this collection is dedicated to ada, who is the sleepiest girl on the planet,
and believed in me through everything.
 

the first day I realized
I was out of love with you
you came to class high out of your mind
and when you smiled
my heart didn’t stop but instead
stopped to wonder if your back molars
had always looked like fangs.

the second day I realized
I was out of love with you
you had worn your maroon jacket
and I couldn’t help but notice that
perhaps it made you look more like
a red bean marshmallow
than it did attractive.

the third day I realized
I was out of love with you
you almost kissed me
and I pulled away
not from shock
but from disgust
and you had never looked more different.

the first day I realized
I was still in love with you
I shifted in my seat to feel closer to you
and there was a jolt in my chest
but I pretended not to notice as I
felt your fingertips flatten
against my shivering skin.

the second day I realized
I was still in love with you
you laid your head against your desk
and your eyes burned as we
discussed casual sexism in the media
Jim Carrey movies
and the feeling of being in love.

the third day I realized
I was still in love with you
I almost kissed you
and you pulled away
both from shock
and from disgust
and you had never looked more different.

 you come across a beautiful girl, and she makes you drink lattes in the back of a bookshop as her crossed legs keep bumping into yours, and you find that it warms you up more than your drink. you come across a magnificent girl, and you try on floral printed dresses together in Marshall’s, and you have to pretend you’re cold to mask the goosebumps when she emerges. you come across an alluring girl, and you drive while she screeches song lyrics in the passenger’s seat, her hair whipping into her eyes as she does. you come across a stupendous girl, and you shiver when she touches your arm, and you lick your lips when she whispers in your ear. 

you come across a charming girl, and you taste her laugh and vodka in the corner of her mouth when you kiss. you come across a regretful girl, and she wakes up with a splitting headache and seemingly no recollection of the night before. you come across an ashamed girl, and she conceals the scent of your perfume on her with a veil of cologne. you come across a flustered girl, and she pulls away almost every time she feels your hands graze. you come across a disheartened girl, whom you can never find again, despite how many coffees you drink in bookshops.