AERYN

I slid my legs quickly between the crisp sheets.  The chill ran straight to my core, and I curled into a ball, waiting for the layers of blankets to warm me.  I fought sleep for awhile, knowing that once my eyes closed, I would relive the worst scene of my life.  Again.  But there was nothing I could do to stop it.  In reluctant admission, I sighed as I felt the heaviness of sleep come.

I knew this place, and I didn’t want to be here.  Yet still I walked forward toward the door.  Knowing didn’t, couldn’t change what was happening.  What had already happened.  I breathed in as deeply as I could, feeling pleasure in the way my lungs burned.  Then I let it out, slowly, and pushed the door open.  The squeak of the door alerted the room’s occupant that she was no longer alone.  The room itself seemed to tilt toward the bed, as if the weight of the world was heavier there.  The gray walls shifted and shone like oil, and all of the lines in the room forced my eyes to what lay in the bed.

The woman seemed to be staring opposite the door, out the window at the sunny scene, but I knew that she wasn’t really seeing what was out there.  I reached out for the limp hand of the woman, my mother, even though my mind was beginning to fight the dream’s familiar routine movements.  Mother’s body looked aged and withered, as though she were much older than thirty-eight.  As I reached, her head snapped lightning-fast toward me, and I jumped, my heart pounding.  Mother’s eyes grew wide, too wide, and her small grey-ringed pupils fixed on me. 

“Mother?” I asked through a shaking voice, even though I didn’t want to ask, didn’t want to relive this again.

Frantically, mother shouted, “The raven shadow fell upon my breast, the swarming birds won’t let me rest!”  She looked terrified and terrifying all at once.  It was the only thing she had said in months, and yet every time I felt chills run down my spine.  I couldn’t help cringing, closing my eyes and hating myself for how I felt about her.

“Mother, it’s ok, it’s me Aeryn.  I’m here.  Would you like me to read to you?”  The book on the table by the bed was our favorite, The Secret Garden.  I hated having to go through the motions of our routine.  I reached for the book.  But something unexpected happened.  Mother grabbed my arm, her bony fingers dug into my skin.  Her grip tightened and belied her weakened state, and pulled me down to the bed.  I gasped at the pain, and felt the room grow colder.  Again I felt a shiver run down my spine and goose bumps erupt on my arms. 

“You must find it!” Mother said, her voice hoarse and the cords of her scrawny neck looking coarse, like rope.  The light coming in from the window grew dark and the room felt like it was tilting even more; I focused on Mother’s form, the only thing not moving.  As reality distorted around me, I felt myself drawn into her mother’s eyes.  In an instant I saw a flash of green, and then something like a vision.  A necklace, a wooden box, a house being built, no our house being built and my father putting in his special cornerstone, and then over it all, a man with a wicked smile.  Then the vision faded and Mother once again turned to look out the window. 

The room returned to normal.  I felt fear rising in me. I was fully aware that I was dreaming, but I couldn’t make it stop. The fear kept coming, rising and piling on top of itself, and I could feel myself growing hysterical.  I felt like I was floating above my body, watching the scene play out.  My body shook, my vision clouded, and I crumpled to the floor.  Finally, I woke up from the dream, my eyes widely staring at the ceiling.  I was covered in a layer of sweat.  I sat up panting and looked out my window, thinking.   

The trees were covered in a blue light, illuminated by the snow and the moonlight.  I got up and sat in the window seat with a quilt, wishing it was warm enough to go outside.  Absentmindedly I played with the ends of my braid with my long fingers as I sat against the window, soothed by the cold glass against my sweaty skin.  I could feel my heart pounding still.

Father had built our long two-story log house three years ago.  He loved working with wood, and my room was filled with beautiful carved furniture.  It had been Mother’s intention to give me a large room fit for a queen, but Father knew me better and had also given me a small study full of books.  After Mother got sick, I moved into the study so she could have my room, and I never left.  I loved the coziness, the smell of bindings and paper that surrounded me as I slept.  The bed was handmade by my father.  Each piece of furniture was, and they all had the same beautifully carved symbols and figures worked into the wood.

I looked back out the window at the woods that encroached on the little lawn in front of the house, as little snippets of the dream still floated in my mind.  Why had it been different tonight?  Did I change it?  I shook my head, wanting to clear it, but the memories would not leave.  I thought back to that day nearly three months ago, trying to remember what really happened, but in vain.  Instead, I was left with the distorted memory my wretched mind had come up with.  No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop the dreams.  My mind was like a dog with a bone, wrenching the visions back and forth and constantly making me feel dizzy and lost.

Although I couldn’t remember the day accurately, the moments after were crystal clear.  My father had found me, hours later, still passed out on the floor, and he immediately took action.  He wrote a letter to my grandparents telling them of their daughter’s condition.  He forbid me to see Mother alone.  Once they arrived from Philadelphia, the made it clear they were there to reclaim their daughter from the man who had so many years before taken her away from them.  My grandparents had come to take Mother back home, all the while seething with hatred for my father.  They wanted Mother to have the best possible care, and seemed to blame Father for her condition, which was ridiculous. 

They had shown me little kindness as well, treating me like I was illegitimate.  During the one moment I had alone with my grandmother, I asked her about life in the city.  The life I could barely remember from my childhood.  She made it clear I wasn’t suited for it.  And that was that. 

The next day they left.  The image of my father watching stone-faced as my mother was driven away down the tree-lined, rutty road was engraved in my head.  After they left, winter came, cutting us off from the world.

The letter had been delayed over a month.  Father read it aloud, it wasn’t long: “Evelyn Pearl Morningside was laid to rest on the morning of February thirteenth.  We are regretful that you could not be in attendance.  All arrangements have been taken care of and property rightfully distributed.  Please kindly give our regards to Aeryn.”  It was signed by my grandmother only.

I know I should have felt slighted that I received nothing from my wealthy grandparents, not even a small memento of my mother.  But I understood, and I had memories of life with her, wonderful memories I wouldn’t trade for anything.  That was something they didn’t have, and maybe that’s why they seemed to hate me.  I actually felt sorry for them.  When my mother ran off with my father, she was all but disowned.  Even when Mother and Father had disagreed about moving deep into the Allagash Wilderness in Maine, Evelyn, still the graceful debutante from Philadelphia, never once considered it an option to go back home. 

Because I had grown up mostly in the wild, money never meant much to me.  It was meaningless when you were face to face with a dangerous animal or snowed in for months at a time.

            Although it was a shock that Mother had been dead for so long, it also felt like it had been a long time coming.  I felt guilty about the relief that flooded over me.  Mother had gotten sick in October during an early winter storm.  In one week her health steadily declined, and her fever steadily rose.  Throughout the next two months, she wavered between health and sickness, and by Christmas had completely succumbed to the fever, slipping into a coma for four days.  When she came out of it, her mind was affected, and she never recovered.

Suddenly, I was jolted out of my reverie when movement caught my eye within the trees.  It looked like the trees themselves had moved, which in turn had caused their shadows to dance on the snow.  As if there was a great gust of wind, only the trees stood like sentinels; brave and stoic.  The night was as still as it always was after a storm, and the snow lay thick and untouched as far as I could see.  I searched for more movement.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw it again.  It was closer, but still, just a shadow moving on the snow.  When I looked for it harder, I could see nothing but trees and shadows.  The snow still lay untouched and perfect.  I yawned.  I must be pretty tired if I was seeing things in the trees.  I slipped back into the now cold sheets and piled the blankets back on top of myself, drifting into a peaceful sleep.

*    *    *    *    *

“Aeryn, wake up!” Father was shaking me.

I bolted upright.  “What is it?” I asked, my heart pounding.

“I can’t explain what is happening right now, Aeryn, but you must get into the hideaway.  I’m afraid there’s something amiss.” He pulled my faded patchwork quilt off the bed and turned toward the door.  “Bundle up and meet me downstairs as soon as possible.”  He turned and left the room, running down the stairs at breakneck speed.  I heard him hammering something downstairs soon after.

I quickly hopped out of bed, the cold wood floor creaked as I scurried to my clothes.  With shaking fingers and my heart still pounding, I dressed and made my way downstairs.  Father had nailed three pieces of wood across the door so that it was fastened shut.  All of the eight locks on the door were locked.  The windows with their extra inside shutters were fastened and locked as well.  My heart skipped a beat; I felt like the rhythm was off, as though there was something dreadfully wrong just around the corner.

“What is happening?” I approached Father, cautious as I neared the door.

“There’s no time to explain, Aeryn.  Your things are on the kitchen table.  Just do as I ask, please!” he sounded frantic, and he hammered even harder, hitting each nail exactly on its center and driving it in with one blow.  I took a deep breath, meaning to think of just one thing at a time, and did as I was told.

The kitchen was at the back of the house.  I methodically pulled on my coat first, fastening each button methodically.  Then came my hat and the mittens that Mother had made for me two years ago, and I sat down, waiting for further instructions.  My fingers found a frayed corner of the quilt, and I rubbed it between them, working it even looser.  I hated just sitting here, feeling a million emotions swirling around in my head.  I felt like my heart was beating so loudly it could be heard a mile away.

Soon Father came into the kitchen and, without saying a word, pulled the refridgerator away from the wall and opened the hidden door that was there.  The door was only half the height of an adult, and usually completely hidden by the fridge.  Inside was a dark room that Father had built into the house for emergencies, though I always had wondered what kind of emergency would keep us holed up inside the house.  There were even supplies inside.  A rope was attached to the fridge that ran through the wall so that we could both go inside and still pull the fridge back against the wall.  Father held the door for me, and I went inside and turned, giving him room to join me. 

            He handed me the quilt and some water in a jug and then stuck his head inside, saying, “I’m sorry, Aeryn, for shutting you in here.  You must promise me that you won’t try to get out until I come for you.”

“You aren’t coming in here with me?” I asked, suddenly feeling claustrophobic.  Just then there was a loud bang at the front of the house.  “What is happening?”

“I’ve boarded up the house to save us time, but there’s no other way out.  I have to stay behind and fight them off.”

“Who?  Fight who?  What’s going on?” 

He reached in and touched my face.  That gesture scared me more than anything.  “Don’t worry, Aeryn, I’m a good fighter!” He smiled and as he shut the door, he said, “Remember, I will come for you!” 

I nodded, not sure he could even see me.  Bang!  It was so loud, I felt like I could feel the whole house shudder.  I leaned against the outer wall and sank to the floor.  It was dark, and for a minute I felt like I could disappear into the darkness and be invisible.  Then I heard another loud bang.

I reached behind me, feeling for the box of supplies.  I took off the gloves, feeling for matches, and lit one.  Much better.  I could feel the calm run through me, I had to be calm.  Father might need my help.  Holding the match up, I looked around.  There was a series of small airholes at the top that let in tiny bits of moonlight, but the light didn’t reach this far down.  There was a lantern and a flashlight behind me.  The match went out.  BANG.  I reached for the lantern in the dark, and opened it.  I grabbed the flashlight and turned it on, then lit the lantern, and wrapped the quilt around me.  The room was about three feet across and ran the entire length of the back of the house.  My section stopped at the kitchen fireplace.  The other side was not used, but necessary to keep up the illusion of a seamless back wall.

The hearth was extra thick, and had a vent built in to allow a little warmth into the room.  I laid down near it, glad for the still warm coals glowing inside.  Through the vent, I could hear what was happening inside better.

I heard Father moving heavy furniture around.  Then more banging, which sounded like it went around the house looking for another way in.  Then again towards the front.  Father went up the stairs quickly, and a couple of minutes later came back down, slowly, his feet heavy as though he was carrying something.  Then the banging stopped.  I let out a sigh, realizing I had been breathing shallowly.  They must have given up.

As I got up to wait for Father to open the door, a loud explosion rocked the house.  I stumbled backwards, dropping the lantern.  Why were people coming after us?  Why on earth would they have explosives?  I quickly ran to the vent, and bent down to listen.  I could hear voices, but not words.  There were at least two men, speaking harshly with Father.  Then they shouted and I heard the clank of metal and shoes scuffing the floor.  The voices blended, yelling out.  Crashing furniture, lots of movement, but nothing to give me any idea what was going on.  This was maddening.  Then came a loud crash and a short silence.  The two men started speaking to each other, but I couldn’t understand them.   

My hands were freezing, and the lantern was fading after laying on its side too long.  I reached for it, and blew it out, then I kept my ear at the vent, gripping the flashlight.

The men moved into the kitchen and began going through the cupboards.  I lay still, my ear at the vent, afraid even to breathe.  I heard one speak to the other, “…no idea, they said we would find what we were looking for here.  They were sure of it,” one said.

“Keep looking, you know how crafty they can be,” the other responded. 

One went upstairs as the other continued searching the kitchen.  I could hear him move along the wall, his fingers scraping the stone hearth, looking for something, like a loose stone.  His breathing was labored, and wet sounding.  I couldn’t hear Father, and it was all I could do to hold back the panic inside.  After a long time, I heard the front door bang against the wall, and then nothing.  I lay on the cold floor for what seemed like forever, trembling, but no more sounds came. 

I still couldn’t hear any sign of Father.  If something happened to him, how was I going to get out?  I tried to open the door, but the fridge was pushed firmly against it.  I stepped back and tried again, but could not get it to move.  Desperate tears began to run down my cheeks as I pushed and pushed.  What if Father needed a doctor?  Leaning against the outer wall, I took a step and shifting against the door with all my strength I finally got it to teeter forward.  I used that momentum to crash against it again and again until it finally toppled over with a deafening crash.  The door scraped open just far enough against the fallen appliance for me to squeeze out and scramble over it.  I stumbled over the mess in the kitchen, not pausing to take in the damage.

            I walked to the front of the house carefully, it felt like it took years.  The door was wide open, the doorframe burned and splintered. I turned in a circle, scanning the room.  It wasn’t the crumpled figure on the ground that I saw first, but the puddle of blood that surrounded it.  For one second, my hand went to my mouth and I bit down on my knuckle.  I couldn’t move.  Then, a movement, a breath.  I snapped into action.

            He lay on his side, and I carefully turned him over and cradled his head.  “Father,” the tears were flowing warmly down my cold cheeks.

            His eyes fluttered open and then closed, and he took a ragged breath.  “Aeryn, I’m so…I’m so so sorry,” he said. 

“Sshhh.  It’s alright, Father, you’ll be alright, everything is going to be alright,” I bit my tongue, afraid I would cry out loud.  He didn’t need to comfort me.

“Aeryn,” he took another ragged breath and coughed, and warm blood spattered on my clothes and mixed with the tears on my cheek.  “Aeryn, I was wrong to bring you here.  I thought I could pro….tect you, but I was so very wrong.”  My hands felt his chest, his torso.  Where was all the blood coming from?  It was everywhere.

“Father, look, you did protect me!  I’m fine, and you will be too!  Please, just don’t die!” There was no holding it back now.  I began to sob.

“Aeryn, I need you to be…strong, now.  Please, you must be strong for me, can you do that?”  He opened his eyes and they searched mine. 

Feeling as though the entire world was on fire and closing in, I nodded.  He reached for my face one last time, and said, “that’s my girl,” and smile faintly.  Then his breathing seemed to catch, as a piece of cloth on a nail, and he fought for his next breath.  “You…must…look…to…..the light,” he struggled to say between breaths.  And then he took his last, and his body relaxed as pain and life left him.

“No, Father, no!”  I held him, rocking back and forth.  I cried and cried and, already exhausted, fell asleep next to the body of my father, one hand in his already cold hand and the other on his warm chest.

CHAPTER TWO

Birds were chirping.  My face felt frozen.  I sat up and saw Father’s body.  It was still night, the longest night of my life, though close to dawn.  I looked at myself.  My knees and hands were covered in blood, and probably my face as well.  I felt dried up, as though there was no liquid left in my body to cry with.  I found the flashlight, then wrapped Father’s body in a blanket, pulling him away from the blood, and closer to the door.  I cleaned up the blood, and threw the bloody rags into the fireplace, then started a fire.

The birds were singing now, and I knew without looking that the sun was close to rising.  I went upstairs to clean the blood off of my hands.  The water that came out of the faucet was freezing, but I didn’t care.  I filled the sink, but the minute I put my hands in, the water turned bright red.  I pulled them back out, knocking a candle over.  It crashed to the floor and cracked.  Bloody water was dripping all over my boots.  Silent tears fell, and I fought the urge to crawl into a ball and sleep forever.  “Be strong,” he had said.  I had promised I would.  I wet a towel and rubbed my hands until they were clean.  I had just grabbed fresh clothing from my closet, when I heard the front door scrape open against the burned doorframe.  I froze.

Could it be someone I knew?  No.  No one I knew would be here right after a snow storm.  It had to be the men, coming back for something they missed.  I turned out my light, grabbed the flashlight, and moved behind the door, pressing my body up against the wall.  Someone was moving downstairs, shuffling about loudly.  I heard a thud, and a soft voice mutter, “no,” and more shuffling.  It didn’t sound like the same men, but it couldn’t be someone new.  Maybe there were more than two?

I leaned forward to look through the crack in the partially open door.  A figure was walking slowly up the stairs.  “Aeryn?” he called out.

I pressed my body back against the wall.  How does he know my name?  I held the flashlight tightly, sure I was in for a fight for my life.  The figure moved toward the door, and puIled it open.  He took one step forward, slowly, then another, moving carefully in the faint pre-dawn light.  He didn’t see me; it was still too dark.  I raised the flashlight silently and swung as hard as I could toward the stranger.

He lifted his arm and took the brunt of the hit on his forearm.  He moved quickly, using his other arm to grab my arm and then pinned me to the wall hard, bumping the table in the process and knocking over a vase, which fell to the floor and shattered, so loud in the dark.  “Who are you?” I yelled, my anger overtaking my fear, as I squirmed.

“Who are you?” he asked, sounding just as angry.  He peered at me, then relaxed his grip and his expression.  “You are Aeryn, daughter of Paul Bridges?”

“I asked you first!”  I wrenched out of his grip and stepped out of arm’s reach, rubbing my arm. 

“I am Christophen Keys,” he stated and he stepped back, looking me over.

I shook my head.  What was happening?  “How do you know my name?”

He sighed.  “Would it be alright if we sat down?” Only a small draft of light filtered in through the curtained window now, the kind of light that comes just before the sun.  The room was bathed in layers of soft grays and blues.  I could feel my eyes straining to see.  I could only tell that the stranger was tall, and his hair looked wild against the window’s light.  Again my heart was pounding so hard I could hear it, and I willed it to slow down and my body to relax.  I cleared my throat and moved toward the light switch.

“Please, don’t turn that on,” he said.

I stopped mid-reach.  “Why not?” I asked, irritated.

“It’s too bright, it could draw attention.  Please, I mean you no harm, you must understand,” he said.  He looked down.  “Now that I’m here, I’m not sure what to say to you.”

“Why don’t you start with why you are here?  I’ve had a long night...” my voice caught, anger rising like bile in my throat.  I kept picture my father, downstairs, dead and stiff, and wrapped in a blanket.

“I’m here because I have much to tell you, Aeryn, and not much time,” he said, a hint of urgency behind the deep, rough voice.  “May I sit down?”

He waited a moment and upon getting no response from me, he sat in the chair near the window. In the light, I could barely see the stranger’s face.  I shifted toward the stranger and sat on the bed. 

“I’m sorry to meet like this.  There is so much you don’t know, and I’m afraid there’s little time to explain it all to you,” his voice carried a hint of an accent I couldn’t discern.  “I am from a place not unlike this one, yet entirely different.  Aeryn, you are destined for great things, and I am your Keeper.”

“My what?” I asked.  My senses were at full alert.  I watched as he rubbed his forehead with his hands, and I saw a graceful power in his arms as he moved.  It scared me.  He wasn’t what he seemed, that much I could tell.

“I am not prepared for this, Aeryn, please forgive me,” he said softly.

“How do you know who I am?” I asked as my curiosity about this man began to overpower my anger and fear.  He obviously didn’t want to hurt me.

“I have been searching for you for many years.  My search began in Anzaris, the place I am from, and eventually led me here.  I’ve had many difficulties in trying to find you,” he paused.  “This must be overwhelming to you,” he paused, staring right into my eyes.

“Why have you been looking for me?  Are you a relative?  Did you know my parents?” Did you know the men who murdered my father?

He sighed a deep, sorrowful sigh.  “I’m not related to you, no,” he seemed to be choosing his words very carefully.  He rubbed his forehead again, looking very worn, and appeared as though he were contemplating something.  He peered at me from across the room, took a deep breath, and started his story. 

“I grew up somewhere you’ve never been before.  The grass is green, the sky is blue, and men and women look the same there as they do here.  But in my homeland, there is power.  There are creatures of light and creatures of darkness.  A long time ago, a creature of light made her way here, and she blessed her descendants with a gift.  You are one of these blessed ones, one of her descendants.  You are marked.”

He paused, looking me over again, then glancing carefully out the window.  “In Anzaris, the blessed ones are very strong and fast.  They are protectors.  The dark creatures are drawn to them in their work to destroy the light once and for all.  Along with the blessed ones, there are men of honor, bound to keep them safe and to guide them, called The Society for Innocents.  That’s who I am, Aeryn, I am part of the Society and I am your Keeper.  I want to take you to Anzaris, where you will be very powerful and strong.  It’s where you belong.”  He looked down at his hands, saying, “where you’ve belonged your whole life.” 

I laughed bitterly.  He was a lunatic.  “You’re wrong, sir, so very wrong,” I said, tears beginning to form.  His story was an insult to me and my father, and I knew that it was something that could not be truth.  “I belong with my family, and on top of that, there is nothing special about me.  I’m just a girl.  I’m not strong or fast.  Just normal.  You must have the wrong person,” I said quickly, rising from the bed. “I’m sorry to disappoint you,” I added, holding the door, hoping he would take the hint and leave me alone.

He looked up again, staring into my eyes.  “You asked me how I knew your name.  I’ve known your name since it was given to you, that is part of the bond between us.  When you were born, this connection was created and I was called.  There is absolutely no chance of a mistake, and, if you decide to come with me, in time you will see that everything I say is true.”  He paused and looked down, saying, “Should I continue?”

At this, I felt as though I should be feeling cautious, fearful even.  But that part of my brain didn’t seem to be working correctly.  My mother had died, and now my father was dead too.  My grandparents had made it quite clear I wasn’t welcome with them.  I had no desire to go to them anyway. 

I had no one left.  I sat down, the thought hitting me hard.  No means of even burying my father, let alone living in the wilderness alone.  My father had taught me how to live in case of an emergency, but this life wasn’t what I longed for forever.  Feeling desolate, I looked down at my hands.  The blood was gone, but I could still feel it, as if it was there.  And now this man was offering me something.  A chance to escape?  To start a new life?   I nodded, and he continued.

“I wanted to meet with you a long time ago, but I couldn’t find you.  I’ve recently found out about your mother’s death, and I’m very sorry for your loss.  It appears that there is nothing left for you here, and if you stay, you’ll be putting your life in danger.  What happened to your mother was not mere sickness, and if you stay, darkness will still be drawn to you here in this world, but you will not have the power to protect yourself.  If you come with me, we will work together and your life will have great meaning.  I know you are grieving.  I know this is a lot to take in, but you must realize how urgent the situation is.  We only have an hour, maybe less, before dawn, and those creatures that attacked you earlier are most certainly waiting in the shadows, searching for a sign of where you’ve gone.  I don’t know how you evaded them, but we don’t want to be here when they come back.”

“You want me to go with you now?  I have to bury my father!”

“Your father would want you to be safe, above all else.  He was a brave but foolish man to bring you out here, and now he’s left you with no choice.”

“My father was brave.  How could he have known the dangers you are talking about?  He was a simple man, a farmer, a woodworker.  A man who fought for those he loved.  He gave his life for me.  Do not speak ill of a man you do not know.”

He stood and looked out the window, and said, “your father may have been brave, but he failed you, and now you are left with nothing and no one.  Like it or not, you are faced with this choice, and you must make it now.”

Forever.  He was right that there was nothing for me in this world.  Although I hated the idea of implicitly trusting this stranger, I couldn’t get the image of Father’s cold body wrapped in my quilt out of my mind.  And although I had always been happy living in Maine, in the wild, I always had felt like it wasn’t permanent.  I doubted I could survive in this harsh place alone.  I couldn’t go to Philadelphia, not after my grandparents shunned Father and me.  Mother’s death made them less than family, somehow, anyway. 

I couldn’t remember what life was like outside the quiet wilderness of Maine.  My vague and fearful memories of fleeing Philadelphia after my sister’s death was not enough to keep my wings pinned down forever.

“I am willing to listen,” I said, carefully choosing my words.  I looked up from my hands and sought the shiny eyes peering at my through the dusky light.  “Honestly, I want to go.  I want to escape this place and these circumstances more than anything I’ve ever wanted before.  Your story sounds interesting, but I can’t believe it is true.  The life you’ve offered me sounds like daydreams and the place, like make-believe.”  I paused, and he stood up and pulled his chair closer to where I stood, bridging the expanse of the room. 

“Oh, but it is true, Aeryn.  Wonderfully true.  But the life I’m offering you isn’t a life of ease.  Your choice lies between living a life of fear here, where you will be forced to fight an invisible darkness unprotected, like your mother, or a life fighting even greater forces of darkness.  But with people like you, together, in Anzaris.  The power of evil in Anzaris is great, and the creatures you will be trained to fight are nothing your mind can imagine.  You must be sure of your choice, and if you choose to go with me, you can never come back here.”

“I don’t understand why I’m so important,” I said.  “Why have you come all this way?”

“My life will never be complete without you,” he said matter-of-factly.  I looked at him then, not expecting that.  Now sitting closer to me, I could get a better look at him.  He was about my father’s age.  His shoulders were thick with muscles and he was tan and tall.  His face had a hard, weathered look to it and his hair was receding, giving him a very long forehead with a faint, slanted scar on the side of it that ran down his cheek.  His hair was ash brown, wavy and wildly sticking up, and his eyes were gray, they drew me in like an old friend.  His hands were large and leathery, scarred, and showed use.  I looked down as he said, “You were born for this very purpose.”

I thought of my parents, and though I fought it, I couldn’t help but wonder what my life might have been like if my parents could have been part of this choice.  If they could have met this man, my father would have told me what to do, and my mother would have told me whether or not I could trust him.  Common sense told me I shouldn’t, because he hadn’t done anything to earn that trust.  I had already forgotten his name, and I knew next to nothing about him. 

Regardless of this, somewhere deep inside, I could feel trust.  There was a connection already between us; I felt almost as though he was my father.  The thought shocked me.  How ungrateful to think of this stranger in that light when my father wasn’t even buried.  My father had been a good man, I was sure of that, but what about this man?  This rush of feelings toward him alarmed me, and it must have shown on my face.

“I know this is confusing, Aeryn.  I hate to push you, but we have little time.  You must choose now, and you must choose with your whole heart.  You cannot travel to Anzaris unless you are absolutely sure,” he said.

“What about my father?  He must be buried.  What about our house, my things?”

“We’ll burn down your house, and that way the shadow creatures won’t be able to come back and search your house either.”

I didn’t like the thought of my house being burned down, but it made sense.  I couldn’t bury my father anyway, with the ground so hard and a few feet of snow on top.  I couldn’t call the authorities; it would take too long with the snow.  I was in an impossible situation. 

My parents had always been prepared for everything, and yet here I was alone, and they were both dead.  My father had been so sure that he would always be around that he never gave me any idea of what to do if something were to happen to him.  I had always trusted him, and now he had abandoned me, and I had no one left in this world.  Regardless of my memories and the life I wanted to hang onto, he was dead.  He couldn’t take care of me.  But this man, if he could be trusted, might.

“If I go with you, if I were to trust you, you will always be there?  You will never leave me?” I asked, revealing my fear, and feeling sheepish for being so needy.  “Be strong,” Father had said.  Well, maybe trusting this man was what I had to do to be strong, and if what he said was true, then I was choosing a life of strength.  Father had apologized with his dying breath; he had done things wrong.  Maybe he had been foolish too, in his ignorance.

The stranger stood up and sat on the bed next to me, so that he was looking into my face and said, “I promise you, no matter what you decide, that I will always stay by your side.  Even if that means staying here on earth and being your family here.  My life is dedicated to you and your survival.”

I felt as though there was a great weight pressing on my chest.  I was tired, so very tired, and wanted nothing more than an escape from everything that had happened.  I looked down and saw the blood still on my clothes.  If I stayed here, I could end up like my mother.  Again an image of my mother, crazed and white-eyed, flashed in my mind.  “Let’s go,” I said resolutely. 

“You must be sure, Aeryn.  You must make this decision not with your words, but with your heart.  Why don’t you gather anything that can’t be replaced while you think about it,” he started to sit back in the chair, but then stood back up and said, “and you need to know that things that have a function here will not serve that function in Anzaris.  Most things cannot be taken back and forth between worlds.”

I nodded and went to my desk across the room.  I reached for my journal, but then set it back down.  I paused at the picture of my parents, touching their faces, pondering whether or not to take the picture.  Will I still see their faces in Anzaris?  I took the picture, then grabbed some clothes and rolled everything into a bundle and shoved it into my backpack.

As I ran down the stairs, the image of the green box I saw every night in my dreams flashed before my eyes again and I tripped down the last few stairs landing hard on my knee.  I began to get up, rubbing my knee, but then thought about it again.  I was close to the damaged door frame, which was right next to the cornerstone my father had put in himself.  He was always so proud of building this house himself.  But the cornerstone wasn’t made of stone, although it looked like it from the outside.  It was wood.  And it had been cracked in the explosion.

“Are you alright?” the man asked.

“Earlier my father hid me in the wall, which is how I stayed safe when we were attacked.  He had built a secret room where we could hide in an emergency.  Maybe he did the same sort of thing here.”  I set my things down and fingered the wood, pulling it away.  The man slipped outside, then came back with the ax from the woodpile.  He told me to step back.  Two swings, and I could see inside. It was hollow, and in it was the wooden box from my dreams.  I quickly reached in, then slipped it into my bag and stood up.  The man looked at me quizzically, but said nothing.

I stood still for a long time, thinking about it all.  I looked at my feet, then around forest, now alive in the daylight.  I would miss this place; the trees, the quiet, and my life with my family.  There wasn’t anything left here for me, but still, I was leaving Earth, the actual world I lived in.  The burden of this decision was so heavy on my mind, like a decision that was too hard to make.  One that didn’t even make sense to me.  A part of me felt as though I wanted to crawl under the covers in my room and sleep through this dream.  A small voice inside kept screaming, “don’t do it!”   But it was screaming from far away, as if through a tunnel.  I tried desperately to ignore the persistence of it, but then the questions flooded in, and I couldn’t concentrate.  I looked up. 

“I’m ready,” I said.

He nodded and turned to grab a large container full of liquid.  He began to pour it all over the furniture, all around us.   I turned around and looked outside, not bothering to wonder at the strange manners of this man.  Not bothering to ask the millions of questions my mind kept buzzing with.  Not bothering to say goodbye to my Father.

The man tossed the container across the room and reached toward me, his mouth open like he was going to speak.  But a sound from the forest interrupted.  He snapped into action, quickly lighting the liquid he had poured all over the room. 

“What are you doing?” I screamed as the flames erupted in a circle around us.

Two figures entered through the door, their arms over their faces.  They were men once, but their features were shadowed and distorted so that they barely looked like men.  I screamed again. 

Keys took ahold of my shoulders.  “Are you ready to go?  Are you sure of it?”

The flames roared loudly, spreading quickly outward.  The flames were distracting me, mesmerizing and terrifying all at once.  I wanted to go now.  I realized I was still screaming.

“Aeryn look at me!” he shouted and shook me.  I looked right at him.  A peace sliced through my panic.  The creatures were searching for a way through the flames.  I saw this, but I wasn’t afraid. 

I matched the man’s gaze and said, “I’m ready.  Let’s go.”

He pressed his right hand to the place where my neck met my shoulders, muttering a warning, “Might hurt a bit…”  If he said anything more, I didn’t know it.  I cried out as a blinding light flashed in my eyes and a searing pain rapidly ran from my neck through my heart.  I felt as if my heart was going to explode; like I was being ripped in half.  The light poured into my eyes, and I closed them as tight as I could.

Then I felt as though my body was being rolled into a ball by giant hands, like dough, and then nothing.  Nothing but darkness.  Thick, swirling, living darkness that penetrated every part of my body.  I knew nothing: not who I was, nothing of my life or my parents.  Nothing but a pressing feeling and a growing fear.

SETH

The weight of it was heavy, so heavy I couldn’t see.  I couldn’t breathe.  Panic rose in me and my only thought was escape, and yet I was pressed further down, and the black overcame me.  I sat up in a state of panic.  It was dark.  I had the dream again.

I looked around, not knowing where I was.  The moon was half full and glowed brightly above me.  I was laying in the grass, in a large open expanse.  A field, then.  As I stood, I heard a sickening noise.  I looked down.  I was covered in blood.  Again.  But from who or what, I had no idea.  There was no sign of anyone else, and I had no memory of a struggle.  I looked toward the town, the lights glowing a couple of miles away.  I felt something strange inside, deep in my center.  A restlessness.  I didn’t want to go back there.  So I turned and walked the other way, away from everything I had in this world and toward this new feeling of mine, with a delicate sense of hope.

AERYN

I felt so groggy.  My head felt heavy.

“Aeryn, wake up,” said a soft male voice.  For a moment, just a small moment, I thought it was my father.  That I had overslept and was late for my chores.  Then memories of what had happened flooded back.  Slammed into my mind.  I kept my eyes closed tight, and covered my face with my hands.

I couldn’t feel my heart.  There was a stone in my chest where it had been and the edges were rough, as though someone had physically ripped me open and replaced my heart with a rock.  I felt raw, broken.  I opened my eyes to see that man looking down at me.  Christophen Keys.  I supposed he wanted something from me, but he didn’t speak.  I don’t know why, but I felt so much anger.  And I wanted to direct it all at him.  His expression showed shock, and I realized I was glaring at him.

He looked down and said, “in time you’ll realize that when I am feeling emotions very strongly about something, you’ll be able to feel it too.  It’s part of the bond between us, something designed to alert the other in times of danger.  Of course, when something like this happens, it is an unfortunate by-product of that system.”  He looked right at me, and I felt a sort of pang strike through me.  “I am feeling your anger, Aeryn, and you would do well to think about who wronged you and who saved you.”

Now I was even more angry.  “Who said I wanted to be saved?” I asked in defiance.

“You did not want to stay and die, that much was certain.  Whether you will adjust to this life, I do not know.  But one thing I do know is that you could not have traveled here with a conflicted mind.  You wanted to leave that place wholeheartedly, and I complied with your wishes.”

“My wishes?  My wishes have nothing to do with this.  Why shouldn’t I be angry?  My parents are dead because of this world.  They were innocent.  If you have been there twelve hours sooner, you could have saved my father.  Maybe my anger isn’t something I should ignore.  Maybe it is a just anger.”  I crossed my arms and looked the other way.  Tears were threatening to spill, and I had to be strong.

He sighed.  He grabbed my hand, held it loosely in his.  “Aeryn, I could not have stopped what killed your father,” his voice seemed to shake.  He took a deep breath and continued, “He fought valiantly.  He saved you.  That is a remarkable feat.  Always be proud of him for that.  Now, I am really sorry I could not have gotten to you sooner, but believe me, I tried.  Someday, maybe you will understand more fully.  This place has many secrets, and emotions sometimes become tangled up in it all and get in the way.  Soon you will understand to control them.  You are blessed with many strengths, but this is one of the weaknesses of the glimeras.  Try to remember that.”

As strange as it was that he was touching my hand, I also felt peace, and it tempered my anger.  I was grateful for his patience.  I was also confused.  Already, I couldn't tell if he was giving me some sort of peaceful emotion, or if I was actually feeling that myself.  Regardless, it was what I needed, and I held on to it.  I realized how tired I was, and pulling my hand away, I turned away from him and looked out the window, into the dark night.  I wondered briefly how long I'd been asleep.  Then decided I didn't care. 

"Maybe you need more rest.  I will send someone up in a couple of hours to check on you.  In the meantime, get some sleep."  He stood and walked to the door, where he paused before leaving, and said, "I hope you become glad you are here.  I am."  He closed the door.

My thoughts were like a maelstrom, and it was so overwhelming, I tried desperately to sleep.  Only when I finally allowed the tears to fall and soak my pillow did I finally drift off.

*    *    *    *    *

This time, as I woke up, I remembered it all right away.  I opened my eyes to an empty room.  I sat up slowly, feeling the aches and bruises from the night, especially in my shoulder and my knee.  I felt changed, somehow.  I looked down at my shirt and pajama pants, stiff with dried blood.  Suddenly, I had to get the clothes off of me.  In a panic, I stood and ripped and clawed until it came off, in pieces, grunting and screaming.  The sound of the fabric tearing and pulling against my skin brought me satisfaction.  I sat down in my underwear and a tank and wrapped the coarse blanket around my shoulders and legs.  How was I supposed to deal with everything?  It was too much.  I felt numb, I felt nothing.  All I could do is stare at the mess on the floor that I created. 

A soft knock brought me out of my reverie.  “Yes?” I called out. 

A boy came in, very tall and with a bright smile, dressed in black pants and a short-sleeved shirt, but barefoot.  “Keys sent me,” he said.  He shuffled a couple steps in. 

I know I should have felt embarrassed.  I was dirty and bruised, covered in blood, and not decently dressed.  But I just didn’t care.  I looked at him, waiting for him to say more.

He shuffled his feet again, not really moving closer, but moving around, and cleared his throat.  He gestured with his head toward the door, “Come on, then.  Aren’t you hungry?”  Grinning, he held out his hand.

I felt a little frantic wave sweep through me.  I looked down at the mess on the floor and stuttered, “um…I have no clothes to...um...change into.”

He just laughed.  He acted like he didn’t even see the mess.  Or notice that I was half-naked.  I didn’t feel like he was laughing at me, he made me feel at ease.  I felt myself smile a little as I surveyed the mess.  “There are fresh sets of clothes in the dresser.  Come down the hall, and last door on your left is where we’ll be.”  He left the room and I just sat there.  "Alright," I whispered. 

The clothes were different than I was used to.   I pulled on the black pants and the thin black shirt that covered the bruises on my arms and looked for shoes.  Black slip on shoes.  Of course.  I felt like I was dressed for mourning, but that was fitting.  I hoped I could wear black all the time.  I liked the feeling of the clothes, like I could move easily, but was still covered well.   The fabric was thin but felt durable, and smooth on my skin.

The last door on the left was the kitchen.  The boy was there, as was Keys, and a woman bustling about.  The instant I smelled food, I realized I hadn’t eaten in awhile, and I was starving.  The woman gracefully moved about the kitchen, like a dancer, despite her large size.  She set a plate in front of me, and I barely noticed I was eating eggs as I shoveled large bites into my mouth.  Both the boy and Keys seemed like they were waiting to speak, so I ate quickly.  They watched.  It would have seemed so strange if I hadn't been so hungry.  When I pushed the plate away, the woman, who seemed to be some sort of cook, took it away.  Keys stood, his chair scraping against the floor.

He gestured toward the door.  "Shall we?"  The boy left the room without a word, and Keys waited for me to follow him.  We went to a room down the hall, between the kitchen and the room where I woke up.  It was some sort of study, with a lot of books, maps, a large desk with papers and books all over it, and a couple of comfortable looking chairs near the fireplace.  The room was small enough that I felt at ease.  It was the smell, the smell of leather and paper and wood.  My breath caught, and I had to steel myself against the tears.  That smell reminded me so much of home.  I refused to think about it anymore.

I sat in one of the chairs, Keys sat in the chair facing me.  The boy stood by him, and was the first to speak.  "My name is Torin."  He smiled.

"Torin is a glimeras, just like you.  He has been with me for a long time," Keys smiled at Torin, and I could see great respect in Torin’s eyes.  But I couldn't help remember the promise Keys made me.  That he would have stayed with me on Earth if I chose that.  What about Torin?  Did he really mean it, or was he just trying to convince me to go with him?

An awkward silence filled the room.  I wasn't sure if I was expected to say anything, so I just sat in silence.  Torin cleared his throat, "well you two have a lot to discuss.  I'll see you around, Aeryn," he shot me a quick grin and left the room, closing the door behind him.  And then it was just the two of us.  I felt uncomfortable.  So many questions floated around my head, but I couldn't think of one thing to actually say.

Keys looked at me, and I could see his eyes were full, almost as though he were about to cry.  He looked away, then spoke.  "I am going to dive right in.  You have a lot to learn, and honestly, you are quite behind."  I wasn't sure how to react to that.  He continued, "Anzaris looks like Earth, and it might be hard for you to separate them in your mind.  But it is imperative that you understand the fundamental difference.  Darkness and Light are not just used as symbols in figurative language.  They are real, tangible things.  Darkness can consume a person, overtake their lifeforce, or soul as it is referred to in your world.  Light can fill a person as well.  Most people have the ability to go either way.  Some have a tendency to be easily drawn to darkness.  Others hide it well.  You must remember that trust is not something to dole out.  Do not trust anyone here without good reason.  In fact, just don't trust anyone.  Do you understand this?"

I nodded.  He waited.  "Yes, I understand."  My voice was hoarse.  I coughed to clear it.  He went to a small table and brought back a glass of water.  "Thank you," the cool water felt refreshing as it slid down my throat.  When was the last time I drank water?  I didn't even know how much time had passed since....well, since I had come here.

Keys had gone to the desk and returned with a bunch of rolled papers.  He handed me one.  I unrolled it.  It was a map on some sort of thick, pliable paper.  The place on the map was mostly water, with a few islands in the middle.  There were also some strange markings in different regions, in the water in a few places.  "This is Anzaris.  Ours is a world of islands and water.  Each island is very large, and we are currently on the largest, here."  He pointed to a city.  "Each island has a specialty.  This one houses the main government and most of the army.  Many people work in weapon development and manufacturing for the army.  The politics of Anzaris are shaky, the government is totally corrupt.  We expect that the Leader has been consumed with darkness, and is spreading it throughout his government.  At some point, this is going to be a problem for us." 

It was a lot of information, and it was flying over my head.  I didn’t really care right now, but I tried to absorb it.  Still, I kept thinking about my old life, and the simplicity I had taken for granted there.  I realized Keys was talking, and I was gazing out the window.  The sun was up, the grass was green, and I could see a white building next door.  "Aeryn, please pay attention.  This information could save your life."  I nodded.

He sighed and sat down on the sofa near me.  "I know you have been through a lot, but I also know you are made of a very strong substance, and that you will make it through this.  Anzaris will heal you, if you let it.  And I will help in any way I can."  His voice had softened, and with that sympathy, a tear escaped.  I quickly brushed it away.  Be strong.  I had to move on.  There was nothing I could do now to fix what had happened, but I could honor Father's wishes. 

"You're right, please continue." 

Keys told me so much.  On top of everything he spoke about, he also gave me a few books to look through and a couple of maps.  One of Anzaris, and one of the island we were on.  It seemed like I had jumped into a pretty tense situation.  Not only was the government on shaky ground, but the Society, which Keys was an integral part of, was also fractured.  I wasn't even sure if I was on the right side.  If there was a right side.  All I knew is that I was here, and Keys had saved my life, so I took the information, and I studied it.  It was my duty as his daughter to honor my Father and not succumb to my desire to be weak.

That night I was reading at a desk in the bedroom that I assumed was mine.  The book was all about the origin of the glimeras.  Others detailed the different races and species in Anzaris.  My head was drooping and my eyes were heavy.  I was about ready to climb into bed when I heard a soft knock.  

"Come in."

It was Torin.  He stuck his head in, and asked if he could talk to me for a minute.  I nodded.

He entered, and sat on the bed.  "I just wanted you to know that I am a really good friend." 

I smiled.  His demeanor made me feel so at ease.  I liked him.  "That's good to know." 

"If you need anything, I'm a fantastic listener.  And, soon, you'll find out that I'm also a really good fighter."  Now he was grinning ear to ear.

"Fighter?"  I hadn't even thought about that.  Was I going to have to fight?  What did that even mean?

His eyes lit up.  "Yeah, fight!  That's how we do our thing, Aeryn.  We take out the darkness, one consumed soul at a time.  Or twenty."  I couldn't tell if he was joking or not.  He saw the worry on my face.  "Don't worry, from what I hear, you have it in your blood."  He winked.  "After all, you are glimeras.  It's all about trusting your instincts, and letting go.  Once you do, it's a pretty amazing feeling." 

Great, more to think about.  I nodded, unsure what to say.  Again.  I smiled awkwardly.  My face felt like plastic.

"Well, I better let you sleep.  Things will get better, and you'll adjust.  Quicker than you thought possible.  That's the power of a good friend."  He smiled and left the room, then stuck his head back in, saying, "good night, Aeryn."

"Good night, Torin.  Thank you.  I have a feeling I am going to need a friend."  He smiled, and I smiled back.  His eyes sparkled when he smiled.  I put away my books and slid into bed.  I was asleep the second my head hit the pillow.