finally being able to see that light that was promised at the end of your long, dark tunnel.
the feeling of relief when you realise you might be ok, after all.
these moments are few and far between.
but when they make themselves known again, it's blinding.
bowled over by the city lamps and blaring cars that coax you out of your own head.
being offered a thrill, being able to say yes to it.
it's these moments when you feel lucky to be where you are, just so you can be proud of where you came from.
because we're not all proud of that.
sometimes it takes a while to get over it.
because how is it fair that it's decided for you? why can't you just get on a plane and jet off to wherever the fuck?
oh, because that's unrealistic.
(and a bit immature.)
it's weird to think that people want to be from around here.
people want to move here, and play happy families as they're surrounded.
surrounded by what i class as doom and gloom, a place where no one ever matters and no one ever will.
so what do you do?
you change that.
make it happen.
it seems easy to just tell yourself that you're doing fine where you are and you never want to leave.
but you can never truly feel that inside, unless you see it for yourself.
what's the point in this massive universe if you're not going to go out and live in it?
i don't want to stay and be proud, i want to experience and be proud, instead.
it's only fair for you to get to choose where you end up if you work for it.
and it's starting to feel like i am actually deserving of a new life, after all.
deep down, maybe, just maybe, i'll get to see it for myself.
and then i can truly appreciate me, and how i've managed to carry all of my broken pieces here.
making it over that finish line, victorious and beaming.
i've never felt that before.
but this sure feels like a step in the right direction.
crying can only work for so long.
your tears stop working as makeshift cement.
bound to crumble sooner or later, considering how much water they've been exposed to.
you don't think the waterworks really, well, work.
finding new cement may take help.
and that's allowed, it's acceptable.
that's the thing, you've never let yourself be truly happy, but, why?
aren't you as deserving of happiness as anyone else?
you're worthy, just as worthy as the rest of them.
maybe this was the reminder you needed?
it's dark, and some days will always be dark.
but, you can keep going.
eventually you'll get your reward, like you've always deserved.
like you've always craved.
and you can jump on all the bandwagons as you so desire.