Lost between the ocean tides, more lucid than the eyes can perceive. My lungs suffocating,  still alive, but barely. My body bursting at the seams. Over and above my heart bleeds every night into the ocean tides. I watch as the blood moon howls. In the night sky “you shall always be both half heaven and half hell.” Hiding in hazy whisky memories I never dare to speak of. Singing Anglican cathedrals in vain. My lover loves the devil, dancing in my lifeless eyes. I love the sun rays in life but I’m also become too famailair with the dark side. He’s so pure, raw.. I feel the fire I lit within him, when he finally became warm, when he was the man I loved. I am a sinner, but I will only repent the life I took out of his body. Brusting at the seams of our fabric. I found love in the green snake eye of of the devil, the green the ocean gets after a storm whom hides me in the tide, trapped with my demons in my mind. Who creates Agony as a love song. I became the demon in the dark, the nightmare that you can’t run away from, that gives you sleepless nights. I’m the end to you’re beginning. Beware of the things that go bump in the night. You found an angel in the garden of evil. With a cross around my neck, while I sit on the devils lap. Fire to fire, ashes to ashes, I know my demise, a life force in the the spirit of fire, Intermittentl craving the way it burns. I like to feel the wound instead of numbing the pain because I believe the truth is I’m not use to what you like, hell isnt meant to be a paradise to the sane. So beware of the things that go bump in the night, it might be me.

-Emma Hutchinson 

 I felt nothing. I became numb to the emotions of others once but more so to the emotions in my own body. My heart stopped any and all loving pluses and nothing mattered anymore, the world was an empty place I didn’t want to live in. It wasn’t like there wasn’t a point in that time where I felt flashes of happiness because I did but those flashes were stolen away in moments by the relentless pain that told me nothing lasts forever. Because nothing did and nothing ever will. Even those who once said they loved us will go through a day without us ever crossing their mind. And I became to to a point where I didn’t want to be happy anymore because I was afraid of the thought. Sadness had become my walls and shelter and happiness was an unreachable mountain I wouldn’t dare to climb. I did it to myself though in a sense, yes there were a series of unfortunate events that carved me into the person I became like I carved my pain into symbols of hate on myself…. but if I told you I didn’t plan for my life to turn out this way I would be lying. I knew from the moment I lost myself for the first time I would stay this way forever. Always wondering, always questioning who I was. I liked it. I liked being broken in way. I couldn’t explain it and when people asked me why I never tried to help myself I couldn’t tell them why. Because I knew there was no purpose in talking to someone with a sane set of mind. They didn’t understand what it was like to live in the comfort of insanity or what it was like to feel the rush of completely losing yourself. They couldn’t see through my broken eyes and understand the mixed emotions that made me cry until I turned to God for help while he denied me any resolution…but it’s okay, because I think that if I was sane for a day, I would kill myself. I relied on the unstableness of others and called it home. I was already comfortable with my look on life and wither others thought it was wrong, I accepted every piece of it. Even when I knew my fate would lead me to my own doom.

-Emma Hutchinson

 He looks at me and says “don’t you still love me though ?” I blow out the smoke from my cigarette and nod. Of course I loved him, he was the air I breathed and I was always suffocating for him. For me, I thought he was it. I look back at him for a moment before I say it. “I think I’ve loved you since the beginning of everything, but sometimes that isn’t enough to keep people together.” And that was the truth, I wanted so bad for me and him to be handmade for each other. I wanted it more than anything in the world, even more than my own happiness. In the end though, I have always come to the conclusion that love is not always the winning reason. He looks away from me after I say that, the hope I saw in his face is drained now. “ I wish you were wrong".“ I wish we could go to a life where we met at the right time". He whispers "There’s a reality where this didn’t happen, where were still together". He paused for a moment looking at his hands. "I think that’s where my heart lives now.” I see the burning chemicals in my hand and I fill my lungs with death. "Me too" 

-Emma Hutchinson