"It was a long and dark December, 

From the roof top i remember 

There was snow, white snow"

-Violet Hill, Coldplay 

A heart is like a piece of paper, once bent it will never be smooth again...the creases can only fade.

It was one of those nights where it was too poetic to sleep, the cold air keeping the blood rushing into your face with the stars lighting the well worn path. Your back pressed against the sodden bricks, you could feel the rough edges pressing through the grey fabric of that sweater I stole off you months ago. Minutes pass hoping you will return, that those days of summer past would last forever.  The cracks in the pavement scuffing the tips of my boots, as i drift through the back alleys littered with painted memories.  

Years spent in crowed classrooms, with the stress so high you could cut it with a knife. Hundreds of nights spent crying into the pillows as you dream of all the unfinished work. They say it will prepare you for life, like the first eighteen years are a free trial; a preparation for the real thing, but you have lived...  

The shadow of exercise books towered over my bed, the haunting nature of a task unfulfilled filling the air in my room. It was only eleven pm,  too early to call you...but too late to start another one of those  meaningless assignments. Although the prospect of completion was rather satisfactory the effort I would need to put into it was immense. I settled with the idea of a midnight snack, although as simple in its self it sounded, I would need to sneak past a hallway either side my sleeping siblings. 

The hall was like a coal mine, the walls covered with a thin layer of dust, the only light provided by a crack of moonlight shining in from broken glass. A long Persian rug filled the length of the hallway, only providing room for a small wooden side table with one wonky leg to occupy the space  beside the wall. A lace cloth covered the window rest providing an elegant yet victorian touch to the shambled house.  The kitchen was located at the end of the hall, a simple wooden door opening up to reveal a classic basic kitchen. The countertop littered with crumbs and reminisces of dinner, the sink piled up with dirty dishes, a singular light shining in the corner of the room.  Moving swiftly along the dirty wooden floor polished from years of tread, I make my way towards the creaking refrigerator.  Returning to my room glass in hand, snuggling beneath the crinkled sheets of my double bed, warmed by the heat of my body beneath the sheets.

I sighed, ever since you left, the bed never felt as warm or as comfortable. It was a shock when it happened, the sudden loss of companionship, the ever present shadow disappearing. Perhaps you found someone new, someone  who could love you more, or treat you better...all I know is that when you left you had taken the last part of my sanity with you. It felt like I was two different people, living on the precipice of insanity, hoping to god, that i would learn to forgive. 

Every day was tedious. It was the lead up to the big ones, The Final Exams...were scored determined wether you were allowed to take part of the next years curriculum or if you must redo a entire year of work. The latter was never preferable but I had seen some of my classmates drop out as they realised the workload of this course.  The final exam would take place within this coming term and already you could see anxiety levels rising as people considered their purely theoretical future. But of course will all the inflation of housing prices and rise in taxes, the generation to integrate this have a right to be worried, they were getting ready to dump all of their problems on us ...and within 3 years we would be out in the real world with no protection from the structure of school.

Startling me from my intrusive thoughts, my professor standing over my desk, paper in hand. A sense of dread rushed through my veins, my final assignment before the exams was graded and  now within my hands. Flipping over the bundle of papers i could see a big fat D- staring at me. I quickly turned the paper over so that the empty back was showing. Tears coming into my eyes and running down my cheeks, i could feel my heart pump so hard i though it would come out of my chest.  Before the bell rang i was out the door, feet pumping down the grey painted corridor, squealing around the corner, blood pumping through my veins as the swinging door of the bathroom swung shut behind me. 

My shit brown hair illustrated in the distorted greyish mirror. You could see how my hair could reach the top of my butt, my hair was the only part of me that i liked. My eyes were a dull brown illustrated by the freckles around my nose. If you looked closely you could see the reflection of myself within my dark eyes.  My high cheekbones jutting out of my cheeks, followed by a defined jawline. Many people would say that I was pretty, that i had all the features of a model, but yeah they looked good on their own but combined it was a different matter, they were all out of proportion from each other, each drawing attention from each other. 

Illustrated in the mirror was my tear stained cheeks, smudging my makeup, which to be fair wasn't the most well done thing in the world. I pulled out my small backup makeup bag, typically black of course.  Within five minutes I had patched up my foundation and mascara, the only thing suggesting that  I had been crying was my stained red eyes. 

I exited the girls bathroom, almost as soon as I left I was swept away by a crowd of people all headed towards the food court. You can imagine the crowd of hungry twenty year olds as they rampaged towards the city streets looking for cheap deals on food. I managed to slip into a small back alley; I was leaning against a wall catching my breath, when out of the corner of my eye i see a shadowed movement. Turning on the balls of my feet I come face to chest with another student.  I didn't recognised him from any of my classes, I assumed that hr was in an older year. Towering over me his chest inches away from my nose, the sent of axe flooding my nose.  He was at least half a foot   taller than me, but that wasn't surprising.  I had to take a step back before I was able to see into your face.  It only took me a second to recognise him, and another second before I was sprinting the opposite direction.  

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

My bed had remained the same as how I left it this morning, the pillows thrown on top of the hastily made sheets. Crumples and fur left where Jasper, had had a midday nap upon my bed. At that moment Jasper slinked into my room, his feline body moving  with ease amongst the piles of soiled laundry and crap upon the floor.  His slim grey eyes, surveying the environment as he jumped his way to on top of my lap. Patting him, I tried to decide whether I should attempt to finish the pile of homework  I had been left with today…or whether to just let myself be absorbed by the cushy duva.