GRAZIA MARIN©

The alarm sounded, softly and rhythmically. It came from the back of the temperature control unit. The lab was dimly lit and the grey plastic walls did not reflect light. The only usable lights were positioned above the sinks. They were focused downward, allowing the bioengineers to see their work through the large magnifying lenses.

“Hurry up!” Kim breathed tensely. Mia’s hand was already reaching out to make minute adjustments to the temperature of the incubation sink. She glared at Kim and slowly let out an audible sigh of long suffering patience.

“Do you know how long I have been doing this?” was all she replied.

His thin back faced her. She noticed his shoulders tense as he bent over his sink, delicately stretching the endoderm over the matrix. She had to wait until her visor cleared from the condensation of her moist breath before she could continue with her work. Steadily and slowly they both worked on their own units to the soft hum of the bioengineering incubators. Added to this sound was the low gurgle of the pump bathing the cells with enriched liquid nutrients. It occurred to Mia that the two combined noises created a lovely, romantic tune to dance to, in soft light, after a good dinner, with a strong, silent type. No luck. All the engineers on this planet were ‘left overs’.

As the door opened the passage light made a wedge on the grey floor. The next shift was coming in, already suited up. The small lab was too cramped for extra people so Kim and Mia had to move quickly to make a space.

“You’re late again” Kim blasted them. Neither man took any notice of Kim. He was just too much like hard work.

Both Mia and Kim put their instruments back in the holders and withdrew their arms from the glass walls of the incubating sinks. They waddled across the room, their plastic-coated pants making a swishing sound as they walked. This place was never without sound. Mia would have liked to get into a completely quiet place for a while. It could get irritating. Then again, many things were irritating in this claustrophobic factory on this claustrophobic planet.

Just as the pair reached the door, it opened again.

“Kim, there’s mail for you. See what the milk run brought you.” Beano’s big frame blocked most of the doorway and the light was stronger behind him. Neither Kim nor Mia could see much of anything through their visors. Beano began to giggle in that high pitch he knew grated on Kim’s nerves. Since taking up his job on the planet, Beano had put on a lot of weight. His belly gyrated in time with his giggles.

The five bioengineers seemed to be in suspended animation, a pause that was smothered in expectation. Beano didn’t budge. He liked to squeeze the last little bit of annoyance from his performances, sometimes leaving people breathless.

Very slowly Beano stepped aside. No one saw anything as he turned around toward the doorway, but then everyone was looking at head-height. In unison, they looked down. Mia was aware of this and saw the humour in the little pantomime. A collective gasp followed. This also amused Mia, somewhere in the back of her mind. It was like the silly melodrama of old silent films.

Standing in the doorway was a little girl with a soft, brown and pink toy clutched to her chin. Big eyes looked up, startled by the appearance of the suited pair. She looked closer at Kim and asked “Are you my daddy?”

------

Hi dad,

Okay, you asked me to tell you more about how things are here so I will. I will begin with today. This morning when I opened my eyes the cold aluminium ceiling of my bunk rammed into view about ten centimetres away from my face. Everything hems me in: the cramped bunk, the minute floor space, the way I have to squeeze myself between the wall and the toilet to take a bog and the way my elbows hit the walls of the shower booth, (and they all added up to one big ball of tension, Kim thought.)

When I sleep my dreams often flood with matrices, cells, the odour of antiseptic chemicals and the constant low hum that reminds me there is little between myself and the low gravity atmosphere outside.

And the people… boy the people! ... a bunch of lazy misfits who only think of down time and money. How did any of them qualify for the job? As the years drag on it is getting harder and harder to get them to follow protocols. One more year of bioengineering and my contract to the company will finish. But I won’t go on. It’s too boring and I am sure you don’t need to hear me complain.

I will have to finish this letter after my shift……

------

Music in the Space Bar was non-stop. The room, as small as a Parisian basement night club, was filled with loud laughter, magnified by the hard, grey floor and dark blue plastic walls. Like all places that served alcohol, it had a pungent smell of fermentation and moisture. There were groups dancing together, some poker tables on the go and lots of drinking in the gloomy half-light. Kim thought it interesting how liquor was always in full supply but other, simpler amenities were often absent due to “lack of freight space”.

Kim walked to the bar in front of the left wall. Jerry was standing there, leaning against the plastic counter. The floor light in front of the bar cast a strange light up Jerry’s face, touching the space under his eyebrows but not his eyes.

The pressure of Kim’s job as team leader inhibited him. He had a long-standing fear of being inadequate. His reaction to this anxiety was to keep people out. His defences were strong - better to show up other people’s weaknesses and mistakes rather than make any himself. He always carried this task master but Jerry didn’t mind Kim. They played chess occasionally. They sometimes went up to the observation deck and talked about astronomy. Jerry knew Kim’s seriousness and rigidity were laughed at but he could see through Kim’s cold facade. He could see that Kim was insecure and perhaps emotionally immature, but he was also very bright and had some interesting opinions on a wide variety of subjects. Kim wanted to be taken seriously and that is what Jerry did.

“How ya goin’ mate?” Jerry greeted him.

“Okay.” Jerry didn’t expect the polite, return question as Kim didn’t follow the usual niceties of society. Jerry ordered two drinks. Kim looked at the glass in front of him and finally nodded thanks in Jerry’s direction. They stood silently together but Jerry couldn’t hold back. He wanted to get Kim talking. Jerry was bursting with curiosity.

“Heard the news from home?” Jerry asked without looking at Kim. Jerry didn’t begin by asking the burning question everyone wanted to ask Kim about his ‘mail delivery’. Kim needed to be led quietly to a point. “Yurapingu has led a revolt and taken over Parliament House. The long build-up of demonstrations and riots has finally ended in action. The media are calling it the ‘Koori war’.”

“At last.” Kim gulped down the weak spirit. “Those poor buggers have had it bad since the invasion.”

“Yep, and what else could the government expect? Keep a dog down long enough and it will eventually bite back. Isn’t that what happened all those decades ago in the Middle East with the ‘Arab Spring’?”

“I think that’s what happened. But our First Nation people were down there for thousands of years, in happy balance, and the outside world invaded, upsetting that balance and treating them like shit for so long.”

“I have no argument with that, Kim, ‘though I am not sure if that is just a motherhood statement. Well, anyway, Caroline Greg has left for New Zealand to seek asylum and has taken her cabinet with her.”

“The last few years of black unrest made me very nervous, I have to admit. It feels like a big build up has finally reached its zenith. Was there much injury or damage?” Kim asked, leaning into the counter so he could hear Jerry’s reply.

“Apparently little injury but a good deal of property damage. The police couldn’t prevent that. Greg gave up quickly to avoid any deaths, so she said. Since then there hasn’t been any communication coming out of Parliament House. Yurapingu and his entourage have barricaded themselves in and not allowed anyone to use their devices in case of hacking or leaks. I don’t know what they will hold out for. It may be a blessing being up here for a while, don’t you think?”

Kim nodded and blew out air from his pursed lips in emphasis. Someone changed the music card to the latest new wave punk. Most people on the dance floor grumbled back to their tables. New wave punk was arrhythmic and impossible to move to. Both men winced.

“So, what else is new Kim?” Jerry quietly probed, watching Kim from the corner of his eye.

Kim didn’t reply but Jerry could see the brain wheels spinning and Kim’s eyes darting here and there. Jerry bid his time, allowing the silence to play on Kim’s nerves.

----

“You’re contaminating the lab. Get out of here!” Kim growled at Beano. The little girl squatted on the floor and began to cry. Mia bent down and tried to say something but her muffled voice didn’t sound natural through her visor. Beano bent down too and struggled to pick up the girl.

“I think she is very tired and confused. It is a long trip up here. What do you want me to do with her Kim?” Beano’s voice was more subdued but his eyes and smirk said something else.

“It has nothing to do with me. I wish you would leave me alone. Your jokes choke the breath out of everyone.” Kim’s temper was rising.

“This ain’t no joke, baby. The manifest says she is your child, therefore, you are responsible for her. Her escort has already gone back on the return flight.”

Kim pushed passed Beano and headed for the decontamination booth to change his clothes. “If you’ve spoiled this batch you will pay for it.”

“Hey, wait a minute. I am not looking after her. She is yours.” Kim was already gone. Beano turned to Mia, bewildered and opened mouthed. “What do I do?” The joke had deflated.

“Perhaps you’d best take her to the crèche in the family quarters. One of the carers might look after her until this is sorted out.”

“Nothing to sort, Mia. She’s Kim’s. The papers say so.”

“I want to go home,” sniffled the little girl.

“I know love, but that may be difficult right now. Let’s get you some warm milk and get you to bed.” Beano was soft and cooing. Who would have thought?

-----

Although the shift had just begun, a hot silence had already tinged the air with sparks. There was a lot to do now that the batches were near completion. As the team leader Kim had to finish them off, prepare and label the electronic freeze boxes, write up the despatch report and organize pick up for the next milk run back to Earth. With such a long, multi-legged journey the batch could easily be contaminated. A lot of the worry could be eliminated if the company invested in their own dedicated freight ships. They needed to keep their shareholders happy so nothing was invested in the necessary infrastructure. It was left up to the poor suckers on the floor to bend over backwards to see that all the work they did meant something on Earth. Kim was getting more uptight by the minute. His visor was constantly steaming up.

Mia was on automatic, moving around the lab as silently as she could. She didn’t want Kim crankier than he was. His ‘news’ was all over the factory and probably in the other factories on Hexon 3 too. The place was small and with little distraction scandals became inflated. Mia was eager to know about the little girl. Was Kim human after all? Mia couldn’t imagine him having sex. What kind of a woman would want to get that close and personal with him? Kim was cold and a perfectionist, two characteristics that didn’t go well with hot sex. He didn’t like mess and sex was messy. No, she just couldn’t see it.

But, there it was. The girl even looked like him, a bit. Mia had to wait like everyone else, even though she worked closely with Kim. She didn’t have a special relationship with him. He treated everyone in the same way, except perhaps Jerry. Jerry was the only person Kim spent any time with. Perhaps Jerry knew more. She would ask him next time she saw him in the Space Bar, or perhaps in the caf.

“If you’ve finished your batch of endoderm begin to prepare the casing for it.” Kim startled Mia, speaking to her just behind her. “What’s the matter with you?” he snapped.

“Nothing. I didn’t know you were there, (goddamn it!)” she added under her breath. One more year to go! She, Jerry, Kim and Beano had joined the company at the same time. They even travelled together on the rattly commuter ship up to Hexon 3. They were inducted together and experienced their first space storm together. That was five years ago, but it seemed a ‘forever’ time. Mia remembered when they first arrived and she got lost trying to find her quarters. She just couldn’t get the layout of the building in her head. She came across Kim in one of the hallways and he showed her how to get to her room. He was aloof and superior in manner even then. He made her feel inadequate and foolish.

Slowly and carefully Mia peeled the endoderm from its growth base inside the incubating sink, using long forceps. She had learned how to adjust her movements to the lower gravity on the planet. When it peeled away she lifted it with steady hands and aimed the forceps towards the gel bed inside the transport container. The ‘derm was about 10 centimetres long – a good batch. She was pleased. Mia had nurtured it along with minute precision. There was nothing wrong with this batch. It may save a number of lives in the burns unit. That felt good to know. She was proud. A few cocktails tonight!

“It’s ready,” she said quietly, not wanting to startle Kim as she could see he was just about to lay his own stretch of ‘derm over a bed of gel in the ccontainer.

“Hang on,” he mumbled, not wanting to slip or bump his batch. When he laid it down he carefully put his forceps down and removed his arms from the incubator. They swapped places, inspecting each other’s containers. That was his procedure. He didn’t want any poor batches leaving his lab. Both batches were perfect.

Mia watched Kim punch in the data on the LED labelling device: KT2057/5/HX3/10. KT were his initials, then the year and month, the place and finally the batch number. It was all correct.

“Okay, you can sign off and go. I’ll pack them and get them off.” That’s a relief, Mia thought. One more year to go.

----

Kim drained his glass and asked if Jerry wanted to go to the observation deck. Kim had heard there was going to be a minor shower of asteroids off to the south. They could see it through the telescope. Jerry agreed. The Space Bar was getting far too noisy. An argument was just beginning at one of the card tables so this was a good time to leave. Mia joined them as they moved toward the entrance. She was wearing tight red leggings and a tight red top, so different to the white baggy plastics they had to wear in the lab.

“You going upstairs?” she asked “Can I come too? I would like to see the show.” Mia thought there could be a couple of shows, one outside in the void and one inside, if she had the courage to ask Kim about his mail delivery.

Jerry fell in behind Mia as they entered the lift. She caught him looking at her rear. Jerry was a little older than the others, unmarried and a bit of a rover. Mia was comfortable with that. Jerry was safe and Mia felt very happy after a good day’s work.

When they arrived at the observation deck, Beano was already there and hogging the telescope. He stared at Kim but then turned back to the eye piece without saying anything. That surprised Mia. Beano was a mouth. All the way up to Hexon 3 he hadn’t stopped talking and joking. After three days, it became intolerable. After fifteen days, everyone on board was ready to burst. He still hadn’t stopped and there was no escape.

The deck was cramped with four people. It felt awkward and a little embarrassing to be so physically close. The lower gravity caused their bodies to occasionally swing up against each other. The dim space was often used by couples looking for a place to hang out and feel each other up.

Deck etiquette dictated that people waited their turn until the person on the one small telescope had finished. Conversely, it was thought antisocial for anyone to use the telescope for more than a minute if there were people waiting. Beano was taking his time. He began to make interesting, appreciative noises as though he were seeing something marvellous. Mia looked up through the thick transparent glass of the port hole. She could see a glow toward the south of the planet which made the usual bright array of stars a little less visible.

“Beano, get on with it.” This was Jerry. He wasn’t a pushy person but people tended to take notice of him. Kim sighed audibly. Mia said nothing.

“Yeah, yeah,” Beano replied, straightening up from the telescope and side stepping away. Everyone had to shuffle around like one of those very old toys where little squares are moved around a confined space to make words or a picture.

“Go ahead Mia,” Jerry commanded quietly. Mia bent down to look through the eye piece. She felt everyone staring at her figure but chose to play it cool and let them. “Can you see anything?” he asked.

“Can you?” Mia playfully replied. “Well, I can see some shimmering but it’s not too clear.”

The men were quiet. There seemed to be rising tension in the small deck. Mia looked up. Jerry and Beano were looking at Kim but Kim was looking out the port hole crossing his arms close to his chest, oblivious. They were so close that Mia could smell Beano’s breath.

Beano was the first to tactlessly jump in. “What are you going to do about the girl?” There was no reply. Kim just gazed out the port hole.

“Kim, are you ignoring me?” Beano didn’t let go.

“I didn’t know you were talking to me,” mumbled Kim, still looking out the port hole. “What do you want?”

“The-little-girl, what-are-you-going-to-do-about-her?” Beano articulated every word, slowly and deliberately. Everyone watched Kim.

“I know nothing about her. What are YOU going to do?” All eyes went to Beano.

“There is a notice on the briefing room wall. The Super wants you in his office at 0600 tomorrow. Ignoring this won’t make it go away.” Beano was determined to get everything out in the open. He was pushing it a bit. Kim was making an effort to be unfazed.

“You’ve never spoken about a family Kim. They must miss you very much. Are they back on Earth?” Mia asked, grateful for this opening. All eyes went to Kim.

Kim looked at Mia. He was struggling with something. She expected a blast but it didn’t happen.

“I am not married. I don’t have a family,” he replied directly to Mia, his quiet voice hinting of frustration.

“What about the girl then, Kim? What’s her name?” Jerry piped in, in an equally subdued voice.

“It’s Ketry. She is six years old.” Beano was happy to inform them. “Her papers say her parents died over six months ago. The papers also say Kim is her father.

“Oh, shit!” Kim exclaimed, his eyes suddenly enlarged and it wasn’t due to the dim light. He caught his breath and held it then let go in a rush. He pushed past the others and sped out of the deck. The other three were left looking at each other, startled. Jerry gently lifted Mia’s hand from the telescope and looked through the eye piece.

“Ahh, quite a storm out there now. Lots of sparks flying past, setting the world on fire.”

***

“Kim, leave it go. It is just not fate. Your destiny is somewhere else.”

“There is no such thing as bloody fate, dad, you know that!” Superstition infuriated Kim. His father was ignorant, Kim thought. “I couldn’t pass the exams and that’s it. There is no ‘God’s Plan’ as you put it. I failed and shall have to take second best. I just couldn’t make the grade.”

His father didn’t respond but looked at Kim with weary eyes. How to talk to a son who shares nothing of himself? What to say when everything is wrong? Fatherhood is so hard!

Michael, Kim’s father, remembered Kim as a baby. Kim often cried long into the night. Nothing would appease him. As a boy, Kim needed his food in separate plates or he would refuse to eat. As an adolescent, he became withdrawn and lacked any humour. He would disappear for long walks somewhere. As a man, he left Michael walking on egg shells. Trying to make Kim happy was not possible. When Kim belittled his faith he could be very hurtful.

“The only thing left for me is bioengineering, being a babysitter to body parts. I can’t fly but at least I can get into outer space this way.” Kim’s ambition was to enter the space program in Canberra and to pilot the latest plasma fuelled orbitor ship. Kim had harboured this yearning for years but couldn’t pass the theory exams. He had two attempts and that was all that were allowed. Kim was full of bitterness and disappointment. He wasn’t a flexible, easy going person who could think of other things to fill the void. He hadn’t devised a Plan B. It was pilot or nothing. However, the course instructors strongly suggested bioengineering in outer space. He was intelligent enough and this occupation took him travelling. Eventually, he agreed.

“I came to let you know that I will begin the induction and acclimatisation next week. I will leave for Hobart on Monday.” Kim looked away from his father so that he couldn’t see the disappointment on his father’s face. Kim wanted to hug Michael but just couldn’t bring himself to do so. His father wanted to hug him back but the barrier was too high.

“I am letting the flat go and have to be out by the weekend. If it is okay with you could I stay the night here on Sunday and leave most of my things in my old room?” Michael cheered up at this. “I will have to leave them here for six years. Is that okay?”

“Yes, of course,” Michael replied eagerly. “Can I make your favourite dinner?” he asked hopefully.

“Sounds like the last supper. That would be good. So … I’ll see you then.” There was nothing else to say between them so Kim left.

All the way back to his flat Kim felt the heavy weight of guilt. His chest ached. Another opportunity to change things but he just couldn’t bring himself to show his true feelings. Michael was getting old, Kim could see. Would Michael still be around in six years? Kim was all he had since his mother died. His father must be lonely even with his belief in the afterlife and God.

***

Kim boarded the Speed Rail from Melbourne which would take him over the Strait to the 4th Terminal in Hobart, the one that was the departure point for Intergalactic Lines. This was the commuter fleet which flew the milk run to Hexon 3. Michael insisted on travelling with him to Hobart and would return to Melbourne immediately. Both men were happy with this plan. Now that the departure was imminent they felt an urgent need to express some warmth to each other. This would be awkward for both of them.

The trip across the Strait was rough. The strong Westerlies buffeted the suspended rail line and created a constant vibration on board. The two men had little to say but were heavily aware of each other. They watched the rough sea below them and saw many gas rigs in the distance. The north coast of Tasmania came into view. This was the signal for the Speed train to slow down for the arrival. This took some time - plenty of time for Kim and Michael to grow more awkward and sadder. After arriving, Kim walked Michael to his departure platform. The men briefly embraced but avoided each other’s eyes.

“Remember us, will you? You’ll be in me prayers,” Michael whispered as he laid a hand on Kim’s shoulder.

“Of course, dad,” Kim replied, equally quietly. “I have a text wallet with me so I’ll send text tubes regularly, on each milk run.”

Michael’s eyes misted as he stepped up onto the train, his aged shoulders hunched over.

“Bye son.”

“Bye dad, and don’t worry.”

Kim turned and briskly walked back to the entrance and on to Intergalactic’s Office. He would have to spend several days at the terminal’s passenger quarters to have his flying suite fitted, spend some time in the low gravity chamber and then have his luggage stowed on board. He didn’t want to think about his father. He busied himself with the complex preparations for the space flight.

***