A compilation of thoughts and feelings based on true events

Life is constructed of moments. A moment can be simple and meaningless, or fill your mind for years, suffocating any hope of thinking past it. Thinking past it; that's what I feel I must learn to do. To get over it, is not as simple as people seem to think it will be when they speak to me. Yet it's not as hard as I think I am making it out to be. I need to think past it. That's my problem, I'm letting my mind be dictated by my feelings. I can think of what I need to do, how I want to do it, but the idea will not translate to the rest of my body.

This weight seems to press down on my chest, suffocating me. The pain wells up inside and then pours out my eyes in rivers. It springs forth at the most inconvenient of times, and I have almost reached a point where I am inclined to stop trying to hinder it. Maybe if I let it run it's course I will get better. But I am impatient. The dull ache that clouds my mind is not something I feel a strong desire to let linger as long as it may. I wish to expel it from my body. Free myself, and take flight on a grand journey I can feel beckoning me. I long to leave this all behind me, yet the weight grows stronger, heavier, whenever I get closer to feeling as if I could be ready to go. It's hopeless. I'm hopeless.

I feel as though I am standing high above a cavern, the drop is long and dark, and I walk a tightrope, swaying and begging me to fall. To one side, is the side that still loves him. To the other side, is the side that hates him, the side that I know in my mind is the right choice. It holds a brighter future, the promise of finding a new happiness. This side beckons me, my friends and family are all on that side, they know as well as I do how it will be better for me over there. I tell them that's the side I've chosen, that I've already fallen that way. But I'm still up on that tightrope, crying.

The side that I know is bad for me, the side that would be so simply and easy to fall to, is also the side I know will cause me the most pain. That side holds only anxiety and misery yet why is it so hard to dismiss it? I know it will bring me nothing but pain, yet I cannot simply choose the other side. I am torn, and I can feel my insides burning inside me as indecision keeps me suspended high above on that tightrope. Oh god how I am scared of heights.