The Way : The Guide to Life and Everything

 

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A Dedication

I dedicate this book to all the people who shelled out the $19.95 to buy it. You guys are the best! Give yourself a pat on the back

 

Not too hard though. Don't want you to hurt yourself, that will be the next book, HURTING YOURSELF WITH LOVE: AN INSIDER'S GUIDE TO ROMANCE WITH YOURSELF.

 

I'd also like to dedicate this book to all the people who have ordered the video companion of the book. $21.95 each going to my kids' college fund. Or my drug habit.

 

Again, you guys are the best!

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Acknowledgements

Acknowledgments all around! You guys rock!

Seriously, give yourself a round of applause!

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Chapter One: The Beginning

THE BEGINNING

To start a journey one must take the first step...”

To begin a journey, you must take the first step in the right direction, this is the key to anything, take the first step and keep going until you are at your destination.

Do not look back, always forward, as you travel down the road of life, going the right way, guide to life and everything in your hand, as a road map to life.

Do not get me wrong, there will be pit falls, bumps, angry mobs with torches as you travel down the way but with the right attitude, you can over come them all and to your destination.

The angry mobs with torches, you may have to out run but no one said this was going to be easy.

As you move forward, always look ahead but also keep looking down, because if you don't, you could trip and fall and skin your knee.

Skinning your knee hurts like a mother trucker and you'll cry, feel stupid as others walk by, point and laugh because, well, you tripped and fell.

This could have been avoided if you had just looked down, seen that rock and could have stepped over it or went around it.

Also, keep looking forward, or you may walk right into a tree, cut your forehead, fall down on the ground and die from the lost of blood.

Now that you are properly traveling down the way, always remember, to stop and hydrate every so often so you won't die of dehydration which is a bad way to go.

Also, keep an eye out for rabid squirrels with machetes.

This is another horrible way to die.

Do you want your family have to list your cause of death by well hydrated rabid squirrels with machetes?

Of course not!

Remember, you want to make it to the end point, further than your competition.

Always keep at least two of your competition behind you, let them get chopped down by the well hydrated rabid squirrels with machetes.

RULE NUMBER ONENever ever be dead last, no matter what.

If you're dead last, you're dead!

Do you want to be the dead man in the forest, nobody finds till years later, and then you're just John Doe?

Of course not!

You want to be the winner, the person drinking the champagne at the finish line, people cheering wildly, chanting 'INSERT YOUR NAME HERE!' !

How do you do that?

You keep ahead of the pack, don't fall down, or get hacked to death by machetes!

Let the other guys take the machete chops!

Run!

Very fast!

Don't even stop when you cross the finish line, KEEP RUNNING!!!

The well hydrated rabid squirrels with machetes will not stop at the finish line, they'll keep chasing, killing everyone in their path.

Again, KEEP RUNNING!

The Way is ahead, you are standing at the beginning, waiting for the sound of the starter's pistol to go off!

Why are you waiting for the starter's pistol to go off?

THERE'S NO STARTER'S PISTOL!

RUN!

Now, you are on your way to The Way, welcome to the Path.

What is the Path?

It is the way to The Way!

As you travel on The Way down the Path, you may find Travelers who may or may not be helpful.

Some of these Travelers are actually placed there to be harmful to you, such as a mugger who will steal everything you have just to be a mean old prick!

Some Travelers are just annoyance, neither helpful or harmful, but just to make you want to smack them really hard in the face with a dead salmon.

Sometimes, you'll want to smack the helpful Travelers in the face with a dead salmon as they can be annoying as hell.

“Hi! I know everything!”

SMACK!

Sometimes, you'll be traveling down the Path and will trip over a sleeping Traveler who just couldn't make it home to bed.

It's okay to kill these Travelers.

Stand your ground!

Tell the police they had a machine gun or something.

The Path is littered with many of these Travelers.

Yes, blood is hard to get out of clothing, but we must do what we must do to keep going down The Path towards The Way.

Remember our motto, ALWAYS BE PREPARED!

Yes, we did steal our motto but heck, it's a good motto and we really didn't feel like thinking up another motto, so well, ALWAYS BE PREPARED!

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