your mind Darling you know where to find your team.” He heartily embraced me. “Yes coach I would do that Coach Jim.”. I replied. As I was on my way to the school exit, I was looking around hoping I would see that new girl in school Jessy. It was a nice feeling having new found friend again. Unfortunately the rain fell and I had to stay in school for a while. I have nothing to shield myself from the rain and the school bus will be coming in 10 minutes so definitely I have to waste time as I wait for the rain to stop. I had to sit on the bench near the school’s exit and still eager to see Jessy. If Gab was still here, he already offered me a ride, we would have had endless conversations in his car together with Shawwie and he would have had brought me home. I couldn’t resist thinking about these two good people who were taken away from me, I couldn’t find another like them all throughout my existence. Tears would just simply flow through my cheeks and if I could only turn back the hands of time I would have surely made the most of being with them. As I was crying on the bench someone handed me over a handkerchief. It was Jessy. “Thank you.” I said. “Crying again?” She asked. “How can I stop crying, when my two special friends left me alone forever?” “Two?” She looked surprised. “Shawwie, my true friend was murdered and Gab, the love of my life left me without a word.” I shared. “I don’t know about Gab, can you tell me about him next time?” She asked wittingly. I was about to tell my story about Gab but we were startled by a shout just inside the school campus. A student was running from afar going through our way. I knew him, He was Tony, he was also an athlete and we shared same coach. He was screaming to our School Guard at the top of his voice.. “Help, help… Coach Jim, Coach Jim, something happened to him. Guard please help.” The security guard immediately went to him and asked..”What happened?” Jessy and I were just listening and were afraid of what possibly happened to Coach Jim. “Guard please help, come quick at the Bath Room of Athletes, Help Coach Jim please..” They both ran to where Tony was pinpointing.. to the Bath Room of Athletes. Jessy and I followed because we were very curious. There we saw Coach Jim lying on the floor of the bathroom and clothed with his own blood. “Oh my God what happened to Coach Jim?” I was trembling, I just talked to him an hour ago and I couldn’t believe I was seeing him now like this.” I told Jessy. “Hey calm down, it’s not your fault.” Jessy answered. I was again devastated. Tony said “We just finished our practice and we were about to take a bath when we saw him already on the floor with full of blood.” Our Security Guard right away called an ambulance but Coach Jim was already pronounced dead. “Just a few months ago Gab disappeared, Shawwie was murdered and now it’s Coach Jim.” I told Jessy. Could it be another coincidence or was this stringed to all incidents?” “We hope not.” Jessy replied. “If that’s the case, how unlucky I am to be here.” She added. People at school were the primary victims of these heinous crimes. Were the management in trouble, or the students had pity misunderstandings, or was it just only because of me? So many questions, but got no idea what the answer would be. Was Gab also killed that’s why he never came back? I really don’t know. My depression was turning into hallucination.

When I got home I told my parents of what happened at school. They were very worried about me and asked to take a break for a while not until the villain would be caught. Why don’t you stop for a moment, you can help me here at home?” My mom told. “I can handle it mom, I still have things to accomplish.” They almost went with me inside the campus just to make sure I would be safe. Dad had been taking me in and out of school so I would no longer ride a bus. “Wait for me til 6:00pm.. Do not go anywhere”. Dad reminded. “I’ll be fine Dad, don’t worry, I already had a new friend here and I won’t be alone anymore.”

I was talking to my classmate Gwen at the hallway when I saw someone afar off staring at us. I was wondering who that was so I followed him to where he went. I was bothered by that guy and I kept on following til I stopped and paused. He was going to where Coach Jim was found dead. I was terribly troubled and my heart beat so fast that I couldn’t breathe. When I was about to lost my consciousness I heard the voice that helped me saying “You’ll be fine Darling, you’ll be fine”. In my mind it was Gab. That voice.. I missed it so much, I wanted to confirm who that was and I wanted to open my eyes and see him but I totally lost it. I woke up in the hospital and saw my dad sitting on the couch waiting for me to wake up. “Dad..?” “What happened to me?” My dad was happy to see me awake and answered “Your school nurse saw you lying on the floor next to the clinic and called an ambulance after performing first aid to you.” “You were lucky.” Dad said. “I saw Gab, I saw Gab Dad…” “Where is he?” I insisted. “No Darling.. Gab was long gone… you should calm down.” “But I saw him.. I saw him.. he helped me when I fainted, he was the one who brought me to the clinic.. I heard his voice before I totally lost it.” “It is impossible Darling, The nurse said you were alone when she found you.” Dad answered. “Where’s mom where’s mom.. I have to tell her, she will believe me.” I became hysterical so the nurse injected something on me that calmed me down. While losing my consciousness again I told Dad “I saw Gab Dad, believe me.. believe me please.” “Please tell him I’m sorry, I have to talk to him, we have a lot to talk about..”

I woke up in the middle of the night and I was surprised seeing Jessy beside my bed watching me. “She saw me being surprised finding her inside my hospital room and said “Hi.. I just knew what happened to you and I urgently came over here to see if you’re okay now.” “I’m fine”. I told. “It’s nice seeing you here, if only Shawwie was alive she would be glad knowing you too.” “I’m sure she would.. rest more so you’ll recover the sooner.” She said to me. “I’m not going anywhere til you sleep.” She added. “Okay.” I answered back. While closing my eyes, I was thinking about the kindness Jessy was showing me.. If only Shawwie and Gab were alive they would definitely be happy knowing Jessy. Is she for real? I asked myself. But I remember something.. she looked too familiar to me, did I saw her somewhere before? Had we met somewhere in our lifetime. No matter what, one thing was sure, she was a good companion and friend and she would never hurt me.