So what you think I'm gonna get some's type of excuse as to why am all fucked up course not everybody gets their chance to make their own decisions you find that out later if you have some type of a sense of integrity and values and raised with good parents I had thank everybody eventually  realizes that I have I had all that to me that everybody else had there's no reason for ciphers of just having a thought that if everybody came together and you know just was able to feed people that were starving out here on the streets I mean I think food would be a good thing to  unite people and I'll bring back community everybody can next when I eat is the meaning of thanksgiving write this book is about being abusive making the wrong decisions treat people like crap especially the ones you love I'm here take my store and learn from it  when I was younger sure I seem my old man and I'm on get into it but I never really understood it I didn't realize how to factor me and said consciously I will reenact it and it all falls on motions not read a book somewhere that emotions like sadness anger you know the every emotion is perfectly normal and that  you shouldn't try to avoid acting like they're not a part of being a human being it's Lauren how to deal with them and shake it off because ultimately remember that all saying sticks and stones may break my bones but words never hurt me it's true I can some of those words have so much control over you I will Is just being sensitive or have an emotional having a conscience and  actually caring with that other person thinks night everybody says things and hurt when you're hurt and anger that they probably didn't mean they meant that at the time but there's generally sorry for saying it but the truth shall set you free after the Bible says right if everybody would just actually say what they mean and be more honest the world will be a greater percentage better I'm not trying  to say it's the answer to her boy problems but a being a kid with a single parent and you know how to fix person going through I seen your mother date man after man lose respect for your mom because you are settled down on all the way to being abused by her mom just because you're trying to help her out when you make you see her making bad decisions because when young you eventually wising up and you start thinking as in with you know the right thing to do responsibility you know when you love somebody you try to help them and now for my mama was too late she her lifestyle was she like to go out all the time party but she always show me love which was in measurable not think about it  now most of my relationships I think are based on trying to find that mother son type relationship where somebody takes care me and nurtures me so I can fly the nest so to speak on my bright person I have skills certifications on talents you name it you and good luck just  anger is something that in your genes and you learn to deal with I read in the book that I am becoming being a Christian or any type a believer that you know I would kind of put in the same context but like to walk to Christianity is a life long walk so basically you know anybody that has the deal with this type of violent tenets he is going to have to deal with it and learn to adapt and change you know if life changes  every day around me then why can't you Bruce Lee says before most like water right that guys a genius as far as in the comes to put your mind anything I think we all got talent  when I was a kid I've always been curious about girls I felt like it was natural to have a girlfriend and just I guess revolve my life around the opposite sex it's always been a curiosity so through adolescence school and all that  i'll be in relationships was always a constant thing and I don't know why it's could be from going up with a single parent and not having that attention who knows I think it's natural born to be curious but I knew had a very young age sometimes yeah I catch my parents having sex next to me which was awkward but I was innocent and so never really understood  so right now affect me at that time I wasn't that smart I think grown up with a mother may be more of a sensitive man then having a dad around because if I would've had that male figure around then it would have made me more masculine I guess to be the provider and I guess just something  not to be influence by because everybody infants everybody matter what you hang around somebody eventually you have become like them and birds of a feather flock together there's just a lot that goes into that that may be why am I am I didn't start to become  abusive until I was in middle school matter fact I think my first after Vander was a girl had cut me cut in line to get water and I showed her head to the Fossett and a cut or gum and she had to go get stitches and I said I was an accident so and after that it was like a release of frustration and a little bit of it was because I liked her but  I knew she didn't like me and I don't know how to deal with it at that young age and I didn't respect a woman then I never knew what it was to respect the female because once again my father and I respect females and never instilled in me younger stance on I come from a background of having 5 to 6 songs that were county time and my last one was by the sixth or seventh  assault that took me to prison for the last time the first time or the prison was for evading arrest the motor vehicle everybody looked at me and said what are you doing here and I actually got to the most time for that one it wasn't even violent at all but it it's always been more those things worry you're out of control you can control your motions and feelings and I cope with them I'm just trying to give you  my account of the way things were for me and also it can educate people out there that you're not the only person other than stoner with the deal with the stuff and that has dealt with it I want to say I'm successful at it because I stopped and the matter what I do not abuse or touch a female at all sure there's all kinds of types of abuse Thursday mental abuse there's you name it I mean anything that causes  anybody some type of stress or negativity could be called abuse I will try to say that maybe it's an intentional thing that turns into these so I mean there's a fine line if you're the type of person that goes out and you know it upsets your girlfriend all the time her boyfriend maybe stop you know that some type of abuse because it's hurting in person but at the same time if you're the type person says they don't mind and I'll go do it once in a while you know if you know not to come in knowing you know you're in the cause your spouses it's OK  then Halen that's OK it's not abusive mean you know her she's a person's feelings and serve it a yard freedom to find that out later that it doesn't do any good to be jealous type a guy but I think a guy that cares and loves somebody has to show some type of emotion or feeling I just watch your actions because you don't want to push nobody way to do it and you will put your for tomorrow to  garage younger I used to always want to fight I have no fear I'll try to grow up to be a badass one memory comes back tomorrow and the one I used to even when wrestling matches with my uncle because of how I was real rough and I just would  want to make somebody hurt physically and not think about how they felt and now my uncle is like way bigger than me and I wouldn't think about fighting them even though I would only be because he's family but I still have no fear but I respected his family I don't believe finish five family knowing times pi phi is if your boxer and if  you want to settle a same-sex difference of you know I'd say consensually nobody likes me sucker punched him so it didn't bother me Tara hurt people at that young age on eventually I'll get in fights I got me in trouble and of course mom would be upset  and she with my ass real bad or you know my her boyfriend would scare the shit out of you whatever but I saw then I grew up thinking I had to bottle everything up and not do it and I know how to deal with it and let it go because nobody explain stuff to me and hearing things reading things and game knowledge about things and knowing yourself alarm yourself ultimately got me to where I'm at right now  today society is way different times you don't even get paddled anymore school nobody wants spank their kids because of it people lose it you know nobody knows how to control their temper so I go there right on kids think they can do whatever they want some technology you name it I'm I read somewhere also that I am it's not really looking at it as discipline or you know I guess  making some buddy your heart to learn to change their actions I mean everybody should be free to choose on actions right so you need to look at it as correction if you look as correction I think that would help as to you know hey it's OK to spank a kid but inform in talk to your kid talk to wherever talk to your friend Dawn don't lose it man or everything can always be explained  choose your words carefully there's a lot of power in the word and the tongue is like a sword so grown-up was an easy I've always move to place the place on Donely stability I had was my mother and whoever she was friends with or her family on my father's family was never there you know they've always spoiled me as a kid