TRICKY TWINS

 

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Chapter 1

Childhood years.....

James

Which twin it was I was never really sure.  Most times I had to wait for their mum to call one of the names to see which one responded.   Lets face it I'm a boy and not awfully observant.  Besides they were equally fun, double the trouble, twice the mischief.  And they always kept up with me no matter what I was doing so I didn't really care.  When I was referring to them I use to just call them 'The D twins' as their surname was Dean.  Over the years from when I first started hanging with them I got to know their individual personalities better thus allowing me to know who was who.  But as little girls they seem to think alike, play alike and dress alike.  Actually the few times I spent time individually with one of them was the only time I would know exactly which one it was.  Out of the two, Calissi ended up being little bit quieter than Alison.  

Ali would usually be the first to have a go, in anything we did.  I would get use to this, always standing back being the gentleman I was.  And knowing the first one up the climbing apparatus was Alison.  Then they would throw me out when Cali would go first.  And this I only knew because Ali always discouraged her verbally, whereas Calissi would encourage everyone whatever they did.  Then they would tease me and never truthfully correct me, so in the end I never knew which one I was talking to, like ever.  So, if I got the name right in the morning I learnt quickly to observe something about Ali, maybe the colour of the bow in her hair, maybe the colour of her shoes, anything that would distinguish her.  Maybe I should of watched Cali more carefully but.

Their mum and my mum were best friends.  We both didn't have our fathers around. We lived next door in housing commission.  The two mums had been friends since high school days.  Both of them had really never left this town.  My mum moved when she first got married but after Dad left she came back here, that was when I was about five years old.  The girls Dad left before they were even born.  Apparently he particularly didn't want one baby let alone twins.  I don't remember my Dad being around but at least I have photo's to prove he was real.  They don't even have one photo of their Dad.  They never really talked about it, but as they got older especially in the teen years I knew this hurt.  Even having an Uncle or if their mum had a boyfriend would at least be some sort of male influence, but there was no-one.  So as I got older I sometimes felt not only protective of my mum but that I had to look after that family also.  Don't get me wrong I was never forced to feel like this but I just did.  It just came natural.  There was no other man around so I was it.

Where we lived was a reasonably safe area for all the kids to hang.  Most of the families were single mums households.  The government mowed the lawns and kept the place tidied.  The playground was well maintained.  All the kids knew each other.  The twins and I hung together most of the time.  My only other real friend on the estate was Dion.  He would hang with us quite often.  He was really good at working out which twin was who.  He would never tell me how but.  So I was always waiting for him to speak individually to one of them to know who it was.  Dion came from a huge family of boys.  Not necessarily brothers.  Their was cousins, uncles, friends.  His household was always friendly and busy.  His mum would drag us in, continually feed us then send us 'out to play.'  I think they were originally from New Zealand.  Even that family could tell the difference between the twins.  I was the only stupid one.  But now when I think about it some days they did look different but I use to get myself all worked up about being embarrassed not being able to tell the difference so I use to just let it be.  I should've known back then while perched at the top of the climbing dome that Ali was the one busy bossing me around, laughing when I fell.  Cali was the one encouraging me with just a smile as she held out a hand to help me silently.  

When we went to school everyone wore the same uniform, so forget it if you think I knew which one was which on school days.  Their personalities was the only difference, so if you weren't talking to them then you had no chance.  They were as smart as each other also.  Most time the teacher would ask one of them a question, and if she turned her back the other could of easily answered and you could never tell.  They always sat together in class.  They always hung together in the play-ground.  They would finish each others sentences always.  Actually when they were talking in sequence is the only time I knew Ali from Cali.  Ali was fast talking, louder more expressive.  Cali was soft spoken, more descriptive.  I think this is only time me, the teacher and most kids could tell them apart.

Then the only other way to tell them apart was the love for animals, but especially dogs.  Ali hated dogs.  Cali loved dogs.  Ali would scamper away, run, hide or climb up the play equipment.  Nothing much scared her, but she was terrified of dogs.  I think she must of been frightened when she was younger.  Her mum couldn't recall any episode and I'm sure if she just cuddled one friendly dog she would over-come her fear.  This is the only time I ever saw that girl fearful.  Cali on the other hand would forge forward, get down to the dogs level and smooch away.  She would ask the owner if she could run around the park with the dog, with most people happy to waste the dogs energy.  Afterwards she would take it over to the drinking bubbler cupping her hands offering it a drink.  All the while oblivious of the humans around her.  She would get lost in her doggy world.  When she was feeling a little devilish she would make me laugh standing under the climbing equipment with the dog, stirring her sister perched up high above screaming.  This is when she seem to have the power out of the two of them.

So up until fifteen years of age I was best friends with the 'D twins,' with most times never really knowing which one was which.  I just accepted them both as one person.

Then things changed ~ we grew up....  

The girls began to become their own people.  By now, Ali was way more out-going, sometimes a little out of control you could say.  She would bang on the wall knowing my room was next to hers signalling it was time to sneak out.  I would meet her down in the street-light shadows and together we would meet up with Dion.  We would usually go to the local park, drink a little, smoke a little, and talk a lot.  This is where most teenagers hung.  The subject of why Cali was not with us never really arose.  This was also the age when Ali started sitting closer to me.  Closer than any other girl.  She had started holding my hand.  I hadn't held hands with any other girl.  Then she started kissing my cheek when we parted.  I hadn't even kissed a girl before.  Ali claimed me.  I would watch her climb back in her window, with her always throwing a kiss to end the night.  Ali excited me.  I would go to bed and dream about her, well I would dream about the 'D twins,' which one really didn't matter because to me they were the same in every way.

Cali became way more studious, even quieter than her usual self, I think she had even become smarter.  She wasn't in any of her sisters classes anymore.  She was in most of mine but.  She would sit with me, never too close.  She would walk with me to classes once again never touching me.  When I looked at her for too long she would lower her gaze.  I would often have to lean in towards her so I could hear her, then I would even talk softly back to her.  She smelt different to Ali.  And the same question never arose with her either, why wasn't Ali with us.   When we were in the library I would look at her features.  It was easier to see just how pretty the girls were when I looked at Cali.  She didn't wear as much make-up and would have her long golden brown hair pulled back or plaited.  Both girls had dimples, which you only got to see when they smiled.  I find it easier to make Cali smile, so I would always try my hardest to amuse her.  Most time acting like the town clown.  But I didn't mind.  When I made her smile I was happy.  Cali calmed me.  When I dreamed about the girls I could never work out which feeling I liked more.  Naughty or nice.  Rowdy or peaceful.  Bad or good.

By the time we had turned seventeen I had picked.  I was officially with Ali.  I had chosen naughty, rowdy and bad.  Unfortunately I, well both Ali and I had left Cali behind.  I would see Ali everyday.  I would go weeks without seeing or talking to Cali.  Ali and I did bad things with the gang of friends.  Dion was always there plus some of the girls from school.  We would always dodge the police, making most activities seem so much more exciting.  In the morning our mums would get the phone call and make sure they knew.  But we never seem to get into trouble.  Luckily the local police officers let us be.  And we never crossed the line so it never became illegal, even thou sometimes we caused a little property damage, unbeknown to them.   Ali and I never really seem to have alone time but.  She never wanted to just be with me.  This made me more determined to make an effort.  I would arrange to take Ali to the movies, reluctantly she would go but she would be quieter like Cali.  This is when she would talk to me, I'd enjoy this time together.  Then sometimes if I took her to dinner, Ali wouldn't drink with me, this being highly unusual, it was nice not having to look after her, she would let me have a few drinks and she would drive home.  It was nice seeing her sacrifice for a change.  These were rare times.  Also in these rare moments of nice Ali her kisses were sweeter.  Then the next day when I'd see Ali she was back to her usual pig headed bossy self.   I noticed over the duration of our relationship she had also become a little aloof.  She had become way more fussier about things.  I blamed just being a typical teenage girl most times, well that is what mum told me it was anyway.    

By the time we had turned eighteen neither Ali or I had been with anyone other than each other sexually...so when this finally happened, it was good.  It sounds awful, just good, but I couldn't compare, so as far as sex went it was ok I suppose.  I didn't have the experience yet, so I enjoyed her, and hopefully she enjoyed me.  I'd imagine my first time to be romantic with candles and rose petals.  But it was not like that with Ali, she wanted it sneaky and quick.   I am admitting now, years later, that there never seemed to be the exploding fireworks in my body like people talked about ever.   We never really argued about it, we, well I just accepted it.  Cali had left for University at this stage, she was the only person that I could of discussed such a thing with, but she was gone.  She would of been the only one to understand.  She would of been the only girl who would of tried to help me fix it with empathy, then sympathy.  But unfortunately we had lost close contact.  Actually accordingly to Alison I was not to even contact Cali.  Being the peace keeper I am I abided by her rule.  This was it then, my life and I just got on with it...with this, my boring life.

 

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Chapter 2

Present day....

James

So here we are, three years later.  All of us turning twenty one this year.  Both of our mums decided to throw a combined birthday party seeing our birthdays are only a couple of weeks apart.  Ali and I managed to stay together contrary to a few rough patches.  Seeing we live next to each other, and really couldn't afford living away from home anyway we just stayed living with our mums.  Besides the money situation, well lack of, Alison also turned out to be a cat lover.  She loves her cat.  And my favourite thing is my pit-bull cross pup 'Buddy.'  I love my dog.  So she is happy with her cat at her home, and I'm happy in my place with my dog.  I hate her cat, and it hates me.  She hates my dog, but unfortunately he doesn't hate her.  He loves her smooth shaven legs.  She doesn't like him loving her legs but every chance he gets, they will be licked by Buddy, much to my amusement and her disgusts.   So fortunately, at this stage of our lives we couldn't live together anyway.  Saved by the dog again as Cali would say.  

Both Ali and I work locally.  She works in the local supermarket at the checkout.  She has no intention of furthering her career.  She already told me in the future she expects her husband to look after her.  When I tried to explain to her that a career in something, anything is good just incase and also for her own self esteem, and easy to achieve while she is young and capable of learning, and knowing perfectly well she is as smart as Cali, she totally shuts down.  As Cali said once, she goes to university to learn and Ali would go to make it look pretty.  It is probably another reason why I feel there is not future for us.  Not that I wouldn't support my wife but I would like them to have their own love for something academically.  My mum would never of cope especially being single if she hadn't pursued her love for nursing.   And the twins mum has climb the corporate ladder being good at office management, both successful in their own rights.  But Ali is happy with being nothing.  

Lucky for me I commenced a building apprenticeship when I left school and am just completing my last year.   I had dreams when I was younger of designing and building my own place, so learning how to swing a hammer just seemed the natural thing to do.  But my true love is designing things.  I knew this would require a University Degree.  I knew this but kept pushing the thought aside.  So here I am contemplating the future.  I sit back while I check out universities.  I am drawn towards the same one as Cali.  Moving away from here sends shivers down my spine anticipating just what would happen.  I know my mum would be fine.  I know Calissi would welcome me with open arms.  I know Alison would have a hissy fit.  She takes me for total granted.  I have always just been there.  Maybe that is my problem.  Maybe I need to not be there as much.

The other problem we both have is neither of us are capable of saving much money.  Well I probably could if I didn't waste so much money down the pub every single Friday and Saturday night on Alison.  Other than her I don't spend money on anything else.  Ali tends to expect me to fork out my money on her, like every time we meet our friends these are dates with her, but really most times lately I would prefer to sit at home with Buddy.  Our lives, well my life has really become monotonous and un-spontaneous and lately I have started questioning myself, my life, my existence.  I'm in a funk and need to get out of it quickly.    

"Fetch" I yell out coaxing Buddy to chase the ball.  He turns like he is going to chase the ball but then stands and watches it roll away along the grass.  He is never going to work this out.  I walk over picking up the ball in the ball scoop "fetch" I yell again turning him to face the ball rolling in the opposite direction.  "So your not a dog who fetches...that's ok, I love ya still the same" I say to him leaning down while he licks my face.  I sit on the grass allowing him to wag his tail silly.  I look around the park remembering days gone by.  I remember being here with the girls.  I smile thinking of Cali sitting down and smooching with every dog we came across here.  She would let the dog lick her face while she talked in a squeaky little voice to it.  Then she would run around playing with the dog until her cheeks glowed red with exhaustion.  In the meanwhile Ali had climbed to the top of the play equipment getting as far away as possible from the dog, yelling at us to 'get the stinking thing away.'

I attached Buddy's lead and walk home slowly kicking a small rock ahead hoping the dog showed some interest in chasing it.  I nearly run into a low branch with a cob-web strung across it.  I dodge it, I think back again.  Ali would of push me into the cob web making me think the spider is on my face.  She would of rolled with laughter at me freaking out.  Come on I was only a kid.  Cali would of grabbed me and steered me clear.  Her tiny hand contrary of being full of flowers she had collected from peoples front gardens for our mums, would of guided me away.  I kick another rock harder this time showing a little bit of anger.  Buddy watched the rock fly threw the air, but still doesn't show any sign of chasing it.  I watch the rock roll far ahead in the street.  I stop and hide behind the closest tree when I spot a car leaving Ali's house.     

I got off work early today, she would never expect me to be walking up the street.  I duck down and pull Buddy to me.  She is standing waving good-bye to the car near the letterbox.  She doesn't see me luckily.  She watches the car drive up the road, she looks like she threw a kiss then turns.  She doesn't bother checking the mail.  Then goes inside.  Cali never walked past either letterbox without checking them, making me take mine inside for my mum, usually with the flowers she had picked.  She would tell me not to tell mum she had picked them, so mum always thought I had.  Such a small unselfish gesture.  I pick a rose from the closest rose bush and make my way to the front door, quietly.  

"Hey James" Mum says while she sits at the dining table drinking a coffee.  She looks tired, just waking after a night shift at the hospital.  

"Just trying to finalise all the party details.  Can you think of anyone I might of left out?" she says as she turns the guest list around to me.  I hand her the flower, feeling a little silly.  She takes it and smiles at me.  I take Buddy's lead off and put him outside for a drink.  

"Um...no, all our friends know the twins and me, so I can't think of anyone, unless you have conveniently forgotten a relative.  Hey do you know who owns the car that was parked next door?" I ask her.  

"I've just got up sweetie.  Hey did Alison tell you Calissi might not be able to make the party?" she says putting her bottom lip out to look sad.  

"What? Why? She has to be here for her own birthday party...this is no good.  I'll get her number off Ali and see if I can talk her into it" I say as I make myself a tea.  

"Apparently she has mid-terms.  It is just not going to be the same without her but I suppose her education comes first" mum says as she starts getting dinner.  

"I'll go and talk to Alison about it, I'll be back soon" I say as I walk out the front door.  I don't even knock on Ali's front door.  Her mum isn't home yet.  I can hear the shower going which is a little strange this early in the afternoon.  I walk into her bedroom which is it's usual mess.  Un-made bed, clothes everywhere.  I knock lightly on the bathroom door, entering without an invitation, leaning myself up against the vanity.  

"Why are you having a shower this early?" I say a little loudly making sure she can hear me.  

"SHIT Jamie, don't you ever knock?  Why are you home this early anyway? How long have you been home?" she says nervously and loudly back.  She avoids answering my question.  

"Wheres your phone? I need Cali's number...I want to try and talk her into coming home for the party" I say not answering hers either.  I stand for a second waiting for her to have a tantrum about me wanting her sisters number.  

"My phones out on the bed" she says angrily, still loudly, wanting me to leave her alone.  I turn and leave the steamy room.  I rummage through the tossed around sheets mixed with clothes on the bed.  

"JAMIE" I hear her yelling at me from the bathroom.  I don't bother answering.  I find the phone noticing she has put a stupid lock on the screen anyway.  This is new to me.  I try her birth year, the first obvious number.  But it stays locked.  She appears dripping wet holding the towel precariously around herself, managing to snatch the phone of me.  

"I'll...just wait...I think I have the wrong number...I'll get it for you" she says turning slightly so I can't see the screen.  I can hear she has left the shower running.   I look up at her.  I could definitely tell the two sisters apart now.   Ali looks older, worn out.  Her hair is dyed bleach blonde and straggly.  Her false eye lashes look, well they look false.  She has permanent mascara on, like twenty four seven and she has eyeliner tattoo'd cosmetically, I know this because I pay for it.  She has waxed her eyebrows so there is one little thin line above each eye.  And I don't even know if she still has dimples because I never see her smile anymore.  She is looking down at her phone intently.  She looks back up at me and tuts, what for? Because I was looking at her.  I wonder why she has done this to herself.  Maybe I should tell her I love her just the way she is.  I go to say something nice to her.      

"Here" reciting a number quickly and angrily.  "I doubt she will change her mind...you know Calissi, she hasn't been home for three years now, I doubt being her birthday or even seeing you will make her want to come home."  Luckily one thing I am good at is remembering numbers.  Lucky because I can see she is in no mood to repeat it.  I think about what she said while she turns and goes back into the bathroom, with her phone, slamming the door in my face.  What does she mean 'even want to see me?'  I sit on her bed, recall the number, putting it into my phone.  I am not sure I got it right, and can't check her phone anyway.  I'm not sure if I should wait for her, to see if she wants to talk.  I poke my head back in the door and have a brush thrown at me "get out, I'm busy can't you see?" she says crankily.  I leave her.  I know you think I should be offended but that is Alison, I'm use to it now, it seems like she has always been like that.  I go home, sitting on the lounge, I compose my text to Calissi.  

Hey Cali, surprise!  It's me...Jamie.  How are you? I hear you might not make it home for the party.  Both mums will be devastated.  Come on, you only turn twenty one once.  Try and make it....pleeeeease. :~/

I read it not sure if I should say more, not even sure it is the right number...I hit send.  I sit back on the lounge and wonder why I have never texted her before.  Oh yeah that's right...I wasn't allowed.  Besides I thought it would be weird for her, keeping in contact with her sisters boyfriend and all.   I close my eyes and think about before she went.  She had become so distant from us after about the age of eighteen.  I wonder if something happened with her and Ali?  Ali never said anything.  Actually we never have deep and meaningful conversations about feelings so maybe something did happen.  

"MUM, I sent Cali a text.  Do you know if something happened over there all those years ago?  I mean I wonder why she stayed away all these years" I yell at her while I stay sitting on the lounge and she is busy in the kitchen.  She walks in the lounge room, wiping her hands on a tea-towel.  

"Don't yell at me, if you want to ask something come and find me James, I'm trying to get dinner ready.  And no I don't know what happened.  I just think Cali went to the university that best suited her career path, that's all" she answers me.

"I don't know, she could of done the same course closer to home you know" I say to mum, trying to keep the conversation going.

"Really? Well then maybe she just wanted to spread her wings a little.  She was probably sick of the being 'one of the D twins' and wanted to just become 'some one'" mum says holding her fingers up accentuating her words.  I nod acknowledging her but not necessarily agreeing with it.  I switch the t.v. on while I wait for dinner to be ready.  I must of dozed off as I'm woken by Ali poking my shoulder back and forth roughly.  Not the nicest way to be woken.  

"We are suppose to meet Dion down the pub.  Get up" is all she says.  I wipe my face trying to comprehend what she just said.  Did I missed dinner?  

"How about we stay in tonight?  I had a big week, I'm really stuffed and I want mum's dinner" I say to her checking out her extremely short skirt, that looks way too short from this angle.  That short skirt just doesn't do anything for me.  Actually it never did.  I try and remember the last time I was actually sexual with Alison.  I think it was the last time I was drunk.  

"No James, I'm dressed now, we are going" is all she says.  I wipe my face again and get up and go to my room.  I can hear her talking to my mum.  I'm going to take my time just to piss her off.  And I am going to eat dinner first to save money.

While I'm in the shower I hear my phone vibrate on the bathroom vanity.  I stop the water, grab a towel wrapping it around me and pick it up anxiously.  I hope Ali didn't hear it for some reason.  I'm smiling as I read the screen.  Drips running down my face and chest.  I check Ali isn't coming.  Why am I being sneaky.  She knows I was going to text Cali.  I open up the text.  

Hey Jamie, I am surprised and I'm ok, thanks for asking.  I'm flat out with mid-terms but other than that still breathing.  You know me, I'm using studies for an excuse to not celebrate, but don't tell my mum.  Besides it might be a little weird, you know me, I don't do weird well.  But I will try to make it.  Hope you are happy. :-}  

I'm not going to answer it yet, besides I'm not sure what to say to her to make her want to come home.  I get dressed and go back into the kitchen.  Ali is already drinking.  Looks like I am driving again tonight.  I eat dinner fast so she doesn't drink much more.  I drive the short distance to the pub and meet up with all the usual gang.  I think about Cali saying how she will feel weird.  I look around me, I know how she feels.  I feel weird tonight.  I look at everyone in the pub drinking and laughing.  I look over at Ali on the dance floor, she has already had too much to drink.  She just doesn't appeal to me anymore.  I think about my life again.  I remember back when all of us got in here with fake I.D's.  Ali always drunk too much, even back then.  She would get fowled mouth, and start picking fights with someone, anyone that looked at her the wrong way.  I don't think I've ever just been here and had a nice night with her.  Hang on there was that one time.  She didn't drink and was pleasant company.   She sacrificed her own fun and told me she would drive tonight and I could drink.  So stupid me, I did.  And she had to carry me to bed.  When I woke there was a water and two aspirin sitting on the bedside table, my shoes had been removed and even my phone had been put on charge.  I feel bad that I never acknowledge that.  We have stopped telling each other nice things.  I try and remember if we ever told each other nice things.

Cali

I sit holding my phone to my chest.  Something is wrong.  He wasn't allowed to contact me, Alison's rule, so I knew he never would.  My heart is beating so fast.  It feels like a life time since I've talk to Jamie.  It seems like a life time I've actually talked to any boy.  I glance around the library making sure no-one is looking at me.  I've been here at this university for nearly three years now and hardly know anyone.  People smile at me I smile back at, it isn't like I'm being rude.  I'm just...I'm quiet I suppose.  I think back when we were kids.  Alison was always louder than me.  She was the noisy version of me.  I smile thinking about silently getting my own way with her.  While she was chucking a tantrum I would just move in and get what I wanted.  While everyone thought she was the bossy one, really I had total control over the situation.  I didn't always want everything she had, or do everything she wanted.  It was just assumed that we were so much alike that we wanted the same, but we were so different like that.  But when it came to Jamie she won.

In the end and after seeing the damage she was successfully doing to someone I truly loved I had to leave.  I could of gone to University closer to home.   I would of loved to have been closer to home.  I loved my home, I loved where I lived and the community I belonged in.  But I couldn't enable Alison to continue hurting him.  So like I have always done, I took control and solved the problem, and left.

 

 

   

 

 

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Chapter 3

James

Later that night I put Ali's drunken arse to bed and left her alone.  She will wake up a cranky bitch tomorrow.  I go home and get into bed and check my phone.  I really want to text Cali again.  I want to beg her to come home.  I want to see her.  I can't sleep.  My head is spinning.  I think about the wasted last few years.  I think about how I wanted to become an architect and eventually build my own place.  What happened to my dreams?  I can't resist one more minute and open up my phone.

It's me.  I really need someone to talk to.  You always talked to me.  I've missed us.  Are you too busy?  Just let me know if I'm annoying you. :=]

I tuck my phone to my chest, willing her to answer me.  I look at the time.  'Shit' I didn't realise it was this late.  Now I feel bad.  I know she would of probably been studying.  And now has probably finally got to sleep and I've just woken her.  'Shit' I say again as I turn over closing my eyes.  I'm nearly asleep when my phone vibrates against my chest where I left it.

You never annoy me Jamie.  I was busy but I will always have time to talk to you.  What's wrong? I'm not sure if I can help this far away and I hate it.  I'll assume you want me to talk to you about Alison.  Things with Ali and I are not the best, I may not be able to help you, but I will try. :~/

I read this and feel better already.  I don't really know what I want to talk about actually.  I just feel yuk.  I've lost myself.  The excitement I felt with Ali has gone.  I need Cali's calm.  But I don't want to sound like a whinging unhappy man in a crap relationship, 'haha' I say to myself, exactly what I am at the moment.  

 I need your calm in my life Cal.  I have wasted the last few years.  I should of gone to University.  I was smart enough, I was in most of your classes remember?  You two girls were so the same, but have ended up so different.  I thought I needed Ali's 'oomph' but I think I was wrong I think I needed Cali's 'aahh' :O)

I smile as I send the text.  I don't think this is flirting.  This is just me being honest.  I truly want to talk to someone about this, not just anyone but her.  I'm not sure if she is going to be able to answer this.  I haven't really asked anything of her, just told her how I feel.  I should've asked her if she ever thinks about things.  About us.  My phone vibrates.  I nearly drop it trying to read the next text.

Alison and I were very much the same, this is true.  Things happened in the past, sad things, bad things.  I want to tell you but I'm not sure if I should do it over text.  When and if I come home I will sit with you face to face.  Other than how crappy you feel please tell me about something good in your life. :~)

Typical Cali.  Never dwells on the negative, always thinks positive.  I don't have to think about that one.  I pull up a photo of Buddy.  I instantly send it.  She instantly replies with a <3.  I sleep well that night.  

The next morning I leave early, taking Buddy for a drive to the beach.  After a bit of a jog up and back along the beach, I sit and have a coffee so it is lunch time by the time I get back.  I pull up to the house coming face to face with Alison.  

"Too scared of me this morning?" she says smart arsely.  I hold the lead tight while Buddy is trying to jump on her.  I should just let him go.  

"No...I just know you would be hung over and besides you hate the dog and you hate the beach so why bother even asking you?" I say nastily back.  

"Fine...hurry up and get rid of that, we have a lunch date with the party co-ordinators" she says flicking her finger down at the dog.  I am about a second off letting him go.  

"Both mums are waiting...hurry up James" she says snapping at me.  I take a breathe to calm myself.  I take the dog thru the house and put him out the back.  I pull up a video I got of Buddy today attempting the follow me in to the waves and send it to Cali.  I can hear Ali yelling to me from the front yard.  I shake my head.  I don't know whether I can handle this much longer.

I sit behaving as all three women organise the hall ready for the party.  Occasionally they ask my opinion, knowing perfectly well they are going to do what ever they all want.  So I just agree with whatever they have organised.  When they are at the other end of the hall I pull my phone out and text Cali.

You seriously need to come home next week-end for this party.  I don't think I will survive much longer.  Besides I need to know what you need to tell me...and I can't wait to see your face, even thou I see Ali's everyday, it is yours I want to see, I always thought yours was better. ;-D

I smiled as I sent it and didn't realise they had all walked back near me.  

"What you smiling at?" Ali said trying to see my phone.  I put it back in my pocket.  I need to put a lock on my phone also I think.  

"Nothing...just something Dion sent me, that's all" I say cautiously.  I instantly feel bad.  I have never lied to Ali.  God knows I've wanted to.  Plenty of times I've felt like it, but it just isn't my nature.  I get up and walk out the front knowing my face is going to give it away.  I drive them all home.  I know Alison's usual drunken night next day routine.  She tells me like usual she is going to have a nap.  I tell her I will see you later, knowing perfectly well I will probably see her tomorrow after work.  This is just the way our week-ends end up, every single week-end, every single month for the past three years.    

After the week-end I'm not surprised the next week drags on horribly.  Alison seems to in my face more than often this week.  She is uptight.  Maybe it is the upcoming party.  I hoped it's that and not she is not physic, and she knows I'm chatting to Cali.  Like something was going on, which it isn't.  I know twins have that special thing between them but I wasn't sure if that happened when twins weren't talking to each other.  I worry all week.  I limit my text's to Cali.  I know she is busy with Uni anyway.  I also worry why all week Ali snuggles up to me.  She even suggested she's stays in my bed.  This shouldn't be a shock but trust me this is really unusual for her.  She never leaves the princess cat of hers alone.  Luckily I successfully use the excuse of early mornings with work to get out of it.  I shouldn't  be making excuses not to sleep with my girlfriend should I?  

So when she was leaving for the night, uptight that I rejected her she found me scouring the internet on University openings.  In her hatred way she made sure I knew I would never be good enough. She has no idea just how this makes me feel or even cares about it either.  I kept my cool.  I had to make a plan.  And I thanked my lucky stars we weren't married and their were no children in the picture.

Cali

I wanted to go home, it had been too long.  So I utilised this weeks nights to get ahead in my subjects.  I was doing really well in all subjects, contrary to the loneliness, not having a life had got me ahead.  By Friday I decided to buy a plane ticket home.  To go home and face my demons, or rather my sister.  I hadn't heard from Jamie all week.  I could only hope that Alison had behaved all this week and he had a good week.  Maybe I would have to back off accepting that I am still second best.  And if that is the case then I'm already prepared, three years away can do that to a girl.  I rung mum to tell her, with her crying over the phone.  I didn't want anyones help so I told her I would hire a car and make my way there in the afternoon.  Really I had no money and was probably going to have hitch-hike home.  Then I told her I was going to buy a new dress but really I was going to check out the second hand clothe shops before I got home.  Little white lies kept the peace sometimes, it was the big black dark lies that can cause disruption in ones life.       

 

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