Emotion is something I can't understand. I don't remember how it felt to feel frustrated, depressed, delighted, or even empty. Not even family who’ve passed. I may not know how it is to feel, but I think I know who might be important. Something we call a “friend” might be someone important. Actions such as conversation, knowing another persons life and story might be one of the steps that make them important. Seeing them everyday might make them important. Maybe even sharing a meal together might be as well. 

I can’t tell if this is what makes them important, but I do think those might be part of the process. 

I may be wrong, i’ll never know.

They say that time passes by slowly if you’re feeling down, does that mean I’ve been depressed this whole time? How i’d like to know, Damian, childhood friend whom i’ve been living with, tells me it’s an awful feeling and there are different levels to feeling that. I think his answer is extremely vague. Despite that, I believe I might know what it means to like something. I think I’m experiencing it right now. Grass is mellow, sky’s hidden behind pollution, light wind caresses through my skin, and solitude is something I believe to think is nice. It’s said that time goes by quicker when you’re enjoying the moment, and every moment passes by quick when I see the blue sky or the stars. I think that’s what enjoying yourself is like. Damian tells me that i’ve got a good idea of it, but there’s something that’s missing and even he can’t seem to remember what that something is, says it’s something that you just sort of know. I can never understand his responses. If you’ve experienced something, you should know how it was like therefore knowing about it. “It’s not that simple” he says. “Our emotions are something different depending on the scenario. The brain reminds you of something while the heart alters your reaction.” I can only understand half of that. The brain is capable of reminding you various of things, but the heart is something I can never really grasp. What role does the heart play when it comes to the brain, they’re 2 completely different organs. The mind and body are strange. That’s enough thought about that, i’ll just see how long it’ll take to reach 8:00pm now that I see the clear sky. 

It is now 6:46pm

6:47...

6:48...

7:00.

9:00pm

Guess i’ll head back now, take the same route and encounter the same things and people who go to the same school as I. I don’t go to school, it’s a place where everyone goes to learn, but I already know everything and every time I question anything and/or strive for more information, they seem to ignore me. Damian tells me that they don’t want to argue with me, i didn’t even know we were arguing. He even says that everyone avoids me because they don’t feel comfortable. I wonder how it’s like, to feel comfortable that is. According to Damian, i’m lucky I don’t get to feel anything from this. Says that feeling lonely or distant is something no one wants to experience, no matter what they say. I’m unable to comprehend it, I think that if I felt that way, it would feel okay. Of course, i wouldn’t understand. 

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