4/22/2017

These nightmares wrap around their evil hands around my soul at night, they try to pull me deep within a world that's routed by fright. These dark thoughts may follow me, but they'll never win the fight. I'll escape the looming shadows with the help of dawns first light.

~Christy Ann Martine

"Stop! Stop! Get off me! He started moving his hand up my thigh and into my loose pajama shorts. "Zane i said STOP!" "Stop playing and being a tease! you know you want this! He chuckled as he pinned me down. " STOP Zane please don't do this! I cried out while struggling to get out of his grip as he holds my hands down with one hand and taking off the belt with the other. Finally! He said with a deep breath of happiness and a smile. "Zane stop! I said as i still struggled to get him off me while screaming off the top of my lungs, but it was too late he had already tied the belt around my wrist and on to the headboard. As soon as he knew that i wasn't going anywhere he lifted himself off me slightly to take off his shirt and unzip his pants. After he's done he leans in and starts ripping my clothes off me. He quickly turned off the lights, and within seconds i was screaming.

Buzz! Buzz! Buzz! My cell phone vibrates waking me up. I quickly woke up with no hesitation causing myself to breath heavily and checked my surroundings i came to realize that it was just a nightmare I relive almost everyday of my life. I guess that night still hunts me. His laugh, grin, and smell. But my screams hunted me most of all. Even now and then I have nightmares about that night. I didn't want to get out of bed but moments later when the sun started blazing through my curtains and onto my face; all I could do was give in because I knew if the sun was up I had to be up too.

I got out of bed reluctantly and started walking to the bathroom. When I looked in the mirror I noticed that my Carmel skin and hazel eyes glowed as the bathroom light shone upon my face. I decided to pull the black hair tie out of my hair so I could put moose in it. As soon as i got done putting the moose in my hair it got very curly and i threw it into a messy bun. I put a little bit of eyeshadow on and put on some natural brown matte lipstick with a little winged eyeliner. I walked out of the bathroom and got my clothes that were on my nightstand and put them on and got my shoes from under the bed and put them on as well with a sigh. When I turned around to look in the mirror that was on the wall i realized that my black, white, and gray Nike shirt complemented my black ripped skinny jeans, and black Nike air huaraches.

I grabbed my phone to see what time it was because i knew it was time for me to leave soon, time that appeared on my phone was 8:30 AM. KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! I quickly looked at the door to see my sister barge in with a medium size cake with the number 22 candle and happy birthday desiree written on it. To be honest i got mad and gave her a pissed off look. "why do you continuously keep bringing me cake on my birthday you know I don't like celebrating my birthday!" I spoke with anger. " No i didn't know that you don't like celebrating your birthday you never told me anything!" Kate speaks  in confusion. 

" The reason why i dont like my birthday is because when i was 16 and you were 14, mom had you spend the night at granny's house and that was the night mom, dad and i, went to get the cake and came back home. We all went to go get washed up, but mom and dad was already down stairs before me. But within seconds of reaching the stairs they were both arguing about how the spelling on the cake was wrong, suddenly, I heard mom scream and hit the floor. I went half way down the stairs to see what was happening, and i saw dad screaming at mom while repeatedly hitting her with his fist. At that moment i thought to myself why would he beat up mom over some damn cake but i forgot that dad had a bad temper, he just lost his job and mom accused him of cheating on her with Mrs. Mikael his assistant, maybe all of that made him lash out at mom and beat her, but that doesn't give a man an excuse to hit a woman at all. Before he could take his last hit on mom i scream don't do it dad! please dad stop! i said to him while running down the rest of the stairs and slowly kneeling next to mom because I was afraid he would hit me too. But as soon as he looked me in the eyes and saw the tears flow, he looked Down at mom and slowly walked out the door mumbling "I'm -I'm so- so- so, sorry baby girl, i don't know what got ahold of me... ". All I could do was run to the House phone and call 911. Mom was beaten half to death and i didn't know what else to do except call the cops and comfort her as well as i could because this was the first time i ever experience something like that. But a couple hours later mom and I was in the hospital. She was recovering from dad's beating, she was in Acoma for a week recovering from the pain. Ever since then i can't stand my birthday because the night replays in my head like a broken record that keeps playing the same song repeatedly. That's why me and mom didn't tell you because it hurt us too much to even think about it. that's why mom filed for a divorce, that's the reason why dads in jail and That's mainly the reason mom became a cop to protect herself and her young. She made me, and granny promise to never tell you. She didn't want it to change your view of dad and she didn't want you to think dad was a monster...

"BUT HE IS! HE BEAT MOM AND LITERALLY PUT MOM IN THE HOSPITAL!" Look I'm am 20 years old i can decide for my damn self on how i can view people i don't need you nor mom to make that damn decision for me. You should have told me that this happen to mom you were my best friend and i thought friends tell each other everything but i guess you betrayed me as your sister and lost me as your best friend." 

"Wow its like that now? i kept that secret for mom, not you I'm sorry that mom was my damn priority now and not you. If my mother told me to keep a secret form her youngest for a reason you know damn well i will. So, you should have known that no one in this damn house was going to tell you     

you didn't get to see the evil look on dad's face!. look here god damn it, youre so lucky that you didnt have to see how badly beat up mom was. Your just lucky you don't have the nightmares and scream in the middle of the night because i do. So, the only person that got it bad out of you and i was me! I rather be lied to then scream in the middle of the night because of nightmares and wake up our next-door neighbor's each night so DONT think you have it bad because you don't!"

"LOOK IM SORRY! i didn't think of it like that. I didn't think of how you and mom felt and how it impacts you guys I'm sorry!"

"Can you just go please!". I said as i was gathering my thing that i needed for one of my college classes. With my phone and keys in my hand i walked out of my room, and down the stairs to see my sister nowhere in sight i got to the front door and opened it. I got totally blinded by the sun rays of California. The sun irritated my eyes so bad i had to cover them with my hands. I walked down the five steps that was connected to the house and my driveway. I quickly got in my black and red Audi r8 and started making my way to UCLA. 

Within minutes almost an hour later i arrive at the school. I swiftly move through the parking lot and bolted through the hallways of the school because I was late. As I got to Mr. Iglesias class room door I looked through the little rectangular glassed window. I had the perfect opportunity to sneak into the classroom quietly. While sneaking my way through the door and almost into a seat Jake Somers decided to scream out. " Oooh Desiree late!" Throughout the humongous class room. I quickly turned around and said, "What are you two?" Jake youre such a child!" "I know." he replied with such confidence.

Mr. Somers please keep your comments to yourself, so you can stop making yourself look like a 20-year-old with the intention span of a 2-year-old and Ms. Palmer please take a seat and stop embarrassing Mrs. Somers he does that enough already!" Within seconds the class started laughing at the fact that Mr. Iglesias roasted on Jake.

Hours passed by of sitting in Mr. Iglesias class until he asked a question that i can understand. He asked what the purpose of happiness is? i sat there for five minutes trying to figure it out but i couldn't comprehend the question correctly. " I want you guys to find a time in your life where you were the happiest and nothing can stop you figure out the point of your happiness Mr. Iglesias spoke. But I couldn't because there wasn't a good time of happiness in my life that i known of because I've been raped by my brother best friend, I've watched my dad beat my mother, one of my brothers got an amputated leg from war and needs help around, i had a bad break up of three years, and now my aunt might have cancer so yeah, my life was not happy place for me. Within seconds Mr. Iglesias dismissed the class and said that's "your homework is due by Monday one-page essay front and back!"

After class was dismissed i started walking to my car with my head phones in listening to figures by Jessie Reyes, when suddenly Kassie and Kiersten walked up from behind me and smacked my butt. I turned around screaming "what the freak!"  All i seen when i looked up was them laughing at me and them wrapping their arms around me.  "So, tell me that youre going to the nightclub with us tonight?" Kassie spokes with excitement.  "UMM! i don't think so girls I'm really not up to partying tonight! I'm just not feeling it! i replied. " I was not asking if you were going i was telling you that are going whether you like it or not and rosie and ty is going to meet us there.!" " But you just said..."  i tried to speak but Kiersten cut me off.  "But nothing I'm picking you up at 8: o'clock pm sharp sees you then!" 

"Ugg i screamed at the frustration they just put me through. Deep down i really wanted to go but my body and mind was drained to do anything. Minutes passed by feeling like hours on the car ride home. All i could think about was how dean and i relationship ended off on a bad note and how i didn't let him explain because i was too hurt to sit there and let him fill my head with excuses, but i didn't care i just wanted to leave but im not going to lie I do miss him! the way he made me smile, and how he was just the easiest person to talk to but I dont want to get hurt again and I wont. Seconds later i approached my destination which was my home. I decided to go upstairs into my room and take a nap before 8: oclock approached, i went through the house an didn't see my sister in sight once again when i finally made it to my room i plopped on my bed and faced the nightstand i looked at the alarm clock and it was 1:30pm all of a sudden my eyes got really heavy and blurry next minute I know I was knocked out.