The Door to Understanding Yourself and How to Unlock it


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 Being different can affect a person in many ways. After years of dealing with differences and developing personal interests, you can learn a lot. I like to think of it as gaining another key for the multi-padlocked door to understanding yourself. 

Maybe, there's this one song. One song that resonates with you, that struck a chord deep inside your soul. Maybe it's a character. Their smile, every appearance of them can make you trapped under the spell of young wonder all over again. 

The beautiful thing, I've found, about being different is that things will come and go in life that will feel good for maybe a minute, a day, a year. But the one thing, the one defining thing about your difference is that euphoria you feel. Encompass it now, cherish it. Believe in it, relish in it and thrive off it. You're young, you won't be young for much longer. Your time is running out. 

There will be other things, of course there will be other things, things arguably more important than your unique tastes now. But, you are only young once. Being young is the time to experiment and have fun and explore what you like and what you don't. If you don't have anything that separates you from everyone else, what defines you? 

You're another carbon copy, a camouflaged being. Wallpaper in the dining room of life. However you like to look at it, your differences should never be used against you. 

Your differences empower you; let them. They challenge you; take them on. They make you who you are; don't discount them.  And take it from me, certainly don't change them for anyone. Gain a key from this. 

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 I've spent a long time in my short 16 years pondering my self-worth. 

I've fallen down the 'spiral of despair' countless times (trying desperately to be profound) and worse than that, I've considered myself depressed at the worst of times. I'm no doctor, but I believe that you can label your emotions as anything you wish. And I don't think I needed a piece of paper or words from a professional to tell me that what I was feeling was depression.

 As you'll have read, I grew up being different and being interested in things that weren't considered 'normal.' I've struggled with shitty inconveniences such as sleep apnea or SED, both of which I'm sure you've never heard of. But at the tippity top of this, I've definitely hated everything about myself, wanted everything to be over, and felt unashamed about admitting so. As much as that's changed, it's still hard now for me to feel comfortable in myself. Obviously there are things I still hate, I'm only human, and I don't expect to love everything about me. It's all a learning curve, a work in progress. No one can be confident in all they have, but no one can hate everything either. 

I have a theory that your 'bad' qualities are as useless to have as a dead brain cell. They're creating clutter and taking up space. Make them go away! A lot easier said than done, as you will learn too. It'll take time, maybe ten days, or even ten years. But tie those things you don't like about yourself to your dead brain cells and let them sink. Let the extra weight of them drop right through your body, and let it all escape. No one wants clutter in the workspace, do they? 

That's another key for your door! 

P.S. - I've learnt to love my nails. Find things you love too, to keep your good brain cells working. 

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 I have a few mediocre abilities that I've discovered through times of need. Those not so good times I talked about in the previous chapter led me to realise that I possess some level of skill in arty subjects. I can string together a relatively interesting or witty sentence, and I can draw a pretty flower - (just about!) - and for me, drawing & writing are coping mechanisms.

 If you've read my publication "Documents of a teenage girl" then you should know that all five chapters of that were written when I was feeling incredibly emotional, in need of a distraction, and fast. Whether it was heartbreak, anger, or passion, I needed to take that fuel and light myself a fire to get warm again. 

Because that's what emotions are, they're fuel. Just simple components of elements put together to make you work magic. The point I'm making, without any more crazy analogies, (although I can't promise anything!) is that not one person doesn't have a talent within themself that isn't worth utilising. The art of coping is a tricky old thing, and I realise that I sound like a 90-year-old retired, troubled English teacher; but my crazy analogies are what makes me, me! Who would I be without terrible puns or philosophical pieces that I like to think are helping someone? 

But the grand expedition that is finding your skill would be fruitless if it wasn't for the pain that accompanies it. You can't climb a mountain without stopping to breathe. And you can't discover your talent if you don't feel anything during it. 

My point, I guess, is that you need to realise that everything won't always be easy, but the difficulties are what lead you to success. 

Your key collection is looking rather lovely, is it not? 

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Articulated (read: Glorified) Rant

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