Prologue

One year ago….

“Royce, I am telling you…this case is beyond my capabilities. You need to cut that lecture short and come back home and handle this one yourself.” Taylor informed me. I could hear the strain in her voice.

 Since midnight last night I have been on the phone with her back and forth over a murder suspect’s case that I was called in to consult on, but since I was currently guest speaker at a conference in New York, there was no way I could have taken the call personally so I had my right hand and best friend another talented Psychiatrist in my practice, Dr. Taylor Chandler take the call for me. Now she was telling me that this persons’ needs were was beyond her training and I was stumped.

“What do you mean, Taylor? From what you said he is clearly guilty. He was found huddled in the corner of the residence in an almost catatonic state, covered in the victim’s blood, with the murder weapon still in hand. His blood was all over the victim’s body and he fought tooth and nail to the point he had to be sedated just to be taken into custody treated. What does he have to say for himself? It’s been two days since the incident and he should be lucid by now.” I asked as I waved off the event coordinator who was desperately trying to get my attention. I watched as the petite blond stomped off with a huff. I just shrugged it off; this conversation was my main focus at the moment.

 “That’s just it, Royce, he is not saying anything. He has not uttered one word to anyone, not the doctor, the officers, or the nurses. There is more to this story than him just deciding to get up and murder his Stepfather just for the hell of it. From his physical examination there is year’s worth of evidence of sexual abuse and damage to his body, and evidence of multiple types of physical abuse as well. A lot of the injuries are scared over but there’s almost an equal amount of fresh ones. I mean unimaginable things must have been done to this poor man and it has been going on for a long time, but he refuses to utter a single word in his own defense.” She explained as I rubbed at the knot of tension that was now forming at base of my skull.

 “Taylor, what does your gut tell you?” I asked in all honesty, if she was so amandant that I cut my Lecture short and return to personally handle this patient myself, I wanted her opinion on the suspect.

 “Honestly, I think Mr. Carmichael suffered a Dissociative Episode. After years of abuse, the pain he suffered, and the emotional distress of his circumstances all led him to snap and lash out at his tormentor, the murder victim. I feel that at that time he had no earthly idea of what he was doing. He was an abused and cornered animal in unimaginable pain and turmoil and he protected himself from further injury.” She whispered over the line and I felt a chill skitter across the surface of my skin. My interest was definitely peaked.

 “Okay, let me finish out my responsibilities here today and make my apologies and I should be back home hopefully by tomorrow afternoon. I will keep you updated on my travel plans. Just keep the patient calm and try to get him to open up.” I informed her and listened to her agree with me before disconnecting the call.

 Making sure my phone was on vibrate I put it back in my pocket. I set off to go and try to appease the event coordinator and let her know that an emergency has come along and make my apologies for bowing out of the conference for the remainder of days I was scheduled to speak.

Chapter 1

Present Day…

 “We the jury find the Defendant, Isaac Avery Carmichael incompetent to stand trial for the charge of Murder in the First Degree of the Plaintiff, Stanley Edgar Hudson by reason of mental disease or defect.” The jury foreman’s voice stated and the words rang out over the almost empty courtroom.

 I sat in the back on the hard wooden bench in the back of the courtroom and looked around the typical judicial décor with its polished wood attorney’s desk, the raised dais where the judge presided over all, and the bevy of clerks, court reporters, and the court artist furiously scratching away on a drawing pad in his lap. The twelve person jury of Mr. Carmichael’s peers settled into the seats after reading their verdict and I just shook my head.

  Now, maybe Isaac can get the help that he severely needs, but by no means was Isaac insane, just troubled and damaged to the point that he was going to need intensive therapy for years to come, but he is going to have to want it first. And there lies the problem, I have spoken to him a multitude of times since that eventful day when I rushed back to take over his case from Taylor a little over a year ago. And it was always the same, my questions always met a blank stare and complete silence from my patient. I tried my best to never get frustrated with his lack of verbal response, but what his mouth didn’t say, those expressive eyes of his stated his pain loud and clear. Sometimes I almost felt guilty for constantly pushing him, but I knew that if he didn’t voice his pain, purge it somehow, it was going to fester and eat him from the inside out. I couldn’t let that happen, something about the man just screamed for me to help him and I was going to find a way to do so, I just needed to get him to the Institute.

 Shifting my desensitized rear end yet again over this unyielding plank they called a seat, I waited patiently to see if the Judge would heed my recommendation of placing Isaac in the care of my Institute, rather than a Maximum Security Lock Up. I crossed my fingers for good measure as the stout balding man shuffled through the file on the desk in front of him while Isaac’s Attorney continued to whisper in his ear. The lead Prosecutor flipped his pen between his fingers while he sat there and waited totally unconcerned with the proceedings. They did a wonderful job of painting Isaac as a total nutcase and he played it right into my hands.

 I needed him to be seen as mentally unfit. I knew in my heart without one word from Isaac stating that he acted in self defense. That they would buy into my theories on his mental state. I was skirting the ethics line, but something about the silent man struck a chord within my very soul and I wanted to help him. But, I had to be honest with myself; it was more of a personal interest than it was a professional one.

 Isaac was simply stunning to look at; I could spend all day looking at the man. He stood well over my diminished 5’6 frame at a couple inches over 6 feet tall. He had a thick head of unruly coal black hair, and with spending the last year in jail, he used his time to carve his mouth watering body into nothing but sinuous muscle. But what really did it for me were those expressive ice blue eyes of his; I had to use all the will power I possessed to keep my thoughts and my actions as professional as possible. It was the very last thing he needed. I didn’t know his sexual preference and after all that has been done to mind and his body, it wouldn’t surprise me that he viewed any kind of physical contact as abhorrent.

 I looked up when the Judge cleared his throat and looked up from the file. He raised an eyebrow at the Defense table and Isaac and his lawyer rose to their feet. I leaned forward in anticipation. I swear I was going to scream if this man sent Isaac back to lock up to mull over what his punishment should be for the next few weeks. I wanted Isaac at the Institute where he would be safe, and I could observe him to best figure out what would be the most appropriate course of treatment for him on the road of healing his mind as well as his body. He has known nothing but pain and torture from those who was supposed to care for him and I was sure I could help him if I got him on my turf.

Once he was sure he had everyone’s attention and the Defendant and his Attorney was on their feet facing him, the Judge finally opened his mouth to speak. “Thank you ladies and gentlemen of the jury for your time and patience, without further adieu, Mr. Carmichael, do you have anything at all to say in your defense?” He asked Isaac and I knew what his response was going to be, absolutely nothing. And sure enough, Isaac stood stock still with a stoic expression in his face. The only emotion he showed was the clenching of his fists. He had them so tight you could see the white of his knuckles.

 Your Honor pushed his glasses further up on his bulbous nose and you could see him shake his head, his gaze flashed to the State Attorney and back to the papers on hid desk. “I see no need to drag out your sentencing, so Mr. Carmichael as per the recommendation of your court appointed Psychiatrist along with the agreement of the State Attorney’s office of Atlanta and your Defense Attorney; you have two choices young man. You can be placed as an inpatient for 10 years in the Covington Behavioral Institute or until such time you have something to add to this case to prove your innocence, or you can be sentenced to life imprisonment at the Rutledge Correctional Center.” The man stated and Isaac’s Lawyer immediately chose the first option. Good man.

 With a sound bang of the gavel, Isaac was now my responsibility. I quietly stood and made my way out of the courtroom. They were going to transfer him sometime tonight and his room was already prepared and waiting for him.

 As I stepped out of the building I walked along the sidewalk into the sunshine and contemplated the best course of treatment for Isaac. The first thing was for me to keep it professional and separate myself from my personal feelings towards the man. I think that he will need some time to adjust to his new environment and then ease him into group activities. He needed to get out of his head and prodded out of his self induced solitude but it would have to be a very gentle introduction, timing was very important, forcing Isaac before he was ready couldn’t hinder his care.

 I called my secretary for my messages from the car as I made my way to my office where I see my private patients. I had no appointments today seeing that I wanted to devote my day to Isaac’s hearing. Taylor was at the Institute today along with Ryan and Matt, so that left Ana and James in office today. I shook my head when I thought of my practice and how successful it has become. A six Doctor Psychiatry Practice and my Institute, my practice dealt with all types of mental disabilities and diseases in people of all ages and all walks of life. We contracted with the state social services department, the police department, as well as local hospitals that might need our services and I accomplished this by the age of 28.

 Some people would say that is too young of an age to be in this field but I say that I am more than capable. I was born with a higher than average IQ, a genius was the label they applied to me when the experts explained my Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scale results to my parents. I flew through school and graduated College by the age of 17 years old and moved on to graduate Medical School by the age of 23. I joined my former business partners practice and took it over when he retired. He actually came up with the idea of the Covington Institute and helped fund it. But with all of my success, my life was definitely not a walk in the park with all the bullying and feelings of inadequacy that came along with being a child prodigy.

 My parents pushed and pushed me to be the best at everything I did when I was growing up, even if I didn’t like something. They always had me on display in front of friends and family like I some prized trophy that they received for being good at procreating because they birthed a gifted offspring. Then there was school and being picked on for being the smallest and smartest one in class. You would have thought it would have gotten better in College and Medical School but it didn’t, jealousy and pettiness are awful emotions, especially being on the receiving end of spiteful colleagues and peers and their hurtful words and pranks.

 That’s why I didn’t share the little secret of being gay until almost two years ago when my then hidden boyfriend demanded more from me, that he was tired of hiding our relationship. And like the smitten lover I was, I came out into the light and shocked the hell out of my parents. My peers and friends already had their ideas about my sexual preferences, although I never said anything out right, so they were not surprised. Not like my family, my mother accepted readily enough but my father still hasn’t come to terms with it; it was like a blemish in his mind. I was no longer the perfect son his prodigy child. He took to distancing himself from me and I guess it was a good thing because he stopped pushing my little brother, Kyle.

 Kyle was very smart, but he was not in the same IQ range as me no matter how the old man pushed, but now he wasn’t pushing him to be like me anymore and is actually spending more time with him discussing the things Kyle liked. Pity did the old bigot know that when I came out Kyle came to me and revealed his own secret and came out to me and when he spent weekends with me his true nature made its fabulous appearance, and my little brother was gearing up to be a Queen the likes Atlanta has ever seen.

 I made it to my office suite and nodded hello to my staff before closing the door to my domain and taking a seat behind my desk and let my mind wonder, that boyfriend didn’t take long to disappear even after my come out. He had always wanted more and I simply didn’t have it to give to him with the time it took starting up my practice, recruiting partners, and opening the Institute, and making a name for myself in my chosen profession. The saying was always true, that the road to greatness is a lonely road. I released a calming breath and shook myself. I opened the computer with my passwords to double check the security feeds of the Institute many areas and the main gate, it helped to get me out of my maudlin musings.

 Isaac would be at the Institute by late evening and last rounds before lock down. I would give him time to settle in a few weeks to be exact before I will begin to subtly approach him to begin his therapy sessions.

 Now if I could just manage to go to sleep at night without Isaac’s eyes and his delectable body running through my dreams and causing me to wake up in the morning covered in sweat and sticky sheets, then I will be fine. Even I had to scoff at myself, now who was the delusional one in this scenario.

Chapter 2

 After the crappy dinner of brown and green mush with a barely fresh apple and lukewarm bagged juice I was once again given clothes. This time instead of another pea green jumpsuit with the words, “County Jail” in block letters on the back, it was a pair of soft cotton drawstring yellow pajamas with, “Covington Institute” stitched in black letters on the breast pocket. Handcuffs were placed on my wrists and manacles on my ankles. The guards led me out into the muggy late evening heat after a series of beeps and bangs from the security doors and sliding bars that led to the outside of the jail.

 “Come on Boy, get on in there. We ain’t got all day.” The big burly no neck Guard prodded me in small of my back with the butt of his baton. I was moved away from him quickly, my fear of his bigger form hovering so close to me was ramping up my anxiety levels even more. I hated bigger men; my past experiences with them always left me in unbearable pain.

 I just sighed and tried to calm down and tried not to flinch when his meaty hand landed on my elbow to help me step up into the transport van. He sat me down on the middle bench as two other Guards climbed in behind me and took their seats on the back bench. My heart rate picked up and sweat began for form on the back of my neck. I hated this, and I prayed that this trip wouldn’t be a long one. The side door slammed with a resounding echo in the all but deserted parking garage and two more Guards took their seats in the front. Soon enough the engine rumbled to life and we set off towards the outer gates that would lead to the roadway and out of this pit.

 Even though I was cuffed and shackled, I felt like I was finally free. I was able to exercise, eat the food even if it was crap, and actually close my eyes and sleep unfettered and without fear and anxiety if someone was going to come along and hurt me. I didn’t have to worry about drugs in my food or drink or someone molesting me in my sleep. I didn’t wake up to slaps in the face or someone yanking on my privates. The Monster was dead and they said that I did it, even though I can’t remember any of it and don’t want to remember it. I don’t want to relive any of it, but they keep asking me questions and I just kept ignoring them.

 I watched as the landscape went from the busy inner city to rural areas with lush trees and dense bushes. I didn’t know what time it was and I really didn’t care to know. Time was of no consequence to me anymore since I was never free to do whatever I wanted, and I am not truly free now. The only exception is that I didn’t have HIM making my life misery anymore. I could have almost cried the relief behind that realization felt so good, but I refused to show that particular weakness to anyone. I was a professional at hiding my feelings. It was either hide them or get them beaten out of me that was what I was used to.

 The Van slowed and made a right turn onto a winding road lined by a thick line of trees. It was dark now but the solitary road was well lit. After a few miles we came up to a massive set of wrought iron gates, with even larger concrete posts. The thick walls seemed to go on for miles in either direction.

The Van coasted to a stop and the Guard driving it rolled down his window and leaned out and mumbled something I couldn’t make out into the intercom box sitting right outside. He sat back inside and slid the rolled the glass back into place. And then there was a loud buzzing noise before the huge gates slowly swung open and two large uniformed Security Personnel appeared in front of the vehicle. They waved the Van forward just enough for the gates to close and they performed a walk around the vehicle. They checked the under carriage and proceeded to shine their flashlights into the windows temporarily blinding me when the beam shined directly into my face.

 They apparently got the all clear because the vehicle lurched forward again and soon we were navigating over a winding road that led to the enormous building up ahead. It was a huge four story affair, just as wide as it was high.  It was painted white with black shutters. It looked like some a massive old Victorian house except for the size. There were miles and miles of manicured lawns and neat shrubbery. Every window was ablaze with light and twinkling away in the night.

 The Guards that were seated up front stepped out after turning off the Van and turned and shook hands with the two people dressed in all white uniforms and with the three beefy Security Guards behind them. One of the Guards from the Jail and one from this place stepped up and opened the side door. He motioned for me to get a move on and I did. I stepped down trying to avoid his helping hand at all costs onto the cobbled drive and climbed up the wide stone steps on my own steam towards the front entrance and made my way inside. 

 The place was even bigger on the inside than it was on the outside; it looked almost like an elegant foyer you would find in some ritzy mansion. The only inclination that it wasn’t was the specialized security doors leading to other parts of the building.

 I heard a muted buzzing noise and my attention was drawn to the door at the far end of the room, and the pretty lady Doctor who had first tried to talk me after my arrest glided through the door and smiled as she headed directly for our little group. I immediately dropped my eyes closing myself off to any of her friendly banter that I was sure was coming from what I knew of her. If I had to be here, I just wanted to go wherever they wanted to put me and to be left alone by everyone.

 “Hi Isaac, welcome to Covington.” She said to me and she was met with my silence. She just continued to smile patiently at me and she motioned for the Guards to escort our group towards one of the doors.

 “Okay Isaac, I am not going to push. We are going to go to your room and remove those cuffs. The rules of the Institute will be explained to you at that time. We will not hinder your movements within your Room or the common area, just be respectful and do what is asked of you and no one here should have a problem. Are we clear on that?” She asked as she tilted her head to the side and a cascade of long blonde hair rained over one of her petite shoulders. I just nodded at her and stopped walking a few paces from the door when I was prompted to do so.

 She released a quiet sigh and I listened as another buzzing sound came and the clink of a lock being released thudded through the air. The door swung open to a very clinical white tiled hallway. Our little entourage moved on down the hallway and I tried to keep my curiosity curbed as we passed several rooms. Soon we came to an elevator and the Doctor swiped her card and the doors swooshed open. We all stepped on and she pressed the button for the third floor.

 “Isaac, are you hungry, is there anything you need before lights out tonight?” She asked  and once again and my stomach loudly growled answering her question for me in the cramped little space at the mention of food. The guards snickered and I felt my face flush a little with my embarrassment. “It’s okay; I will make sure the Nurses get you a meal once we get you to your room.

 The car slid to a silent stop on the third floor and it dinged a second before the doors quietly slid open to reveal a lobby of some sort. We stepped out and I was led to the right and again we stopped and waited to be buzzed through another door. And we were off again, one thing was for sure, there was no way in hell for anyone to get out of this place unless they let you, and that was fine with me. Where the Hell else did I have to go?

 They came to a stop at almost the last door at the end of the hallway and one of the Guards opened the door and we all filed into what I assumed was to be my room. I was barely able to stop my mouth from gaping open at the sight of the room. It was like nothing I have ever seen before. The walls were painted a bright sky blue and the furniture was a type of dark wood. There was a nice size bed, a dresser, a nightstand with a lamp, a desk and even a plush chair right next to the window.  The entire room was so clean and it smelled of sunshine and cleaning products, so entirely different from the deplorable conditions I lived in everyday at HIS house.

 I physically shook my head to dispel any thoughts of my former torment. I looked up and found the little Doctor intently watching my every move. Then there was a loud noise as the door banged against the wall and my head snapped around at the sound. My attention was met with a southern drawl and a jangle of keys as a mammoth of a woman dressed in pristine white scrubs made her way into the room with a purposeful stride. She stopped directly in front of me and I couldn’t help but shrink back from the aura of authority that exuded off the stern looking woman in waves.

 She placed her hands on her ample hips and ran her gaze from the top of my head to the tips of my sandaled feet. “Boy, I am Nurse Flora, and this is my floor and therefore you are my patient.” She boldly stated and proceeded to rattle of a laundry list of rules and the snapped her fingers at the Guards to remove my cuffs. I wanted to retreat further away from her but somehow my instincts told me to stay right the Hell where I was.

 I tried to listen intently to what she was going on about but another Nurse had brought in a covered tray and the aromas drifting off the thing was enough to shift my entire focus off of the outspoken woman in front of me.

 “Are you listening to me, Boy?” She asked and my head snapped back around her just as my stomach turned over and groaned like a dying cat once again for everyone in the room to hear, and I immediately shrank back a little more from everyone.

 She eyed me again before letting out a mighty sigh and she began shooing everyone out of the room except for one Guard and the Doctor. “Well, I imagine that we can go over everything in the morning. I reckon you haven’t had anything decent to eat in a while. You are to eat everything on that tray and someone will be along to pick it up, your door can only be opened from the outside by a staff member, your bathroom is through that door over there.” She pointed somewhere behind me.

 “And don’t be worrying about shaving and haircuts; we have a local barber that provides those services. No sharp objects are allowed. Breakfast is served promptly at eight o’clock in the morning. This ain’t no Bed and Breakfast, so if you don’t get up then you don’t eat.” And just like that she was gone and I was left standing there blinking at the spot where she was just standing.

 There  was a light tinkling giggle behind me and I turned back around to see the Doctor standing there holding a hand over her mouth and the Security man was out right chuckling at the show that woman had put on. I just shrugged and hurried across the room to the tray. I lifted the lid and tears actually formed in my eyes when I looked at the feast in front of me. Oh My God, honest to goodness food, fresh food, not the rotting putrid chewed up mush I had to eat to survive when living in that pit of misery and not the slop they had served me in jail.

 Plopping down squarely on my ass in the seat in front of the table, my fingers practically shredded the film covering the plastic spork that was provided for me to eat with. I didn’t know where to begin as my eyes roamed the splendor in front of me.

 They had loaded the tray with mash potatoes and gravy, a slab of meatloaf, green peas, cornbread, carrot cake, and both kinds of milk, white and chocolate. My eyes nearly rolled back into my head in ecstasy as I tucked into the food. The petite woman let me eat for a few minutes before she explained to me that Nurse Flora and the orderlies here will be giving me some time to assimilate myself to the rules and regulations of the Institute. She went to explain that my treatment and progress mainly depended on me and how I choose to respond them.

 She let me guzzle my milk before she informed that she would be around for the next two weeks but ultimately I was Dr. Covington’s patient, and the man himself will be seeing me through my sessions, and that he will be the one to determine the course of my treatment. And I instantly felt my overstuffed tummy give the slightest of quivers.

 Every time the slender brunette had come to talk to me in the Jail, I couldn’t help the way his scent wrapped around my senses or finding myself getting completely lost in it. He smelt so good, like something you wanted to taste to try and figure out what that particular flavor was. I didn’t understand why he made me feel that way. I couldn’t help but cringe every time I looked up and caught his shimmering emerald green gaze on me, studying me. It was always unnerving because it felt like he was looking directly into my soul. And I was afraid that he would see just how filthy I was, how absolutely defiled, impure, and dirty I was on the inside.

 She had finished with her explanations and she bid me goodnight not even realizing the turmoil she had stirred up deep inside of my head. When the door clicked and locked behind her, I forced myself to finish the food before replacing the cover the now empty dishes.

 My eyes wondered all over the room as I sat there and I just took it all in. I was free of HIM, he couldn’t hurt me anymore, and I didn’t want to remember why that is, no matter how much they want me to. But now, who was I and what was I supposed to do with myself.

 I pushed away from the table and thought about Dr. Covington again. He had asked me to call him Royce and of course, I never did. He spent most of the time talking to me and much as I hated to admit it, I loved the calm honey smooth tones of his voice. He never yelled and he never got frustrated with me. Sometimes he would sit there with me for hours on end in total silence.

 Then, I began to realize that I actually started to look forward to his visits. He made sure to come almost every other day, sometimes he brought me things to read, although I don’t read much, and he would bring me a treats from time to time like a candy bar or peanuts.

 If you asked me what intrigued me about the man, I wouldn’t be able to tell you that there was one specific thing. Well maybe that’s a lie, even though I am physically bigger than he is, he had a larger than life personality, and yet, he still didn’t seem threatening to me. Not like HIM and his friends, they somehow always managed to drug me and tie me up with anything they could find before they practiced whatever sick twisted ideas that they came up with in their perverted minds to do to me.

 No everything about the good doctor was gentle; his voice, his body language, his very nature, and that was what calmed me the most and allowed me to feel at ease in his company.

 There was a loud tap on the door then I heard that buzzing noise again right before the door popped open. A large man stepped through the door wearing the signature staff white, but his sheer size had unreasonable fear shooting through every molecule in my body and I shot across the room into the bathroom and slammed the door. There was no lock and I began to panic.

 In the back of my mind, I knew I was being irrational, but my head space wouldn’t let it go and I cursed myself as I leaned against the door and watched my hands shake. Tears of frustration and helplessness burned a hot shameful trail of tears down my cheeks and I just wanted to scream on the top of my lungs and keep screaming until I couldn’t anymore. Maybe they were right and I was a nutcase.

 Jumping almost out of my skin, I heard a light tapping on the bathroom door. “Boy, don’t make me come in there.” Nurse Flora barked through the wooden panel at me and my shoulders slumped in relief.  I scrambled up getting to my feet and cracked the door open and peeked out through the small space only to see her glaring right back at me like I wasn’t moving fast enough.

 She flapped her hands and motioned me to step out of the bathroom and I followed her instructions. She promptly handed me a little plastic cup with two little white pills in it and a glass of water. “You need a good night’s rest and a minute of peace.” Was all she said as she watched me tip the two pills into my mouth and followed it up by drinking the water in the cup.

 Satisfied and smiling for the first time since I laid eyes on her, she took the items from my hand and wished me goodnight. I immediately made my way over to the bed and I peeled back the comforter and sat on the cool sheet underneath it.

 Even the mattress felt like heaven. I drew a ragged breath and tried to control the roller coaster of my emotions. I couldn’t go into a blind panic every time I had a slash back to my own personal Hell. Lying back onto the comfortable mattress I felt my eyes begin to droop and my thought process became fuzzy. My whole body sank deeper into the cotton sheets and I drifted into blessed oblivion. Tomorrow would be another day for me to battle my feelings of fear and uncertainty.