Flower trying to bloom in the snow

 

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Introduction

In Life you have you're ups and downs and sometimes they leave their mark on you in some way 

For me personally i have a few memories of my past that still comes back from time to time 

And i sometimes dream about this road of life we all walk and how it can be so limitless if you just learn how to hold on and reach out.

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Chapter 1: Freshmen Year

Every day during school there is that constant pressure of knowing that there is a test or quiz at every corner

No one said  High school was easy and no one ever said that it would be normal

I knew that when i was just finishing middle school that i should of picked the school that felt right for me

But because of me listening to my mom who would in some way know best

I gave myself a fate that almost lead to my death

Having to be forced to be with a teacher that wanted everyone to have all types of “Fun” that was for everyone but all i did was pretend

Just trying to adjust was a bit hard but then to constantly be bullied just for doing tai chi for months the school knowing but yet not bothering to help

The funny thing was that the one student who was in my class was the most dangerous i ever seen from wanting to harm both mentally and physically to almost seeing how twisted his mind is and how he took pleasure in almost making me feel broken and sad

Almost having me snap more than two times not getting into trouble at all. I made one good friend that lasted for quite a while even today

But when i almost thought i saw the light at the end of the tunnel i was then confronted by a girl who literally made me my friend and everyone who was in class with this girl freshmen year a living hell

Then to know that tests were going to be finished but yet having the last few

The girl telling the deans that me and my friend and that one kid who no one bothered with was threatening to hurt her knowing that we didn’t even do or say anything to her

The school who our parents forced us to stay at and the school who is trusted to keep all of us safe saw us as the criminals

Almost being arrested loosing my education and almost wanting to end my life was such a nightmare i couldn’t bear

But yet i still had the will to keep going

And even though she got rid of one of us she tried getting rid of the only friend i ever had and knowing that he was wild in his own way the school tried to get rid of him too

But no i didn’t allow it because if they wanted to get rid of him then they would have to get rid of me too because for most of my life i never had a friend like him

A friend who actually cared for me

A friend that never tried being fake to me

A friend who didn’t back stab me

And a friend who was there when i was at my lowest

And even to this day he still blames himself and think’s that it’s his fault that my freshmen year was so terrible but i knew it wasn’t true as i always tell him it’s not your fault

The counselor trying to make up excuses just to protect that one girl who’s done nothing but make all our lives misery

Loosing faith in just that one school that you worked hard just to get into only to see that they were lying cheats behind a glamours building

Even when it was all over i was still haunted by the memories of just staying there the trauma the lies and the constant thoughts that would rush through my head and even the headache’s that would come with it

It all was almost so much that i couldn’t bear no longer just thinking of getting to the blade again but only to force myself not to get near it

Not today i say

And even when trying to transfer out it turned into a nightmare

My mother who was quite nervous of wanting me to leave because of other schools with even more horrible conditions that bothered and haunted her

But just saying to my mom that i cant bear another day of here started to slowly become a waking call for her and for the district of the school

Just staying in this one school has made my mind into a war zone

Just saying in this one school has made me into something i didn’t want to become

Just staying in this one school made me even more miserable than when i walked in

Just staying at this one school made me not want to come back to school

And even today as a sophomore i have to wait until my junior year the most “Major” year of them all and each day i feel like i’m falling away day by day

Only to have that one friend be right there by my side

And to the days where i felt like waking up was terrible i still thank it

And to the people who loved to be cruel hurtful and harmful to me i only wish karma come right back to you.

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Chapter 2: Because this is life

It looks it’s time to wake up time to get up and time to begin “living”

Every day for the last few years feels like i’ve just been having a monster that always likes to follow me and then have me feel like i’m nothing

School turns from a place that’s supposed to be filled with learning and desire of wanting to know more then just how to speak turns into a battle field where both the students and teachers word’s and actions hurt like needles going right through your skin

The many people who sometimes in groups do nothing but talk behind one anothers back but yet calls each other friends But sooner or later they will find out the hard or harder way and they can deny it all they want but they will at some point have to come to terms with it.

I’m loosing my friend and my mind Becuase lately it seems that i lost the will to actually connect because it feels like every time something comes out of my mind someone just has something mean to say

So i try to stand strong and pretend i’m not hurt and go about the world like i’m having “fun”

Why must it feel like i aged faster then them

Why must it feel like i didn’t have a child hood

Why can’t i remeber the time i actually felt alive

Why must i feel happy one minute then the next i just want disappear but in the end it never mattered because life isn’t supposed be fair

and i will have to come to terms because this is life.

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Chapter 3: Ocean Star

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Chapter 4: Soul on it's journey

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Chapter 5: Happy Day

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Chapter 6: Nostalgic Land In The Sky

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Chapter 7: Snowflake's Fall

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Chapter 8: Clocks Time

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Chapter 9: Old Flower

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Chapter 10: Little Peony

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Chapter 11: The Fish That Couldn't Swim

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Chapter 12: So Thank You

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Chapter 13: Time going On

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Chapter 14: Life on Earth

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Closing Note: Author's Final Words

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Chapter 15: Rainbow Ocean

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