past okay in seven days

 

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day zero: how this book works

How we got here, and how to make the most of the next seven days.

What you’re reading is the latest step of a long journey; thanks for coming along with me. I’ve been teaching and speaking all over the place for many decades, and over the years I’ve built up a strong sense of the ideas and principles that helped people to grow and that made a difference in the world. More than that, they were, and are, working in my life.

A few years ago I taught a seven-week class at a local church. I didn’t have any big ideas about what I’d do with the material I’d created for my students, but I was certain that working through it would help people to stop settling and start building passionate lives. I called the class Way Past Okay.

The Way Past Okay experience was so powerful that I decided to distill it into a format I could deliver as an afternoon workshop. Each time I did WPO on the road, I learned some things that got incorporated into the next presentation, and each time, the response was even better. I eventually recorded a Way Past Okay album (shameless plug: you can find it where you buy digital audio, on my website, and all over the place), and I’m honored by the loving reception it continues to get.

Over and over again, however, folks who listen to the album and/or attend the workshop end up asking me for further information, more action steps, and a deeper exploration of what it takes to live in peace and on purpose. I’ve put this workbook together in an effort to satisfy that demand, and in deep gratitude that I’ve been given this opportunity.

I want to thank my church family and all the folks who have participated in Way Past Okay; your love and support mean the world to me.

More than anything, I want to acknowledge the courage, the heart, the brilliance, and the beauty that Miles, Raina, and Jenny Randolph share with the world on a daily basis. You are my everything.

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where you come in

I designed this book to be read over the course of a week. This works best if you incorporate reading through a section into your morning routine for the next seven days. I’ve created “homework” questions and ideas that I’d like for you to carry with you during the day, and then write down your responses in the evening.

This is the part where I remind you that this stuff works if you work it. But you knew that. You may, in fact, already know everything we’re about to work through together. In a sense, there are no new ideas here — the fact that you’re the kind of person who picked up this book shows that you already have what it takes to move forward. It may be that this process just gives you the permission you require. One way or the other, this is a new beginning for you, and it’s going to be awesome.

Dedicate yourself to growth this week. You deserve it.

I want to accompany you on this journey. I really believe that the ideas in this book can change the world, and I’m one hundred percent dedicated to helping you in that process in any way that I can. Please know that I’m standing by to address any questions or comments that you might have. I’m active on all the major social networking websites, and I even have an internet video channel (AskDieter.com) devoted to answering the questions that folks send my way. You can find me at Unity of Clearwater, come see me when I’m on the road, or at DieterRandolph.com. Don’t be a stranger.

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day one: passion makes perfect

Each of us has an inner calling, something that fills us up instead of tiring us out, something that makes us lose track of time. That's the truth about us. Finding that inner truth and sharing it with the world is the key to everything.

Do you remember how serious you were when you were a kid? Perhaps that statement sounds backwards. Bear with me here. Show me a child at play, and I'll show you determination, concentration, and honesty. Compare that with what the average adult does all day long. Grown-ups know how to pretend, to put up with, to sublimate in ways that children cannot even imagine. I'd argue that it's precisely that virtual reality that makes a person tired, frustrated, and old.

What if life were more like play? I don't mean that it shouldn't be taken seriously; quite the opposite, in fact. When you're really playing, you're focused on what you're doing to the exclusion of everything else. That's why it's fun. In fact, when you're playing a game, victory really depends on paying attention and on knowing the rules.

There ARE rules, by the way. We'll get to that in a little while.

What if you were not only allowed to enjoy what you were doing, but, more than that, you could live your life with a sense of victory? What if you were playing a game that could be won?

Here's the thing: the defining characteristic of play is that it's an activity done for its own sake. The activity is inherently rewarding. It's honest. I am one hundred percent certain that life works to the degree that we can bring this kind of integrity to whatever it is that we're doing. If you want happiness, success, prosperity, true love, or just a job that doesn't make you feel like a loser, learn how to tell the truth and play through it.

Is there something you're doing right now that makes you feel bad? Do you dread going to work, for example? It's easy to hate the activity, but that's a smokescreen. There's probably nothing bad about the job -- I'd be willing to bet that there's somebody else somewhere else who'd be tickled pink to get to do that thing you can't stand even thinking about.

It's not what you're doing that's bothering you, it's the lie. Just as kids are born honest and have to learn pretense, any disconnect between head, heart, and hands is artificial and makes you feel bad. No matter how good you get at it, it'll never make you happy, because it's not the truth about you.

This is important, so I'm going to say it again in a different way. You were born honest, passionate, and true. If there's a part of your life that wears you out instead of filling you up, if it makes you feel sick, hurt, afraid, or angry, you are experiencing your heart's immune response to dishonesty. This isn't about blame; for most folks this is an unconscious choice. But it IS a choice, and every bad feeling you feel is an opportunity to make a new decision.

It all comes down to the difference between have-to and want-to. You know that difference; we all do. Everybody knows what have-to feels like. A lot of folks do a lot of things not because of any kind of heart connection or intrinsic reward, but instead because of an external sanction or obligation. Have-to makes you tired, because you're disconnected from the source of your good and the truth of your heart.

Want-to fills you up. You know exactly what I'm talking about. There's something you do, or make, or think about, or sing that makes you happy all by itself. You don't do it because you get paid after you're done or because somebody will validate you when you've checked it off of your to-do list. Maybe it's the opposite, in fact. Maybe that thing you do costs you money, and maybe some people in your life wouldn't understand why you do it, so you keep it to yourself. But you do it anyway. Big or small, thirty seconds a week or all day long, you do it because it is inherently gratifying. It is magical and transformative because it is the truth about you. I want you to know that your whole life can and should be lived from that place. You deserve it, and the world is a better place as a result.

People choose have-to out of fear, and fear is always a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you live in fear you are less productive and less happy, which leads to more fear about how things are going to turn out. Every time you feel worn out by your life, every time you dread what you're on your way to, it's a sign that you're on the have-to end of things.

You can pay the bills with want-to. You can get rich, build a better mousetrap, corner the market, and change the world with want-to. History is full of examples of people doing just that. We call those people heroes, but the truth is they're just doing what we're all supposed to be doing.

Maybe you and I have been putting up with too much. After all, bad things don't happen because of any one person. They happen because enough other folks validate that first person, consciously or otherwise. We create not just by what we say, do, or think, but also by what we allow. You're going to get more of what you settle for.

I'm not interested in living in a world where nobody makes mistakes; those will happen as we grow and change. The revolution starts when people like you and me stop putting up with pretense. That's all it takes. When we demand that our external experience reflects the passion, beauty, and truth we feel inside, there's not much room for anything else. Instead, when we build a culture that insists on conscious identity and authenticity, we become a kind of autoimmune system, guarding against dysfunctional behavior when it crops up.

This manifesto is about getting you Way Past Okay -- I want you to see how amazing you are and to find a life that matches your true nature. You are allowed to stop settling and start living a life that you love. In fact, we're all counting on it.

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