When I remember I see things differently.  My perceptions change from day to day and from one moment to the next.  Sometimes I see things myself, or at least the way I thought I saw them then.  Sometimes I see them through Jeffrey's eyes, or through our daughter's.  I have become one of the Gray Sisters, the Graeae, the old women of Greek myth who shared a single eye between them.  I am often blind.  Some of what happened I will never understand and so it is lost to me forever.  But I never see through Carolyn's eyes.  Her perception is closed to me, as I hope it will remain forever.