Beneath Lies

 

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Introduction

There's really nothing for me to say for this book. Actually, let yourself be free. Don't let nobody, EVER put stress on you or make you feel like you need to do things for them to be happy. Neither is theirs. That's your own job to keep yourself happy. You're not responsible for nobody but yourself. You don't need that stress from others to make you feel ungrateful, nobody should control you. Be yourself. If someone you want to love to act right, and you have to ask them. They're not the one for you honey, they should already know themselves and they should already know how to act towards a true real dedicated relationship. Always have your own back, even if someone loves your heart dearly. Expressing "love" is unexplainable because we don't know if we're doing it right. Love is mysterious, just like yourself. At this teenage moment, you're still trying to figure out what you want and who you want to be in the future to become successful. Life is complicated, but that's what it's suppose to be. When you break up with someone, and you go through that phase. You're going to figure more things out about yourself, things you never knew you were capable of. More of being inspired, you look up to certain people to go forward. But also, you look at yourself and you learn from your mistakes. Heartbreaks are lessons, learn from it. Don't figure yourself out so quick, sometimes things come together and fall apart. Just like your pain from the past. Please enjoy this book, Beneath Lies.

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What Do You Even Know?

You're on the edge with life, you keep moving no matter what you do or what you go through. People leave, and they change their minds. If you really loved them, you'll hold something in your heart for that specific person. You're heart drops, and you're at the end of the world because you're afraid of them loving someone else that isn't as worthy is you. You had that regret of not loving them enough, so someone else budges in and does that leftover work for you. Yet, you realize that you're not with that person anymore. You realize further that you only worry about yourself. Not everything you want will come together, they're also going to turn out horrible; throw you down the hill and tear your heart apart. What's the point in loving someone? They're going to leave you anyways, they're immature. You think you can love someone but really, they're just there to play around with your heart. You need to understand that the people you meet throughout your life is just going to leave. Because they want something from you. Imagine walking in the same place as your ex did and you find them talking to someone new. Your ex giving someone else, that he/she didn't give you. You're sinking into sand and you feel empty and hurt. You don't understand why you can't move on, you regret certain things you did for them. You need to learn to not give everything to them, that's their choice to make you happy. But that's your own job to do that, that's not your job to keep them happy either. Worry about yourself because, in the end of the day. You're going to be walking on that journey alone, because that other person is going to get exhausted from going too far. You do you honey, do what you can to be successful. Everyone gives up on you eventually, even family. Beneath those lies of your ex lover, wipe your hands off them. Brush it off, end it. You don't need a distraction, but you want love. What's your choice? Money or love? I choose love for money. Not love over money, LOVE FOR MONEY. Nothing else! You need to learn to cope with those fears you try to keep pushing off. Whatever you got on your mind, write it down. From this day on, figure out to express yourself in a private way. Nobody knows you, like yourself. You do what makes you happy and successful. As you grow older, you're going to carry a few moments in your teenage years. Your first love/heartbreak, your first time you drove, your diploma, those fun nights with friends, etc! Your first heartbreak will always be with you, just because you were too gullible for them. You couldn't stop talking about them, you have that feeling over and over like butterflies in your stomach. You had that feeling like you had to take care of them. You're too young to understand that yourself comes first before anybody. Soon for you to realize, boys are just a waste of your time. They only want one thing from you, and then they leave. They promise all these strong words and seem so committed and dedicated to your relationship with them. It breaks my heart, and it breaks yours. It doesn't break your ex lover. I would always say this if someone asked me about someone I had dated, "If you don't last that 90 day trial with me, I don't claim you as my ex." From that, I took that as a joke and everyone else did too. But now that I look at it again, I rethink it and think is it worth it for leaving or dating them? Did you feel embarrassed? For me, I now say it with aggression. Beneath those lies, that main thing I would say is true. Believe it or not, I become this confident girl that is so stuck up for protecting her precious heart. Saving it for someone true and dedicated to me. I'm only so young, I don't need your bullshit. I don't need your lies. I don't need your damn drama. I don't need your lowlife problems. FIGURE IT OUT YOUR FUCKING SELF! Just know your expectations and know what you need. 

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Wonderer

Sometimes, I sit in my room late night and I go into deep thoughts of what could be. I sit there and smile at funny memories or embarrassing moments I had in the past. I lay there underneath my tapestry and wonder what my future is going to be. Sometimes I lay there and think of things that hurts my heart till today. I imagine possible opportunities like getting a gig, becoming an amazing director for movies, an amazing poet, becoming a cosmetologist for someone famous, just having those big opportunities make me feel good inside. Just imagining it, and thinking it over it may come true if I go after it. I'm not that athletic type of gal, I'm more of a laid back chick that writes her feelings down every time I have anxiety. Writing became a hobby for me now, and I am now improving on it. I always go over the fact that, I could have fixed things if I could go back in time to keep something so precious to me. But things are meant to happen for a reason, say; you had a break up. It happened for a reason, everything happens for a reason. Say your parents were together for 15+ years and they just got a divorce, you ask them why 'cause you're so hurt. But they left each other for a reason. Everything that happens to you for a reason, either it's good or bad. You'll have those days where you have to let it all out from the stress that's been building up. Not everyone you meet that moment is going to be horrible, you're justifying the fact that you can't judge a book by it's cover. You can't just go out there in public, meet someone and just judge them by their facial features, the way they dress, their attitude, etc. Maybe someday you'll judge someone and they end up being the love of your life. You need to open your mind and think about what needs to be done. Don't have kids till you're 30, invest in something you're dedicated to and retire at 30. Make that money first to keep yourself stable! Anyways, back to sitting in a room in your thoughts. I wonder how things could be if I had done it the right way. I look at like trying to be perfect because, I never had it easy and I never had those expensive things like others. I grew up getting whatever they gave me, and it wasn't fancy. If I had something nice, it's a wear and tear. I had to deal with what I had and appreciate it. I sit in my room and realize my heartbreaks, what I could have fixed to keep it. Loving someone isn't easy, especially if their stubborn and afraid. You try so hard to keep up with them and make them realize more things about themselves. You try to help them realize on how to love someone, but really that's not your job. Your job is to worry about yourself, the more you worry about someone else you're caring less about yourself. You get so lost in that phase where, you're falling in love with yourself. You're falling in love with that person but they don't love you. They don't know what love is. You don't either. You just like them a lot, so you're gonna have the need to do everything for them. As of what my good old friend Jarrod told me ,"Not everything will turn out the way you want but things happen for a reason." You're curious and you wonder many things about others, you go and figure out things and you end up getting hurt. You're responsible enough to know what you want, but are you really going to risk certain things? Some people are depressed throughout their lives and they go through so much. But if you think about it, they should know to not get hurt even more.  You wonder? Think about certain things love, but make improvement. Make it better, do it better, for yourself and your future. 

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Hungover You

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