h o m e

 

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.one

my mother says: it helps to see yourself as a peach.

she means: you are round, you are soft. you smell sweet, you taste sweeter. you are something to be loved, something to be exclaimed over. something warm and sweet and sun-kissed.

i look in the mirror: think, i am a peach.

it does not work: there is still fuzz on my cheeks, still squishy-round patches on my body. i am still the kind of fruit you only toss away.

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.two

they tell you beauty is only skin deep but 
they don’t mention what to do 
with your excess.

(when you were little
all you ever wanted was to be big
and now that you’re big
all you want is to be little.)

LOOSE 40 POUNDS IN ONE MONTH, magazines scream. 
you try not to look at them. every time you glance
to the side in the supermarket
white hot shame sinks into your stomach.
you pile on two sweaters
so you won't have to look at it.

(your stomach.)

(when you were little, Beauty and the Beast was your favorite 
fairy tale. somehow you always imagined yourself
as Beauty, not the Beast.)

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.three

stupid fat bitch
stupid fat bitch
stupid fat bitch
stupid fat bitch
stupid fat bitch
stupid fat bitch
stupid fat bitch
stupid fat bitch
stupid fat bitch
stupid fat bitch
stupid fat bitch
stupid fat bitch
stupid fat bitch
stupid fat bitch
stupid fat bitch

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~

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