Peace

 

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Peace

E.L. Howard

Inspired by true events

Introduction

Today is the last day of my life.

The difference between me and many on the brink of life and death is that I know it. I’ve connected to the energy source and understand that this is my choice.

Life has passed very quickly for me as even now I’m barely an adult. But I’ve experienced more in this short time than most would in a much longer life.

I’ve felt gratitude in my early life and now pain and suffering. I’ve been shown my impending death but also the continuity of life.

I’ll die in the next few hours. My body will be left in a field to rot, but my true self will choose to return here in nearly 100 years time.

Really I can never die. My body yes but my essence of spirit lives on forever.

Knowing this has made me go to my death feeling uplifted. Really I’m just escaping the mud, the cold and problems of this world.

Don’t grieve for me as I’ll sleep with a happy heart.

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Chapter One

My story begins

I’m standing on the abyss, about to die. I don’t want to but have no choice. I can’t fight the inevitable, so just have to go with the flow. At least I’ll escape this wretched situation.

The year is 1915 and the war to end all wars has begun. I joined early excited by the prospect of defending my country whilst having a grand adventure. I had never left home before and was really leading an aimless life. I was working and living with my family, had a girlfriend and most would have said a happy life. But I wanted more. What was life without excitement tinged with a good helping of fear?

The posters to join were inspiring and all the young men in my town seemed to be at the recruitment office. We were all champing at the bit to leave home and be off to distant shores. The mood was catchy and if anyone failed the medical the disappointment was huge. I passed along with most of us young men and was to join my regiment for training the very next weekend.

I could hardly wait. The womenfolk were all pessimistic but no way could anyone stop us. To be in my new uniform and training with the rest of my troop was the best. Up at five, nothing could be better. Exercising all day and mucking together in bunks was just what the doctor ordered for my life. After weeks of this strict regime we all felt ready and eager to be off. We were trained to overcome anyone who opposed us. We were strong and young and nothing could stand in our way.

But this limitless enthusiasm didn’t last for long. As soon as we saw what was in front of us and the reality of the trenches and front line, we realized what minimal training we had had to prepare ourselves to be posted to the Western Front. This stark reality was to prove shattering.

Looking back to our enthusiasm at the start of this war and the reality now was just overwhelming.

After months in these trenches and especially now its winter, I’m shivering with cold and my feet are slimy, covered in the mud that we’re been sitting in for what seems an eternity. I can’t calculate exactly how long, as here time stands still.

I know I’m only 20 years old, but I seem to have been here forever. I only joined the army last year and have ended up near the front quite quickly. I can understand why. Nobody lasts long here. You either die of disease or a bullet. Life doesn’t mean a thing. You’re wholly expendable and live only a couple of short weeks if you’re lucky.

When I first signed up to do my patriotic duty, everyone said the war would only last until Christmas. We’d defeat the enemy in a few months and push them back inside their borders. It would be easy and a grand life experience. Everyone was enthusiastic and high-spirited. We all marched off eager to participate, looking good in our uniforms and being admired by women from afar. I felt so good and everyone was so proud and encouraging.

My father said to me, “Jack my boy, mother and I know how well you’ll do. We’re with you and will bask in your reflected glory.” Nothing could feel better.

So off I went full of fight, eager to do my best. Hoping to make my family and country proud and wanting to prove myself.

But as soon as I arrived, the bleakness started to leech into my soul. Everything was perpetually soaked including your boots. The landscape should have been white with all the snow that was continuously falling, but was scarred by the churned up soil caused by bombardment from both sides.

Rocks, bits of forest, the crumbling remains of houses all littered the white landscape. These and the huge holes blasted by the cannons were all eventually re-covered. It just took a while. Even the dead bodies were finally buried under snow. It was just a problem when the thaw started.

That’s when the smell took over. The stench of rotting flesh was even worse than the smell of gunpowder that continuously filled the air. Until we were all granted time to bury our dead, we had to improvise masks to cover our faces. When the wind blew our way you nearly choked on the stench.

When we were ordered over the top, to not fall into a hole or trip over a body was difficult. You needed those holes to take cover in, but they were always full of jagged rocks and spikes of wood. These hazards could kill you before the bullets even started.

Your instinct was to jump into any cover and lie still. This could even turn into a deadly scenario when the gas was released.

It turned the air into a reddish fog. It was like a haze that bathed everything in this red light. It was soft and warm. The bleakness had disappeared, transformed into a soft warm glow that you could melt into.

The other wonderful aspect was that the world was bathed in blessed silence. It felt such a relief to your soul this first refreshing non-bombardment in weeks. Everything just became totally still.

Staring out to a mist-covered landscape gave an other-worldliness to the landscape. The noise was forgotten. You felt your body rise up until you were looking down on the scene you were in. There were the ants below dressed in different uniforms but otherwise in basically the same predicament - kill or be killed. Everyone had a furrowed forehead showing the minds of all filled with the same fear of the unknown. We lived our lives with that fear, but ultimately all had to obey orders. These were never questioned. Ants must protect the nest at all costs.

We were all frozen in time. Seconds seemed like hours. Nothing moved. Waiting, waiting for the next moment in time ….

Suddenly a faint hissing sound began. It was so faint at first that you had to strain your ears to hear it. A mesmerising hiss, hiss started. It lulled you into closing your eyes just to hear it.

I was thrust rudely straight back into my body. Initially in shock but I had to readjust quickly. The calm had finished, the panic began and then the death. Anyone who was lying in a hole was killed instantly, as this was where the gas settled. The rest had to grab their gas masks and put them on as quickly as possible. Just the simple act of breathing destroyed your lungs. Some lived only to have lung problems their whole lives. The greatest fear was always gas.

Men were found without a mark on them. You saw them standing in a field outside the trench. You started talking so pleased to see them alive. They looked so perfect.

Suddenly you realized it was an illusion. The man had been dead for hours. He was still looking at you but the light of life in his eyes was gone. A grey pall was building up on his skin and his body was stiff. It sent shivers up your spine and the eeriness of the scene was indescribable.

Gas was lethal. Even the enemy wasn’t immune. If the wind changed direction they copped it as well. The aggressor suddenly became the victim.

We all called it the silent death. One quiet sound and it was upon you. There was no escape for anything living. The only thing saving you was a thin leather gas mask. How quickly you put that gas mask on made the difference between life and death.

The body looked alive but was dead.

The dead weren’t touched in any way.

This was the ultimate sniff of death.

A war prayer

I believe in a greater power that is always constant and never destroyed.

I am part of that power that flows within me every moment of everyday.

As a being that is part of that power I have chosen the circumstances of my life.

Life is always changing and I adjust easily to each new path.

Even if the overall picture is grim I can choose to see and use the little positives that exist in any situation.

I use these small circumstances as a new beginning and open myself up to the intelligence and wisdom being shown me. This can create a better situation for all.

As we are all going through the same situation and dealing with our own humanity, let’s help one another to create links to each other and build on this comraderie.

I allow myself to be divinely guided knowing there is no beginning and no end.

Even if I die today I know my energy continues and this is not the end but the beginning.

Death now has lost its fear.

This grim situation was what we thought of as life. Was this an illusion as well? Could it still be lived in a positive way when it was so fearful and bleak? Had the human condition made it so impossible to survive?

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Chapter 2

The year is 1913 and I’m Jack Petersen. I’m back at home sitting around a fire, enjoying the warmth and eating a hot dinner. I never realized how content I felt. There are my parents and three other siblings. We’re all laughing and poking each other at the table, trying to relate what happened today. The noise levels are pretty high until my father speaks.

“It’s a fine dinner my girl. You’ve outdone yourself tonight with plenty of meat and potatoes so we’ll all grow up strong and healthy. Luckily I have work still even thought it’s harder and harder to get these days.

Just let’s give thanks for what we’ve got and enjoy ourselves tonight. There’s more and more war rumours going around so we don’t know what the future holds.

Thank you for our food this day and keep us all safe and well.”

This was a familiar scene at home. Days at work or school, nights spent around the dinner table or visiting friends or family. Nothing much changed and we all enjoyed the familiar rhythm of our lives.

It was a happy home and we all basked in the knowledge of what we had. We knew there were many not as fortunate as we were. Many who would suffer when the winter came. Many that had eight kids who were all living in the same room with barely enough food to keep body and soul together. Some of their parents had been out of work for months. They spent their days scrounging for food or just roadside weeds, anything that could fill little stomachs.

We were lucky. Our father had work and was healthy. Our mother managed to buy food and we had a warm place to live. Winter or summer we were all contented children. Seeing what was around us always made us realize our good fortune.

Our parents weren’t particularly religious but looking back now I understood how spiritual they were. Prayer was used to centre the mind on what you wanted. It wasn’t used to bribe some elusive being into granting your wishes, but it was used to bring power into your life. This power focussed the mind away from the dramas of everyday life and onto life’s bigger picture. This picture was one of abundance and perpetual upward movement in life. You centred your life round the good things that provided ever greater happiness.

My father knew even then what was about to take place. He always taught gratitude as being your most useful life lesson. He stressed that a grateful mindset lead to contentment where life just got better. Expect the worst and you usually got it. Just be positive and enjoy the rewards.

His thinking had led to a happy home life for all our family. My parents had faced hardship at times, but with a silver lining just around the corner, had survived and prospered.

Many of our neighbours had failed and with a house full of kids, we were often called on to help. Even though sometimes we’d have to go short ourselves, giving to others was its own reward. You always came away feeling good. They were so grateful and happy to receive the smallest things that you had to go away with a smile on your own face. When they got back on their own feet, you were the first invited in for dinner and a hearty handshake.

You began to immediately identify with those who knew the secrets of life and those who didn’t. My father was one of the enlightened ones. His was a face of light that glowed in the dark times. His emitted radiance was basked in by others and our family used it as a beacon to buffer what lay ahead.

He was a ‘luminaire’ a being of light. Others beside him were undefined shapes that lurched from one crisis to the next. A pale always hung over their lives.

He was a beacon on which many depended. He used his knowledge to light the darkness as he always knew there were happier times ahead.

His prayer

Use the power to draw the positives into your life.

The strength to live and give your life a purpose

The power to make a difference in this life

The faith to always believe you are part of the all.

The hope that I am always with you protecting and guiding you

The knowledge that you will continue long after your body is gone.

Always be certain that the world steps aside to let anyone pass if they know where they are going.

One night we were all standing outside discussing the latest war rumours. Some of these were so scandalous that even we didn’t believe them. Gossip was flying about the Kaiser, about Germany and the Dukes of the Austrian Empire. We were supposed to be within a whisker of war, but we had been hearing this for months.

I was with Lucy. She only lived a couple of doors away from me and I had known her all my life. She was fair and jolly, warm and sweet to smell and lovely to touch. We had been in love all our lives and intended to marry when I reached 21.

“Lucy I just hope this war is only a rumour and that we can marry soon. It’s not fair when such a far-away event can affect us here. I can’t imagine leaving home and you. It would be like a bad dream, not real.”

Lucy replied, “If it happened I know you’d want to go as do all the other young men around here. Men see it as a great adventure. I couldn’t stop you but I wouldn’t want you to go. I couldn’t bear it.”

“I just hope I won’t have to,” and we left it at that.

Looking back, events beyond my control happened after that night fairly quickly. I was trying to push things back so they wouldn’t affect us, trying to sidestep the inevitable, trying to give myself just that little bit of extra time that I needed to be with Lucy.

The tide was rushing in on me now. War had been declared. We were now fighting for our lives against Germany and Austria. I hoped it would be isolated incidents as so often had happened in the past. That would give me time. They wouldn’t need everyone to go.

I didn’t realise then how it would be. A world war that engulfed all in its path, that didn’t respect anyone, just devoured them and that would destroy our world. Women would need to leave their homes and work. Men would all but be obliterated. Few would return in one piece, most would carry battle scars for the rest of their short lives.

How could I resolve my father’s teaching of expect the best and give thanks when these events that were to come made that into a mockery? Why had this war happened?

I always knew there was a power bigger than me and that I was a part of that force. Every human being had free will to make of their life what they chose it to be. If enough people wanted a war and were choosing life’s drama, we would all end up getting caught in it.

There wasn’t enough work and people were struggling. Things needed to change and this war would consume every person and alter their lives totally. The world as we knew it would be wiped away into something unrecognizable.

Many said they wanted a peaceful life, but in reality people were bored with this. They wanted excitement and action and were definitely about to get it.

People always when asked about the most important thing in their life say their family. But their lives don’t mirror this talk. They always choose money and adventure over their family every time. They take their home life for granted and choose more. Only in hindsight do they understand that real contentment lies in the small things of life. Having more just leads to increasing dissatisfaction.

Things now speeded up. A lot of us joined at the beginning of 1915. More and more men were needed. We felt we had no choice but deep down I knew it was as Lucy had said. We were looking for an adventure.

Unemployment ceased immediately. Every man able-bodied or not was needed. Women were necessary to replace them as part of the war effort. There were not enough men available to work and manufacture all that was necessary. An army had to be supplied with endless weapons, fed and moved quickly. Each was to give their best and all lethargy ceased. You either had to give everything or nothing. Each person was prepared to give their all. There was no other choice.

My last night with Lucy arrived too quickly. I remember her face staring into mine as if to hold in her memory every blemish, every mark of love and recognition that she could draw on when we were separated. I tried to speak but she just touched my lips as if to say, “Just gaze and enjoy the moment. What can you say anyway? Words are useless now. Let’s just drink in each other until there isn’t another drop.”

I was the one looking forward to the adventure. She would be left behind to worry, as had all women from the start of time. I wanted to reassure her, to tell her I’d take care and not to worry. She wisely didn’t want words as they were useless and time was so short.

We held each other tightly. We craved to be alone so went for a short walk in the silence.

I’ll always cherish that short stroll together. My arms tightly placed around her waist, her head resting on my shoulder. We both wanted to hold each other and never let go. The evening was full of power and emotion. Even more charged than the exploding shells around me now.

We kissed each other long and deeply. We couldn’t let go. She was my beacon that would light my way home. She just glowed. I wanted to bask in that light and never let go. I was about to go into the dark unknown. I would be alone, away from everything that I had ever known.

But then I heard her say, “Don’t fear your future. You are never alone. I am always with you. I am the light. I will lead you home. I am the beacon on the hill that will never leave you or desert you. Lean on me for strength in your darkest hour. We are one.”

I looked back at Lucy and gazed into her eyes. It was like she was in a trance relaying this message. She seemed to gradually merge back into life and I was just staring at her.

“You just told me that you are my light and that I’ll never be alone even when we’re separated.”

“Well that’s right isn’t it?” was her reply. We left it at that. But I’ve never forgotten that message and voice and drew on it whenever I needed to in the dark times ahead.

Reluctantly we had to eventually return home. I had to speak now or forever regret that total silence.

“Lucy I’ll never leave you no matter what happens. If I’m alive I’ll make my way home even if I have to crawl. If I’m dead I’ll be here faster. I’ll become one with you and we’ll never be separated again.”

Love lights up our lives

Without love we can’t exist

It’s our fuel of life

It’s the power that attracts us as humans

The more we give

The more we receive.

Our only real purpose in life is to love one another.

Now I had felt that love. It is so powerful that it guides us home whether to our earthly home or spiritual one.

Bask in each others love all the days of your life and no matter how long you live you will feel fulfilled.

If you give and receive love, yours has been a life well lived.

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Chapter Three

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Chapter Four

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Chapter Five

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Chapter Six

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Chapter Seven

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Chapter Eight

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Chapter Nine

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Chapter Ten

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Chapter Eleven

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Chapter Twelve

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Chapter Thirteen

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Chapter Fourteen

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Chapter Fifteen

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Chapter Sixteen

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Chapter Seventeen

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Chapter Eighteen

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Chapter Nineteen

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Chapter Twenty

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Chapter Twenty-One

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