"Sometimes I can feel so lost. When did it all become so crazy? We build, we fight, we break then we fall. WE seem to never know what to endear. We are just falling into pieces. You disappear every time I begin to open back up. But then for a moment it becomes all to clear...maybe it is not possible for us to be together when all we do is fail. I can't imagine the way your hand feels in mine or your lips on mine anymore. Those should be the fondest things about our relationship. We are becoming virgins of contact all over again. But no matter how I try to rationalize  this out, my heart erases the doubts inside of my mind. "

His eyes seem to suck me in, even though I see them through a webcam. His eyes wide with a slight gaze over them. I know we have been through this so many times. His eyes travel down towards his keyboard, my words setting in. His hands together in front of his face. A slight sigh escapes his lips, the ones I can only dream of. He closes his eyes and runs his hands through his hair. 

"I know everything is so difficult. I know that we bend and bend until we seem to break. No one else in this world sees me the way that you do. I lose myself with every word you speak. As time goes by I only know that the distance becomes a bigger struggle. You are the one that makes me a better man, you change me. You challenge me. All I want is to be the man for you and every day I fight to become the man that is perfect for you. Some days I wonder if it will ever be possible for me to become that man. I do not want you to become part of my world with all of the lies, secrets and deceit. I want nothing more in this life than to be with you in all aspects of my life, I just have to take the steps to become that. You are my fighting force, you are the one that makes me a better person. But when we are together it gives others ammunition to come after me through you. I have to do this. I have to defeat my demons before we take this world on together. You will be by my side not only in my dreams but in our reality. We both fall apart without the other. But to succeed in our journey to be together we both have to do the things we were meant to first."

I bit my lip, and stared down at my keyboard doing the same reenactment of his body language just a few moments ago. I knew his words were real. I knew that he loved me and he wanted to be with me. I also knew how messed up his world was. Family turning against family. Tricks and schemes feeding a fire that should never have begun. We spoke about this a dozen times. His secrets I knew, I also knew how they could be used against him as well. The last thing I would ever want was for him to be hurt, or become the man he was before. That man was evolving to become a monster, but Declan was not a monster. I would not let him become on either. 

"You said that I make you want to become a better person. Well Declan you are already a better person. You are already the man I want. I know why we can not be together right now. I know a century has not passed since we last saw each other. I know that your life is a mangled and tangled as can be, I just want you to know that I will be here for you waiting. I dont just make you a better person, but you make me a better person as well. I can't see my life without you and nor do I want to. If our love for one another is as true as we both believe it to be then we must have faith. All I do know for sure at this moment is that I love you and I can wait for the day that I can hold you, kiss you and intertwine my body with yours. This fight you are involved in will end soon and when it does I will be here waiting. "

"I love you too, and I promise to you Lennox Mae Sinclair that you will be mine. Very soon, I will win this fight against myself and my family and I will be by your side for all of eternity. I will love you till the end of our days. I do have to go now though, my father is waiting for me in the heart of downtown."

"I understand. Go and meet with your father. I will talk to you soon. I love you Declan William Mastervonson. I honestly do."

"And I love you, goodbye beauty. I will speak with you soon."

He smiled his usual slight smile and puckered his lips for a second then closed his laptop. I sighed and stared at the blank screen in front of me. Sometimes I can't help but wonder that if Declan and I had known this it is what it would be, would we have even started the twisted, world wind thing we called our relationship? Ever day and every time we spoke through webcam I was left feeling defeated. The world vs Declan and Lennox. But I was just being crazy, no matter what we could have known I know that I would always choose Declan. I always had and always would. The beginning would never fade from my memory.

July 27, Dublin, Ireland.

Dear Diary,

    As I walk along this country filled with rich cliffs and green rolling hills, I realize the beauty that builds from ones soul. I remain calm in my surroundings and I know that beauty is not just through ones eyes but through their surroundings as well. I knew from a young child that I would visit Ireland and now that I have I realize that this is where my soul belongs. Most girls say this about Rome, Paris or London. But nothing could compare to this place. The people are kind yet headstrong. Not one person is afraid to hurt your feelings, the beauty of brutal honesty. I am becoming chained to this place, the key tossed off of the cliffs, sinking to the bottom of the icy ocean. Today I visited the National Museum of Ireland, which was beautiful beyond compare to the images on my search engine at home. The pillars outside of the museum were a welcoming site and set the tone for the actual building. It was just purely magnificent. When you enter the building you see even more of its beauty from the floor all the way to the ceiling. Tomorrow I head out to visit and explore even more of this beautiful coun...

"Excuse me Miss, but I am looking for Merrion Hotel. If I am correct it should be around here somewhere."  A young guy possibly about the same age or a year older than me asked, distracting me from me writing in my journal. He was tall about  "5'10" and had beautiful greenish blue eyes, his hair dark brown and most of all had a perfect amount of well groomed facial hair. His jawline was perfect and he had slight sunken cheeks. I looked him up and down admiring how good he looked in a suit. His red tie and black and red suit looked handsome on him. I locked eyes with him and realized that I still had not responded to his question. His eyes wide and eyebrows raised.

"Do you speak English?" He asked with a smirk on his face, "I am actually going to assume you do by the way you are writing in your journal, I assume, and by the way that you are turning red on your cheeks. I did not mean to embarrass you or make you uncomfortable. I can just ask someone else. Sorry to have bothered you..." He smiled slightly, which enhanced his jawline even more before turning to walk away.

"Wait! I am sorry, you just startled me. See I was writing in my journal when you caught me off guard. I am sorry, I didn't mean to stare. You just look familiar and you have an impeccable jaw," I smacked my hand to my forehead, "oh my god, I do not why I said that last part I am sorry. But uhm, yes I know where the Merrion Hotel is. I am actually a guest there as well, it is less than a mile away. Should not take more than a fifteen minute walk there. If you would like I was actually heading back that way if you would like to accompany me." 

He ran his hand along his chin, his irises became enlarged and he smirked. "I would never turn down a pretty ladies company. Who knows we can accompany each other. My name is Declan Mastervonson. "

I stood as I closed my journal. My entry would just have to wait until I was headed to bed. I did write better tucked in under soft silk sheets anyways. The brown leather felt rough in my hands as I clutched it to my chest. I smiled up at him and tucked a strand of my hair  behind my ear. 

"Nice to meet you Declan Mastervonson. I am Lennox Sinclair." I stuck my hand out in attempts to properly greet myself. 

Declan glanced down at my hand as if deciding on if he truly wanted to shake it. After a few moments he slowly slid his hand into mine, a sense of calm rushed over me instantly. Then a shock shot through my hand, without realizing it I quickly removed my hand from his. I glanced at his hand as it still rested in the same place it had been when we made contact. I locked eyes with him and noticed a sense of  shock on his face.

"I am sorry, I do not know why I pulled my hand away so quickly. Your hands are just slightly cold." I lied quickly. After all how was I supposed to tell this stranger that a shock happened when we simply touched hands. 

He raised his right eyebrow and nodded as if to say, sure that is the reason. Then he motioned for me to lead him in the correct direction to the Merrion Hotel. I smiled and stepped in front of him, "So where are you from?" I asked trying to calm my own obvious nerves.

"I am from New York City. My family owns several businesses. I am in training, as you may call it, to take over the family businesses. I am here with my father to discuss business with a man selling his company. It seems that it may be a great opportunity for my family and our company." 

"That sounds really fascinating. What type of businesses does your family own? Or is it one type of business just several of them?"

"That is a nice way of saying so you are a trust fund baby," He laughed slightly, "I am just joking. My family owns several businesses from hotels, resorts to law offices to magazines and newspapers."

"Ah so basically you are saying that you own majority of New York City?" I laughed as we rounded a corner and heard a car slam their horn at us and a bunch of guys yell something I could not make out towards me. 

"What did they say?" Declan said sharply.

"I do not know, most likely something vulgar. I never really am able to understand them. All I know is that I am not a dog and I do not respond to that kind of behavior." I said and glanced both ways before stepping into the street to cross. 

"I do not care if you can hear it or not. No person should be shouted at like that. "

"Honestly I do not care at this moment because I was having a pleasant conversation with you." I smiled. 

Declan smiled at me and nodded, "You are right. We were having a pleasant conversation. And to respond to your statement, no ,my family does not own half of New York maybe about eighty percent."

My eyes widened at him, as I realized how serious he sounded for a moment. Then I began to laugh as he chuckled at my facial response to his words. "Okay obviously you were joking." I smiled. 

"Yes I was just joking. But now you know where I am from and what my family does, why don't you tell me about yourself Miss. Lennox Sinclair. Your last name sounds rather familiar, are you perhaps related to Ethel Sinclair?"

"Actually yes, by blood at least. Ethel Sinclair is my mother." I sighed and glanced around to avoid eye contact with him.

"Wow for someone linked to such an empowering woman, you seem slightly ashamed to admit you are related." 

"Well she may seem empowering to others, but she was the missing parent while I was growing up. She left my father and I when I was eight. Now that I am older she tries to win my affection over with trips and money. I have no choice but to agree for my father's sake. He did not fit into her high society standards so she left him. I was just collateral damage in it all. So to make him feel at ease about me having a relationship with her still, I let her pay for my school and I go on the trips she pays for me to take." 

"What is it that your father does?" He asked me.

"He is a novelist. But he never enjoyed big social galas or spending a lot of money to keep up with fashion fads. So she left him. If you have ever read Further in the Abyss, than you know exactly who my father is."

"Your father is Xavier Sinclair, one of the greatest authors of our generation?" Excitement in his voice.

"Yes that is dear old dad. However he is not how you think he would be. I grew up in a small house in  California on the beach and we honestly do not live a luxurious lifestyle. He raised me to not depend on the money he makes from his books. Since who knows one day his books may not sell anymore. The only thing my mother  has paid for is my education at a private school and my father has only spent a lot of money on his own personal recreated bat mobile that is in our garage." I snickered out the last part. 

"That is definitely not how I would picture Xavier Sinclair to be like. But that is truly incredible that he is so down to earth. I grew up with all the wealth and when I turned eighteen my trust fund was given to me. So honestly I never had to fear not having money. So it is always a delight to meet someone who has lived like that. So you said he pays for your schooling, do you mean your college?"

"Yes I am attending Brown at this current time, well I am on break now. But he pays for brown, at least for what my scholarships do not pay. It was a deal of ours, I told him he could not pay for my school. So to come to terms with him wanting to pay, we decided that if I kept my grades up to continue getting my scholarships I would allow him to pay the remaining amount of my school bills. He settled with only paying about $7000 every semester. "

"I never attended University. How much does one semester cost you without the scholarships?" 

"It cost around $65,500. But that includes tuition, room and board, books, travel, and personal fees. It is not cheap to attend an ivy league school. But when you are studying Comparative Literature you do not want to go to just any school." I said with complete seriousness in my voice.  

"That is less than I thought brown would cost, but that is still a crazy amount. So are you on break and just visiting Ireland?" 

"Actually yes and no. See just like my father I have a secret passion when it comes to writing stories. So when my mother decides when she is ready to send me on a trip somewhere, I pick a new place. I can then study and learn about that countries literature and their culture. Which helps me in my classes." 

"Ah so you are the type who when not in school still likes to pretend they are in school?" He smirked.

"No I just love learning new things, which by your joke makes it seems like you are not like that." I glanced away from him and noticed we were right in front of the hotel, " Well here you go. I hope you have a great day. It was nice meeting you Declan Mastervonson." I smiled at him and motioned to the front of the hotel. 

"It was most certainly a pleasure meeting you as well Lennox Sinclair. I looked forward to running into each other again. But until then I hope that you have a pleasant rest of your evening." Declan flashed me a smile and turned to leave, "by the way I also love to learn new things. If I did not my families companies will not survive."

I smirked and watched as he walked in to the hotel, he definitely had a good sense of humor if my stab at him did not affect him. However even though he and I were in the same hotel that did not mean we would see each other again. But a small part of me really wanted to. What was the deal with the slight shock I felt when we had shaken hands, did he feel it too? I needed to stop over thinking a simple handshake. This country had too much beauty to be focused on some millionaire, possible billionaire I had just met. Not that money had anything to do with my attraction to him. What am I saying, I am not even attracted to him.

"Ms. Sinclair? Do you need help with something?" The doorman who I believed was named Henry asked.

"No Henry, I am fine thank you." I smiled at him, " I am sorry for asking but I hate not knowing people's names. It is Henry correct?"

"Yes, Ma'am you are correct." He smiled and chuckled lightly, "If you do not mind me saying, but you are strange Ms. Sinclair and we all love it here." 

I let out a soft laughed and waved goodbye. I loved when I was not looked at like every other rich young adult that walked through these hotel doors. I liked the people who worked at the hotels to know I thought of us all as equals. They were just trying to make a living and I did not know what they were going through in their own personal lives. Why would I want to make their days more difficult.  I continued my way down the street looking for a little shop to explore. In just a few days I would be leaving Dublin to head out to London. I loved Ireland so much, I was semi dreading having to leave to head to London. It was not like I wasn't excited for London because I was but Ireland had always felt like where I had belonged. Where my soul felt the most rich.