Why do people only feel the need to tell you you're beautiful when you're dead or dying? i've had an entire life that you could've told me i'm beautiful but you decide to tell me now. i've could've done with knowing that last year when i was struggling to keep it together each day. 

i know you told me i was beautiful when i had a blade in my hand, but then it seemed toxic. the words just placed a band aid over my bleeding wounds. i think this is because i've never felt beautiful. you can be told time and time again that you're beautiful but if you don't feel it then you'll never appreciate it.

but, like i said, people only tell you you're beautiful when you're dead or dying and that's the problem with human nature. we run out of things to say to a person who's beyond hope. i'm writing like i know more than everyone else but trust me i don't. im just as lost and confused as the next man.

i think the point is that we're all searching for little ways to make ourselves feel better and being 'nice' makes us feel better. 

2am

      thoughts.