This story is one of my own. It may have been short, but it was exciting. Three weeks of love that I will never forget. I will never forget his smell...his face...his beating heart...or his kiss. This guy was amazing...and I messed it up. Instead of listening to God, I listened my head. And what I thought was right for family - for a family member who didn’t have the right to make decisions because he wasn’t there for nine years.
Love is more important to me now than it ever was then. And I just have to tell this story. With the song I wrote JUST for him. It will never be for anyone else. Many may have my heart...but only ONE will ever be a part of it.
Note: Black Ain't The Color of Blood was originally written November 2016. Now being published April 2019.
Black aint the color of blood (Lyrics)
Verse 1: Pieces and pieces of my shattered heart. Deeper and deeper, you giving me scars. And-memories of you-ooh, linger in the line of my skull. Fu*k-memories of you-ooh, I hate that I would-a fall...for you...ooh!
Chorus: Closing my eyes, try not to recognize, the fu*king imbedded lies, through your eyes. Tearing me apart, you left me fu*king scars. They ain’t closing up, I’m bleeding love, black ain’t the color of blood-oh-I’m bleeding love, black ain’t the color of blood.
Pieces and pieces of your shattered heart. Darker and darker you tore me apart-mm-memories of me-ee, linger in the line of your skull. Fu*k-memories of me-ee, but you didn’t fall...for me-ooh!
Bridge: In a darkest hour, you broke me down. Heart beats get louder, but you break ‘em down. You ain’t following my shadow...no...more...but I’m still falling...your shadow...oh!
They ain’t closing up, I’m bleeding love, black ain’t the color of blood-oh, they ain’t closing up, I’m bleeding love black ain’t the color of-I’m bleeding love, black ain’t the color of blood!
As deep as love may be, i didn’t see it. Though I did truly love you. And I still do… otherwise, I wouldn’t be writing this story.
As far as you may be-from me-I still dream of you. I miss your shirts with those weird sayings on them.
Like: cut to the chase, you have pizza, pizza coming, you get the pizza. Or: Practise makes perfect, I’ll settle for joy. Whatever that means. I miss your hazel eyes and your handsome smile. I miss your sense of humor and how you kissed me. I miss your gentile character and most of all...I miss your heartbeat. How it rapidly pounded while you hugged me. You face went red when you saw me. And how you were sometimes too smart for your own good...but I loved that.
And as smart as you are...you made the right choice. You’re not a second chances kind of guy. And though it hurts to admit it...that’s good of you. You’re not an ordinary guy, Austin. You never were and I always told you that. You’re not the normal teenage guy I’ve ever met...my mother said that too.
I should have listened to my heart. Instead, I listened to my father who didn’t even have the right to tell me what to do anyways. He hadn’t been there my whole life. I messed it up, I know that. And though I also know you won’t ever come back to me...I will find someone eventually. And I won’t make the same mistake. Until then, even then, I still dream of you. Because no matter what...I will ALWAYS love you.
-Love, Destiny Pilon