When I got home that night, I noticed that the Christmas decorations in my front yard were crushed. The lights were broken, the charms were everywhere. I checked my watch, it was only 6pm. Even though the sun already set a while ago it was not quite dark. I closely examined the wreckage to understand what had caused the damage. My first impression was that it had been kicked by a teenager. Presumably he was upset with the exam results. Or maybe he was dumped by his girlfriend.

I live close to the Henley High School and have had couple or arguments with some kids about skateboarding too close to my car. Being an ex-footballer I was not an easy target but apparently the Santa and the deer were. I did not want to waste all my evening at the crime scene. The offender might be around and peeping. No need to become a laughing stock. I know those boys; I once was one of them. Showing any weakness is an open invitation for more trouble. I decided to leave the broken lights as-is as if I did not care.

I unlocked my door and instantly Tiffany welcomed me. She is a 6 year old Persian cat. I’m a cat person but for the first time I wished she was a guard dog. A vicious Doberman would do the job. Nobody would dare to come close to my house. Maybe I should put a ‘Beware of dog’ sticker on the fence. Neighbourhood is full of dogs. I don’t need an alarm clock; each morning I wake up with a series of barking. Presumably most of them are lap dogs. You can tell from their high-pitched sound. But still they can manage to keep strangers away. I tried to forget the scene of the poor Rudolf the Red Nose. I cuddled my fluffy friend and walked to the kitchen to feed us both.

Tiffany jumped on the bench top and started to burble as she always does when she is anticipating a good thing to happen. Cats are adorable companions. I opened two cans of tuna, one for each of us. Since last week I’ve been enjoying a solitary living and am not a great fan of cooking when I’m alone. Sam and Kev will be coming next week which means I’m on my own for another five days. By the way I should have mentioned that Tiffany actually belongs to my son. But I’m sure that she likes me more than Kev as he is not affectionate to Tiffany anymore. To be honest he is not to anyone else anymore. Downside of being a teenager but it will pass, I know. I was about to the dishes and a thump came from the deep end of the corridor. It was 8pm. I wondered if somebody knocked on the door. Yes, that thumps again; no doubt that was the case. Why on earth nobody uses the doorbell?

“Who is it?”

“Police, open the door please!”

I did not undo the chain but made the door ajar.

“Are you Mammoth Barack?”

“Not mammoth but Mahmud. Yes, I’m, is there something wrong?”

“A vandalism issue... It is about the smashed Xmas decorations.”

“I did not issue any complaint yet but I’m glad you noticed it. I found it crushed when I got home at 6pm”

“We’re told that you’ve been seen damaging all Xmas lights on this street.”

“What? That’s insane, completely ridiculous. Who said that?”

“That’s out of question right now. Can you prove where you were before 6pm today?”

“Of course, I was at work. Is this some kind of a prank? If so, is not very funny.”

“Would you please visit the police station first thing tomorrow morning?”

“May I ask your name please officer?”

The officer burst into laughter. That was a joke planned by my wife who very well knows that I hate this kind of silliness. He took a mobile out of his pocket and put on speaker.

“This is Sam and I love you Mahmud, happy anniversary.”

“Am I supposed to say, I love you back? I’m thrilled, such a wonderful joke! Anyway who is this con-man?”

“Just a friend darling, I love you even more when you act like a jealous husband. I have good news for you.”

“Other than you didn’t pay for the police uniform and the officer is working for free?”

“Yes baby, we’re coming tomorrow. Are you able to pick up us around 5pm?”

“Okay okay, say hi to Kev. See you tomorrow.”

“Have a good night sir, sorry for the deer and please excuse me from Santa as well. Mrs Samantha assured me that you wouldn’t mind. It was part of the plan”

“Yeah yeah, whatever.”

Only then the red and green coloured remains on his boots caught my eyes. What a night. I was relieved that it was one of Sam’s childish ideas. I wasn’t even aware that today was our wedding day. I felt the need for Tiffany’s purrs. I held her up and kissed the tiny pink nose. I can ask for some help from Tiffany to organise something feline for tomorrow. Sam should pay. I had to make sure that she would have got a well-deserved Christmas present. I considered the alternatives; how about a smelly cat poo in her dear slippers, what do you say Tiffany, are you game?