It hurts so much, realizing that someone that you thought you could never live without doesn't even give a fuck about you. My heart hurts so much right now it's hard to breathe. It feels as though the city of Philadelphia has trampled over me and is standing on my chest. I just want to go home and hide under my blanket in hope that it will make this feeling go away. Falling in love has probably been the worst thing I have ever done to myself. Twice, I promised myself that I would never fall in love again because the only thing that ever comes from it is hatred for myself even more than I already do. And yet it always seems to climb right back in through the same window I threw it out of. I just want one of them to love me. that's all I want. I want to hear those three words that don't sound like much but mean everything to the right person. I had forgotten how much I loved her, how beautiful she is, the way she smelled. I had pushed it all to the back of my mind, a dungeon that is locked, sealed, and untouchable. But the second I saw her it all came flooding back like it had never left. I just want to touch her, hold her, hear her voice so bad. That's all i want. I just want to hear I love you. I don't understand how I fell so hard. I don't understand why or how the fuck she did this to me, how she made me feel this way. I feel as if I could just crumble in her arms. Her touch sets my heart on fire. Her eyes pierce my soul. I don't know why she does this to me. I am literally sitting in my car at twelve thirty in the morning in the middle of South Street crying over a female that has treated me like shit for so many years. A human that does not deserve to be in my thoughts, yet she has taken over them. She stole my heart in the beginning and never gave it back. She took it and instead of protecting it and caring for it she threw it in the ocean and let it sink to the bottom. I've had my heart broken time and time again and there's no doctor that can save me, no shoulder that could possibly help me stand again, and it’s all because I loved her.