This book is dedicated to a girl that was the most important person in my life. She committed suicide about a year ago, before she did she gave me her journal and told me that it is where her true heart and soul lie. Her name will remain anonymous but let’s call her Angel. Angel and I have been close for so long that I can’t remember, if we’re being real then she was my first and only crush. She had depression, autism, adhd, was suicidal and a lot more. She hardly ever smiled but when she did I swear it could light up a whole mansion. She was quiet but her voice was soft and melodic. The only things she liked was reading, drawing, singing in private, and most of all writing poetry. She always wanted to be a poet and she loved the dark and twisted beauty that was in Edgar Allen Poe’s poems. The only friend she had was me but of course I thought of her as much more then a friend. I wrote her an anonymous letter in middle school saying that I liked her but I guess she thought it was a joke. It broke my heart but I swore to always stay by her side. After she committed suicide I looked through her most cherished journal and a note fell out. It was for me, it said, "🎶If only, if only, I told you before~Maybe we could have done something more~I’m sorry I made you wait so long~The only way I can tell you the truth is in song~I wanted to tell you this long ago ago~There’s something that you must know~I love you for who you are~And I’m sorry it took me so long🎶". I didn’t know she felt this why until too late and I wish I could her don’t more. I want her to live on through her journal entries. I hope you enjoy.
My life… where do I start? I guess from where I remember, nine or ten years ago.
As a child I was naive, blind to the truth. People always praised me for my beauty and talent but not for who I truly was.
I guess I felt like my life was perfect… but then there were the nightmare. That horrific man of shadows that pushed me off the cliff and then I would magically come back up.
He haunts me… by why did he do that to me? Maybe he was trying to show me reality… or was there something more?
My mother, a shadow that I hardly saw except at night. Did she even know I was there sometimes? My father, already taken into the darkness of deaths grasp.
Did they love me? I witnessed many things in my house that a child so young should never witness. Yelling, screaming, throwing things, my mothers "special guests", my own dear brothers basically at each other’s necks.
"Why did this happen", I ask myself as I locked myself in my room and cried. "Why me…why, why, why… Why?
It’s because of something someone said. My beloved family broken up because of stupid words. "Words have power", my brother told me, "Just pray and it will be answered".
I prayed…and prayed…and prayed, but what happened. Nothing. No one will help you, this is what the shadow meant. Nothing will help you, Welcome to Reality.
I guess that’s where and when I lost part of myself to him… to my Reality.
I can try to escape him but he’ll find me… he always does…