Four years earlier.....Gabriel

Great, that had been my life up until about now.  I’m eighteen years of age, life had been just absolutely great.  I had the greatest parents, lived in a great little country town, had really great friends, yep until now things were just great.  We lived above our little pub that mum and dad owned and ran, well they half owned.  They had a partnership with Robert, Dad’s best friend from school.  They ran it week days, while I was finishing off my schooling, then I took over on the week-ends.  It worked out well.   Our little place above was old but cosy with the most beautiful views out of every window, framing a scenery like a photo or painting.  This is probably why I was so inspired to take photo’s.  Out of the front windows were sweeping views of the mountain range that divided the country side from the city.  Then out the back windows stretched miles and miles of flat, green land, with a flowing river that meandered around like a snake in a field.

I thought I was a normal teenage girl, I didn’t think, well I hoped I wasn't effected by peer group pressure.  I know I didn’t have much of a social life, I worked when my friends partied, but I was all my parents had to help on the busy week-ends, they needed time off, so I helped, that is all I knew.  It wasn’t that bad, all my friends would come and hang out at our pub while I worked.  So while they spent their money, I saved all mine.  I never really had anything to spend it on anyway.  I didn’t like to shop like my girl friends, I was never the other side of the bar buying drinks, so I never touched my bank account, I couldn't even tell you how much I had in there.  Dad’s partner Robert, looked after my wage.  Most probably because Dad knew I wouldn’t of taken money from my him, so Dad made sure Robert dealt with me like a real boss and  signed my paychecks.  About once a month he would drive out from the city, have dinner with my parents, stay for the week-end, and act like he was checking on things.  I knew perfectly well he really loved catching up with Dad and Mum, with them laughing and remembering there past all night long.

One of these occasions we all finally got to meet his daughter and son, Leah and Marcus.  Leah was about ten years older than me, in my eyes she was a grown women, she was more like my mum in age, even though I knew she wasn’t.  Actually when mum and her stood together I felt like I had two mums.  Leah looked like a serious business women, but would always roll her sleeves up to help mum in the kitchen.  Marcus was younger, probably about five years older than me.  He was fairly quiet.  I could tell he really didn’t want to be here, he was not interested in anything any of us had to say, so I didn’t say anything.  When I stole a look at him I thought he was pretty good looking, a little rough around the edges, probably a little rebellious, maybe he had a little dark side, quite frankly he always looked totally bored.   He sat the other side of the table, occasionally teasing Leah about the food she had prepared.  I sat at the table gulping down my dinner, glancing out of the window waiting for the sun to start lighting up the puffy grey clouds into the perfect colours.  I would join in the conversation spasmodically, I was happy knowing I had the week-end off because of their visit, so I was grateful.  Dad had staff running the pub this week-end.  When the old days became the main topic I glanced over to Marcus with him rolling his eyes, both Marcus and I knew when it was time to leave the table like as soon as possible.

I glanced out of the kitchen window while everyone still finished up eating.  I could see the sun was setting quickly.  “Can I be excused” I said giving Dad a pleading look.  As soon as he goes to answer I push my chair out, take my plate to the sink, pick up my old camera bag, throw it over my shoulder, dash down the back stairs straight in to the fields of wheat that sat in rows behind the pub.  This wasn't our land but the farmer who owned it didn't care if I walk thru it as long as I always closed the gates.  I could hear mum yelling ‘not to be too late.’  I weaved myself thru the tall stalks of wheat, I had the shot I wanted in my mind and the sun was at the perfect position.  I found a position and stood fiddling with my camera, changing the filter, checking a few times that the camera was set perfect.  Then I held the camera to my face, scanning around slightly thru the lens making sure I was happy with the shot.  Just as I was about to start shooting, at that exact perfect second I was suddenly surprised with a “Hey.”  I jumped.  I tilted the camera away from my face slightly.  “Shit, you scared the crap out of me, don’t creep up on people like that!” I said giving Marcus a scowl.  “What are you doing?” he said stepping closer to me. “What does it look like” I said putting my camera back to my face.  “Is that going to work? Aren’t you like a bit close to the plants?” he said as he picked at a stalk of wheat beside him.  “Thanks for the info...but I know what I’m doing, how about you just keep quiet for a sec?” I said growling.  I could hear him shift a little rustling the dead grass beneath his feet.  I could feel his breathe close to me trying to look over my shoulder.  “Can you go and stand over there or something, your annoying me” I said swinging my hand gesturing which way to go.  “Na, I’m fine just here, I have a pretty good view” he said close to my ear.  I could feel his body heat near mine.  I'm not sure if I was blushing a little or fuming that he was in my space at this moment.

I took a few shots, adjusted the lense, trying to focus, trying to ignore him, while the sun disappeared real quickly.  But I was confident I had got the shot I was after.  I put the camera back delicately in it’s bag, then I looked up from where I had been kneeling at Marcus.  He was standing with his hand out ready to help me up.  “Can we stay out here a little longer, I get so sick of having to join in the adult conversation going on in your place” he said looking a little worried.  “But you are an adult, so what’s the problem, you want to talk teenage talk with me?” I said looking cheekily at him.  “I’m only just twenty two, not really a true adult, yeah lets talk teenage talk, how old are you anyway?” “I just turned eighteen, in my last year of school, I can’t wait to be an adult, I get sick of being treated like a kid” I tell him turning my head a little.  “Believe me, its more fun being a kid, besides you could past as at least twenty, twenty one even.”  He scanned his eyes down my body then back to my face smiling.  I smiled back.  “You want to just hang with me for real? I was going to go and take a few more photos from a spot over near the river, you want to go with me?”  “Sounds good, you lead” he said looking at me again.

As I walked along the pathway occasionally glancing back to see if he was following he would just smile at me.  It was going to be weird, no-one had ever wanted to hang with me while I took photo’s.  “You might get a bit bored Marcus, I don’t mind if you want to go back” I said trying to reassure myself that this was ok.  “I like it out here, it is peaceful, and I want to see what you see, I loved the photo’s hanging in the house, did you take all of them?”  “Yeah it’s just my hobby, you know my escape, I like the peace out here too, what do you do to...you know...get away from it all?” I said trying to make conversation.  “I drink with mates, I like listening to bands, I’m going backpacking soon starting in Europe then who knows where I'll end up. I can’t wait." "Your lucky, I wish I could just up and leave like that some days."  "Yeah it is going to be great, I won’t have to listen to my Dad going on and on about working my life out” he said angrily.  “You will have to take lots of photo’s for me, I don’t think I will ever get to see the world” I said stopping looking at him to make sure he was listening.  “Until I’m gone I don’t consider myself lucky, Dad just doesn’t understand.”  I thought about it as we walked along a little bit more, my parents had never placed pressure on me, I admit I was curious about some things in life, but I was happy at this very moment so it hadn't bothered me.  Maybe knowing Marcus is lucky enough to just leave it all would get to me eventually.

We walked a little more until I stopped at my usual spot.  I had made a sort of cubby house that hid underneath branches and bush, a place I could hide to watch nature going on around me.  It was just a canvas tarp pegged and hung in branches.  It had little holes all around that I could stick a camera lens out, to capture things in the moment.  It wasn’t elaborate by all means, but it was my little haven.  I pulled back a slit in the canvas and welcomed Marcus in.  He crawled in looking all around him.  “Wow this is nice and cosy then, do you get here much?”  I crawled in and sat on the other little wooden bench seat, pulling my camera out “I try to, but lately Dad’s been a little sick so he has needed help more than often, so I’ve missed the great summer sun sets, it’s been great today that you and your family visiting, gave me a chance to come here” talking to him but looking out the hole to the side of him at a dragon fly that had landed just outside.  "Stay still for a sec" I said to him sort of leaning towards him.  I moved close to him, using his shoulder for balance.  I could hear him breathing next to me, I could smell his cologne, he smelt pretty good. 

I sat back down and started putting another film in.  I could feel Marcus staring so I tucked my hair behind my ear and looked up at him “What?”  “Can I have a go?” he asked sincerely.  “I suppose” I said kneeling down next to another gap in the canvas.  He looked out another hole and spoke “come and have a look at this, quick it’s amazing.”  I stayed on my knees and moved over closer to him.  I put my face up against his and peered out at the large moth that was nestled on a leaf just outside of the camouflaged hide-de-ho of mine.  I prepared the camera, handing it to him, then showed him which button to press.  He looked happy that I was willing to share with him.   “Look at the patterns on the wings, nature makes creatures absolutely perfect” I said still peering out whispering in his ear so we didn't scare the large moth away.   He fiddled with the camera, took a few more shots, then he turned his head back slightly towards me “absolutely perfect.”  I looked back at him, our noses nearly touching.  “Oh...shit...let me get this shot, the light is fading” I said as I precariously walked over the other side to escape.  I stood and re-adjusted the camera.  He just sat there watching me.  “Is this what you want to do when you grow up?” he said in his deep voice.  “Umm...it would be nice to see my photo’s hanging in a gallery someone in the world, but you have to be really dedicated, and with the pub, and being the only person my parents can rely on, I mean the only child, it might be a while until I get my dream, but I’m not complaining, I love Dad and Mum, I have a great life.  Are you not happy with your life so far Marcus?” I said still looking into the lens of my camera.  “Let’s just say I’m happy at this very moment in time, here with you in your little cubby house” very close to me again.  

This is when out of the nowhere and honestly not like me at all I spoke up with a question “so have you got a girlfriend?” feeling a little shy.  “Na...I broke up with a girl about six months ago that I had been with for about two years” he said sounding a little sad.  “Bummer...what happened? Did you dumped her or did she get rid of you?” I said regretting I sounded so abrupt.  “Don’t know...she just stopped loving me” he said looking straight at me. “Do you want to talk about it?” I said sitting back down opposite him but still close in my little enclosure.  “Nothing much to say.  She said she loved me but just didn’t l.o.v.e me anymore, so I got rid of her.”  “Wow, that’s confusing, and I think it sounds more like she got rid of you” I said looking at him.  "I don't care anyway, I was going overseas, it wouldn't of lasted, I would of eventually got rid of her, so best this way."  I keep looking at him know perfectly well she had hurt him, that answer just being a typical guy answer.

We sat there a little longer before I started packing up my camera neatly into it's bag.  Then I spoke up again.  Fidgeting a little “Marcus...if I ask you a favour, will you tell me yes or no honestly? I mean not just say yes because you feel sorry for me?” I said sounding a little confused.  He sat back nearly falling, quickly realizing you can’t lean against the fragile material walls.  “Depends” he said crossing his arms, stretching his long lean legs out towards me. “What’s the favour?” he said smizing at me.  I thought about what I was about to ask him.  I sat up, straightening my back before I started trying to explain myself.  “Here’s the thing...because I work all week-end...I don’t get to socialise much...and all my friends, well they are my friends so it is a little weird asking them so....I was thinking, seeing you are only here for the week-end and things after won’t be awkward, because your not a friend...whether you...I mean you and me could like...um you could do it...um...have sex...um...with me...you know...show me...sorry I’m nervous, and I’ve never asked a boy before...for like anything...I’ve only ever kissed like a few boys...that’s all.”  I finished knowing I was probably beetroot red, taking a breathe, the looking everywhere but at him, and was really glad it was getting dark in my little cubby house. 

“So we would only be using each others bodies for enjoyment, no Facebook relationship, no wedding rings, no attachment afterwards at all?” he said with a little humor in his voice.  I definitely couldn't look at his face as this stage.  He had moved towards me and was kneeling in front of me.  “Look at me Gabby” he said lifting my face.  “No...no attachment Marcus, just you teach...showing me” I said looking up at him.  “Your know it won’t be a favour having to touch you, it will be my pleasure, don’t you know how beautiful you are?” smiling at me.  I ignore what he says.  “So does that mean yes” I ask quickly.  “Yep, when do we start?” his lips saying these words close to mine.  I try to look away from him but he instantly puts his lips to mine.  One hand drops to my waist, the other wraps softly on my neck pulling me closer to him.  Wow he is the best kisser.  I had never been kissed like this before.  I know he is older than me, way more experienced but that was probably the best kiss I had ever had.  Before this kiss was completely over he had somehow positioned himself between my legs, our bodies very very close.  “Gabby, how many times exactly do you want to do it with me this week-end?” he said breathlessly.  “Umm...how many times do normal people do it?” I said just as breathless.  He laughed a little as he answered me “well depends on the couple I suppose.”  “But we aren’t a couple.  Marcus are we going to...like do it soon?” “At this rate, yes we are...luckily I have my wallet with me, which contains the necessary equipment” he says as he is kissing down my neck.  “What equipment?...oh a condom, I get it” laughing to myself a little.  “Can I take your t-shirt off?” he asks me sounding sexy as.  “Ok” I answer helping him lift it.  I put my hand behind to unclasp my bra but he grabs my hand pulling it to his chest, kisses me again on the lips and undoes it himself.  He then leans back and looks at me in the dim dusk light.  He lifts his own shirt off and pulls me to him so my chest is up against his.  I can see the muscles in his arms straining, I run my hands over his shoulder and down his chest, I can see a large tattoo above his nipple but I can’t read it.  He is watching me looking at him.  “Like what you see ?” he says while he runs his thumbs across my nipples.  He then reaches down and sucks on it.  I take a big breathe, 'wow I didn’t expect that to feel so bloody good', shit I said that out loud, I know because I can feel Marcus smiling.

He then leans back and slowly undoes his jeans, pulling them down, with no underwear to worry about.  O.M.G.  I stand a little and undo my own jeans pulling them down, but I leave my undies on, still feeling a little, no...a lot nervous.  I sit back down, my eyes not able to resist lowering to check him completely out, like everything, ok...especially that.  “I like you checking me out” he says “and I love looking at your beautiful body too, you truly are gorgeous.”  I smile at him, I’m feeling a little awkward talking about our bodies, but I suppose this is all part of the package.  “Thanks, what’s next? I want it all...like now, before I chicken out” I say to him not sexily at all.  “You’ll need to remove those, or do you want me to?”  “Umm...I will if you want...or you can” I say not really sure of the right answer.  “You do it, I’ll watch.”  I have never done anything sexily in front of a boy and had never stripped in such a little confined area, so I try my hardest not to fall over like I usually do.  But I knew I looked silly.  “Sorry Marcus, I’m trying not to spoil this.”  He moves really close to me “you could never spoil anything Gabby, your turning me on crazily, now come over here.”

He laid our clothes down of the ground, asks me to lay down, making sure no part of me was on the dirty ground.  “Put your legs either side of me baby, that’s it, you ok still” he asked while he kneels between my legs.  This was it, it wasn’t nerves, probably more anxiety, maybe a little guilt for asking, not having a thing between us for weeks leading up to this, I wasn’t sure, so I took another deep breathe and answered him “I’m ok Marcus, do you want me to put the condom on? I learnt that in school?” God I sounded pathetic.   “If you want” he answers.  So I lean up, rip open the packet, slide it over him, smiling at myself thinking about how much an actual banana that we practiced on looks like a penis, placing it perfectly on him, then laying back happy with not stuffing it up.   He then gentle maneuvers on top of me and starts kissing me so tenderly.  I hadn’t been aware while he had been kissing me that his hand had made its way down to my, thank god, clean shaven area.  I gasped as his fingers start fondling me, then one, maybe even two enter me, with me talking, yes speaking out again 'wow that feels so good'.  “I'm glad your enjoying it, but you need to tell me if I hurt you, I don’t want to hurt you, would you tell me baby?” I just nod the ‘yes‘ motion.  “Say it Gab” he says a bit firmly.  “I will Marcus, ok...please this is killing me...my body wants this so bad, please...” I say sounding just a little desperate.  He pulls his fingers out of me and places his penis at my awaiting, wet well.  “I’m going to go real slow, I will try not to hurt you ok, but it might sting a little at first.”  I don’t answer just moan a little.  He enters me, it hurt a little but then it feels incredible.  I push my hips up a little, making him go in further.  He mumbles a little, what sounds like ‘fuck‘ which encourages me to speak out too.  “Feels so friggin good Marcus...please more...I need you to go faster” I say sounded like a professional sex expert.  He pushes up so he is utterly and completely in me fully.  He puts his elbows either side of my head, holding my hands up above my head, and kisses me again.  We are both moaning with shear pleasure.  

That was my first and best ever sexual experience, with a boy named Marcus, it was great and I was honestly so grateful my first time was with him. 

Marcus

I didn’t want to go and visit Dad’s friends.  I didn’t want to do anything Dad asked.  I was sick of being bossed around by Dad.  It’s always ‘Marcus you should do this, Marcus you shouldn't do that, Marcus, Marcus, Marcus....and I was just so sick of it.  I mean what more could I do, I had done well at school, I had finished University, I had worked the whole time in his pub close to home.  Fair enough he didn’t like my hairstyle or my tattoo’s or my friends but I thought I looked good, and I can’t make my friends change what they look like.  The only thing he liked was my girlfriend, well ex girlfriend, and of course when we broke up it was my fault that she stopped loving me.  So I shut-up just to keep the peace before I headed off over-seas, then I wouldn’t have to hear it anymore.  He wasn’t supporting me when I leave, he was probably mad at me for selling the car, and all the sports equipment he had bought for me over the last years to fund my travel but it was mine so I can do what I want with it.

Leah kept quite about it all.  I knew she loved me, she never judged me, I knew I could always turn to her.  She knew I needed to go and work my self out, she made sure I kept talking to her.  I would often hear them arguing about me.  It must of been hard on her all these years, after mum died she took over, protecting me like a mum, but trying to act like my sister sometimes miserably.  I knew I had to go, for all of our sanity.  So having to sit with Dad’s friends and listen to what they all did after school and University was not my idea of a good week-end, but it was going to be one of my last with Dad and Leah so I went.  I kept quiet on the car trip to the country, not even looking out the window at the scenery.  I felt cranky, I knew I had a bad temper.  Maybe there was a tree that I could punch out when we got there.  I slammed the car door, before I joined them upstairs I downed a shot of vodka behind the bar in the pub to calm myself down.   When I finally calmed down a little I climbed the stairs, opening the front door to join the family.  We were all sitting around the lounge room when we heard the front door open.  There stood an Angel named Gabriel, and I instantly knew my week-end was going to be so much better.

She had just come back from school but definitely looked too old to be in that school uniform.  She looked around quickly said ‘Hi‘ to us all then flitted away to her room.  I watched her throw her backpack on the bench, stripping off her clothes as she walked up the hallway.  I then hear to door close and my heart slows down its erratic beat.  I waited for her to appear again.  I needed her to appear again.  But she didn’t make an appearance again until dinner time.  And by this time a couple of hours of old school talk by the parents had taken it’s tole on me.  When we all sat down to dinner I caught a glimpse of her without her knowing.  I didn’t realise just how beautiful she was.  I think she didn't realise just how beautiful she was either.  I watched her glancing continually out of the window.  I had no idea what she was looking at all the time.  All I could see was how the evening colours reflecting made her skin look golden.   Her face was peaceful almost angelic.  Her crystal blue eyes shined, her luscious brown hair fell down over her shoulders, hiding what looked liked perfect sized breasts.  I snapped myself out of that thought.   She was pure innocence, unmarked by parent pressure, she oozed happiness, it poured out of her and splashed me right in my face.  But I was angry and ready to leave.  So when she excused herself and fled, I didn’t care where she was going,  I was going with her. 

After I caught up with her, surprising her then annoying her a little like us boys do, she still showed me exactly what she sees.  She shared her insight with me.  She showed me the beauty, the colours of even a minuet creature sitting on a plain old leaf, and it was spectacular.   It completely calmed me down, just being with her just made me feel peaceful.  I didn't want to leave that cubby house of hers.  I could of lived there forever with her.  I sat back waiting for her to show me something else wonderful that I have been missing.  I watched her fidget a little, I could tell she wanted to ask me.  I kept looking at her waiting.  Then when she asked me that favour, I nearly fell over backwards.  It was so...so truthful, straight to the point, no beating around the bush, she was a straight-shooter.  I had watched her mouth moving all afternoon wondering what it felt like to kiss, not she is permitted me, asking me.  I had looked at her perfect body bending and moving in front of me for the past couple of hours, not she wants me to touch her.  After she asked me the favour why in the hell would I not go for it.  I thought about it.  Firstly she is young, but old enough to know what she wants.  Secondly, I will be her first experience, which worried me a little seeing there is no love involved.  Thirdly, did she want to be in love or was she getting this over and done with?  I suppose if that is the case, sex with no attachment which is all she wants, well I'm the man for her.  So I agreed to it.  I went for it.  And it was absolutely perfect.  She was perfect.   

I didn't realise it until now that after that week-end, with four of the most memorable sexual experiences I had ever had, it took me sitting on the other side of the world, and being without Gabriel for the last month to realise she had me hooked.  Gabriel had cast a spell on me and now she had spoilt it for any other girl I was ever going to meet.  But I couldn't go back, not yet, and so I stayed away, I had to...far, far away.                 

 Present Day...Gabriel

“Morning my little bear, time to get up, Poppy wants to take you to the park early, before it gets too hot” I say as I untangle the sheets, making my little boy roll and giggle joyfully.  His little laugh is contagious, I can only smile and pick him up, with him latching around me exactly like the little bear he is.  I carry him down the stairs and into the kitchen where my Dad is sitting struggling to put the next bite of toast to his lips.  I push his hand a little towards his mouth where he takes the bite then mumbles “ta bub.”  I kiss his forehead, smiling at him then at mum, sitting Bobby down and pouring his cereal out for him.  Mum sits down next to Dad with a cup of tea.  I go over to the sink and look out at the weather, making sure we won’t get caught in a morning shower.  There are buildings either side of us so seeing the sky clearly makes it difficult most days.  I think of the view I use to have when we lived out in the country, I have so many photo’s hanging around the place to make sure I never forget just how great life was, now I’m just grateful.  The two ‘greats’ sound the same but with totally different meanings.

My little Bobby was named after his two grand-dads, my dad ‘Bob’ and our family friend and owner of the pub attached to this house ‘Robert,’ yes, Marcus and Leah’s Dad.  I found out the hard way that it only took a couple of times of intercourse, sex, a fuck whatever you want to call it, plus one tiny little hole in a condom apparently to produce my little blonde headed, blue eyed boy.  The worst part of it although is that his Daddy doesn’t know he exists.  I know I feel bad every day, more for my little bear not knowing his Dad, the only Dad figure being his disabled poppy, and the occasionally hug from his other Grand-dad who is oblivious also that he is actually hugging his own grandson.  I just never got the courage to speak out.  After Dad had the stroke shortly before I even found out I was pregnant, I just never had the chance to speak the truth, so I just kept quiet, and learnt to be grateful that I didn’t lose my Dad, and grateful that I gained such a beautiful boy.

After the stroke Robert sold the pub in the country, and made us come to the city.  He could look after us better here, and admittedly it helps mum and I to have him near, but I still miss the space.  But I take Dad and Bobby down the park nearly every day while mum opens up the pub that is attached, then by lunch I take over,  leaving Mum to babysit the two Bob’s.  Leah comes in every lunchtime also, she has been here for us every single day.  She goes up after the lunch time rush and helps mum with Dad then stays until late with me at the bar, then we have more staff come in on the week-ends.  I absolutely love Leah, we would never of coped without her, she is my best friend.  I don’t however ever ask her about Marcus.  I never did receive a photo from him, and I never asked to see one either.   I have the greatest people around me, I know they all love me, but sometimes it would be nice to just grab my camera and chuff off, just once in a while.  I get to see my photo’s often as they adorn the pub walls, I often stop and look, remembering the peace and  tranquility I felt when I took the photo.  I only get to do snapshots now, people pictures, no nature shots, and I really miss it. 

After that week-end when Marcus taught me about sex, I felt happy and fulfilled, if I have to admit it, I even felt a little in love with that boy.  But I knew he was leaving, he was going overseas, he was probably going to teach numerous other girls around the world how to have sex.  He had made me feel confident with my body, and my actions, he made feel like I need not ever worry about the next time it occurred, with whoever that may be.  But it never happened again, sex that is, even love, no fault of mine, just everything else in the last four years.  See now I come with heap of baggage, so I have made myself pretty well unappealing.   Most of the local pub patrons have at one stage attempted to ask me out, but I think now I have the ‘ice queen’ label.  It matters sometimes, when I feel like acting like a twenty-two year old, but then having to wipe Bobby’s butt, or wipe Dad’s mouth when he has dribbled brings me straight back to reality.  This is the way it is for now.  No use being angry about it.  This is my life, and I will be happy with it. 

I feel a tug on my jeans, looking down at my blue eyed boy who has brought his bowl to the sink for me.  “Thanks BB” I say to him rinsing his bowl before speaking to Mum.  “Is Dad ready to go Mum? I want to get going before it gets too hot?” He pushes his wheel chair out from the table, Bobby instantly knowing this is the sign to climb aboard.  Mum doesn’t answer just kisses the boys, then me and heads thru to the bar.  She looks tired, I want to suggest we take on some-one else to help out, but I know she will fight me on this.  I push the boys towards the park, listening to Bobby rattle on about things to my Dad, with me always scanning around finding things to take photo’s of, I’m sorry it just comes naturally, I just can’t help it.  I park Dad’s chair in the shade near the swings and watch Bobby run over to join some other kids.  I slump down on the bench near him, he looks at me and just smiles, reaching for me to hold his hand.  He doesn’t speak much anymore, but I can see what he is saying, and it makes me so sad.  “I know Dadda, it’s just one of those days you know, I’m a big girl now I’ll build a bridge, and get over it.”  I make him smile, his eyes showing me his love for me, that is all I need.

When Bobby has had enough playtime we pack up and head back.  Mum has already got lunch ready so I can grab a bite before I go to work.  I greet Leah who is busy behind the bar, she doesn’t wear business suits anymore, we both have t-shirts on with ‘West End’ the pubs name, and jeans, very little make up and both of us have our hair up in scruffy buns.  I can’t remember the last time I got dressed up.  The rest of the day goes like any other day.  The night will be a bit more rowdy, especially being a Friday night.  This is when we get more two more staff in.  Izzy is a cool rock chick, fully tattooed, fully pierced, black hair, black make-up, total sweet heart.  We have the same sense of humor and nearly every day we get caught giggling at the same thing.  Jimmy is a Uni student, he is way more reserved than Izzy but they get on really well, always talking about something or other going on in the world.  Jimmy has asked me numerous times for a date, but I always decline and stir him, well we all stir him about asking the boss out, especially Leah.  She is very protective of me, a big sister sort of protection, so often I never see the boy who has asks her about me, but she always makes sure I know how many have asked in a night.  

“So if you want me to know how many ask, but you won’t even let me meet them, how will I know you have not just got rid of ‘Mr Right” I say to her in between pouring drinks.  “Oh I will know when ‘Mr Right’ enters this establishment seeking out his ‘Mrs Right” she says confidently.  “Oh right then he gets to meet my excess baggage and runs for the hills” I laugh.  “He won’t be able to run, I will tie him to the kitchen table, your mum will make him drink cups of tea with her, Bobby will make him build lego dinosaurs and your Dad will sit and smile like he always does, and he will fall in love with your beautiful baggage.  Then you will appear in your sexiest little black dress, looking stunningly beautiful like you are, ready for a night out with him and he will know ‘right here, right now‘ is exactly the right place for him and he will want that forever.”  I feel tears welling, making it hard to see in front of me, then the first of the tear falls down my cheek.  Leah stands close to me and wipes the tear away “it is going to happen for you Gab, you wait and see, come on darling lets serve these thirsty people” she says as she smacks me on the arse smiling.