This is a book about a smart guy who does many stupid things, a self-professed loser who wants nothing more to be respected and recognised by his peers. Naturally this leads to a significant amount of desperation, desperation which eventually corrupts his essentially good nature and leads to a complete breakdown in most of his personal relationships as he pursues the fame and fortune he is convinced will grant him happiness. Luke Mathers is not a hero or a villain, just an ordinary guy who gets handed an extraordinary opportunity and goes too far in trying to seize it.

Um... hi.

Well. This is awkward.

So... do you like weather? No, no, that's cool, I'm not really a fan either. I was just, um, asking.

Anyway, I've written about half a book, because I'm bored and I like writing. I'm weird like that. Actually, it's probably more like a third at the moment, I'm still editing some of the latter pages. I'll post chapters when I finish them, which will be irregular, but I can at least guarantee that it will take far longer than it should. If you do read this and are waiting for updates (which would surprise me), I should be able to get through at least one a week, except when I'm busy with work or uni or being overseas.

Optimistically, this should be completed within the year. Realistically, probably add three or four months onto that timeframe and you're less likely to be disappointed. This book is about a broke, unhappy and rather desperate young man who gets drunk one night and punches somebody. This makes him (relatively) rich and famous. For further details, read on.

Alex’s jaw literally dropped when he saw Luke’s response, and an involuntary grin broke out across his face. It’d been months since he’d actually seen him, the guy he still considered to be his best mate, and he’d been kind of sad at the thought of them drifting apart. Luke was always busy, always working or hanging out with his new roommates while Alex lived at home and went to uni and worked a shitty part time job at Coles. He was almost jealous in a way, although he’d never admit it, because Luke seemed to be growing up properly while Alex was still stuck in that high school phase, trying to party every night, go to class in the morning and never think about the uncertain future. Everybody else his age seemed to know what they were doing - Alex felt like he was filling in time, doing things because he was told he should do them, not because he really wanted or needed to.

    “What’s that?” Elli asked, glancing up sleepily from the couch beside him. She’d been resting her head on his shoulder while they watched Requiem for a Dream, and her eyes were red and droopy from the weed they’d been smoking.

    “Lukey’s in!” he chuckled, wondering whether the buzzed amusement he was feeling came from himself or the drugs.

    “Oh cool,” she said, sounding almost as happy as he felt. Elli had always liked the big man, and for a while Alex had been a little jealous of that, wondering whether it was purely platonic. “Do you want to get him over for pres, or just meet up in the city?”

    Alex tried to consider that, but his head was full of smoke and all he could do was grin and chuckle quietly to himself. “Yeah, we’ll get him over here,” he managed to respond after a couple of false starts. “Your mum and dad aren’t back until late, yeah?”

    “They’re leaving after lunch, and it’s like a ten hour drive isn’t it?”

    Alex shrugged. “Legally?” They both laughed at the in-joke. “Yeah, about that, maybe longer if your dad’s driving.”

    “Mmm,” Elli mumbled, half sleepy, half sexy. She’d wrapped her left arm around his shoulders when they’d started talking, and now her right hand was creeping across too, rubbing the front of his tight jeans. Alex glanced drowsily across at the TV for a second. Mrs Goldfarb was at the beginning of her psychotic breakdown, dark figures flashing past her on the sidewalk while that creepy music played, and he knew he should be feeling sad. He’d watched the movie twice before, and remembered almost crying the first time he saw this scene, but he was warm and comfortable and he was with Elli, and her hand was inside his pants now and he was getting hard again.

    “You wanna go upstairs?” Alex asked, his mind choosing that inconvenient moment to switch back on again.

    “Mmnnn, it’s too far,” she murmured, and really, who was he to argue with that?

    Sex was always great with Elli, and the marijuana just made it feel better. It was like they were more connected, almost two people in the one skin while he was inside her, and with the weed he always seemed to last longer. They started slowly, kissing deeply as Elli slid on top of him, while Alex wrapped his arms around her, their tempo increasing as Elli moved closer to orgasm. She came twice before they were done, and the music seemed to climax with them the second time, as the movie ended and Elli rolled off him to the side.

    Looking at her then, breathing deeply through that happy half smile as she lay beside him on the couch, Alex really thought that he might be in love. It wasn’t a scary thought, although maybe that was just his buzzed mind shedding it’s inhibitions, but over the past couple of weeks he’d come to realize that this was the one part of his life he didn’t question. He could no longer even think of being jealous or insecure when he was with her, or suspicious when there were other guys around. Elli was the one thing that made sense, something that didn’t have to be questioned or analyzed or obsessed over. It was a good thought.

    Alex had lost most of his clothes - he couldn’t remember how or when or where he’d put them - and he realized that he’d been ignoring his buzzing phone. There were six new messages waiting for him, from Luke and Jane and Hannah. He read Luke’s first, and another smile broke out - it was confirmed. A miracle had happened and Lukey Mathers was up for a night out in the city, just like old times. Then he read Jane and Hannah’s and started laughing, even though the drugs were wearing off and he was beginning to feel a little more clear-headed.

    “What?” Elli asked, with that sexy little pout she did when she suspected that he might be making fun of her.

    “Jane and Hannah are in the car outside,” he managed to gasp out, struggling to breathe through the uncontrollable giggles. “They must have been waiting for like ten minutes.” He broke down into another fit of laughter.

    “Oh my god!” Elli cried, decidedly less amused. Within half a second she was covering herself, scurrying around after discarded clothes while trying to keep half an eye on the half-closed blinds. Their garden and hedge blocked the street from view, but the front yard was still only partially obscured from the living room.

    “I hope they didn’t come up to the door,” Alex wheezed, the giggles finally starting to subside.

    “Oh my god don’t even say that!” she repeated, dashing to open the windows in a wain attempt to let some of the smoke out. “Tell them not to come in yet.”

    “OK, whatever,” Alex answered, shooting off a quick message. Sorry, was just in the shower and Ellis sleeping. Be down in 5, he sent them, going in search of his own clothes around the living room floor.

    By the time Elli allowed him to go out and greet Jane and Hannah most of the evidence was gone, although there was still some smoke in the air and Alex thought it looked pretty obvious what had just been going on. Jane certainly seemed to think so, winking at Alex on her way in before heading over to hug Elli. “So what have you two been up to?” she asked in her most suggestive voice, and Elli turned red and pretty much gave the game away.

    The two girls had always been best friends, even from primary school, although they were quite different in appearances and personality. Elli was a skinny little half-Asian girl, quiet and shy and dedicated to her studies. Jane was an extrovert, tall and blond and sporty, always taking the lead and ready to try new things. Alex had been trying to get with her before he really got to know Elli, but Jane hadn’t been interested and had somehow managed to set the two of them up without Alex even noticing. He’d never told Elli that, but now it didn’t really matter. Some things were just meant to be, and they were one of them.

    Hannah, as always, trailed Jane in, stopping to say hi to Alex while her two friends hugged. Once upon a time Alex had thought that she must be even more shy than his girlfriend, but the more he thought about it, the more he recognized that she was just eerily calm and reserved. Nothing ever seemed to phase or excite Hannah, certainly not enough to shock her out of that quiet state of equilibrium she always seemed to inhabit. She was a little taller than Jane, tall enough to look him in the eye when she wore heels, with light mousy brown hair and deeper brown eyes, and in his mind she existed at the shoulder of her louder friend. The more time Alex spent with them, however, the more he realized that it was actually Hannah calling the shots. She was smart, that much was obvious, and very good looking, not that she seemed to notice, and the combination made people listen to her quiet commands.

    Soon the girls had all hugged and exchanged greetings and told each other how pretty they looked, and everybody was settled in for the night. Jane wanted to know if they had any pot left over, but Alex and Elli had already smoked the last of it and were starting to feel quite hungry. Elli hadn’t managed to go shopping in the three days since her parents had left for Sydney, but Jane and Hannah had brought some ingredients to cook a stir fry. They forced a reluctant Elli to help them make it, on the pretext that she should be good at it because her dad was Asian.

    Alex strongly disagreed with the suggestion that any food Elli made could be edible, let alone good, but he was so hungry that it didn’t really matter, and anything was better than having to cook for himself. He lounged on the couch, flipping idly through some European soccer scores on his phone while the girls prepared dinner, blocking out their friendly banter and trying not to cry when he saw how close he’d come to making a thousand bucks on a fifty to one multi.

    Dinner was surprisingly decent despite the burnt bok choy, and it was a pleasant enough meal sitting around chatting with friends. Nobody had any real announcements to make, most of them still enjoying the long summer break from uni and trying to make it last forever. Jane and Hannah both admitted to remaining depressingly single, and took turns congratulating Elli on finding Alex, Jane flirting exaggeratedly with him whenever Elli was looking. It was all good fun, but soon Alex was bored with the endless talk, and when Hannah announced that she’d brought a copy of Mean Girls over he decided that it might be time to call it a night. Announcing that he would rather shoot himself than be forced to watch that movie for a sixth time, he left them to it and headed upstairs to Elli’s bedroom. There was only one more thing he needed to take care of for the day, and that was to call Matt Jones, the guy who was holding their tickets for the following night’s party.

    Truth be told, Matt was a bit of a creepy guy, but he had always been friendly enough to Alex, and nobody in their right mind would turn down an invite for a free night out at Palace. It was probably the most exclusive club in the city, constantly holding events attended by whichever celebrities happened to be in town, and entry alone was usually upwards of $25 a head. Alex had actually tried to get in once with some mates from footy, but the bouncer had rejected him on the grounds that his dark jeans were not quite dark enough to go with black leather shoes.

    Tomorrow night was going to be big, with international DJs in the house for some promotional event with the UFC, all sorts of American fighters from a variety of disciplines in town to promote a big show later in the month. He’d been talking to Matt during the commerce class they shared, and Matt had randomly offered to get him and some friends on the list, providing of course that the he kept the ratio better than even. It was a bit weird that a balding thirty year old man would be at uni, let alone trying to be best mates with kids a decade younger, but in this one case Alex was ready to overlook it.

    “What’s up my man?” Matt asked by way of greeting. “You pumped and ready for tomorrow?”

    “Yeah mate,” Alex enthused, trying to sound as pumped as possible. “Gonna be huge. I’ve just sorted out the plus ones if you’re interested.”

    “Too easy mate. Give me some names.”

    “OK. You ready?” He paused for a second. “It’ll be me, Elizabeth Lin, Luke Mathers, Sam Burton, Jane McKenzie and Hannah McKay.”

    “Ooh, that might be a problem.” Alex heard the wince down the phone, not that he believed it for a second. “The ratios not great man, not that great at all. Could you get rid of one of the guys and bring another chick?”

    “Come on mate, you told me you ran the joint,” Alex laughed, deciding that friendly banter would be the way to go. “Surely you can get just the six us in.”

    “I dunno man.” There was a brief pause, but Alex already knew the answer. Matt liked to play hard to get in that way, always liked you to know that you owed him a big favor, but in the end he would make it happen. “Look, I’ll do it just for you mate. You’re on the list, just make sure you’ve got ID for Gary at the door.”

    “OK no problems man, I really appreciate it.”

    “No worries brother, any time,” Matt answered in his strangely forced blend of blokey good humor. “Catch you tomorrow night.”

    The next day passed by slowly, each hour dragging by more slowly than the last. Alex had never been able to sleep in past the sun, and so with the girls still in bed he headed off to the gym, trying to keep up with the pre-season weights schedule his coach had set. There was good money to be made playing in the Mornington league, but the competition was tough and if he slacked off at all there was no way Alex would be playing seniors. It felt good to get out and do something in the morning, and he’d always liked the camaraderie between the guys he shared the gym with. Unfortunately the place was just about deserted that morning, so once he’d completed his last set there was nothing to do but drive back over to Elli’s place. The girls were still asleep, so Alex spent most of the morning playing GTA III on his XBox, wondering how it was that some people were content to do so little in a day.

    Hannah was the first up, rising just after one, and they shared a lunch of reheated stir fry, which was now greasy and half-brunt and unevenly heated by the old microwave. Alex texted Sam and Luke while they were eating, urging them to hurry up and get their arses over before he died of boredom. Alex had nothing against any of the girls, and they were all good friends, but honestly a full day in their company could become excruciatingly boring.

    Hannah seemed to be in a good mood, and spent a quarter of an hour quizzing Alex about the night ahead. She wanted to know who’d be DJing (Alex didn’t know and couldn’t have cared less), which celebrities would be attending (probably a bunch of American dickheads), when they needed to get there (about 11:30), and what to have for pres (whatever you want to buy). It was unusual, he reflected, for Hannah to go out of her way to start a conversation like that. Normally she’d ignore most people but Jane, although she was always polite and friendly enough if you wanted to have a chat. There was something different today - maybe it was just excitement about getting into Palace (although Alex was certain that she could have managed that herself), but he thought that she must be feeling something different about the night ahead. Whatever it was Alex couldn’t guess, and it didn’t really bother him enough to ask about it.

    Elli and Jane didn’t emerge until almost three that afternoon, by which time Alex was seriously considering going for a run in the midday heat just to alleviate the boredom. Sam Burton had replied, telling him that he was playing tennis and wouldn’t be in until after seven, but Luke hadn’t gotten back to him yet. That didn’t really surprise him but it was annoying, so Alex decided that it might be time to start making his own fun. He’d brought a fair amount of alcohol over to Elli’s upon arriving two days ago, and there was still quite a lot to go - a liter of vodka, quite a few beers, even some rum. It would certainly have been enough to last pres for himself, Luke, and Sam, but if they were going to be late, Alex figured that they could take what he left them.

    He was halfway through his fourth beer by the time the doorbell finally rang 45 minutes later, and he could tell who it was just from glimpsing the big shadow through the stained glass portal. Luke wasn’t unusually tall, maybe an inch above Alex’s own six foot flat, but he was all wide shoulders and muscle, built, as their TAC cup coach had liked to say, like a brick shit-house. Everything about him just shouted “classic Aussie bloke”; the tan, singlet, footy shorts, blonde hair, broad accent and friendly nature, and in that moment it seemed nothing had changed.

    “Ando,” he cried, stepping in through the door. “Mate, it’s been fucking ages!” He wrapped Alex in a bear hug, slapping him on the back in friendly exuberance.

    “Lukey!” Alex cried, already feeling pleasantly fuzzy from the drinks and ready to forget his friend’s tardiness. “Let’s get this night fucking started!”