Him and I
The new kid sat right next to me. His brown hair fell in layers down to the back of his neck. It kind of reminded me of Link’s hair from Zelda. I couldn’t help but compare everyone I met to game and Anime characters. His eyes were what caught me. Brown pools of loneliness, of unanswered questions and unspoken words. Brown spheres longing to be loved, but rejected so long, he easily pretended not to care about anyone. But I saw past that, I saw the boy that never felt love. Not the man who appeared not to care for school, people, or the world. I saw a man I could give my love to.
‘Settle down class!’ Mrs. Steen hissed. The class slowly quieted down, and everyone took their place. To my right, the new kid sat down. He looked at me, and instantly I wanted to hug him. His eye shouted ‘danger, on brink of destruction.’ I instantly set myself on a mission to prove to him, life can be good. That in some people, there’s such things as love and compassion. I was staring at him, of course I didn’t realize it, but my eyes practically pierced his soul. He uncomfortably wiggled in his seat under my gaze, until his head whipped my direction and his eyes narrowed. I admit, he wasn’t the best looker, but something about him made me more willing to give myself to him; then any other boy in the school. It’s not like he was ugly, just Average. I said softly, so our teacher didn’t hear as she scolded the two boys who were still goofing off ‘The first sign of a broken heart is defense.’ That set him off, he parted his lips to speak but nothing came out. He clenched his fist and stared at the white board.
‘Now’ said Mrs. Steen who had won the battle between teacher and rebellious boys by taking away football practice ‘We have a new student. Will you please rise and state your name and grade.’ So even in high school teachers refused to stop making kids talk against their will in front of the class. The new kid stared at his desk and finally stood, a slight blush and irritated look on his face. ‘I’m Allen, I’m a senior’ Mrs. Steen fixed her glasses, looking at his desk ‘I hope you brought a pencil Allen.’ I didn’t realize I spoke it out loud but I noticed the slight bulge in his pants and said ‘He brought it alright.’ I blushed instantly. The boys in the class got it, but the girls and teacher didn’t. Mrs. Steen glared at me and said ‘Willfold, where’s this pencil?’ I cringed at my last name and then at the question where. One boy, one of the ones she had just finished scolding chuckled out, ‘She’s talking about the one between the legs’ I blushed Allen blushed, I had to save myself and him from further embarrassment. ‘Although that’s completely inappropriate Burak, I meant He brought one but it dropped on the floor. I quickly scanned the floor, and by the grace of god sat a yellow wooden pencil. ‘See’ I said pointing. The teacher discarded the odd moment, me being a good kid of some sorts. I didn’t mess up often, but it happened once in a while.
The class went on and she ended up calling on Allen three times! His voice was sad and un enthusiastic. Finally the bell rang and all the students rushed out without being excused. I calmly packed my bag, and waited for Allen to move through the door. Before I left, Mrs. Steen, in a surprisingly gentle and motherly tone said ‘ Amber’ I turned giving her my attention. ‘You’re a smart girl; you’re in all honors classes, keep your head focused on school. Ok?’ I smiled my pearly smile and replied brightly ‘No worries, you don’t have to worry about me. I promise.’ With that I left to catch up to Allen, how much I meant my promise I wasn’t sure.
‘Hey Allen!’ I said with a slight jog to his locker. I smiled seeing we had next door lockers. I opened mine and switched out my books. ‘Allen I’m sorry about earlier, I-‘ Before I could finish he cut me off, ‘Don’t worry about it, just leave me alone’ with that he slammed his locker and went up the stairs. I walked to Mr. Smites class, math, my favorite. And to my wonderful delight sat Allen against the wall, waiting for class to start. Given the fact we had 7 minutes after each bell, plus the fact most kids took ten, I sat down beside him. ‘So do you like math?’ I wanted to chuckle at my own question, who liked math any more except me, And maybe Mr. Smite? He dug into his bag and pulled out a pair of head phones, I don’t even think they had music playing. He shoved them into his ears and stared blankly at the wall. His reaction I can’t say surprised me, after all I had gotten off to the wrong start.
I decided not to bother him anymore and took out my sketch pad. I began to draw, well, him. As embarrassing as that is, I began to think about him more often then I should. I caught him glancing over at it, more times than not. Unfortunately Mr. Smite came before I could finish by beautiful portrait of Allen. ‘So you ready to beat every ones score Amber?’ Mr. Smite said as he unlocked his class door. ‘I’m not that good.’ I said with a blush, avoiding eye contact with Allen. Mr. Smite looked annoyed as he opened the door and said ‘Amber you’re the only tenth grader in calculus that has an A, I’d say you are that good.’ I made no response, I tried to get up but, as my brother always said, my ankles went wonky. My ankle slightly twisted, I fell sideways, only to be caught by Allen. It was almost by instinct, he was so quick to jump up and catch me. At that moment as he helped me steady myself, he looked like he wanted to jump me, or run to Arizona. I’m not sure which.
We entered the class and I deliberately waited for him to sit down first. I then plopped myself down in front of him (given the fact the desk where in pods of two, each facing the other like -> <- ) He looked up at me with a heavy sigh, I in return gave him my brightest smile. Maybe I wanted him to do this, or perhaps he really did, but I swear I saw him smile slightly as he looked out the window. He looked up at the teacher and said ‘Mr…..’ he looked around for his name and I whispered softly ‘Smite’ Allen continued ‘Mr. Smite, If it’s ok with you, I’d rather not introduce myself to the class.’ Mr. Smite smiled at Allen, good he liked him. ‘Dear boy…’ A group of five kids walked in, and Mr. Smite continued ‘I would never do such a thing, But I hope your good at calculus, cause if not, I will personally mortify you in front of the whole class.’ Allen shook his head and said ‘Encouraging sir, very encouraging.’ And Mr. Smite beamed, I could tell now Allen was a smart boy, at least average. But he was a sad boy who didn’t care if he was smart or not.
As the class flooded in, and my back was turned towards the door, two heavy hands squeezed my shoulders. ‘Hey baby girl, how about you come sit next to a big man?’ I rolled my eyes, Allen saw it, he quirked an eye brow at me. I already knew it was Lance. He was my X boyfriend, from last year. And yet, he still got jealous when I was around other men. I could understand why Allen questioned me, Lance was tall, handsome, muscular, and a quarter back. But he was also dumb in every subject but math, a show off, and a jerk. I would never go back to the endless name callings, he use to shout at me because I wouldn’t do what he wanted. I moved on, I only wish he did to.
‘I’m not with you anymore, so just go.’ He chuckled softly as he bent down beside me, his hands still gripping my shoulders. ‘You’ll always be mine Amber,’ he brushed his lips against my check and ear, I tensed like a stone wall. I didn’t like this, not from him ‘Stop.’ I demanded in a hiss. He chuckled as he nibbled on my ear lobe. By now the class was filled to the brim and students rushed around gathering books and such. And knowing Mr. Smite he waited until everyone settled down, by reading a book at his desk. ‘Or what Amber?’ He gave me a long wet lick from my chin to my cheek bone. Like a wounded cat I struck him. I slapped him hard as I turned my body. He instantly pulled me down, and glanced to make sure Mr. Smite wasn’t watching. He rose his fist to punch, but before it touched my face, I clenched my eyes and whimpered in fear. Nothing came but Lance’s angry voice ‘Get the fuck off or you’ll be next.’ I opened my eyes to see Allen holding Lance’s fist. Allen looked deep in my eyes, I read it ‘You owe me.’ He stared unwavering at Lance, ready to fight, ready to fight for me. I took the chance to wiggle out from under lance. Lance easily stood at six five, Allen about six three. They looked to one another until Mr. Smites voice rang out ‘Boy’s do we have a problem here?’ Lance smiled and slapped Allen hard on the back twice ‘No sir just saying hey to my new buddy.’ He looked down at me, I sat with my head down, he grabbed my shoulder with one hand. He clenched it hard, I was about to cry out but his eyes dared me to do anything stupid ‘I was just saying hi to Amber too.’ Mr. Smite singled him to sit down, I could feel the teachers eyes on my back, he knew something was wrong, but knowing if Lance got in trouble, it would only get me hurt worse.
I tried to focus on our math, I tried answering the questions without crying. I suppose the event had just shaken me up. Lance was going to punch me and no one but Allen stopped him. I was grateful for that, but imagine what else could happen in the hall or locker room, with no one stopping him. A tear slid down my cheek. Allen sighed; I hadn’t given him eye contact the whole class. But I saw him wiggling in debate over something. Finally he stretched his hand over to mine. He wanted to grab it, I could tell, but he gently touched my hand with his fingers. I looked up to him, my eyes misty, ready to release a waterfall at any moment. I admit, I’m slightly emotional when bad things happen, I can’t help the urge to cry. He seemed to again debate, but finally said, almost regretfully ‘We can be friends….if you want.’ He was trying to make me feel better. I nodded my head and tried to smile, but two tears slid down onto my math homework. He again wiggled in debate and finally said with a slight fake smile ‘The second sign to a broken heart is wrong answers’ At first I didn’t get it, until I looked down and noticed I had done one problem completely wrong. And my tear drop fell on my wrong answer. It was the worst joke I ever heard, but the lameness of the joke is what made it funny. I softly pushed his shoulder ‘Shut up Allen’ I playfully whispered. We both chuckled until Mr. Smite literally bucked his eyes at us, as he always did to students. I suppose he did it for humor and to say ‘I SEE YOU!’. I quickly went back to my homework, finishing it.
The bell rang yet again. I packed my bag, and the class waited for Mr. Smite’s dismissal (unlike Mrs. Steen’s class) ‘Alright, you guys can go.’ The class rushed out like a heard of buffalo. I saw lance walk out, he’d be waiting I knew it. I grabbed ALlens hand and began to drag him along ‘Come on’ He blushed at first until he realized I was yanking him. ‘Where are you taking me?’ He asked as we ran out of the class. As expected, lance stood with his arms crossed and a look that said ‘I’m going to kill you.’ All I could manage to say as I dragged him was ‘run!’ We ran away from Lance, hoping we were faster. Finally we reached a split hall, I dragged him in one of the maintenance closets, with one peak back to make sure Lance hadn’t rounded the corner.
Of course not on purpose, but the closet being small, my breasts brushed against his thin black shirt as I breathed slightly heavy. What a wonderful first day for him, right? And my progress of be friending him was working real fast. He grabbed my hips softly, but quickly let go. I could feel his desires, so I decided to be a jerk and play into them. I gasped, and pressed myself to him and whispered ‘I think I felt something crawl on me!’ I pressed myself harder, holding on to his shoulders and looking back, All a lie to get him to hold me. His hands hesitated to hold my hips so he gently placed them on my elbows. He stuttered for words, I could feel his arousal against my tummy through his black gothic jeans. ‘I think he’s gone now. We….we can get out.’ I opened the door and let Allen out first. Looking back I pretended to try and see something. The ghost of a rat that touched me.
The bell rang yet again, this time we didn’t have the same classes. ‘Sit with me at lunch Allen!’ I ordered as I ran down the hall. I couldn’t stop thinking of him, especially the closet situation. Of course I was still a virgin, but I wanted him. It almost killed me waiting for lunch period. When the ball rang to dismiss the class from art, I practically ran to the cafeteria. I waited 4 minutes and got my lunch, and sat in the corner table (only big enough for two). Then through the doors he came. His brown hair seeming to lure me to him. His gothic pants and shirt, sure his clothes weren’t my taste, but he was. A thought not even God should know you thought came to mind. Sadly I sat back and fed the demon that fed me my fantasy. I closed my eyes imagining Allen, just Allen no shirt, no pants, just him. And then it went further. I bet I looked like a dork grinning with my eyes shut, at least Allen thought so. ‘Soooo what are youuu thinking about?’ He emphasized the word you with a dragged out u. My eyes fluttered open, and I felt the sting of my blush. And the dam bastard grinned. He knew what my blush meant, but it takes one to know one right? ‘Oh, that’s quite……naughty.’ Dam it, this wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Sure he was shy, and new, and gothic, but a boy knows basic limits of how far they can go when the girl likes them. And Allen knew that I liked him from the first day. It was supposed to be the other way around, him constantly thinking of me. Not me thinking of him. ‘I never agreed to thinking that type of thought.’ He smiled as he chewed his pizza, ‘So then you didn’t think that type of thought?’ I gapped my mouth open ‘NO! I mean yes, but, argh’ I covered my blushing face.
He leaned forward, gently whispering in a nervous voice ‘was it of me?’ I looked at him like a deer caught in the head lights. ‘well……maybe.’ He smiled and took another bite of his pizza and swallowed. ‘Tell me, how does a girl like you end up likening a boy like me?’ So he wasn’t so quiet after all. ‘I never said I liked you Allen. Just because I had a little day dream doesn’t mean a thing.’ I was sure at that moment God put a neon sign above my head that said ‘liar, liar!’ Allen took my chocolate milk and gave me his white, boy was he sure getting comfortable around me fast. ‘Your right Am, I’m sorry. I forgot, there is a certain branch of girls that can have random daydreams of random men without likening them.’ I took a sip of the white milk and said ‘My names Amber not Am, and there is?’ Allen nodded, Now taking my apple and most of it with two big bites. ‘There sure is AM. And I’ll call you Am. It’s called a whore.’ I gasped and leaned forward in an angry hiss I said ‘Are you calling me a whore?’ He leaned in, our noses only an inch apart. ‘I am if you daydream of random men.’ I gasped again sat up ‘I do not dream of random men. I don’t even day dream that much…not about that anyway.’ A grin spread across his lips like butter and biscuits. Dam, he had got me to prove exactly what he wanted. I did like him. He grabbed my fruit cup but I playfully slapped his hand. ‘The fruits mine mister.’ He threw up his hands in surrender ‘Sorry, sorry…..how about the pickles?’ I’m a vegetarian, so of course the only things he had to choose from were vegetables and fruit. I nodded in response. ‘Gosh girly, don’t you eat any meat?’ Again my inner thoughts came out, on accident ‘Yeah I like hot dogs and sausage, but I just like to suck the juice.’ I said it almost matter of factly. His eyes widened and he got slightly nervous again, ‘Gosh, I hope you don’t mean that how I think you mean that.’ I stared at him dumb until I realized I spoke out loud. I could feel my face the color of a cherry.
‘Wow, you are very immoral.’ He said it slightly disgusted and slightly amused. I shook my hands trying to prove my case ‘No, no, you don’t understand, I just sometimes think out loud. I have never actually……’ I stopped, should I tell him I never even stood in front of a guy without clothes let alone anything else? ‘Well, you haven’t done what?’ He asked like a judge. I fiddled with my thumbs and said quietly ‘Well everything but kiss.’ He laughed a good hearted laugh, and as I looked into his eyes, that sadness I once saw was gone. ‘So you talk the talk but can’t walk the walk?’ I nodded smirking at him. He looked at the distant window and said ‘let’s go outside’ And so like a spell bound lover I obeyed.
We walked along the side walk. Groups of different classed teenagers sat here and there about the lunch campus. We talked mostly small talk, but it got us to know one another better. Like how his dad was a drunk and violent plus his mother died when he was born, so thus the reason for his gothic outlook on life. While I on the other hand, had a great father who was decently strict, and no mother. I told him how I want to write books, be an kindergarten school teacher and own an orphanage all at the same time. He rolled his eyes at me and said ‘What a day dreamer.’ And he always loved the medical field. But never expected to go anywhere after high school. ‘What do you mean when you say ‘I expected it all to end?’ I asked him oblivious to apparently the real world. He laughed, at this point we were sitting against a brick wall under the shade. He looked at me, I began to feel self consus and turned my head. He spoke softly, ‘How far do you want this to go? Us I mean.’ Well he was sure rushing it, but that’s what, at that point, I wanted. I twirled a weed between my fingers that were growing out of the concreate. I thought about it, and decided what I wanted. ‘As far as you let it go Allen.’ He now looked up to the sky, ‘Are you ready for IT to come quickly.’ I knew what he meant, intimacy. I, like a little girl, looked off at the brick wall and said ‘I want to get to know you more, but…..but if it’s alright with you…. I don’t want to have sex.’ The way he looked at me, with his slight smile told me he was willing to wait, as long as I stayed strong with him. But for whatever reason I still got defensive, ‘I mean we can do other things just not THAT.’ He laughed softly, looking to the sky again. ‘If I tell you what I meant, it might put too much of a burden on you.’ I wanted to know, even at the price of a burden to carry, ‘tell me please’ He looked into my eyes slowly, it seemed his eyes flickered from sadness to contentment. ‘I was going to end my life Amber. But then you came, acting like we were the best of friends, on the first day we met…..’ he laughed again, his eyes getting happier, he continued ‘and yet that days not over, and were already together. I don’t want to die if I have you Amber. You in some weird way, make me happy just looking at you. You accepted me despite my out word shoot even in ward appearance.’ I stuttered as I spoke ‘I…I..I’ll stay with you.. I’ll s..stay with you, I’ll stay with you.’ Why I said it three times, I don’t know. He looked at me. He crawled over (Which wasn’t a far distance just about 3 feet) and gently pushed me back. With one arm on my lower back and the other behind my head he whispered in my ear ‘How fast do you want IT to come?’ now I really understood, he didn’t just mean sex, but everything. Well in that case let it come at the speed of light. ‘As fast as god lets it’ was my answer. And I guess god let it, because Allen raised me up in his arms and kissed me firmly. His tung uninvited, traveled into my mouth. I didn’t push back though. He kissed me until I wiggled for release. When he lifted his face from mine I threw my head back with a gasp for air. He smiled at me and casually looked to make sure no one was looking, our spot wasn’t easily seen unless someone was close. As my eyes were closed, resting in his hold, I didn’t notice my skirt that had risen to my hips. He was between my legs so my winki face undies where quite visible. He lifted me slightly and lowered his head again kissing me like last time. When he released he whispered in my ear ‘Am, you dirty girl. I’m making you wet.’ I gasped at that too and looked to see how he could see. It was obvious. To my horrible dissatisfaction the bell rang again. I wouldn’t see him until after school.
‘Don’t go, we could stay here.’ I said wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing his jaw line. I kissed a trail to his lips and kissed him, ‘Please, please stay.’ I whispered. He gently, and with so much care pushed me off and lifted me to my feet. ‘We can’t, the teachers will see your gone and tell your dad.’ That’s right, they would. Like a little child I again clung to his neck, ‘No I want you. Please. I’ll…’ I rose a shaky hand to his belt and began to try and unclip it. He looked to the sky and laughed out the words ‘OOH Girly.’ Taking my hand away he pinned me to the brick wall. He kissed me a long while and finally let go. ‘You’re not ready for that, You’re only 16.’ I wiggled, should I tell him? ‘I’m 15 Allen.’ He stared at me and something changed. Something in his eyes went from lustful to protective. ‘Come on, you’re way to young now.’ He turned on his heels and began to walk away. I don’t see what it mattered he was a senior at 18 I was a soft more at 15, so what I was one year ahead of my grade. Plus I was just as developed as any other girl.
I waited at the school doors for him to come out. I ran up to him ‘hey’ I said with a hope he’d pull me behind a corner. He looked down at my 5 foot 9 self, ‘Hey to you too.’ I walked alongside him; luckily he was taking the same route home that I took. ‘You don’t like me now that you know I’m 15, do you.’ He took a deep breath and looked to the sky, what an adorable habit. He didn’t answer, did that mean I was right? When we neared an ally way, he pulled me in. He pushed me up against a fence and leaned in close. ‘One, if you ever say I don’t like you there might be…..’ he played along the neck collar of my shirt ‘punishment.’ The way he said it was flirtatious I knew he didn’t mean actual spankings……..did he? He continued as his hot breath breathed onto me ‘Secondly before we do anything other than kiss, I want you to turn 17 at least. And lastly……….’ He leaned in close, his lips lightly brushing mine, ‘I like you a whole lot more than you think.’ With that he kissed me. He made me feel like jello, I wanted to melt into him. Without anything else he stood straight and headed out of the ally. He made me feel so good, and then always left at the best part. Why did he always have to tease me? I quickly followed him. Remaining silent as I walked I fed the demon that fed me my fantasies by thinking on them. I glanced up at Allen with lustful eyes, each time he smiled and kept his head straight. 17 was one and a half years away. That was too long, but soon it came.
Every day I went to school, and Allen picked me up. Daddy met Allen and liked him! That was mostly because he cleaned up his act. I remember the day he came to school, his hair buzzed and he wore cac-ies and a polo. I caught him at lunch and pulled him up to our spot. Sitting on his lap I threatened in his ear ‘If you ever shave your beautiful hair again, I will personally torcher you…………..but I love the new clothes.’ There were plenty of moments he surprised me. Like when he wore a tux at prom or got his first car.
It seems that just trying to be Allen’s friend, got me a lot further then trying to fit in with the other kids and ignoring him. It got me a best friend, and now a husband. And what a story I can tell our grandchildren when we have them, the story of how him and I met.