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by: Grace Gadia

This story is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.

Gravity (n.) – I thought you saved me but it was all just me.

“Hi, this is Chrissy from Guys in Plaid Shirts and you are watching M Philippines, the home of the best OPM and international music in the Philippines. M! Your music, our life.”

And she does the heart sign and smiles then her commercial for M Philippines is done. I switched the television off as I try not to think of her.

I try not to think about her but I have been thinking of her for the past days, once her engagement with some engineer popped out of the scene.

I have always wanted to see her after so many years. I really did but whenever I try to plan and execute, while everything is going smoothly, I will just say I cannot do it. I will just walk out and run away from seeing her.

I’m not a stalker, I never was. I just have the right connections that are fairly connected to her and those people can access her schedule. They help me, for most of the time but these days, it’s going to be hard to get them to cooperate with me. Not now that Chrissy is getting married and all.

I regret everything, from the words I said and the things I did to her. All of it.

It was never her mistake, it was mine. I always knew that and even if I knew about it, I still gave her all the reason in the world not to trust herself with me again. I was the one who pushed her away. I was the one who gave her away.

I did this to myself.

I did it because I was scared.

I tried to shove off the thoughts of regret as I try to think of ways on how I can talk to her. I don’t want to ruin her decision, I just want to sit down with her and talk, to say sorry and I want her to forgive me. I need to do that. I have to do it. If I don’t I will regret this more.

I dialed Jasmine’s—her cousin—phone number and she answered on the first ring.

“What?” She snapped.

“Oh, someone’s in a bad mood, I’ll call—”

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” I heard her curse under her breath, “Sorry, so what’s up?”

“Uhm, I need a favor to ask you.”

“I can sense that is the same favor you will ask me again and again.” I sense that she knows what I’m going to ask.

“Uh, yeah.” I admit.

“Sorry, can’t help you. She’s getting married, just move on, Rye.”


“Seriously, Rye, that’s the best thing you can ever do for her.” Jasmine said, “You had your chance or chances but you just let them slip away. I’m sorry but I can’t help you with this one anymore.”

I sighed but before I can even protest, Jasmine hang up on me.

Crp, now I lost one valuable player in my plan. I have to device to Plan B, as in Plan Better. I’m going to put this aside coz I’m going to be late for my business meeting at 3PM.

I drove to La Bon Délicatesse. As I pulled into the parking space and stepped into the café, I kept on thinking about her. Especially this café, she would love it here. She’s a big fan of macaroons and English tea. She—Chrissy—would like to sip her tea here on Sundays while reading a good book. I smiled to that thought.

I met my client, she’s a rising author and she would want to have her own website up once her first book gets released. Her name is Vicky and she’s in her thirties but she doesn’t look too much of her age. I’ve met her two times already so I know. And she reminds me so much of Chrissy with the way she talked about her stories and her journey to being an author.

Not everyone knows that Chrissy writes her own stories too. I think she already published one of her stories, which I forgot what title is. But I knew she did.


A guy’s voice boomed over us. I turned to see who it is and I don’t know him, of course I won’t, he called Vicky.

“Oh, hi Alexander!!” Vicky stood up and embraced the guy who came to our table, “It’s fancy seeing you here.”

“You too, I was just getting macaroons.” He grinned then Vicky playfully tugged his arm.

“Oh, oh!” Vicky said as she turned to me, “This is Rye, Rye Reynolds, he’s the web designer I was talking about.” Vicky turned to Alexander and smiled then she looked at me, “He is Alexander Ryan, my friend, actually, he’s my friend’s fiancé. You get the picture.” She smiles then Alexander held his hand out to me and smiled.

“Nice to meet you, Rye.” Alexander said.

“Same here.” I said, “I don’t know if I should say congratulations on your engagement but I will now, so congratulations.”

“Thanks, man.” Alexander tapped his hand and patted my back, “Thank you.”

“No big, so you’re getting married soon?” I asked.

“Yeah, this August, it’s going to be after my fiancée finishes their last leg of tour in the States.” He motioned as if whispering, “She’s with a band.” Then Alexander moves both of his eyebrows up and down then Vicky punches him.

“You’re so gay, Alex.” Vicky proclaimed.

“I’m about to marry Chrissy and you still think I’m gay?!” Alexander said as he was laughing hard at Vicky. He looks at me and smiles, “Can you believe this girl?”

I just smiled while they were in their own conversation bubble. And I thought to myself what I just learned. He’s Chrissy’s fiancé. He’s going to marry her. He’s the lucky one.

“Hey, Rye, I have to hustle. See you around and you do good with Vhyx’s website alright?” Alexander smiled at me and gives me another hand shake.

“I will, stay safe.” I said.

“You too brother.” Then he takes off.

My meeting with Vicky finishes twenty minutes after and I was out the door reaching for my car. Once I got in, I drowned myself in the wheel. In those seconds I didn’t waste, I was already hitting the wheel in front of me, pulling my hair and saying how stupid of me.

She’s really getting married and I really need to talk to her. But how?

I got my phone and dialed, I don’t remember whose number I dialed because my vision was blurred.

“Hey Rye!”

My eyes opened wide as I heard Jasper’s voice on the other line.

“Yo, Rye you there?”

Crp, of all the contacts I have why did I have to dial Jasper’s phone?

“Hey Rye don’t fckng scare me dude, where the heck are you?”

“Afer, yo what’s up?”

“You tell me what’s up, you called me.”

Nice move, Jasper.

“Look, I need to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“You know.”

“I don’t know.”

“Of course you know!”

“I have no idea what you are talking about, Rye.”

“Afer, really.”

“I’m serious over here, Rye. I don’t know… Wait… You are not thinking of… Oh God you are not!”

“I haven’t told you anything.”

“But you said I know, and I think I know what you are talking about and I’m saying no, Rye. Don’t give a fck.”


“Just listen, Rye. You always do this when you feel unsecured and you have moved on, you have… you…”

“I never did move on, Jasper. I never did.” I said, and there was a long pause.

“Okay. I’m listening.”

“Alright, Rye. This is the goddamn last time, if you fckng screw this, Jasmine’s going to kill not just you, but me as well. Get that to your little brain.” Jasper said as we were making our way through the entrance of the arena where Chrissy’s band, Guys in Plaid Shirts will be playing for tonight.

“Where are Walt and Joe?” I asked.

“They’re already in, Raven’s with Chrissy backstage. Everything’s set. Just don’t rat out on this. This is the last time we’re all helping you.” Jasper said, “Good luck.”

“Thanks.” As my palm crushed into Jasper’s I looked at the stage and the show just started.

“For our last song, I would just like to say that this is one of the songs that helped me get through the toughest time of my life. It was that time that I kept on running back and forth, asking myself if I could just return everything to how it used to be. Back then felt like a nightmare, and I kept asking for someone to help save me,” Chrissy smiled, it was her genuine smile, the one you would always want to see, “But there’s no one to save me but myself. And I’m glad I figured that out soon, because whenever I get to a point where I would need saving, I just look at the mirror and say, ‘Hey, there’s my savior.’ So don’t let yourselves depend on someone to save you. Always learn how to save yourself.”

The crowd roars and Chrissy smiles once again, “I dedicate this song to the person who I used to think saved me and I used to think was my gravity. It was never you, it was just me.”

Then the intro started to play. Chrissy waves her hand and blows kisses to the crowd.

Do you remember feeling invincible?

When there was trouble

It was us against the world

We were running, running through the night

Chasing the sun till anything felt right

She threw her hand up and twirled with grace then paused.

Can you save me now?

I get lost up in the clouds

Can you save me now?

You were my gravity

Can you save me now?

When the ground drops out I get lost in the clouds

Save me now?

You were my gravity

Now my world is shattering

You were my gravity

You were my gravity

Chrissy walked towards the middle, she turned to the side where I was, and that’s when I knew she saw me.

You left me out there

With no one but myself

In an open field

For lightning to strike me down

I was the moon you were the sun

I can't seem to shine now that you're gone

Now I'm out of orbit cause you left with no word

Are you somewhere better now?

She ran through the stage as she sang and enjoyed everything she did.

Can you save me now?

I get lost up in the clouds

Can you save me now?

You were my gravity

Can you save me now?

When the ground drops out I get lost in the clouds

Save me now?

You were my gravity

Now my world is shattering

You were my gravity

You were my gravity

She moved to where I was and we’re face to face. She smiled as if dedicating the next lyrics to me.


When you went away thought I'd never be the same

When would the nightmare ever end

If I could do it again I wouldn't change a thing cause it's made me who I am

She smiled again then turned and walked away.

Now I'm shattering

Can you save me now?

I get lost up in the clouds

Can you save me now?

You were my gravity

Can you save me now?

When the ground drops out I get lost in the clouds

Save me now?

You were my gravity

Now my world is shattering

Now my world is shattering

You were my gravity

She pointed at me as she finished the song then moved along to bow and smile at the crowd still hyped from their performance.

Everyone was smiling except for me.

Because she dedicated that song to me and the regret came rushing in again.

“Let’s go!” I heard Jasper scream to my ear and I my body just moved with him. He dragged me to the backstage. My mind still blank from what I’ve heard and noticed.

I found myself sitting in an empty room well lit enough for me to see the edges of the drawers. I would have loved this room if it was dimmed or dark because that is how it feels. And it feels like I’m in a void, a nightmare that I cannot wake up from.

I hear the door open and someone’s footsteps. Someone came in and I didn’t bother to look up nor look at who it was.

“Thank you for coming to our show.” She started, “I never knew you were here until I saw you in the crowd.”

I heard her smile as she said that. I felt her near to me then footsteps.

“I don’t know what else to say to you.” She said.

I looked at her. Her hair pulled up in a ponytail. She was sweating even though we are in an air-conditioned room. She wore a white shirt and black fitted pants with boots. Her face bore no trace of makeup. I guess she removed them after the show.

“I just wanted to see you.” I said, “I wanted to see you after what happened but I always run away.”

Long pause then I looked at her. She pressed her lips together in a tight line, “I see.”

“I never had the courage to step out and be the man that you always saw me. I guess that disappointed you too?”

She didn’t say anything.

“I really hate myself for not telling you how wrong I was for putting all the blame on you when half the blame was for me. I let you take on the blame for myself, I played victim and made you the criminal. I was a jerk and I should have been the one to tell you what you did not do wrong. But I didn’t. I blamed you, I hated you, and I wanted you to suffer.” I bowed my head, “I was wrong and I’m sorry for everything I did.”

I started to cry. All the pain and hurt that I tried to keep for the past years came out. I was angrier at myself than I ever was. But it feels better to say sorry myself.

I felt her envelope me into an embrace. Her warmth radiated all over me and I started to tell myself that this is what I’ve let go, this is what I used to have and got away.

I felt her kindness and softness. I felt everything that I love about her when she embraced me. All of that and beyond, I will never have anymore. And I have accepted that fact.

I will never be the one.

“Thank you, Rye.” She smiled as she pulled herself away from me and she handed me a letter, “I always wanted to send you this letter but I never did. I wrote this, three months after we broke up because I felt that I should explain whatever happened between us. What went wrong, how wrong it was and why it was wrong. I always knew that half of it was my mistake and the other was yours. I just never tried to push it to you. I kept it to myself because I know you will come around, because you always do, Rye, you always know when to redeem yourself.”

“But… not now, not this time.” I said.

She shook her head, “You and I are individuals. There’s always you and I but there will never be us or we to settle everything. You and I had the chance, but chance is all you and I had and it got away.”

She hugged me again and as she pulled away from me, I felt my heart getting ripped again into pieces.

That’s when I realized that of all the chances I had, why did I choose now?

Because I was too late.

When I got home that night, I stared at the ceiling while holding in my chest the letter Chrissy gave me. I’m gaining all the energy I have left to read this. I didn’t want to read this tomorrow; I want to read it now.

I carefully ripped the envelope and got the letter out. I examined her handwriting and it was the same as I remembered it. It was beautifully written in script. She always wrote in script, she loved the way she encircle every letter thoughtfully.

I focused my eyes now on the letter and tried not to fall asleep.

Dear Rye,

Three months, sixteen days, six hours, two minutes and fifty-nine seconds ago, you and I we’re two of the best people who were together to have fallen apart for a different process no one even us understood—which I have figured out anyway.

One day we hit it off and the next thing I knew is that we just gave up. Actually, if I recall it right, you were the one who gave up and you are just putting the blame on me. Like it always had and always has been.

You and I, how do I even begin describing us—or what could have been an “us”?

You, of all the people I have met in the twenty-one years in my life, I could say that you are not the same as everyone else. Like me, all you wanted was someone to love you more that you could, someone to share both sad and happy memories with and you were that someone who almost had what it is that I really wanted.

I would always say that you we’re a breath of fresh air. Something different, yet good and I forgot that all good things sometimes, they all turn around and become one of those bad things. Everything was just too good, too soon and like a mirror which fell two inches high, we shattered with each piece we happened to be would prick our hearts and souls. And the more we bleed, the more I think and question myself. There are those moments, those sometimes that I wonder why. After what happened, I always wondered why.

The days went on and as we did, thoughts that I should have ignored started to surface. And as I try not to take them in face to face there I realized that I never really did understood you and who you are nor did I know what you really are to me but I never regret you or us. I would never do that do you nor to myself because by doing that would mean that did I just pick out the best part of my life, the turning point, my ground zero. I know you are still hurting, but let me just tell you of how I knew that you and I can never be, because this is the thing that I never told you. And I want you to know now.

Let me just remind you that I am writing for you so I can tell you how sorry I am for breaking your heart, the dreams and the promises we shared. But I can never be sorry for doing the right thing, to break everything that we had before it was too late to do.

We used to be invincible, you and I on our individualities, we were two persons who can be at the top of their games, no matter what. It just so happen that—I think—with the two of us, I’m more of the superior one. Why do I know? It’s because I find it easy for me to scare your socks off and get you shivering to your knees, I admit, at first I liked it but as we progressed on, it didn’t feel fun anymore. It felt like there is always that fear in you, a kind of fear that no matter what I do, it will keep on haunting you as long as I’m with you.

I don’t want you to fear me, I told you that so many times but you keep bringing up and pointing out that I can leave you in any point I could if I wanted to.

And I never wanted to, if you didn’t point that out to me as often as you should.

I was scared for myself, but for you mostly, because I always thought that you’d be able to guide me right, but instead, I felt that I’d be the one doing it for us. It’s not how I thought we would be that we will guide each other, together.

Then it happened, I got sucked on the void and I fell like a bird that had a broken wing. I wanted to fly out but I can’t. I screamed for you but you weren’t there for me. I wanted you to come to me, but you never did. I got sucked further in the void, until there was nothing left of me. You blamed me for falling short, and yes I did fall short, but did you ever think that you did too?

You said, when I asked if you wanted to fix it, no, this will never work out anyway. I wanted to protest because I know better, but at the back of my mind, I know you are decided so I let it go.

You used to be my gravity, something pulling me back when I feel like I’m getting lost with the clouds. You used to be my sun and my orbit but I found out that I just thought that you are and that I’m my own gravity, sun and orbit.

I don’t regret that because I got my wings back. I learned how to fly and soar up. I learned how to test and push my limits. You broke the things I believed in the most and I thank you for giving me that chance.

Thank you for that and I will be forever grateful for it.

And one more thing! You are someone better that anyone else and you have to always think that you are even though I made you feel that you are not.

Yours Sincerely,

Chrissy Concordia Cardenas


The newlyweds, Alexander Ryan and Chrissy Cardenas-Ryan spotted just outside Infinity.

I smiled to the snapped photo of Chrissy and Alexander who were still in their honeymoon. I’m happy for her because I heard news about her and Alexander, and everyone agrees that they are meant to be. After the letter she gave to me, I understood how she knew I was not the one for her and she’s not the one for me. I guess some people just know what is right and wrong for them.

I closed the newspaper back to the side of the table as I picked up my cup of coffee while waiting for Vicky to arrive.

“Sorry, I’m late.” Vicky apologized as she sat down and tried drying herself off.

“Here,” I handed her my towel which I had with me when I got in, I’m supposed to use it when I hit the gym later but she needs it more than me.

“Oh, thanks.” She got the towel and dried herself down, “So, my book, I got one for you. I wanted you to have one of the first copies.”

“Uh, thank you but you didn’t have to give it to me personally. You should have sent it by mail.” I said.

“Really now? I wanted it to be by person, it’s like me thanking you for the website you made for me and no more whining, Rye. We’re all here now.” She smiled to me and she handed me the hardbound book.

“L’amére vérité. That doesn’t sound English.” I said and Vicky was trying hard not to laugh.

“It’s not English, it’s French.” Vicky said smiling, victorious for keeping her laugh bubble not to burst.

“Oh, so what does it have to do with the story?” I asked and I felt my eyebrows touching each other.

“You have to read for you to find out.” Vicky teased and I just went with her.

That night, I got L’amére vérité in my hands and I read the back of it.

I closed my eyes as I was running through the words because this story sounded too familiar to me.

She wanted someone to save her. He wanted someone to love. But neither of them could hold the truth about love, that everything they believe in is not true after all.

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